AN: You were lucky! The inspiration hit me! So this isn't the last chapter…

Special thank to all of you who review, but the most to Acherona, Fluffyfangirl89, The Girl Obsessed With Yaoi and sun's and stars.

Sorry if I forgot to mention the ones who's been constantly reviewing as well.

On with the story…

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"Sometimes I want to scream: 'Take it out, take it out! It hurts too much to be a human!' I want to scream it out loud, because when I think better, it's the best if I didn't have soul. Because it just hurts too much to have it." said Shuichi, while sitting on a comfortable couch, while Eiri was sitting very close to him.

"Sometimes you make me feel so bad. I listen to your breathing at night and you sometimes moan in a dream. Sometimes I think that it's not me that you dream of. And it hurts me. Because sometimes I think that you don't love me at all.

I feel like my skin was set on fire. I simply want to quit my existence. But I'm a coward and I just can't make that cut on my skin or take a handful of pills. I just can't stop my existence. But very often, it is too much for me, this life." Shuichi lowered his head, staring at his nails. Eiri was listening carefully, the way his lover was talking. He was talking poetically, opening his heart and it was hard and painful to listen. Eiri knew how Shuichi was feeling, yet he never did anything about it. He was a sadist and he knew he was wrong all the time.

"Very often I wish to forget everything. I want to forget all the good and the bad things. It's inevitable to forget the good things because they come together with the bad ones. I want to forget you, but I just can't.

I tried to run away from reality. I tried to run away through my songs, through my friendships, through the tours. But I never managed to get you out of my mind.

Love is too difficult to handle, Eiri….To me, it's just an illusion, for I found out that there is no such thing like 'one and only for the rest of their lives'. There is no such thing." he never lifted his look.

There was one long and hard moment of silence. Eiri didn't know what to say. It's been terrible to him as well, but nothing could be compared to Shuichi's suffer. For Eiri was the one to produce it.

Shuichi never deserved to suffer.

The blonde cleared his throat, not sure if he was ready to open up the heart at last.

"Um…" he hesitated, and Shuichi lifted his sad and teary eyes to look at him. They seemed so tired of all of those struggles and sleepless nights and tears.

"The main cause I drink is to escape. Alcohol gives you the blissful moments of complete numbness. Your soul is paralyzed, it is there and you are aware of it, but you can't feel. You're not hurt, you're not happy, you're nothing. You just float somewhere between reality and dream, your soul separated from your body. It is pure and untouched and you feel healed for a tiny little moment until you fall down roughly. The reality slaps you so hard and all you want is a little more of numbness. For you know that there is no sense and you can't do nothing about it.

I went through a lot of things in my life. The bad ones. But…that's not excuse.

The most of the things I do now…there is no particular reason I do them."

And really, there was no particular reason for being that bad towards Shuichi.

Eiri couldn't look at him.

"I can't control them." Eiri shook his head, "Sometimes I don't understand my own actions. All I feel later is remorse. And the bitter one."

"You disrespect me." Shuichi sad shortly, feeling something in his throat. It was choking him. "Why?"

But Eiri said nothing.

"You yell at me because I'm there. My presence annoys you. You just want to fuck me."

Eiri was silent.

"We never go out. You're ashamed of me."

The novelist closed his eyes, trying to prevent the tears.

"And I've been forgiving you." Shuichi was whispering, his voice trembling.

"I've been sacrificing and worrying for you. I did all of crazy things just for you. And you just left me astray."

"Shu…"

"Please don't tell me you feel remorse for leaving me. You feel remorse for being with me."

"It's not like that at all."

"You will never change because you don't care for others."

"That's not true!" Eiri looked at him, determination in his voice. "You know nothing about me."

"Sometimes I ask myself if I care. I think I don't care anymore. It's been enough. I mustn't allow you break me again."

Eiri has never been like this before. Neither has Shuichi. But that was the last straw. Nether could take any longer. Shuichi wanted to be free, but Eiri wanted him back.

'Just shut your damn mouth! Shut the damn mouth, Shuichi!!'

Eiri jumped on him, capturing him between his body and couch, in order to shut his mouth.

His lips found Shuichi's, capturing them in desperate kiss. He was holding Shuichi's arms tightly, not allowing him to resist.

A tear fell on Shuichi's face, tickling him.

And just like that, Shuichi gave in, for he was desperate as well.

For that was his only escape at the moment.

Just shut down the brain.

Just be unaware.

And you will be saved.

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TBC…