Omg, I am sorry, so sorry o_o Doctor Who stole my heart(s) several times (this series is so heartbreaking, god damn it!) and I had to catch him and his TARDIS + Tumblr is so distracting...
My uploads will take some time from now on ^^" Hope that's alright...

The Song 'Dark Side' belongs to Kelly Clarkson and I don't own it.

"There's a place that I know
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away?
Or will you stay

Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it

Will you love me?
Even with my dark side...?"

(Kelly Clarkson, Dark side)

Chapter 13

Erik had expected to see a monster, something unhuman, something weird and wicked, something ugly and utterly frightening.

He had expected to see an animal, something from another world maybe, something that would haunt you in your dreams to let them become nightmares...

It wasn't a monster that stood at the steps of the stairs, it wasn't something ugly with big teeth and green skin like the monsters he had dreamed of as he had been a small child.

In fact, there, in the darkness of the hall, at the top of the stairs, stood a child.

A small boy, maybe eight years old, his skin white as snow and his hair black as the night.

Everything about the boy seemed black and white, the noble clothes as well as his skin and hair. The only colored spots were his eyes, glowing blue eyes, such a cold and bright blue that the pupils were not to be seen, and his too red lips, red lips which looked as if they had been colored with blood. The white skin of the boy himself seemed to glow in the darkness, letting him look like a ghost, something that was made of smoke. It was completly dark now in the room, dark and cold and colorless, everything in black and grey. Erik couldn't see the bookshelves anymore, not even the ceiling. He couldn't tell where the floor began and the ceiling ended. It was raining outside, thunder could be heared, lightning lit up the room and the face of the boy.

The pale face of the boy was too serious, and was too white in the light of the lightning. It was the eyes of the boy that made Erik flinch away.

Those eyes were so big and bright, so full of anger and sadness and grief while the young face was a perfect mask of no emotions.

Erik wasn't easily to be scared, but never had he been so afraid in the dark, never so afraid of a child.

His skin tingled with... fear? It was so cold in the room, so cold that he could see his own breath. This room had nothing in compare with the bright sunny room they had entered mere minutes, hours?,ago.

"What are you doing here!" The boy asked again without moving his mouth. It was not the voice of one single boy, no, it was the mixture of male voices in different pitches which seemed to belong to the boy though.

This was Charles' mind. If this was Charles mind this had to be Charles.

Somehow Erik was very slow in thinking, maybe it was the fear that stopped him, maybe Charles, he couldn't tell.

Emma's breath was faltering and a choked noise reached Erik's ear. The metal-bender turned around on his heels to see Emma leaning against the cool stone wall, her eyes wide and her hands around her throat. She looked as if she was close to suffocating. There was despair on her face, despair and panic and...pain? Yes, she was definitely in pain; her fingers cramped around her throat and her brow was furrowed as if she had a headache.

Was Charles inside her mind? Was he attacking her with his powers? Erik was sure he could hear whispering in the air, voices that were talking, not to him though. It weren't the same voices from behind the door. No, this time it was something...else...Erik couldn't describe it. It was something...cold...unfamiliar and yet he knew this...force..this feeling...

"Stop!" Erik turned around to the boy, to Charles, and reached out with one hand as if to calm him down, which of course was stupid because Erik stood at the end of the stairs plus he was not really good in soothing others, especially not small children with demon eyes.

"Stop, enough! We are not here to hurt you Charles!" His voice was surprisingly calm and steady.

The boy hissed and his hollow eyes, which rather seemed to be filled with blue light than being real eyes, turned to Erik. The boy waved his raised hand and Emma's eyes rolled back. The White Queen slumped to the floor and mere minutes later her body began to disappear until Erik was alone. Erik had no clue what Charles had done to Emma. Erik felt panic raising.

He was alone, inside Charles' mind. He swallowed hard. "Charles..." Erik began again, carefully. "I know we shouldn't have-"

"This is MY mind!" The boy shrieked, suddenly, his voice loud and high. Erik was sure he heard the window glass cracking dangerously."This is MY world, you are not meant to be here Erik Lehnsherr!" His voice alone made Erik shiver in discomfort.

The darkness and the shadows behind the boy seemed to slid around the thin form like something living. The thunder roared. "You have no right to be here!"

Erik's hands flew to his head as he winced in pain. Every word that was spoken felt like needle stuck through his brain. He had known that it was a bad idea to enter Charles' mind without his permission. Now he knew why.

"Charles-" Erik's voice cracked every so slightly as he tried to lift his head again to look at the pale face. "I am sorry, we had to..."

The lips of the child turned into a grim line. It wasn't something a child would do. And yes, it was a child in front of Erik but everything about this boy was so unchildlike, so hard and adult, that Erik felt as if it was a grown up man he was talking to.

"You have no right to enter my mind, leave this place or you will die."

He meant it.

He really meant it.

The words echoed in the room.

Oh, this was not like Charles at all...

What was going on?

How was he supposed to leave? Why should he leave? He was here to help Charles, and now that he had seen what was behind the door he had to help him, had to ask him, had to know!

"Charles..." Erik tried again, taking one step forward, and the boy narrowed his eyes. "Stay away from me!" The voices hissed and the shadows around the small body flickered dangerously, like snakes ready to attack Erik.

Erik had never imagined that Charles would look like this inside his mind, and he doubted that he had looked like this before the...happening.

"No one is allowed to be here, no one, not even you, this is my place, this is my mind, it belongs to me, to me and only me, and you will leave now!"

Erik felt as if a rock was thrown against his forehead and he stumbled backwards against the door, his breathing heavy as he tried to gather enough strenght together to speak. "I know it's difficult for you but this is not your mind, this not how it must have looked before."

Erik had always thought that Charles mind was a bright place, full of sunlight and warmth, something were you would like to stay forever, were you are welcome, something wonderful and utterly breathtaking, and Erik was sure that Charles' mind must have been such a place once before...before he had been broken.

Oh, it must hurt him, Charles, to see this place so broken and torn apart.

Maybe those memories in the bookshelves had been alive once, behind doors, different rooms where you could switch to, maybe his mind had been a whole own world of memories and dreams which had to be pressed into books to save them from falling apart...

Erik wished he had seen it, but he had never bothered to ask Charles how his mind looked like. Charles had always asked.

But now was not the time to regret anything..

"Charles!" Erik's voice was a plea. He hadn't heard Charles' voice for months, and even if the voice he heard was a merge of all of Charles voices, it was till him talking to Erik. It felt so good to hear him talking...

Charles didn't say anything.

Erik felt a pull, felt his mind being pulled away, back inside his body, and he struggled because he didn't want to go, he couldn't go now!

But it was too late.

With a gasp he opened his eyes, panting and clutching his head. He had a terrible headache.

Raven sat on the bed next to Charles, soothing him with sweet nothings while she stroke his hair. Charles' eyes were open, and they looked at Erik. There was nothing to be seen in them, no anger, no hate, no reproach, no sadness...just...nothing...as if he was far far away again, lost in his mind probably. Raven mumbled, her voice low as she rocked back and forth while holding Charles in her arms. He must have been screaming. She didn't wear the helmet anymore.

The room itself was a mess; papers laying on the floor, the window wide open, the carpet ruffled, the wardrobe open, clothes lying on the ground...

Emma was lying on the floor next to Erik. She was pale and her eyes were closed. She was unconscious. Erik leaned back against the nightstand, his eyes on Charles then he lowered his head in his hands. Fantastic...This was even worse than he had thought.

...

It took several hours until Emma woke up. Hank had checked her but he told Erik that he couldn't find anything to be wrong. Erik hoped Hank was right, because somehow he felt responsible for this mess. Not that he cared about Emma, no, he didn't, she was just important for his work and plans, and for saving Charles.

Charles had calmed down at least. Raven had been terrible mad, her yellow eyes glowing with anger while she tried not to scream at Erik. She didn't, surprisingly she didn't. Maybe she finally understood that screaming at Erik wouldn't change anything, especially not Erik's plans.

She had been so worried.

The blue girl hadn't said what had happened while Erik and Emma had been inside Charles' mind but Erik was sure that it must have been a frightening sight.

Emma looked up at the ceiling while Erik sat on a chair next to the bed.

The White Queen was quiet, something that wasn't like her at all.

Erik cleared his throat and the blonde woman turned her head to look at the metal-bender. He didn't wore his helmet. Emma was still too exhausted to do any real damage.

"You've seen it." Emma said, finally, her voice low and serious. There was...sadness in her voice. Oh, but oh, why would Emma pity anyone?

Erik couldn't help it, somehow he had the feeling that Emma had seen far more than he had, as if she had seen through the layers of Charles' mind underneath the illusion of the child and the books. What had she seen? What had happend to her? Something must have happened...Charles had been inside her mind, Erik was sure, they had been talking...

"What have you seen?" Erik asked, trying to steady his voice. "What was going on? Why was Charles... a child? What about the voices behind the doors? What did you mean with a part of Shaw's soul being inside Charles' mind? What...what happened?" Oh,so many questions, too many. The enigma of Charles Xavier's mind...

"I can't explain it." Emma said. Her eyes had the same far away look like those of Charles', as if she was seing something that no one else could see, that no none telepath could ever see or understand...

"He is afraid, and alone. He feels like a child, at the same time wishing to be someone else he once was. He knows..." She stopped, closing her eyes. "And at the same time he knows he will never be the same." She opened her eyes again, this time looking at Erik, who held her gaze.

"They are inside his head, you have seen it. The souls...he was linked with them as they died, and he is afraid, of himself and of them, of what he did and of what they have done. They are always with him, you know, the curse of a telepath..." She turned around to look at the ceiling again. "He hates himself, you know? For being what he is now. "

Erik was quiet. What should he answer to that?

"You can't help him." Emma said before Erik could ask the question. "He doesn't want any help, he wants to manage it on his own. I think he has to manage it on his own, it's an important process..."

"But what about Shaw!" Erik leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. "We have to get rid of him!"

Emma laughed her icy laughter. "Oh Lehnsherr, Lehnsherr dear, that won't be possible for any of us." She trailed off. "Besides, getting rid of Shaw's soul isn't the problem, isn't the real problem..."

Erik knew that he was pale by now. "But, what does that mean..."

Emma sighed. "Listen to me, Magneto; he has to do it on his own. It's far more complicated than you think and you won't understand it because you can't. Neither do I."

Erik pressed his lips together, frustration eating at his inside. Great...

"You have to be careful, all of you." Emma said suddenly. She didn't say why, she didn't say anything else about that topic, but she said one more thing. "Shaw has a mansion in the mountains, you should go there to recruit your mutant army. The humans will soon search for you and they'll soon will know where to search."

Erik leaned back, crossing his arms while he did so. "Why would you tell me something like that?" He asked, wary. Never trust Emma Frost if she offers you something for free, because Emma Frost never offers anything for free.

"We are the same kind, aren't we?" She shrugged. "I don't like you, but I don't want you to get killed. You are a great hope for the mutants of this world. We are mutants, and we have to help each other. " She smiled slightly but the smile didn't reach her eyes. "There are just two sides, the side of the humans and the side of the mutants. For sure I am not on the side of those who want to kill me."

Erik nodded slowly because he could understand her point of view. Oh, Emma was clever, she truly was. She always knew how to save her skin...

"So, you're staying with us?" Erik asked.

The blonde sighed as she sat up against the headboard. "No. I told you that I wouldn't."

Erik furrowed his brow. "But how shall I find this mansion?"

"Azazel." Was Emma's short reply.

"And the mutants? How are they going to find us? I really need a telepath at my side and I would offer you a role next to my side..." Not that he liked the idea of having Emma Frost around him but as said, he needed a telepath now that Charles was...damaged.

"Oh, dear, I won't be any help for you, not anymore." Emma smiled sadly, and she was sad, Erik could see it."Charles made sure of that."

Erik's eyebrows raised and he opened his mouth to asked what Charles had done, but Emma shook her head. "No, Lehnsherr, that's not of your concern."

And she was right, it wasn't.

But he would need a telepath, he would need someone to find and recruit the other mutants, he would need one... Well, it had to wait.

"He said he would kill me..." Erik said suddenly, out of the blue. He looked out of the window and not at Emma at all.

"He said the same to me." The blonde woman replied calmly.

"But he would never say something like that..." Erik began, and he felt weird for saying something like that to Emma Frost. He was sounding so desperate and pathetic...

"It's a protective mechanism, nothing more." Emma explained as she turned to look out of the window as well. It was almost night. "Any intruder is an enemy of his."

Erik took a deep breath as he watched the dark sky outside. "Do you think he would have killed us?" He asked, feeling even more stupid than he already did. He was too vulnerable, showing emotions made him vulnerable, and Emma could use that to manipulate him...

"Yes." The White Queen answered honestly, nodding slightly. "Yes, after all that happened he would, to keep himself safe..."

But he didn't. Charles had been about to kill Emma, but he hadn't tried to kill Erik, he had hurt him, he had pushed him out of his mind, but he hadn't killed him.

Erik really wondered, once again, what was going on inside Charles' head. The journey inside Charles' mind had barely been any help at all. Erik still couldn't understand him, couldn't understand his actions, his thoughts, his feelings..

What worried him the most was the darkness behind the door, the voices and shadows of the souls that Charles had killed, Shaw... it was Erik's fault that Shaw was inside Charles' head...

Oh dear, oh dear if he had known...

"Getting consumed by self-hatred once more?" Emma's cold voice interrupted his thoughts. Erik hissed as he leaned back, his eyes still searching for the stars in the nightsky.

"Not of your concern." The metal-bender answered cooly, all emotions gone.

The conversation was over now, at least for Erik, and so the metal-bender stood up and walked to the door. Emma had done what he had asked for, there was no need to stay with her if there was nothing else she could do for him.

"I'll send Azazel." Emma said before Erik left the room. He didn't say 'thank you'. Why should he? He hadn't ask for it, so there was no need to thank her.

Maybe he should have thanked her, though, for the mind-trip, but he didn't; he did not feel like turning around to face Emma again and so he walked down the corridor.

Raven was talking to Hank, he could hear them behind the closed door of her room. Her voice was low.

Erik stopped in front of the large window. His thoughts wandered. He felt sick.

If he had known what killing Shaw would do to Charles..

If he had known what to do inside Charles' mind...

If he had known how to help...

If, if,if...

It made him angry and he felt useless, and if there was anything that Erik Lehnsherr hated then it was feeling useless!

He would be the leader of an army of mutants, he would lead them to war, he would fight the humans...

How was he supposed to win a war if his mind was distracted with thoughts of Charles...

Erik's grip tightened around the wood of the windowsill as the bitter taste in his mouth became stronger.

What have I done?

It was too much, everything, the things he had seen, heard...it was too much. He needed to sit down for a while.

Erik really, really wished he could help Charles and it broke his heart that he knew he couldn't.

Funny, he always had thought he had no heart, not anymore... Maybe Charles had been his heart, who knew?

So sentimental, full of emotions, blaming yourself all time for everything. See what love has done to you, Lehnsherr? You've been such a strong but broken man, and now you're just a broken weeping child..

Erik straightened his shoulders as he pushed himself away from the window.

Time to stop this overflow of useless emotions.

He needed a clear head if he wanted to win a war, and surely emotions wouldn't help.

Rage maybe, and hate...

He almost smiled at the irony;

Charles had always tried to calm his mind, to give him serenity and peace, and now...Now they were back to the beginning, like a circle..

A circle of hate..

Erik snorted and turned around to face the door of his room, his back towards the window. The light from outside was grayish.

"And one day we will look up and see the stars, and I will say 'See, Erik, it was worth it.'"

But there were no stars to be seen behind the oncoming dark clouds.