a/n: no copyright infringement intended, all recognisable characters belong to S. Meyer.
IMPORTANT - today is another two-chapter day, make sure to read chapter 14 before 15!
14
Sometimes, all it takes for an overlooked fact to become blaringly obvious is for it to be pointed out once. Bella learns this lesson the hard way.
No longer is a look just a look, or a helping hand up from a chair just a gesture. Everything, every minute little thing both past and present suddenly gains another meaning. A deeper meaning. It is simultaneously liberating and constricting. Bella hardly knows what to do with herself.
That Tanya was the one speaking the words does little to calm Bella's growing panic. If Edward was about to deny them to anyone, surely it would have been to the woman he supposedly loved. Would he lie and let Tanya believe what she wanted in an attempt just to be rid of her? Maybe staying silent was easier. But that seems unnecessarily cruel. Letting her draw conclusions that are so painful to believe…Bella cannot think so lowly of Edward.
Undoubtedly, Edward could have dealt with the situation better. Then again, so could've Bella. Absolutely. Neither she nor Edward are without fault in the complicated mess they have found themselves in. Bella should have spoken to Edward earlier, Edward should have spoken to Tanya Denali earlier, Tanya Denali should not have gotten drunk and came knocking on their door. And yet, Bella cannot blame Edward. Neither can she blame Tanya. Maybe it was unfair for Edward to ask for Tanya to be his mistress. Maybe it was unfair to Bella that Tanya agreed. Bella doubts any of this was planned. The best laid plans…
Not two days after the confrontation, Tanya Denali is reported leaving the city. Returning to the duties she has been fulfilling on the other side of the moon for the past few months. Bella and Edward, without discussing the reason why, release a short written statement detailing the latest updates on the Rosalie Hale foundation with Bella adding a few lines from her alone, mentioning how much she has gained from being on Xepherya and how the support of her husband has been monumental. After a few last-minute jabs, it is enough to calm the media on Xepherya. Ministers grumble, but as Bella predicted, shining a light on the mistreatment of women in the social sphere has led to independent movements that begin to petition parliament and the King for equal rights. The parliament is kept busy.
On Mongrovia, the solution is not so simple. Work on the atmosphere is slower than everyone had expected and growing dissent means that with every conference with her father, Bella is more and more worried. Raids are increasing, attacks on innocent people in the name of attaining weapons are growing. More worryingly, the rebel group that calls itself Dignity has occupied a stretch of land, a small airbase which normally only holds the capability to do intra-moon travel. Equipment for inter-moon travel shouldn't be there, but it is not outside the realm of possibility that the rebels will be able to upgrade what they have.
With all the trouble on her home-moon Bella should not have time to focus on anything else. She should be petitioning for people on Mongrovia to trust the peace they have implemented, to give science the time it needs to aid with crops. Most importantly, she should be fighting tooth and nail to visit Mongrovia, but when she brings this up with Dr Cullen it is not long before Edward goes on a tirade, begging her not to go.
She should have told him she had to. Told him it was the most reliable way to calm the situation. And what does she do? She acquiesces. One touch of Edward's hand on her stomach and she calms like a household dog given a good ear-scratch. The level of power Edward suddenly has over Bella is disconcerting. Bella is the first to admit that she respects Edward. She will even go so far as to say that she cares about him, as a friend and as the father of her child. But love? Bella has only ever loved three men in her life, two of which are family.
She has never fully considered the possibility of being in love with her husband. That was something she gave up when she came to Xepherya. Something she is sure she would never have. And now that the thought is there, she starts noticing things. Odd things. Like the way Edward's forearm flexes when he helps her to a seat. Or the way his military uniform stretches when he pulls a hand through his hair. And how his jaw tightens when the King says something he does not agree with.
The way his eyes crinkle when he thinks Bella says something amusing.
It is as if overnight he is no longer cold to her, but calm. Not the dizzying heat of Jake, but a safe port in any storm. She realises with alarm that she trusts Edward. Trusts that he wants the best not just for their child and for the people of both Mongrovia and Xepherya, but the best for Bella as well. In the world she lives in, trust is a very dangerous thing, one she realises too late she has bestowed on Edward without conscious awareness.
Having feelings for Edward? No, it would be bad enough if he had developed feelings for Bella, reciprocating any existent or non-existent feelings would be a bad idea. They agreed. They said to be cordial, that liking each other too much could also cause problems. No romance, Bella had requested. And after all, she is in love with Jake. She can't have feelings for Edward at the same time. It shouldn't matter that she has not seen or had any contact with Jake for over six months. Not that they had agreed to stay celibate. Bella knows that at one point, Jake will most likely…what, find another woman? He said he could never love another. But wasn't that what Edward had told Tanya?
The whole thing makes Bella's head hurt and the only pain relievers Dr Cullen can give her do absolutely nothing for it. So like the grown woman she is, she decides to ignore it all together. She was never meant to hear the conversation in the first place, and Edward has not spoken of Tanya Denali since that day. Bella tells herself all her odd thoughts are just that, odd, and the result of an overactive, tired mind. She is not at all more aware of Edward. Not at all more aware of the way he looks, speaks or acts. Linking arms in public is just for show. Their morning meetings are purely practical.
Even Bella knows she's lying to herself. She does not truly believe herself to be indifferent to Edward. But fear prevents her from doing something about it. There is so much at stake that to risk the productive relationship between them seems foolish. If Edward indeed has feelings for Bella…until she knows what she truly feels, she cannot say anything. Cannot give him even more uncertainty when she is sure her every action up until this point has been a rejection of his kindness.
No, before she does anything she needs to be sure. And so, the first time she feels the baby kick, her instinctual and first reaction is to tell Edward. So she compromises and tells Dr Cullen.
a/n: read on to chapter 15!