If Severus had been any thing but a double spy for past twenty years, truth would have tumbled out of his mouth like a flooding river. How ever, Severus is a master of improvisation with an unparalleled ability at smoke and screens. So, he maneuvered out of the situation with a finesse that marauders have not expected out of him. He bet any thing James Potter has arranged for this crowd so Lily can find out his marital status or demise,react appropriately. Purebloods held "pax" pacts in highest esteem and binding order, they are the best you can do with out a vow. This will be the best he can do to force Severus to inform Lily of the truth. Severus did not. He did not even come to terms with the truth yet, there's no way he is going to inform to Lily of all people. So, he played his next card. He turned to Marriet.
"You will be happy to find you are my ward now. Bella and I have taken care of all details. We only have to file the right papers with right departments, we will be done." Severus said forcing a smile on his face. Bellatrix looked at his face for askance, she has taken the cue from his dialogue.
Sirius has been steaming, how ever, he is sputtering in anger to counter fast enough, by the time he recovered, the party already moved away from him, with Marriet jumping on Severus in a bone crushing hug, which she shifted on to Bella. They are already on their way to Hogwarts. Severus just handed over his hogsmeade house keys to Bellatrix and pointed her towards his abode with a unconcerned wave, giving her permission at the same time to evaluate the place for livability of a child and a man. Bellatrix looked too tired to argue, so she nodded and went away. No one thought any thing much of his and Bellatrix arriving together, for the big news is Marriet is indeed Severus Snape's little sister. Severus did not consider it much of a loss. After the potion accident he would have given in to Marriet any how, so, he is loosing nothing by announcing it. Marauders can't break pax, there's no one around them smart enough to figure out what happened how many ever clues they gave. Regulus, who is around people who can understand it with slightest hint of a clue is not interested in leaking any information. Thus, For just a day, Severus got a respite.
The day dawned bright and sunny. It was a beautiful day, perfect weather despite the chill. Severus woke up as late as he can and made a plan as soon as he woke up. He is going to ask Lily to dinner. There is naught for it now, he has to break it to Lily. If there's one thing Severus learned in his dealings with all the death eaters, that presentation mattered. If Lily is definitely going to be angry, if for no reason other than Severus has kept such an important matter from her ears. So, he asked Lily for dinner on the lake alone. He transfigured a gazebo at the end of a deck, charmed the entire landscape to have fairy lights, by the time he is done, even Narcissa Malfoy would have approved of the understated elegance of the décor.
Severus wore his best casual robes, escorted Lily personally from the tower. The entire ensemble he has created is nestled in to a quiet corner of the lake, not at all visible to returning students from the hogsmeade. Lily gasped at the display. She did dress up for the occasion, though Severus hadn't told her to. Severus felt a deja vu going in to the dinner. It is as if there is a sense hanging around in the air that told him history is going to repeat it self. Severus firmly told him self he is not going to loose his temper, not going to be contrary and escorted Lily to the gazebo. They talked about silly things for a while. Lily smiled at him like she never did. It was full of happiness, admiration and hope for future.
"I never thought you will be able to do some thing like this Severus. How did you manage it any way?" she asked gesturing to the floating lanterns.
"Magic." Severus answered cheekily, Lily rolled her eyes at him.
They both smiled for no reason.
"You know, I feared you were going to join the death eaters. You have changed for the better, Sev." Lily said softly.
That jolted Severus out of the illusion he has built for him self.
"Lily, I am going to ask you some thing. Will you promise me you will give me a serious answer, even if the question is offending?" Severus asked.
Lily nodded at him.
"I am not joking Lily. This question is offending, I want you to get past the offense, think about it seriously and answer. No sugarcoating either." he told her.
"Goodness! Just spit it out, Sev." Lily told him.
Severus nodded at her. Had he remembered the entire memory, he would never have put in to words. He wouldn't even have liked to remember it. He would have stuffed it in deep dark box, never to be touched again.
"Assume at the end of last year, I did not go in to a coma. Instead, Marauders and I had gotten in to a spat, Potter humiliated me unbearably in front of every one. When you came to yell at potter, I told you I do not need help of a mudblood, what would you have done?"
Lily stilled. Severus raised his hands in placating manner. She opened her mouth to say some thing, then shut it. Time stretched between them. They both stayed silent, after some time, just as Severus started to wonder if this has become a match of wills, Lily spoke.
"I would have called you Snivellus, and then walk away from you." Lily told him.
Severus stilled. Even if he hadn't remembered the entire memory, he remembered this part. Her last betrayal. He hadn't forgotten it even till the last moment. Severus's eyes started to water again, but he tamped down the emotions.
"Why?" He croaked out. That is what he wondered so many times. He had imagined so many answers, but this is not one of them. He had imagined she has forgiven him and taken him with both arms, he had imagined her cursing his name and his family to seventh generation, but this is one response he hadn't imagined. This exact one response, which had really happened in another place at another time is the only one he hadn't imagined receiving.
"There are few words my father always says Severus. A man's true mettle is shown at his lowest moment. You... You were a different boy last year Severus. Had you called me that just because Potter is tormenting you, I will have assumed that's what your mettle is. You would have been nothing but a turncoat."
This.. is truth. Severus realized. He had been a turncoat his entire life. He turned his back on his family, he turned his back on his chosen lord, then had to turn his back on his friends too. As he looked at Lily's solemn face, it suddenly crashed in to him that Lily's no pure maiden. The Lily in his heart is a gentle queen, as forgiving as she is wise, as beautiful as she is charming. The girl in front of him is just a girl, as common as a miller's daughter or ... potter's wife. It is then Severus knew. He is over Lily. She held no power over him now. He could feel the thoughts whirling in his head, his magic responding to them in kind. He could sense a break down coming, he is not going to break where there could be witnesses.
"I am sorry Lily. I have to go." Severus got up toppling the chair, cast a fogging charm, took off at a run in to the sky. He is too distraught to make sure no one has seen him, for it is full-moon. He is lucky the location is too near forbidden forest, fog will cover the rest. He flew far before letting go of his control on his thoughts and magic. For the first time in a long while, Severus let go. It is liberating.
The thoughts tumbled one over another, they fell in to perspective like missing puzzle pieces as he let go of all his delusions and denials. Lily, whom he thought pure, sweet and charming is just a little girl from uptown for whom he became more of a charity case than a friend as she grew up. Severus had been so involved in the bigotry of wizards for such a long time, he forgot bigotry existed among muggles too, albeit to lesser extent. That is the reason petunia had been so leery of him when they first met. Lily! Lily did not see the best of every one, she merely chose the ones who only saw the best of her. Ergo, her friendship with Severus, her marriage to James potter. Hell, she hated Amelia Bones with unparalleled passion for an entire week for being fair in her punishments instead of being biased towards Lily. She is by no means a bad girl, she did try her best for her friends, she is intelligent and compassionate. How ever, she is not the goddess he has built up in his mind. It is not Lily's fault, it is his. She never pretended to be any thing other than what she is.
He has always been leery of her in one manner or another, the way she extended her hand rather than curtsying like Slytherin girls do, the way she giggled with her girl friends over make up or cute boys at times. There were many a times Severus and she shared a smirk over morbid humor, thinking back now, her smile has always been a bit tight. Worse yet, Severus never found her academic or otherwise achievements to be astounding. It shew in his demeanor. By the time fifth year was over, Lily had absolute confidence in her self as the best witch of her year and that muggleborns are no less than purebloods. Severus, on the other hand focused on details despite being the love sick fool. For all her bluster, Lily wasn't the best at charms in their year, Marlene Mckinnon is. She is a pure blood. Marlene is pants at potions in a way that rivaled Longbottom, but that's besides the point. Slughorn praised Lily's prowess in potions, but half of that is due to Severus. She is by no means a slouch, but she is no maverick. In fact, Severus's belief pure bloods are better is shattered by three different students, Meredith Pearson, Talin Miller and Hermione Granger. He had no idea why he has spent so much time pining after Lily.
His thoughts atrophied for a while. He wondered how and why he fell to the same tripe as every one where a person's memory becomes so much larger than they were in life? He never expected him self to make such a mistake. How? Why? What for he was in love with Lily? He is by no means a Romeo, even at fifteen, Severus can't imagine him self making such a monumental mistake about some one's character. Not even to hold a lantern in mirror path. Oh wait! That's why, Severus thought. One can not perform dark magic successfully with out an anchor. Lily, for the better or worse, is the first positive experience in his life. It is amazing how many of the Lily's accusations are so right about him, yet, she could not have meant them more wrongly. It is almost like reverse of seer ability. She spoke, thus it is. If Severus had not known better, he would have called her clairvoyant. Now he saw why he gave her memory such an importance. He named his own conscience Lily, for he would have been lost him self to the dark otherwise. An embodiment of light had no place for human follies. Thus, Lily the gentle and wise queen. Not any more! He has ventured in to the abyss and come back. He does not need a light any more, he can stay on the precipice with his own ability.
He had so much practice in walking the line between his two masters, he can probably walk the entire circuit around the abyss. It takes a certain kind of man to be a death eater. Severus, to his regret, is indeed that kind of man. How ever, he by no means enjoyed being a thug. It is one thing to inflict pain and use violence to defeat a foe, it is entirely another to use it on unsuspecting muggles. Especially the one's who are not even vile. His talents lay in dark arts, he enjoyed some of them too. They are a weapon unparalleled, Severus took joy in constructing them. Dark lord bandied his precious spells as cheap swill and Dumbledore discarded them as if they are contagious disease. For the first time after coming to past, Severus let his mental shields down. He let his anger wash over him at the years of mistreatment from marauders, his blazing anger at Dumbledore for having taken every thing from him giving him nothing back. How dare they? He remembered Dumbledore's words. His own inability to admit he is fighting on the side of light for no reason other than hating the dark lord more. Dumbledore would never have trusted him had Severus gone with that excuse. He would have had to prove his loyalty to light again and again, while prissy Lupin sat twiddling his thumbs and 'innocent' Sirius who killed more men with his innocent escapades than Severus with his wand. He need not do that in this life. He can just let the stupid Dark lord fight it out with equally stupid Dumbledore and laugh at both of them from the luxury of his own home.
The remembrance of Darklord more fury than fear out in Severus. He is glad the snake bastard died screaming like a little girl. He hadn't died fast despite what every one else assumed. He just laid there, in shrieking shack feeling a strange dejavu, wondering if he had meant to die here molested by an animal. For what other reason could be there to choose exact same place where he has faced the only other animal that could have killed him? As much as he resented Harry potter, he must give it to the boy, he made dark lord squeal. Then, in a remarkable display of idiocy, Severus used the spell to come back like a stupid child. He should not have trusted any thing from Black's library. When he legally extorted Marauders and headmaster, a teen fantasy of him self is fulfilled. He had imagined him self a Machiavellian prince, who pulled strings so expertly, the others had no choice but to dance as puppets. So much for a prince, who's princess is more a flower girl rather than would-be-queen. Perhaps, that is where he has gone wrong. He considered him self a prince, where in a king is what he should be. He should have wrested control, rather than playing loyal subordinate. Yes, it would have been hard, he most definitely would have died, but he would have crippled both sides like no other. Better yet, those who wanted to be neutral would have clamored to him. Had that happened, his power would have been greater than both dark lord and Dumbledore. This time around, he will bend for neither. He will take control of his own life and the fight. They will never know what hit them.
Severus was about to go on another rage fueled, realization filled rant when howling began. That sound jolted him out of his reverie so hard, he almost lost his control, fell down to ground. As it is, he flew down after disillusioning him self. What he saw chilled him to the core. There is a werewolf pack transforming very near where he can see lights. Severus flew higher and observed the landscape. He remembered this area. This used to be Fenrir Greyback's colony in the final days of Dark lord's reign. Dark lord had gifted them to Greyback, though he never heard of village he is seeing at the moment. Then it became clear to him what's happening here. That pack he is seeing is Greyback's. There used to be dark rumors about him vanishing wizard villages whole when he has enough beef with the villages, Severus could only surmise they are true. What to do? What will be the best course of action here, he wondered. Will dark lord suspect me if he called order? Then, he had an epiphany. He is beholden to neither. He is a student, he had no reason to be here at this time of the night. The dark lord will not even know it's him, the order will not come even if he called them. That is when he realized. What ever he may do here to day, there is no way it can be traced back to him. He is but a sixteen year old student. Even grown men failed at taking care of greyback's pack.
Severus smiled. He is going to settle scores. Oh! So many scores he has to settle with this group. There isn't a single innocent man in this pack. Each and every one of them are murderers, rapers and killers of highest depravity possible. He is going have so much fun playing with them. His smile stretched ear to ear. The way he looked would have made even hardest death eater wet their pants, that is, had they seen him. Between Dumbledore's fastidiousness and Dark lord's depravity, Severus never got a chance to truly unwind. Even after coming back, his life has thrown him so many loops, another person would have had a mental breakdown by this time. Not Severus though. This, Here, is his chance to have that long due fun day.
"Sectumsempra" he cast at Greyback.
It missed. Greyback looked in to the clouds and howled.
Then, as a whole, they started running towards the village.
"Dentus Rippo" Severus cast at the beta.
The wolf made a turn and took a chunk out of wolf next to him. It is one of Severus's special inventions during last year. When cast at a werewolf, it will rip a wolf that has tasted human flesh like it would a human. In other words, it's mad-ness for that wolf, all out brawl for this pack.
The pack slowed.
Severus cast it again, and again, hitting a different wolf each time. Grey back started slowing, as soon as he did, Severus cast a sectum sempra. He missed again. No problem. He repeated casting the ripping curse at the wolves, soon, there were four wolves on Greyback's case. This time around, Severus kept track, cast sectumsempra again. He hit. Severus smiled. No way that bloody bastard is gong to live now. The curse will continue in to the morning, if the wolves haven't already ripped him to pieces by then. Moonlight fixed werewolves, but not to the extent they are regenerated from the severing of the head. He flitted around the wolfpack, alternating between many of the curses he invented for werewolves, some producing expected results, some a grotesque mismatch. When he finished casting ripping curse on last of the werewolves, he flew a little higher and watched the blood bath with fascination. This is better than watching a most exciting quidditch game. He stopped after five minutes. The wolves are still howling, he cast a wide area werewolf recognition spell to see if there are any left. There are none. He looked down at the blood bath. He went around casting killing curse at each and every head of the wolf he has seen. No point in letting some one live to tell the tale. The best horror stories are the ones where no one knows who's doing the killing. Well, there goes his plan of sticking to side of light.