Finn wanted to run, to try to catch up to Jason on the way to the hotel, but Kurt held him back. "We need time to talk before you see him," he said.
"Kurt, I'm sorry to take you away from the club so early," Finn said. "It's only midnight. I know you probably want to stay –-"
"It's okay," Kurt said. "I had an incredible time. And now I know we can come back. Right?" He looked meaningfully at Finn, who swallowed, nodded. "But you need to take care of something else first."
"Yeah." Finn looked at his shoes. "Rachel." He looked miserable. "We've been – it's been a good summer so far. We're mostly getting along. I really love her. I don't know what to do."
"Finn. How many girls were in that club tonight?"
"Um," said Finn, thinking back to the dance floor. "Does Wanda count?"
"Describe one girl who was there tonight," Kurt pressed on doggedly. He waited while Finn thought, and came up with nothing. "You entirely missed the twins with the "Thang 1" and "Thang 2" sweaters? With the great big – you know?" Kurt made pendulous motions with his hands.
Finn sighed and put a hand to this forehead. "Yeah. I think this means something. I do love Rachel. But I…"
Kurt held up a forestalling hand. "Don't have the first time you say it aloud be to me." He gave Finn a pitying look. "You'll always regret it."
Finn took his phone out of his pocket and looked at it with distaste. "I've never broken up with someone on the phone before."
"It's either that, or wait until after the fact." Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Or don't do anything tonight with Jason."
Finn turned red. "I don't really think that's a realistic option," he mumbled. Kurt laughed.
"Okay. Do it." Kurt pointed at the phone.
"Here? In front of you?"
"I'm your witness."
Finn sighed again, and called Rachel on speed-dial. He waited for a moment, then looked hopeful. "I got her voice mail," he whispered.
"Why are we whispering?" Kurt whispered.
"I don't know," Finn whispered. Then, in a normal voice, or as normal a voice as he could manage, he said, "Hey, Rach, it's Finn. Um, I really need to talk with you about something. I know it's kind of late, but if you get this message, can you call or text? It's important. Hope you're having fun with your dads. Thanks."
He hung up and looked at the phone a few more seconds, as if he was hoping it would call him back. "I guess that's my answer for now. I'm not going to do it on voice mail."
"Completely understood," Kurt said. They walked down the street toward the hotel. Kurt's quicker footfalls made a sharp staccato on the sidewalk beside Finn's longer stride.
"Another thing. I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you," Kurt said, his ears pink, "but… do you know about… sex? With guys?"
"Kurt!" Finn glanced at him once, then looked fixedly ahead of them, his cheeks burning. "Jesus."
"Well, do you? Because I didn't know anything until my dad and I had The Talk and he made me read these pamphlets."
Finn bit his lip. "I can imagine it's not so different for guys as it is for a guy and a girl. And yes, I've done that. Um, once."
"Well, you're ahead of me," said Kurt. "I'm not saying you have to, I just think you should – think about it. Before you jump into anything. I know you care about him, Finn, but that doesn't mean you only have this one chance with him."
"I think I kind of do," Finn said softly. "He's not like this back home. I mean, you know what he's like. But he doesn't… he's not interested in…" Finn huffed in frustration. "I think this is going to be the only place we can be together, like this."
"And is that going to be enough for you?" Kurt's eyes were piercing. "Are you seriously planning to break up with Rachel just for… what? Weekends at the club with Jason?"
"If that's what he can manage." They were on the corner now, and the sound of the music was nearly too faint to hear. Finn turned around and gazed down South Jefferson at the club, and then across the intersection, down 3rd Street to the hotel. He leaned his back against the lamp post.
"But is that what you want?" Kurt pressed.
"No, of course it's not what I want," Finn snapped.
"So what do you want?"
"I don't know." Finn kicked at a crumpled cigarette box. "How should I know that? I've had, like, six minutes to think about it."
"Don't you think you should know what you want from somebody before you walk into a hotel room to have sex with them?"
Finn was silent for so long that Kurt considered repeating his question, but at last Finn looked at him, and his eyes were full of unexpressed emotion. "It's not somebody, Kurt," he said. "It's Puck. He's… well, it's always been him and me. My mom and his mom used to threaten us with bodily harm to get us to come home every night. Before we started dating girls, we were more inseparable than Mike and Tina, and before Quinn, girls were never a big deal. It was us, always us." He looked across the street, squinting at nothing. "I missed him so fucking much this year."
"Because he was here, working," Kurt said quietly.
"It was more than that. I never really forgave him after Beth… happened. I said I did, but it wasn't the same. I stopped calling him and started calling Rachel instead. Or you. Family stuff; it used to be Puck who'd come to that. He was like my brother." Finn swiped at his eyes. "And he just wasn't around."
Kurt put a hand to his mouth. "Finn – I didn't realize I'd taken his place. God, I bet he hates me."
"No, he'd hate himself instead. He's never been good at forgiving himself." Finn laughed, a dry, brittle sound. "Funny, I've never seen him so happy as he is here. Maybe he finally found a way to do it."
"Or maybe he just leaves all the parts of himself he wants to forgive at home on the weekend." Kurt pressed the button for the WALK signal, even though there was almost no traffic around, but when the signal changed, Finn stayed where he was.
"The thing is, I like all those parts," he said. "I don't just want the Jason parts, or the Puck parts. I want all of them. All of them, together. Here and at home - all of it."
"You want to be… out?" Kurt was startled. "At home? At school?"
"I don't know about school. But yeah, at home. We'd have time to get ready to tell folks at school. Summer romance, and all that." He smiled faintly. "Rachel told me she wanted me to have a fling so she could write a song about it. I'm almost afraid to think what she's going to come up with now."
"You're so sure this is what you want? I mean, you guys haven't even kissed." Finn looked away, his faint smile growing, and a pale blush crept up his neck. Kurt made a noise of disbelief. "Finn?"
"In the break room," he said. "We kind of made out."
"Kind of?" Kurt was torn between impressed and annoyed. "You clearly don't understand the girl code of sharing every shred of detail. So, how was it?"
"Different," Finn said. "But the same."
"Okay, I think we're going to have to work on this detail concept."
"Um. It was hot?" He ran a finger along his jaw, lost in memory. "It didn't even compare to anything else I've done before, Kurt. It was Puck."
Kurt nodded. "Your Prince Charming, hmm?"
"Apparently." He kicked the cigarette carton, hard, and it landed in the gutter. "Yes. That's what I really want. The happily ever after. Not just one night." He sighed, long and low. "But I don't think I'm going to get it."
"At least now you know what you want to stand up for," Kurt said. "How much of this did you think you were going to get before today? And look where you are now. You ask for what you want, you're a lot more likely to get it than if you don't."
"I guess I don't have much to lose, huh?" Finn said.
Kurt pressed the WALK signal button again. "Are we going to turn the corner now?"
"I think I already have," Finn said.
• call your girlfriend, it's time you had the talk • give your reasons, say it's not her fault • but you just met somebody new • don't you tell her how I give you something that you never even knew you missed • don't you even try and explain how it's so different when we kiss •