And now, your last chapter until Friday. If you have just started reading this, I advise going back to chapter 11 and checking you have read that first. I know this is crack and so doesn't make much sense, but it makes more sense if you have read all the previous chapters. Honest.

So finally, we present to you, Chapter 14, by Kat.

…

Bones: Yum

Scotty: Argh! Hydrochloric acid!

Chekov: Argh! Limewater! Spock! Why do you keep this stuff in your science labs?

Kirk: Because they are science labs, not a bar.

Scotty: Argh! It burns!

Kirk: *tips bleach all over Scotty.*

Scotty: Argh! It burns! Though not quite so much...

Chekov: Argh! My hair is bleached blonde! Nooooooooo!

Kirk: That's what you get for drinking random substances in the science labs. Now, Kat, what did you do this time? Why are you even in here? I thought I gave you a permanent ban from the science labs three minutes after you first arrived on the ship, as you blew them up and we then had to wait in space dock for a month before setting out so they could rebuild them.

Molly: Hey, I work in the science department! Paperwork gets very boring after several months of nothing else.

Spock: You mean you have nothing to do but paperwork? That must be really boring and annoying. Could you do mine too?

Molly: No. Way.

Kirk: Anyway, what disaster have you caused this time?

Molly: Well, all I did was knock over all the test tubes of that really important and dangerous experiment that I spent an entire month doing the paperwork to get approved, and spill whatever was in them, dihydrogen oxide, I think, everywhere.

Kirk: That is water.

Molly: Oopsies.

Kirk: the actual substance was the highly dangerous hydrogen carbonic fluorinate phosphoric acid.

Molly: Oops. I think I spilt some on my elbow.

Kirk: Have some bicarbonate of soda.

Molly: Oooh! Are we going to make a cake?

Kat: I love cake!

Molly: Me too!

Bones: You're meant to put in on the elbow. It'll neutralise the acid, as it's alkaline. Even I know that, and dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a scientist.

Spock: What did I do wrong?

Kat: Can I have something for the explosion I caused?

Kirk: You caused an explosion too... I despair.

Chekov: Yeah, she's the one that put a mixture of toothpaste and Romulan Ale in the engines that one time... or those thirty eight times.

Kat: I think my eyebrows are singed. And my hair feels weird.

Molly: ! My beautiful hair and eyebrows! I HATE YOU MOLLY! Fix it immediately! Have you any idea how long it took me to brush it this morning!

*All ignore her*

Kirk: Unfortunately I used all the bicarbonate of soda on Kat, so you will have to make do with the fire bucket.

Kat: Argh! That. Is. Cold!

*Kat lifts bucket off head, and emerges, a bedraggled mess*

Kat: I hate you!

Spock: Ooooh! What happens if I press this big red button? It says press me.

Everyone else: Don't press that button!

*Spock presses button*

…

A cliff-hanger! You must review, if only to ensure that I get back from camping alive and well enough to post the next chapter (which is very good by the way).

But until then, so long, farewell, and thanks for all the fish. (I can never decide between The Sound of Music and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy).

Or, as Spock would say, LLAP (except he would never, ever say it abbreviated. I wonder what the Vulcans must think of those who do this to their catchphrase).

But yes. Kat out.

(BEAM ME UP SCOTTY!)