Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or the characters.
Warnings: Profanity (Romano's POV – 'need to say more?) and human names used.
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A/N
If you didn't read the delayed note I left on the previous chapter last week, you probably are not aware of the reason behind this chapter's delay. In short, I didn't had time to revise and edit it before leaving for camping, that's why I'm only posting it now. Also, I ended up staying there longer than intended.
NOW, THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT.
Thank you so much to all of you. The Story Alerts, the the Favourites and the Reviews... they all mean so much to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And, of course, an extra thanks for the reviewers. You guys really helped a lot with my motivation and self-confidence towards this story. Your kind words really do mean a lot to me. As your constructive criticism, which I also do appreciate and believe it can really help me to improve (or, at least, try). Many more thanks. 333333
Honestly, I never even expected this story to be seen by anyone, I thought it would go deep into the massive pile of fanfiction and be left forgotten right in the first chapter... So, yeah, big surprise. xD
LAST CHAPTER.
But it's alright, I have plenty of story ideas ahead. SpeRo everywhere. And maybe a GerIta one... with heavy hinted SpeRo in it along with another pairing I've been thinking about lately. I don't see those guys anywhere but it's funny to think about it.
I really hope you enjoy this (huge) chapter and don't feel disappointed. There were certain things I had a problem writing... *covers flushed face* … because I'm an embarrassed idiot, but, I'm aiming to improve... hopefully... someday... somehow... ''orz
Also, the bird story... it was an idea of the moment... that actually sounded cute. ;w;
LOVE YOU ALL AND ENJOY~! S2
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Chapter 14
Inevitably
"Soo, Spaaiin..."
I felt him eyeing me uneasily. I never saw him like this. Never. And I definitely don't like this situation. I wish he would just know. Why can't he... read the air or something? Dammit! Why does this have to be so hard?
We were sitting on the porch, facing the tomato field that surrounded half of his house. And thank goodness for the sun blind and the soothing breeze, bringing us shadow and the reassurance we wouldn't freaking melt on the spot.
"Are you feeling alright, Lovi?"
"Of course I am, dammit! Why shouldn't I be?" I couldn't help to snap even though I was aware of my burning face and unsteady gasps of breath.
"... You just... You're acting a bit odd..." that made me realize I was balancing back and forth like some God-damn maniac... so, I stopped doing that. And he just kept staring at me… D-Do you have to make this even more difficult, you bastard?
"E-Everything's fine, dammit!"
"Hmm..."
I sighed, trying to calm down. "... No, I mean it... Everything's fine..." I said in a more quiet tone.
"... Hmm?"
Oh! You clueless piece of- Chigigi! Why can't you get it by yourself?
"J-Just because a person doesn't gives you an answer or something doesn't mean... it doesn't mean... it doesn't mean they don't..." these aren't tears in my eyes, absolutely not. And I'm not looking up to prevent them for falling or anything, I'm just admiring the sun blind, yes...
"... Lovi, you...?" I want to see his face but I don't won't to become more nervous than I already am... "I'm sorry if I scared you..."
"I've told you I'm not scared by anything, dammit!"
"It's nothing wrong with-"
"S-Shut up! Just... J-Just listen, okay?"
It's time.
I took hold of his hand and turned my head to face him. I-It's so, so embarrassing! Why can't I just beat him up and leave? Why do I have to listen to my stupid consciousness that for once wants me to be completely honest?
… Why can't I help staring at his face? Dammit, Spain! Will you stop blinding me with those eyes? I need to focus here, you have to be sure I'm telling you the truth!
My head is starting to hurt and my face feels like its going to melt any second now...
"Lovino...?"
… I'm going to die! I'm going to freaking die! I need a shovel, I want to dig a hole right here and disappear from his sight, dammit!
...
… Okay, I'm going to take a deep breath... There.
Focus, focus, focus.
"A-Antonio..." I noticed his eyes widened slightly at his name. "Y-Yo quiero estar contigo... Y yo también... también... Y-Yo también te..."
Shit! I can't say it! I want to! But it's just... I don't know! Dammit, dammit, dammit! I though saying it in Spanish would be less complicated for me... and also more meaningful for him... Why can't I? … I should know better... I feel so freaking ridiculous, dammit!
"Todo está bien, Lovino..." he squeezed my hand and came to sit closer to me, to give me a hug. I felt myself losing the stiffness my body had gained without me even realizing it when he planted a quick kiss to my forehead. For God's Sake! I don't deserve this kind of treatment...
I pressed my head against his chest, to hid the embarrassment... being also engulfed by something that I can't really tell... something like... guilt.
"B-Bastardo... Why do you keep doing these things...?" my voice sounded muffled.
"Lovino-" I looked up at him but didn't allowed him to interrupt me further.
"All my life I've been treating you so badly and you never did the same to me, dammit! You are always there when I need you! You are so good to me! Why do you do that? You don't have to! When I was your henchman you really could have ordered me around! And now that I'm independent you didn't backed way, you just kept on acting like this! You don't have to have me as a burden! You can find better than me! Why are you such a masochist, dammit?" Actually, I really don't want him to be with someone else... the mere idea makes me freaking sick...
"Lovino, por favor-"
"You keep indulging me and I can't even say 'I love you' back though I do, dammit! That's how much of a bastard I truly am!" I buried my head in his chest again, grasping at his shirt like it would keep me sane.
… It took me a while to realized what I had just said. I suppose he must have noticed because he stood still for a moment before hugging me back... fiercely hugging me back - heart beating extremely fast, hands grasping my back, head supported by mine. I guess I ended up telling him after all...
"You are not a 'bastard'." he whispered after a while.
"I am! I am a bastard and a God-damn rotten tomato..." my voice had calmed down.
"... what?" he sounded honestly confused. I guess I'll have to explain him...
"You don't eat a rotten tomato because it tastes like crap. Why do you stay by my side if I'll act like a piece of crap?" he said nothing. "There's no point in being good to me because I am not."
For a few seconds, nothing happened. I started to wonder if my words had actually sink in when I felt his chest shaking slightly. Before I even realize what was happening, he was already bursting into laugher. I decided to look up, to surprised to even frown at his reaction.
I have to be honest, when I finally heard his laugh and saw him smile like that, I could only ask myself how did I managed to spend half a day without him.
… and then I just went freaking pissed off about it. I mean, I'm being serious, I'm telling the truth, I'm freaking spitting my damn heart out to him! And he laughs! He freaking laughs! Oh, I'm going to tell him something, something nasty! Maybe I'll even headbutt him like in the old days! Oh! I will! I-
"You are not like a rotten tomato, Lovi!" his smile softened when he said those words. And by the look on his face he seemed to be speaking what he believes to be truth. Something tells me not to fight him on that...
Before I knew better, he took hold of my face and leaned closer for a simple kiss on the lips. A little dazzled, I relaxed into it right away, the sudden proximity feeling very comfortable and welcomed... and I couldn't help to feel he parted to soon... I guess he doesn't want to make me uncomfortable or something... thought, I don't think I wouldn't mind whatever he would like to do...
… Mio Dio... I sound so stupidly lovestruck...
"Even if you remind me of a particularly healthy and tasty one when your face goes all bright red from embarrassment... just like now~!" he gave me a big grin.
...
That's it.
I punched him on the arm... but for some reason I wasn't able to put much force into it... He made a playful face and pretended to fall on the floor hurt. "Oh! The pain!" he dramatized very badly since he was enabled to restrain his laughs.
… I don't care how much I like this bastard, I'm going to have to kill him if he keeps embarrassing me like this, d-dammit!
Out of the rush of the moment, I jumped on top of him ready for revenge on that comment. Only when I was face to face with Spain, I realized I had no idea of what to do. And the sudden realization that I was actually on top of him, holding him down, so very close to him, made me flush even more. He just smiled and decided to roll me over, inverting our positions... t-the b-bastard!
"W-What the hell do you think you're doing, dammit?" I managed to stutter, feeling my face going warmed and warmer.
"Hmm~. Spontaneously seizing an opportunity you gave me~?" he sang happily.
He may have noticed my murderous face, since he took a more calm expression, even if he never stopped smiling. "Lovino..." he decided to take hold of my face once more – probably having to rest his weight on his elbows-, though he didn't look as if he was about to kiss me... w-which didn't left me d-disappointed... o-of course not! "I really love you, Lovino. And I don't like to see you being so paranoid and pessimist all the time. You have yourself in such low consideration..." I was focused on his eyes... they seemed to be getting somewhat nostalgic...
"You're a good person..." I looked away, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. "Lovino! You are! You are! Look at me!" the order caught me of guard, making me facing him without even thinking about it. "You build a wall around yourself for protection. I understand why you may want to do that, Lovi, but sometimes it can make people very confused... Either way, sometimes I can see through that wall... You insult people but you never actually want to hurt them, do you? I can see how much of a good person you are... though, you don't want to get hurt along with your overreactions, your need to be defensive, all that..."
However, I can't even get defensive now... my consciousness doesn't allow me...
"... Do you remember that time with the bird, that little bird that was born in the tree next to your room... you kept complaining about him and the noise he made... until that really windy day when he ended up felling of the tree..." he smiled gently. "... you took care of him for ages... it was so hard to convince you to let him go..."
I remember... And that was just because... hmm... he was occupying space on the ground and stuff... yeah... and I didn't want him to go because... hmm...
Hunf! O-Okay, it was a cute bird... I kind of got used to it... I mean, I'm a freaking human being, dammit!
"You are so nice and protective towards your brother even though you clearly feel bad when people seem to like him better... You would insult me and headbutt me but you were being defensive and you started to be very protective at some point, distrusting every single people that came close to me..." I... I didn't knew he knew... "You're trying to show how strong you are and making everyone else believing that that's it... but that's not it! You are so much more and so much better than what you try to show, Lovi..."
… I never imagined he could ever say such things to me. Hell! I didn't even knew he knew that much!
Either way, for him to have such a serious – and literally thoughtful – moment, trying to convince me I'm not as bad as I see me to be... it's clear who's the greatest and kindest soul here. In a way, it's hard to believe he actually, he actually... loves me... But he would never lie to me in such a matter.
"But, of course, I'm very interested in being the only one knowing certain things about you, hmm~." he sang, giving me a quick kiss in my neck.
I trust he's trying to break the heavy atmosphere since neither of us is very good at dealing with it. B-But... that last sentence and the small action from him... i-it's still embarrassing... a-and kind of... interestingly appealing...
"You don't really have to say anything to this... and I don't want you to storm of either..." he had gone serious again, for a moment. "Just promise me you'll reflect upon what I said whenever you start feeling down or without trust on yourself." I nodded in agreement and he gave me a huge grin in response. I decided to stare away for a moment to give it a thought.
I'm... I'm definitely going to think about what he said later... If Spain, as clueless as he is, got certain things... I-I'm not saying I managed to drink everything he just said but... maybe, maybe I'm not that... hopeless...? And now I'm thinking... if Spain doesn't give up from me, then, that means there's still hope and something good about me, right?
… Chigigi! He's still staring at me!
… smiling calmly... tantalizingly... hmm...
Since the first phase of my plan was already kind of complete... kind of because I managed to say it... thought, not directly... I now can move on to the second and last phase... that consists on a simple word... which he actually taught me when I was younger... for some weird reason...
"I have a demand, though..."
"A demand?" that left him perplexed for a second. "Tomatoes? Pasta?"
"N-No... It's something to show you I really want to... b-be with you... and that I trust you..."
He seemed happily interested about it.
"¡B-Bésame!"
And now he just looks perplexed.
"¿Q-Qué?"
"D-D-Dammit, b-bastardo! Y-You heard me! Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to say it-" I felt his lips fiercely pressing against mine in a flash.
… B-bastard! He did understand, dammit!
… I... I don't care... I-I prefer to focus on t-this...
He didn't just started fiercely, he actually kept on going like that... It was clearly different from the other times, but, honestly... i-it's kind of interesting to... the way I can feel his strength, his hands on the sides of my face, his soft scent surrounding me... I felt like I'm going to melt at any moment but I honestly do not care.
His... his... dammit, I have to stop surrounding the subject! His k-kisses make me feel light-headed and give weird sensations all trough the rest of my body. That should be enough for me not wanting them. The new and strange sensations should scare me... well, they actually do... however, they also make me feel - this is so pathetic - special and warm and curious and so oddly good! Oh, dammit, how the hell does he do it?
… Oh, God! He feels that too, right? … I hope so... I mean- The hell! I mean it!
I moved my arms up around his neck trying to bring him closer... I could feel him smiling to himself like I remember him doing last night and, after a short amount of time, he calmed down just enough to nibble carefully at my bottom lip, asking for permission... and, as I said, I'm feeling curious, so...
This time, he didn't smile at my advances, at least, not on the outside… he just shifted a little and took the chance I gave him... I started to play with his hair trying to calm down a little... which I didn't managed to do. I have to take note it's hard to calm down when - and I can't believe I'm actually doing and thinking such things – I have Spain's tongue roaming freely – yet far from clumsily - in my mouth.
… It feels so weird... in a interestingly good way...
My face feels so hot, dammit!
… H-Hey! J-Just noticing... w-where did all the air go?
Two seconds and he must have asked himself the same question since he smoothly broke the kiss. Oh, yes, fresh air, my lungs await! … Still... hmm... I would have liked to... hmm... I never got the chance to... hmm...
Suddenly, Spain lifted himself up and before I could say anything he pulled me along. We remained on the ground, but now he had me sitting on his lap, facing him awkwardly.
He pressed his forehead against mine, staring me deep in the eyes, while he regained our breath quietly. I've always been jealous of his eyes... they are from such an uncanny green... I don't think I can look at them right now, though... I feel so awkward and embarrassed...
"E-Ei, Lovi?" the green hue regained my reluctant attention.
"¡Bésame!"
"C-Che cosa?"
"Bésame." he repeated.
Ah! Great! Now he tells me I mispronounced it!
"Bésame." I tried.
"¡No, no! ¡Bésame!"
"Bésame!"
C'mon! I'm sure I'm saying it right, you bastard!
"¡No, no! Lovi... Bésame."
… oh...
I... s-should I? He already d-did it, I should to… I w-want to... then, I guess I c-can...
"Close your eyes, dammit!" I demanded.
"Eh? Why? I want to look at your face beforehand~!" he smiled gently, brushing my cheek with his thumb.
No freaking way! I don't want him to see me looking like a retard or something!
"Do it or I won't!" I'm such a liar... but it's worth the shot.
He obeyed with a pout that soon faded to a expectant expression. His face... God! … Appealing, appealing, appealing...
Slowly, I leaned forward and before I knew it our lips were brushing again. It was soft and calm but I wanted to continue what we were doing just now... but something got in the way... Spain's hands were roaming freely, one resting on the side of my hips and one in the middle of my hair and I thought they were just stay there quietly when I felt one of them brushing my shirt up slightly and warm foreign skin brushing my own. At the exact same time I felt a shiver earning tug at my particular strand of hair as it was tugged slowly and lastingly by Spain's other hand along with more of my own hair. "Ah... Ann... tonio... nng..."
…
...
… W-W-Why the freaking hell did I made those s-sounds? Mio Dio! Mio Dio! Mio Dio! Uccidermi ora! Questo è troppo vergognoso!
Spain froze, probably becoming self-aware of his idiotic actions. A second later he had left my lips. Why was he looking so concern...? Shouldn't he be happy and poking fun of me...? Not that I want that, it's just weird he isn't doing it.
"Maybe we should calm down for a while and just relax and so..."
"W-Why?" What's wrong with him, dammit?
"I trust you want to take this slow, right, Lovi?" I nodded, looking away as I felt my face going warmer.
"Well, if you keep doing those sounds... I don't think I'll be able to hold back..."
… Chigigi!
It's your fault, you freaking brainless bastard!
… For a second, I had to resist the urge to get all over him again to see what he might do. However, he's being very considerate with me... and that actually feels very, very nice... so I just nodded at his words.
He gave me a content smile and pulled me for another warm filled hug.
x
"I'm so happy for finally being able to be with you like this, Lovi~." his voice almost melted my brain.
We had been hugging for quite a while already... Actually, he had been hugging me for most of the time, since my arms just felt to tired after the first two minutes of it. Either way, it really pleases me to feel his embrace, his scent, his heartbeat, the way his chest moves up and down while he breaths... for some reason those little things are getting more and more fascinating... n-not he will ever know about it, of course... I still have a little left of my damaged pride...
"Hmm, something has been bothering me..." I waited for him to continue. "What do you like about me, Lovi?"
What the hell of a question, dammit!
… But it's a good and understandable query since I always go around pointing insults at him...
…
… Spain... Antonio...
I don't tell you but... I like the way you greet me, the way you talk to me, I even like you to be the only one that calls me 'Lovi'. I like the way you hug me and hold me, and now, I like the way you kiss me. I like your eyes, the way you smile and the fact you can be serious when necessary. I like that you don't let go, that you don't give up and that you run after me. I like your honesty, your positive attitude and that you are everything I'm not. I like you way too much... I love you.
"Yeah, well... Although I claim you to be one so often..." I shifted a bit, pressing my head against his chest in a ridiculous tentative to hide my embarrassment. "... you're not that much of a bastard."
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"Y-Yo quiero estar contigo... Y yo también... también... Y-Yo también te..." → "I-I want to be with you... And I also... also... I- I also (_) you..."
"Todo está bien, Lovino..." → "Everything's good/fine, Lovino..."
'Bastardo' → 'Bastard'
"Lovino, por favor-" → "Lovino, please-"
'Mio Dio' → 'My God!'
'Bésame' → 'Kiss me'
"¿Q-Qué?" & "C-Che cosa?"→ "W-What?"
'Uccidermi ora! Questo è troppo vergognoso!' → 'Kill me now! This is too shameful!'