My little angel.

It was yet again the end of a long day driving and if we had to ride another ten minutes I would've thrown myself out to find something to eat. But we were lucky enough to find a little café that was still open in this small town. We sat ourselves down and asked immediately for the menu.

As I was checking the menu for something I wanted, I saw Dean checking something else.
He was eye flirting with the blond-haired waitress across the room who was walking towards our table. This guy couldn't take a single break from his lust for food and sex, oh, not forgetting about his baby.
I couldn't sit in front, or touch anything. I'm grateful that he didn't throw me in the truck yet.
"Can I take your orders ?" The waitress asked while tapping her pen against the paper.
"We're just going to take a burger with fries and beer. And for this kid, a happy meal and a glass of chocolate milk."
I smiled at Dean, but right after the waitress went off to another table, I kicked as hard as I could under the table against his shinbone.
He jumped up a good foot in the sky and tossed me a vulgar look back. Dipshit, that should learn him.
It doesn't mean that he is older than me, he could undermine me. I was just a couple of years behind Sam, so a bit less treating me like a teen and a bit more respecting me would be a great step.
Even Castiel thought this, because he did not correct or dictate me about it.

I took a brief look around the café and found myself staring at the wall which was covered fully of old school logo's and stickers collected through the years. Route 66, Metallica, pinup girls… hey, even a Jack Daniels Whiskey logo was discovered in the above right corner.
It was a quite hour until a group of motorcycles lined up in front of the café. The noise of those engines were a fascination.
All these tough-looking guys stepped in and were welcomed by every worker that was present. Regular customers, I suppose.
They had all-leather clothing, tattoos on every inch of their body, even on the eyelids. Mustaches and beards that were scruffy and untamed and their loud and low voices.
They sat themselves down right besides us, and I saw that Dean and Sam were intimidated by those guys. Hell, even I felt intimidated.
We got our meals and enjoyed it while being watched by those monsters of men. The unease was frightening.

One of the guys across the table gave me a wink and spoke to me with his incredibly low voice. "Hey, what are you up to ?"
A normal first thought that would hit me was probably a hint of fear and wanting to turn my head with the hope he would leave me alone.
However, I saw Castiels face. He was all stressed out. And it was comparable with the face he made when he saw me and Sam in the motel with his shirt above his head. It was priceless, he had this thought of me that I was a reckless person that would jump on every guy I met.
And I was totally the opposite of such things.

A southern accent broke the tense. "A full round of beer for the whole gang here!"
Every guy cheered and high-fived each other. Glasses of beer glided across the tables and were grabbed perfectly on time.
Such ambience, I had never seen in my entire life. I was flustered by all of this, all these men were having a great time witch each other's company. They created their own adventures on a whim and jumped on their motorcycles to ride of to the sunset. I envied that.
They had adventures, friends and no plans. I wanted that, not enemies and searching for some stupid box with random hunters and an angel that was my biological father.

Although the beer was a maneuver to keep the men busy, that one guy was still eyeing me as a target.
He winked again and came closer to offer me his hand. "Dance with me." I thought he was drunk, so I just answered with the obvious.
"I don't understand, there isn't even music playing." He came closer , so close that I could smell his alcoholic breath. Definitely drunk.
"We don't need any music for this." He said while swinging his hips playfully.
I thought it was a funny gesture, but Castiel wasn't so sure about that. He stood up in front of me.
"Keep your human hands of my daughter." As he rose his voice against the poor drunken man, the guy grabbed his shoulders and giggled.
Blind drunk. "Man, I love you." He said while hugging Castiel between is buff, tattooed arms.
Bot Dean and Sam laughed at the look on Castiels face, and I had to admit that it was a funny sight. But there was something that disturbed me a bit. "Castiel, can I talk to you outside ? Alone." I asked him.
He dropped the poor drunken guy softly on a barstool and went with me outside to get some fresh air.

For awaiting a possible fight with your daughter, he stood relatively serene.
"You wanted to talk Lucy." He said as he stood perfectly still. Basing on his voice, he had no idea what it could possibly be. He thought that what he had done was a right decision. And I had to get this out of his head.
I walked past all the motors, trying to figure out what and how I was going to say something to get things straight.
Unaware that we were being spied on by the brothers through the window I walked around the corner. I took a deep breath just to remain my position and played the sentences in my head before I said them out loud. I had a good chance here to get him to listen.
So I wasn't going to screw things up by rambling on and on and not coming to a clear point at the end.

"Angels don't understand how and why human beings act like they do, let alone stand to feel someone's emotions or thoughts.
You can sense when someone is afraid, or needs any kind of help through their prayers. And yet dad, you seem to 'help' me whenever I didn't ask you to.
I know that it sounds ungrateful and disrespectful. But let me help you understand me, for at least a minute.
I was a child, a baby for god's sake, I couldn't speak properly and I had to discover the world. Mom explained me everything about how I was 'created'. She explained it to me a thousand time, when you achieve to get drunk on a bad timing, there will be consequences etc.
And you promised her to help her raise me. But look at this perspective of the story, for me you flew off. Left me and mom alone.
Sure, I came out fine and I'm still alive and not adopted by another family, and my family is in a good state. .."
I was rambling, even though I tried not to. I wasn't reaching the point I had to reach, so I stopped myself and just stood there.
I've cropped up these emotions, feelings, questions for years. And now I couldn't find my words. So I started back again.
"I'm 19 years old, and you just saw the first 4 of them. You may have checked up on me every once in a while and I heard your thoughts whenever I felt this pain hidden under this pile of memories I wanted to become real. But this has to stop.
I can't make excuses for myself and I have to stop thinking that a happy family is possible. I mean, look at me, when you told me what I was I wasn't sure what it meant. But you told me to never speak of it again, only mom knows.
And that right there was another hit, I formed a fear of having friends, because everything will come above waters. They would discover what I was, whatever it meant.
And what if you never told me and I did something a normal person couldn't do ? You wouldn't be there to explain, actually, you never did." I reached a point where every single emotion just mixed together and I could get a grip on myself, so my voice rose and I grabbed his arm while looking him straight in the eyes. "We both know what happened, and we can't go back in time. You have to choose what you are. If you want to earn the right to correct or advise me. One: be more involved, and two; understand that I know my own abilities. If I want to have a beer once in a while, illegal or not, then so be it. And if not, then stop. You can't switch sides. And neither can I.
I want answers to question I have saved for years, and I know where I can get them. I need help from you.
And I just need a confirmation about the service I will get from you."
A load, that is what I felt dropping. Just that huge piece I had stuffed away for so long, was finally coming up back again and making an appearance.
The only thing I wanted from him right now was just an answer. His eyes sparkled and a slight smile arose, his posture got more relaxed and he opened his mouth. "I understand." He tilted his head sideways to make his innocence break through somewhat better.
"Lucy, I heard you now, and back then. I knew when you needed me, and I would not come. My main job is protection, and I failed there.
It is unbelievable how you've grown. You're a good human being and I tend to overthink that you can live on you own. I still see you as the little angel you were when I was with you.
Whatever you are going to decide, I'm there. And I won't disturb your choices."