Well, I finally took the time to find out how to update my profile. As a "late bloomer," technology is sometimes a little intimidating - but I did it, and nothing blew up. Being afraid of new things is one reason I decided to post my first story. Now that I have finally stuck my toes in the water, I realize the water is not so cold after all. (It doesn't mean I have to be a great "swimmer"; the reward is knowing that I have challenged myself to try something new.) Thanks to Gabi for your encouragement!

We're a couple of chapters away from finally getting some help for poor Callen. Please Review

CHAPTER 14 - Reality and Reflection

When Callen's wave of nausea had passed, he opened his eyes. Hetty returned the bottle of water to the table and got up from her chair. "Mr. Callen, Director Vance is here. He needs to speak with you; with all of us." She stepped back and Vance took a seat beside the sofa.

Callen looked up at the director and his eyes widened. His already uneven breathing became more choppy. He strained to rise up but stopped for a moment as pain flashed across his face. When he tried to sit up the second time, his shoulder was met by the director's hand. "No, No, No. Don't get up." But Callen only became more frantic, fighting to rise up. This time, Vance placed his open palm on Callen's chest and pushed him back down. "Easy, Callen." He could feel the erratic rhythm of Callen's breathing and Callen's heart was beating hard and fast against his hand. "Take it easy. … Just relax."

Callen stared up at the director. His dry lips parted as he tried to speak, struggling to get the first word out. "I … I'm sorry," he said, his voice weak and raspy.

"I don't understand. Why are you apologizing?" Vance asked, confused as to why the agent was in such a panicked state.

"Sorry … I'm still here … with them. … I tried to go … so they'd be safe."

"I know you did," Vance said, understanding the senior agent's tension and his motive for trying to distance himself from his coworkers.

With eyes widening even more and his level of distress increasing, Callen continued. "They're not safe. … Tell Hetty … I have to go. … I need my clothes."

"Callen, you are in an extremely vulnerable state. There are those out there who would take advantage of your weakened condition to gain access to classified information. You would be putting the integrity of our agency in jeopardy, as well as your life and the lives of your team members."

"I would never … let that happen." Callen tried to slow his breathing as his energy supply was quickly fading. Suddenly exhausted, he sank back down to the couch. Vance removed his hand from Callen's chest.

"That's a risk we are just not willing to take. Hetty was right in keeping you here. You are just too weak to be out there on your own."

Callen's eyes narrowed and he set his jaw. "I can take … care of myself," he said softly. This response was so typical of G. Callen. Even though he was weak and injured, he had become indignant at the implication that he was not self-sufficient.

Vance looked at Hetty and shook his head before continuing. "We are doing everything possible to bring this thing to a close. The FBI and our task force have been accessing names, places, and dates attached to each op you have been assigned to with the various agencies. They have asked that all of your aliases remain in the system until they have completed their investigation."

"Have they found anything?" Sam asked.

"They are still cross referencing the cases Callen worked with names of those suspected of having ties to this arms trading ring we are looking into. So far, they have one hit." Vance now turned his attention back to Callen. "When you were undercover with the DEA, you befriended a man, named Gregory Davis, in order to gather information about a large weapons and drug operation. Eventually, the DEA raided their hideout and Davis was shot and killed in the process."

Callen looked down sadly and whispered, "I had to shoot Greg."

"His younger brother, Peter Davis, is thought to be connected to the Pendleton case we are investigating."

"So, they're thinking revenge could be the motive?" Sam asked.

"Those are the only dots they have been able to connect so far."

"Why wait so long for payback?" Kensi asked.

"Could be it took him this long to find Agent Callen. We just don't have the answers right now. The suspect's last known address is just outside San Diego. The FBI is attempting to locate him so they can bring him in for questioning." Vance looked down at Callen and sighed. "Callen, unfortunately, even if this individual is found to be responsible for making an attempt on your life yesterday, it does not change the decision made by the committee. You will still be removed from the team here in LA." Callen bowed his head and nodded. "Someone got dangerously close to you by somehow getting their hands on your classified files. And we don't know how many others now have access to this same information."

Callen's head remained lowered as the director continued. "Hetty informs me that it is your intention to resign rather than be reassigned." Callen did not respond. "We don't want to lose you, Agent Callen. But if that is your decision, just be aware that your official resignation will not be accepted until you are cleared medically. Until such time, you will remain under our protection."

Callen's brow tensed. Still looking down, he shook his head. His words were barely audible as he pleaded, "Please just let me go." For Callen, every additional moment he stayed, just made the inevitable separation that much more painful.

Vance cleared his throat in an attempt to remove any sadness and regret from his voice. "Callen, you have been with the agency long enough to know the protocol for when an agent is determined to be a security risk. I touched on this yesterday during our video conference but I have the responsibility of ensuring that you and your team members understand the permanence of the situation. When we get the "go-ahead" from our special task force, your true identity will be erased, along with your aliases. These are the terms whether you transfer within any of our federal agencies or resign."

With eyes still lowered, Callen swallowed hard and nodded, once again. Having this knowledge was painful enough. But hearing it said aloud, with his team present, was like having a knife thrust into his chest.

The director continued. "Callen, from the point your identity is burned, there can be absolutely no communication with Hetty or any other team member here in LA. You must cut all ties."

Callen's fate was confirmed. He looked up at the director briefly, his blue eyes sad and empty and now filled with unshed tears. As he turned his head away, a tear tickled down his face. Callen slowly, and painfully, maneuvered himself onto his left side so that he was now facing the back of the couch and then he pulled the blanket up over his head. Vance extended his hand toward Callen's shoulder but stopped short of touching him, realizing that any attempt to console him at this moment would be futile.

It was as if Callen had gathered up all of his hurt and fear and crawled into that dark, lonely hiding place that he knew all too well. He wished he could erase the memories of the past few years; forget the bonds he had formed. He had finally begun to trust and to understand what it meant to be part of a family. And now it was all being taken away. This was much too painful. He knew he could never allow himself to get this close to anyone again. Callen's shoulders began to shake as he silently sobbed.

Hetty watched helplessly, feeling like her heart would somehow break in two. Nate was right; they had not really had time to process what was happening to the team. They had all been so focused on finding Callen, and then trying to care for him, that they had not begun to deal with the reality of losing him. Sam just wanted to pick Callen up and run; to hide him somewhere until this all went away. But the reality was, it was not going away. No matter how hard he tried, Sam could not protect Callen this time. All he could do was watch his partner grieve alone. The loneliness and emptiness seeped into the room like a dark vapor, threatening to suffocate them.

Vance stood and he and Hetty exited the room. Kensi and Deeks remained seated and Sam sat down beside Callen. They watched their senior agent cry in silence for the next several minutes. He finally became still and they knew he had slipped off into unconsciousness once again. For most, this would be a welcomed escape; but not for G. Callen. The nightmares were there waiting for his return. At this moment, there was no refuge for him, whether awake or asleep.

Director Vance followed Hetty to her office and they sat down across from each other. Hetty's eyes were fixed on something on her desk and Vance realized it was her senior agent's badge. He studied her, giving her a moment to safely tuck her emotions away, and then he said, "You think I should have waited until he was better."

Hetty took a deep breath and then let it out slowly through pursed lips. "No, Leon. You didn't tell him anything he didn't already know. And besides, I think I can speak for Agent Callen when I say he would always prefer, to put in his words, the Band-aid approach."

"I'm sorry. The Band-aid approach?"

"Yes. His philosophy is, if it's going to hurt anyway, just jerk the darn thing off all at once."

"Well, that I did." Vance became even more somber. "I wonder at what point in his life he developed that philosophy for dealing with pain."

"Oh, Leon. You and I both know the answer to that; much too young."

"Hetty, I have asked Nate to set up a time to meet with each team member. That includes you."

"I can handle this, Leon. My concern is for the others."

"That is all the more reason you need to talk to Nate. You are like a mother hen to these agents. I know you care deeply for them. I'm not saying this is a bad thing. But it's going to make losing one of your little chicks more difficult."

"If they were chicks, I wouldn't worry so much. They would stay grounded and close to the nest. My agents are more like baby birds that have learned to fly; much more dangerous and worrisome."

Hetty and Vance sat silently in her office for a while. Vance thought about how losing Callen would impact the dynamics of the OSP and how much he would be missed. He considered G. Callen to be one of the best undercover agents that had ever worked for NCIS. Like any good agent, he was intelligent and possessed natural abilities. But Vance knew, what gave Callen the edge over most, was the set of skills he perfected as a result of his unfortunate life experiences.

Hetty sat, thinking about her "baby birds" and how special each was to her. The youngest bird was tiny but tough. She was still learning, but when she fell, she would dust herself off and try again. Even without the benefit of a female influence while growing up, she possessed a delicate quality.

The newest addition to the nest was still trying to determine if he truly belonged. He often used humor to cover his insecurity and the shame of growing up with an abusive father. Hetty hoped that he would someday feel accepted.

The largest bird was as sensitive as he was strong. When Hetty was not available, she could count on him to take over the role of protector. He would literally give his life to save one of the others. He was loyal and dependable, and determined to make the nest stable and safe.

But Hetty had one little bird that was not accustomed to being in a nest at all. This bird was known for flying off on his own. Even at times when his wing had been broken, it took some persuasion (sometimes even force) to keep him within the safety of the nest. Hetty's heart was heavy because her little bird, just beginning to learn to trust, would soon be plucked from the nest, never to return.