Chapter Fourteen
Party
New Year 2004/2005 Phoenix, Arizona
Christmas had been surprisingly enjoyable, the transformation in Renee's outlook being the main reason for my personal enjoyment. It was wonderful to see her happy again. Phil came home as promised on Christmas Eve and she was once again the love-struck teenager. She was like a different person. I made myself scarce as much as was possible with the limited number of friends that I had, to give them some privacy and when I returned to the house from my various sorties the house was once again filled with laughter, just as it had been back in the summer.
I thought about visiting Charlie over Christmas, to see for myself how bad Forks gets in winter. I had only ever been in the summer and that was bad enough, but I decided against it for two reasons. Firstly, it might put me off, and secondly, this would be my last Christmas in Phoenix with my mother. I wanted to remember her this way, happy and carefree.
Phil was delighted thatI was giving her this opportunity to travel. He had been unaware she was suffering so badly. She must have been putting on a brave front for him when he phoned. He vowed to try and get home more often in the few weeks following Christmas while she would still be playing the martyr parent. I hoped he would keep to it; it was only a few weeks after all.
Yes, it was just a few weeks away, but I refused to allow myself to get depressed over it. Nothing was going to spoil my mother's Christmas.
Renee and Phil decided to throw a New Year's party, for which of course, I ended up doing most of the organising. I spent the whole day baking and preparing snacks. Phil organised the drinks and mum spent the whole day deciding what to wear, and then once she had made up her mind, she started on me. I had planned to wear the dress she had bought me for the wedding.
"You can't wear that! You wore it to my wedding. People will notice, they will think you only own one dress!"
"Mum, I do only own one dress," I pointed out to her.
After a lot of frowning, tutting and mumbling she eventually found a pair of black tight fitting trousers and a silvery grey top which she could lend me.
"I wish you would spend a little more time considering your wardrobe Bella. You can't spend the rest of your life wearing jeans and tee shirts. Most girls your age love shopping for clothes. They don't resort to borrowing their mothers!" And so it went on. I eventually switched off from her and concentrated on my culinary preparations. I didn't need my mother reminding me that I was not normal. I knew I wasn't; I knew I didn't fit in; I knew I wasn't like most other girls my age.
My mother had insisted I invited some of my friends to her party. I could only think of two that wouldn't die of shock if the socially inept Bella Swan phoned them up inviting them to a social event, and so I settled on Sarah Lacey and Laura Hope. Even they were surprised, but nevertheless they came.
Other guests included a few of Renee's local friends and some of Phil's baseball crowd. I hated parties and small-talk so I found a corner to hide in and hoped no-one bothered to talk to me too much. Sarah and Laura, my two friends from school, who both arrived wearing rather inappropriate clothing and far too much make-up for seventeen year-olds, soon gave up trying to engage in conversation with me and found themselves a couple of Phil's single baseball friends to latch onto.
Renee's friend Sandy turned up with her geeky son Will, who I had been lumbered with at her wedding. I had spent most of the wedding day trying to ditch him but he had just kept following me around. Tonight was no different.
He wasn't bad looking I guess, and if I had been remotely interested in looking for a boyfriend I suppose he would have passed the grade, for his appearance, at least, but his personality, or rather lack of it, severely let him down. What made things worse was that Renee and Sandy were both intent on pushing us together and kept asking us if we were having fun. Having fun? I don't think so; unless you call clock-watching and Will-dodging having fun!
I somehow managed to keep smiling through the ordeal, longing for it to be over.
"So Bella, you're moving to Washington?" One of Will's attempts at engaging me began.
"Yes," I replied, refusing to get drawn in.
"What's it like?" he had asked after a long pause.
"It's the worst place imaginable," I replied rather flatly, hoping he would leave it at that, but no, I had inadvertently given him an opening for another question. It would have been easier to lie and say it was lovely.
"Oh, well why are you going then?"
To get away from you, I thought, but instead I told him, "My mum needs to travel with Phil." Under normal circumstances, and had I wished to be polite, I could have elaborated but I really couldn't be bothered.
"Oh." Had he finished now? I hoped so. I summoned up my most bored and disinterested expression and looked away, hoping someone would catch my eye. I tried to find Sarah and Laura. Their company would be preferable to Will's, but they were still larking around with a group of Phil's friends and appeared to be having a great time. I was pleased for that at least, but I wished I knew how to interact like they did. What was wrong with me? What was wrong with Will? He was not giving up.
"So, when are you going?" It had taken him a full minute to come up with that question, when it clearly led on from the last one. It occurred to me that Will was less able to converse than I was and I suddenly pitied him. Not enough to want to be with him, but enough to feel the need to ease his pain a little. I wasn't sure how to respond though. I didn't want to give him too much encouragement.
"I haven't decided yet, a couple of months maybe," I began, but I was interrupted by Renee who announced that it was almost midnight and everyone should fill their glasses and get ready to welcome the New Year in. Mercifully I found myself temporarily separated from Will and didn't have to finish my answer.
Glasses were filled, mine with sparkling elderflower cordial of course, and we began the countdown to midnight. "Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Happy New Year!" everyone shouted in unison. Cheers filled the house and suddenly everyone was hugging and kissing. Now was a good time to head to the bathroom. I got assaulted by a few people on the way, but thankfully I managed to avoid Will, and fortunately, because it was the pivotal point of the evening, the bathroom was empty.
I closed the door behind me, making doubly sure it was locked and leaned against it, breathing a sigh of relief. At least I wouldn't have to endure anything as bad as this in Forks. Charlie hated parties as much as I did, and he had very few friends. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all, and if I could get used to the rain and the cold, it might actually be more of an appropriate lifestyle for a hermit like myself.
I listened to the frivolous laughter emanating from downstairs and wondered how long I could hide away up here. Until someone else needed the bathroom, I guess. Fortunately most of the guests were using the downstairs bathroom though. Only close friends would know of this one's whereabouts so I might be safe for a few minutes at least. With any luck, the party goers would begin to head off home soon now that it was officially New Year.
The words of a song began to creep into my mind, although I had changed it to "Always in the bathroom at parties." I felt ridiculous. Why should I feel the need to skulk away in the bathroom of my own house? Well, because the living room is full of aliens, of course! They might as well be aliens. I had nothing in common with any of them and en masse they were just as frightening.
My thoughts were interrupted by someone trying the door. I cursed quietly and then replied "Ok, coming."
I flushed the toilet and ran my hands under the faucet for a few seconds to make my presence in the bathroom seem realistic, before heading for the door. Whoever had tried the handle was becoming impatient and had started knocking now.
"Ok, ok," I called out exasperatingly. What have I got to do to get some peace around here?
"Oh, it's you Bella," my mum's friend Sandy exclaimed as I opened the door just as she was about to knock again. "Will was looking for you just now."
Oh great!
I slid past her, nodding and smiling awkwardly and headed downstairs to face my awaiting predator. Had I known what was coming I would have ran for the front door and escaped out into the night. Will was the least of my problems.
"Here she is, my saviour!" Renee announced as I reached the midway point on the stairs. My worst fears and nightmares fleetingly rolled into one horrifying moment as all eyes in the room turned to look at me.
I felt my cheeks colour up and I desperately wanted the ground to swallow me up.How could she do this to me! She knows I hate being the centre of attention.
Renee had sauntered over to be by my side now and she put her arm around me as we hovered near the bottom of the stairs. I tried to encourage her to descend the rest of the stairs so that I at least wouldn't be in full view of the onlookers, but Renee just squeezed me tighter and gave me a kiss.
"For those of you who don't know, Bella is going to live with her father for a while in Washington so that I can travel with Phil," she announced to the gaping crowd who were clearly waiting for an explanation as to why I was my mother's saviour.
I doubted that many people understood the significance of this. I doubted they even cared, but nevertheless, there was a slight ripple of applause and a few alcohol fuelled cheers. "Well done Bella," "Go Bella!"
If I had thought the awkwardness of Will's company earlier had been unpleasant, then this had to be purgatory. Where was Will? I couldn't see him. I couldn't see anyone. Blind panic had set in and I felt my heart racing. "Mum!" I managed to whisper, "Let me go!"
I wriggled free just before my knees started to go weak. Renee followed me down the last few steps reaching out for me, but I was already heading for the kitchen, pushing my way clumsily through the crowds. I clung on to back of one of the kitchen chairs breathing heavily and trying not to pass out. Renee caught up with me and pulled one of the other chairs out for me to sit on.
"Bella, you are white as a sheet. Are you ok?"
"Why did you have to do that?"
"Do what?" she asked. "What did I do?"
I just shook my head. Does she really not know me well enough to realise how terrifying that had been for me?
"Hey, I just wanted everyone to know how proud I am of you, and how grateful I am."
Will was now hovering in the doorway. "Is she ok?" he asked.
"Yes, I'm fine thanks. Please, just leave me alone for a few minutes." I replied, rather sharply and then I felt guilty so I added, "I just feel a bit faint, that's all. I'll be ok. Go and enjoy the party. That goes for you too mum."
Renee patted me affectionately on the shoulder and herded the over-anxious Will back into the crowded room next door, closing the door behind her, leaving me with my head in my hands, slumped over the kitchen table, trying to regain my composure.
What should I do now? I couldn't rejoin the party, not now. The room would be filled with anxious people, wondering what was wrong with me, was I faint? Was I sick? Was I drunk? Either that or they would want me to tell them about moving to Washington. If I stayed here it wouldn't be long before people would start filtering in to the kitchen again, looking for more food, or more alcohol. But staying here was better than fronting the crowd. There were two exits from this room. One led to the living room and the horror of the rowdy guests and the other led to the garden.
I could hear people beginning to leave, but there would undoubtedly be stragglers. How long would I have to wait? Renee and Phil were calling out "Goodbye," Happy New Year," "Thanks for coming," "Glad you enjoyed yourselves." The noise from the living room had died down a little. I tried to imagine who was left. Would it be possible to sneak through unnoticed up to my bedroom? Surely I could cope with a couple of fake smiles and nods as I made my way through. Hopefully most of the lingering crowd would be too drunk and merry to form any prolonged meaningful conversations. Yes, I might just be able to get away with it.
Just as I was summoning up the courage, Will appeared awkwardly in the doorway, a friendly empathetic smile on his face.
"Hi Bella, how are you doing?" he asked with a sincere tone of concern in his voice. "I really felt for you back then. My mother did something similar to me once. Matter of fact, I'm still receiving therapy for it."
I frowned at the intruder. "Really?" I asked, a little sarcastically.
He laughed. "No, not really, but I live in fear that she will do it again someday. It was awful."
Suddenly, this previously annoying young man seemed like he was the proverbial olive branch. It dawned on me that he was probably the only other person here tonight that actually did understand me, and why I had reacted in such a seemingly bizarre way to the unwelcome attention.
He sat down at the table next to me, his proximity no longer setting off alarm bells. I found myself smiling at him as I fought back the tears. Don't be ridiculous Bella, don't cry now! But the relief of his empathy was washing over me. The sudden and unexpected kindness was bringing the tears closer to the surface. Focus Bella! Don't make things worse!
"How many of them are left in there?" I asked, my voice a little shaky.
"About half of them I suppose," he replied. "What do you want to do?"
I shrugged. "I was actually contemplating the garden shed just now when you came in," I replied, a small snigger emerged at the end of the sentence.
"Garden shed's are good," he confirmed, "although a little cold at this time of year."
Will wasn't dull after all, or geeky. He was just shy like me. He probably hated parties as much as I did. I noticed for the first time his kind, soulful eyes and his warm smile.
"Or we could just stay here and ride it out?" he offered.
"Yeah, maybe they will leave me alone if you are here with me, if you don't mind?"
"No, I don't mind. I'm not much one for parties either. I only came because my mother insisted."
"Me too, although, as it's my house I didn't have any choice really did I?"
"No, not really... Bella?"
"Yes?" I replied, hoping he wasn't going to push things too far with his next question.
"I'm sorry if I kept bugging you before."
Ok, so I had been a little obvious with my rebuffs then. I felt guilty now. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. Was I rude?"
"Er, a little, but don't worry," he confirmed, smiling back at me. "I didn't have anyone else to talk to, and I just...well, you seemed to be in the same boat. I'm not much good at small talk..." He trailed off.
"Hmmm. I would say you are about as accomplished at it as I am." I laughed to show I meant no harm by the obvious insult, and then I added, "But you are doing just fine now."
"Ah well, this isn't small talk now."
I looked up at with a quizzical glance. "It isn't?" I asked. Oh God! I hope he's not going to ruin it by declaring his undying love for me or anything!
But he didn't. He just added "Hell no! We have something in common and you have just provided me with an excuse to escape from that rabble too!"
Will and I spent the next hour or so in the kitchen, hiding away from the rest of the guests, until the only one left was Sandy, who had probably been persuaded to stay after she had realised her son was on a mission of mercy. He was surprisingly easy to talk to once we were on our own, away from the awkwardness we both felt in large crowds. We were interrupted a few times, but not for long. As I predicted, once the intruders realised I was not alone, they closed the door and retreated back into the living room, assuming they were interrupting something meaningful.
I wasn't sure if it was meaningful or not. I was just grateful for his company. Not once did he overstep the mark and suggest we might be more than just friends. If he had, I would have had to thank him, but decline. I was moving in a couple of months and it would be foolish to enter into any form of relationship at the moment.
Fortunately, it wasn't necessary. We just chatted about our schools, our parents, our similarities, and differences. He was quite athletic, enjoying cycling, running and swimming. "All the things you can do without being part of a team," he had added. I confessed to being totally useless at anything that required any sort of co-ordination. "Walking in a straight line is enough of a challenge for me," I told him, laughing at myself and my attempts at anything more complicated.
Eventually Sandy interrupted us and asked Will if he was ready to go now.
"Are we the only ones left?" He asked her.
"Yeah, they are all gone," she confirmed, looking at me reassuringly.
"Ok, Bella, well, thank you for your company, it's been a pleasure."
"No, thank you Will. You saved me from a fate worse than death."
"No problem, as I said, it was a pleasure. Any time I can be of assistance..."
"Well, hopefully, my mother will not put me in that situation again any time soon."
Sandy was waiting by the front door as we left the safe sanctuary of the kitchen behind, entering the bomb site that used to be our living room. Everyone had left but their litter was strewn everywhere; half filled glasses, dirty plates, crumbs all over the place. This was going to take all day to clear up tomorrow.
Renee must have seen the look of dismay on my face "Don't worry Bella, we'll sort it out in the morning."
"Goodnight then Bella, I'll see you around I guess." Will said, a little hopefully I thought. Maybe not, maybe he was just being polite?
"Yeah sure," I nodded, trying to sound casual. "Goodnight, and thanks once again. Bye Sandy!"
I closed the door after them and leant back against it, closing my eyes and feeling relief that the ordeal was over. Renee stood at the bottom of the stairs looking at me with total remorse. "Bella, I am so sorry, I think I just got carried away. Too much to drink. It makes the tongue a little loose."
"Don't make a fuss about it mum, it's over now. Just...don't do it again, ok?"
She nodded and continued to look at me with overwhelming guilt.
"It's ok, don't worry." I reiterated, and then headed up the stairs to bed.
It seemed strange that my mother, who I had spent the best part of my life with, knew me so little, and yet my father, who I had spent so little time with, knew me so well. Charlie would never have dragged me into the limelight like that, but then, Charlie wouldn't have held the stupid party in the first place. I began to think I was better suited to life in Forks after all. I loved my mother very much but we were just too different. She was like a child, and really didn't think her actions through properly. She was totally irresponsible. I couldn't be angry with her for long though. She couldn't help it. It was just the way she was and she would never change.
As I lay in bed I found myself thinking of Will. It was typical that I had only discovered him just as I was about to leave the area. I wasn't looking for a relationship, but Will might have made a good friend. I had never really found anyone of my own age so easy to converse with. It was like we were on the same wavelength. I wasn't sure if it was possible to stay just friends with someone of the opposite sex though, so it may be just as well that I was moving. See you around, he had said. I wondered what he had meant by that. No, as much as I found myself hoping I would see him around, I wouldn't encourage it.