A/N: I just realized the incident with the necklace occurred before the one with the poisoned bottle. Sorry for the accidental story change.

CHAPTER 14

It was late in the afternoon when Hermione found Lola, sitting by the lake, alone. Before her friend could spot her, Hermione saw something she later on wished she had never seen. A small pocket knife ran across Lola's left forearm, leaving red blood lines behind. Hermione stopped dead on her tracks. She didn't know what to do. Was she supposed to say something? She couldn't really imagine what to say to someone who was injuring themselves. She went some steps back and then walked forward again, stepping on all the dead leaves she could. Lola heard the cracking and, with an incredibly fast move, hid her knife in her jeans' pocket. She turned around to see a shocked Hermione. Fortunately, her friend had the perfect alibi to appear traumatized.

-Katie Bell was bewitched.

-What? –Lola stood up, brushing the leaves of grass of her clothes.

-Someone gave her a charmed necklace. Snape said she was lucky to survive.

Lola cringed at the mention of Snape's name. After asking Hermione how Katie was, Hermione told her that Harry suspected of Draco.

-I think we can all agree he's an idiot, but why would he do that to Katie? –Lola frowned.

-Apparently, Katie was supposed to give the necklace to Dumbledore... –Hermione raised her eyebrows.

-Oh, my God! –Lola's hands flew to her mouth- Someone is trying to kill him!

-And Harry believes that our dear Draco has become a Death Eater and is the one behind all this.

-Isn't that a bit...

-Exaggerated? –Hermione buffed- Definitely. But you never know...

-You're damn right –Lola muttered, more to herself than to her friend.

On Monday, Katie was nowhere to be seen. Harry and Ron asked around and found out that she was still in the nursery. Everyone talked about her in a very low voice, as if it was a secret that she had been bewitched. Harry became even more paranoid when he saw Draco Malfoy stare at his food, as he had been doing lately.

-Come on, it's obvious he's hiding something! –he hissed.

-Harry, would you please let it go? He's our age! How do you expect You-know-who to have given him the Mark? –Hermione whispered, about to lose her temper.

-Well, his father is a Death Eater, what else do you need to know?

-Just because of that –Lola cut in- it doesn't mean he's one too.

-Yeah, well... –Harry narrowed his eyes- Pardon me if I consider your opinion to be a little biased towards Death Eaters...

Lola dropped her fork on her plate, while directing at Harry the most vicious glare she had ever given anyone. She could see how her friend thought for a moment about what he had said and felt sorry about it, but she did not want to hear any apologies.

-You know what, Harry? That's probably the most horrible thing I've been told. And I've been told a lot of shit.

-Lola... –Harry begged- I'm sorry, I did not intend for it to sound like that.

-Well, it did anyway. And it's none of your business who I'm biased towards, alright? –she leaned forward to look him in the eye- I'm getting a little sick of your judging every fucking thing that moves around you.

-Now, what's that supposed to mean? –Ron took Harry's side.

-Exactly what you think –Lola spat, annoyed.

-Then perhaps you should go have breakfast with your adored Snape –the red head snapped back.

Neville had been sitting next to Ron, and even though he had not been eavesdropping whatsoever, he did hear the last sentence, and without even realizing, he stared at Lola with wide eyes. Lola turned as red as Ron's hair. Hermione repressed a gasp and tried to reach for her friend, but she was already running out of the Great Hall.

-Ronald Weasley –Hermione muttered-, you are absolutely disgusting!

-Why is it my fault, now?! –Ron squeaked, offended.

-Can't you see she's going through a really hard time? The last thing she needs now is you ridiculing her in public like that!

-And how are we supposed to know that? –Harry defended his friend.

-Well, I... –Hermione thought back on whatever she was about to say and shut up- I thought it was pretty obvious.

-Oh, forgive our lack of understanding, Hermione –Ron mocked her-. But, as you very well said last year, I've got the emotional range of a tea spoon.

-Go to hell –Hermione knocked over her glass when she harshly got up.

-Lola! –Neville ran to catch her.

The brunette turned around, nervously. Her facial expression became darker when she saw who it was. As Neville stopped in front of her and tried to look for the proper words, her anxiety increased. Fortunately, Neville put a hand on her shoulder reassuringly:

-Don't worry, okay? I didn't hear anything.

A small smile formed on her lips, and she nodded with gratitude. Neville returned her smile, and walked by her side all the way to DADA class. Luna was already there, since the Gryffindors shared that class with Ravenclaw. She greeted them both with a big dreamy smile that made Lola feel immediately calmer. She didn't know what it was about Luna, but she always made her feel better. The blonde never ever judged, never said anything about anyone; she only smiled and said nice things about the people around her, which was actually kind of shocking, since most people would make fun of her and call her names. Lola never really knew if Luna was conscious about that fact. Most people mistook her happiness for stupidity, but for Lola, there was something about Luna which positioned her above everyone else. She was genuinely pure.

-I like your shoes –she said.

Lola looked down at her feet. She was wearing a pair of old sneakers which had, one day, been white. You could see the fabric peeling off the sides. But it was not the right time to argue with Luna about the aesthetic value of a smelly shoe. Lately, it didn't feel like the right time for anything. All Lola felt like doing was just sleeping, sleeping, sleeping. Sleeping all of her pain off, as if it was a hangover. Numbness took over her once again as she watched Harry and Ron sit together at the end of the classroom. Hermione followed them, dubitatively, but changed her way when she saw Lola.

-Hey –she said.

Lola looked at her for a second before averting her eyes. She did not like to feel vulnerable in front of anyone, and Hermione's pity just made everything kind of worse. Lola couldn't even imagine the horrific compassionate expression that would appear on Hermione's face if she ever told her about the incident with Snape in the library.

-I'm sorry about what happened before –Hermione muttered once the class had already begun.

-It's okay, that was not your fault.

-Lola, we need to talk.

-I don't want to talk.

-Well, you need to –Hermione lowered her voice even more-. I know you're not alright.

Lola did not say anything. How could she possibly? She was not able to look at Hermione in the eyes and lie straight to her face. She was not alright, she had not been for a very long time, and the only one who had given her some peace of mind had just blown it away big time. How could she tell her about her big mistake? And about how stupid and insignificant she felt? Every time she remembered that kiss, she felt horribly sick: the guilt, for doing something wrong; the excitement; the horror in his eyes when he pulled away... She had not seen Severus since that moment, and she was already frightened of what she would see in his eyes in Potions class, that afternoon.

Once the class was over, Lola tried to leave as quick as possible, praying for Hermione to not pay attention. Of course, she should have known, Hermione always paid attention to everything. It was not even a surprise when she felt a small but firm hand grasp her arm.

-Lola, please, talk to me.

-I just don't have anything to say! –she snapped.

-I thought we were friends...

Hermione did look, indeed, pretty hurt, and Lola felt even more miserable while holding her stare. Nevertheless, she shook her head and let go of Hermione's grip. She just couldn't bare the idea of telling Hermione everything.

-Books closed. I want you to repeat last class' potion without any notes.

Severus' voice sounded more hollow than usual as it echoed through the dungeons. Lola closed her eyes for a second, trying to find the physical and mental strength to carry on. She heard some groans. It was, certainly, quite evil to ask the students to repeat the potion: it was difficult enough with notes. Lola worked with Pansy, since they were still requested to work with the Slytherins. The other girl did not say much, but she looked definitely better than the time Lola had seen her crying her brains out. Fortunately, Pansy was not half bad at Potions, and by the end of the class they had managed to reconstruct a pretty decent version of the other one. Snape didn't say anything about it, and went on without even looking at Lola. Hermione frowned, noticing the change in their relation, and guessed something had happened; something that Lola was hiding from her. Something bad enough to make her cut herself.

Once the class was over, Hermione waited for Lola, but the brunette shook her head, motioning for her to wait outside. Everyone went out, and Severus was still not looking up from his papers. Lola cleared her throat, ironically. Finally, he sighed and looked up at her, with a questioning look.

-You don't have anything to say, do you? –she asked him, quite coldly.

-Not really, no.

-I guess I should resign, then.

Severus looked at her with obvious distaste. He did not think it was fair of her to push him like that, but anyway, since when were teenagers fair to anyone? The fault was all his.

-That's really up to you –he shrugged.

-Well, then I hope you don't mind working on your own from now on –Lola said softly-. By the way, you don't need to avoid me like that. Did you think I'd go around chanting your amatory aptitudes?

Snape fixed his dark eyes on hers, not showing any visible emotion. She knew him well enough to know he was hurt, though. Hurt because he felt stupid, and that was something he was not used to. Before he had the time to find any sour remark, she turned around and started walking towards the door. Her miserable air was the detonating factor for him to be honest.

-Lola.

She stopped, a couple steps away from the door, and wondered if she should turn around. Obviously, she did, anxious to elicit some words from him. Severus observed her for a moment and then spoke softly:

-I do not expect you to understand this right now, but trust me, when the time comes, you will. I am not what you're looking for.

-I think that's up to me to decide –her voice trembled slightly.

-Difficult times are coming, Lola. Stick to your friends, work hard, and take care of yourself. The only thing I can offer you is a sincere apology.

-I don't want your apologies! –she threw her hands in the air- You kissed me. Why?

-I do not think that's-

-Why?! I have the right to know why! –Lola burst out, on the verge of tears.

Severus exhaled, as if he was exhausted. Watching him rest his head on his hands, Lola felt the almost uncontrollable urge to reach out and tangle her fingers in his hair. He suddenly looked kind of fragile, and the anger she had been building up against him gradually melted away.

-Severus... –she begged.

-I kissed you because you're the only person I feel comfortable with, because you're much more beautiful than you'll ever understand. And because I'm an idiot. I will never, listen to me –he demanded-, never, be able to correspond to your feelings. At least not in the way you deserve. And for that, I am sorry.

With the knot in her throat growing tighter and tighter, Lola steadied her voice and hands at the same time. She cleared her throat, brushed a strand of hair off her face and picked her books up.

-I hope you find what you're looking for, then –she said, impersonally.

-I stopped looking a long time ago, Lola.

She took one quick glance at him before leaving the classroom with all the dignity she was able to summon. However, once the door clicked softly, and she knew he could not see her anymore, Lola broke down. Biting her own hand to stop herself from bursting in tears, she leaned against the wall trying to stabilize her breathing. Fortunately, Hermione had not waited for her, everyone else was already in their respective classes, and Severus would not leave the dungeons any time soon. Or so she thought. Draco's light steps were barely audible, and the fact Lola was quite distressed did not help. He was not expecting anyone to be there, and stopped dead on his tracks when he saw Lola, leaning against the wall, her books scattered all over the floor. Her hand on her mouth, eye-liner dirty tears rolling down her pale cheeks. Draco observed her, tilting his head to the side. It was actually amazing how he could suppress all kind of emotions at his will. He barely felt anything now. But then Lola spotted him, staring at her. In any other moment, she would have looked away and left, but she was just too tired now to do anything at all. His grey eyes scanned her, and she felt a cold chill run up her spine. A horrible thought crossed her mind, and from that moment on, she could not stop seeing herself reflected in his numb expression. Oh, how she longed for numbness. She could already feel it overcoming her, almost at the same pace Draco was advancing. With slow, worn out movements, he picked up her books and placed them in her hands. She watched him, too drained to feel any resentment towards him. Draco fixed his silvery eyes on her hazel ones and for a moment she thought he was going to say something. But he didn't. And as she watched him walk away, she realized that numbness was, once again, filling her completely.