Chapter 13: Camping on Praesitlyn
The ysalamiri cage has arrived intact on Praesitlyn, where the quartermaster expected the cage to hold Darth Tami, who, as a block of carbonite, has been disgraced, even though she used to wear luxurious headgear and a dress in the Brint Set collection. But then Ugohr thought that sleeping under the stars on Praesitlyn with his master was a good idea, a good distance away from the stadium. With that said, the spot taken is about a thousand kilometers away from the stadium, on the other side of the mountain range from the desert area where the baseball stadium is. Here the redwood trees are almost as high as the wroshyr trees on Kashyyyk, but not quite, as they reach about 120 meters.
"With the information supplied by Fats, Charzon and Lucy, mesa think that the involvement of the Jedi issa just a ploy to get the Geonosians complete control of the galactic professional baseball world, more than simply spreading the One Sith thin"
"How so, young Padawan?"
"Kishuna wait until wesa attack the stadium on Cato Neimoidia to take control of the maxibig baseball world; hesa do nothin before una other party exposed One Sith involvement in baseball"
"He is not Force-sensitive in the slightest, so he couldn't have detected the presence of the dark side of the Force. I am the first Geonosian Force-sensitive individual ever recorded"
"Da Jedi Council issa being fooled if theysa think theysa hepin a light-sided baseball organization. Kishuna's cover issa just una illusion"
"Don't tell me you're going to turn your back on the Order or on the Geonosians! Or on baseball! You said it so yourself: you had enough talent to play professional baseball, just not on a Neimoidian team"
"Thersa still good in Kishuna however. Even though da Galactic Baseball Cartel wish to paste da One Sith for business reasons, hesa knows dat balance in the Force is important for everyone"
In the end, Ugohr may be wondering why he even bothered take part in the mission that ultimately led to the destruction of the stadium, or even follow through on the offensive against the Neimoidian Baseball League, which was still part of the Galactic Baseball Cartel at the time. For the past few weeks he has been carrying out his rather limited role in the Baseball Wars, as an undercover Geonosian agent. But Fats' raid brought to Praesitlyn some rather troubling development: the Neimoidians are directly arming anti-baseball opposition on Praesitlyn itself. Now deprived of a source of heavy weapons, the Neimoidians will be forced to rely on their main army if they were to attack Praesitlyn in an attempt to recapture Darth Tami.
"Itsa possible dat the quartermaster of the stadium may also be possessed by da dark side of da Force"
"The stadium's quartermaster, fallen to the dark side? He might have been a little cruel towards smugglers that carry hazardous materials to arm the stadium; he might have done excessive bloodshed… but that doesn't prove his murderous behavior is due to him falling to the dark side"
"Kishuna issa perverting the usage of Jedi"
If Ugohr's train of thought is to be believed, the Jedi Council has reasons to doubt that they are doing the right thing by planting Jedi in an attempt to help fight the Sith-controlled Neimoidian Baseball League. He thus attempts to contact the Jedi Council on Coruscant while parked on Praesitlyn, with this troubling discovery about how the Galactic Baseball Cartel operated as far as their usage of Jedi was concerned. Now, he doesn't seem overly concerned by whether the Neimoidians will intercept his message, but he'll transmit anyway.
"Wesa discover dat Kishuna misuse Jedi for business reasons"
"But it's undeniable, however, that the One Sith is involved in the affairs of the Neimoidian Baseball League" Lavak retorted.
"But how is Kishuna misusing Jedi?" Krant asked.
"Hesa usen Jedi for commando missions, for criminal turf wars. Wesa not keepen peace hair, wesa not maintaining da balance in da Force. For hesa, munching the One Sith issa just a pretext to taken the control of the maxibig baseball world"
"It appears that you have passed the Trial of Insight, Ugohr. There is one last trial left for you to undertake before you are to proceed directly to Coruscant, should you pass that final trial, the Trial of Spirit" Nazarie ruled.
The Trial of Spirit was trying for a whole lot of people, and required a Padawan undertaking it to enter deep meditation so as to see the enemy within their own selves or, as the late Even Piell would say, facing the mirror. While Ugohr prepares his yoga mat, the Jedi Council debates the next course of action to undertake as the Baseball Wars unfold. By now, no planet equipped with baseball facilities is safe from the turf wars between the two baseball leagues, and the Jedi Council is caught in the muck, now that information relayed by Fats to Ugohr made it to them.
"Fellow councillors, the poodoo has hit the fan. We are now facing a full-scale underworld war thanks to the One Sith. We shall deploy Jedi only if we have to engage Sith Lords" Lennart comments to the assembly.
"We can virtually guarantee that the Neimoidians will not sit at a negotiations table with the Geonosians until the Neimoidians' contingent of Sith Lords is defeated"
"Ugohr's intelligence claims that the Neimoidians are to dispatch a contingent of Sith Lords, alongside the Neimoidian Baseball League's army, on Praesitlyn"
"A long time the Neimoidians need to assemble their armies"
"But to assist the Order in rooting out the Sith Lords within the baseball power structure, it is essential that the Order owns a baseball team all to our own"
"Who, inside the Order, can bankroll a baseball team? Of course, the higher the level, the better, but buying even the most struggling baseball team in Galaxy League Baseball is beyond the Order's budget…"
Nazarie is probably referring to one of the top-level teams, since Galaxy League Baseball usually referred to the major league component of the Galactic Baseball Cartel. But how effective would a minor-league team in detecting Sith Lords? Would a Jedi-owned team be Sith Lord bait? These were the kinds of issues that needed to be resolved before the Jedi Council issues a call for bids to purchase baseball teams. Plus, according to the Jedi Code, a professional baseball team is considered a business and hence anyone wishing to tender a bid within the Order for a baseball team must have passed the Trials of Knighthood.
"Ugohr is the one who I would agree to provide financing to for that purpose. If there is one Jedi I could trust to run a baseball team, that would be him. He knows baseball better than anyone" the female Togruta comments.
"He has one trial left to go, and then he is more than welcome to tender a bid to purchase a baseball team in the Order's behalf, if only a minor-league one"
"In deep meditation he is. Facing the mirror"
"May the Force be with him" Lavak tells the rest of the Council.
Ugohr has surrounded himself with candles made of 100% pure eco-wax inside his tent. Of course, Praesitlyn is not like Kashyyyk or Endor as far as sleeping under the stars is concerned, but he almost succumbs to the temptation of sleeping under the stars. But these two planets are the best-known temperate-climate outdoors tourist traps in the galaxy, much to the dismay of the Wookies and the Ewoks respectively. No more than Praesitlyn ranks among the top desert planets for tourism; there Geonosis, Jakku and Tatooine take the cake. But he finds that eco-wax produced on Praesitlyn itself is rather smelly, at least upon burning. His first set of Force-visions involves a never-ending sequence of conflicts, each of which involves baseball on some level. He is seen inside Stalgasin Memorial Stadium where he duels Kishuna to the death for the control of Galaxy League Baseball.
"Up next: the duel of the year: Darth Ugohr vs Kishuna!" Charzon screams through the PA system at Stalgasin, while Ugohr and Kishuna get ready to enter the baseball diamond, from the third base and first base respectively.
Fats is then in charge of the music inside the stadium, and is a lot slimmer than she used to be, and marks the beginning of the duel by playing Dark Side of the Force by Binks Floyd.
"Yousa want a grand display of yousa fighten ability, mesa will give yousa una for da ages" he tells Kishuna while using Force lightning to pin him to the ground, before he could even fire a shot of his sonic blaster.
Once Ugohr closes towards him, he simply Force-chokes Kishuna, "Mesa find yousa lack of decisiveness disturbin, wesa will rule over da Galaxy League Baseball together" One quick motion of a red-bladed crossguard lightsaber and Kishuna dies on the ground. Ugohr stands triumphantly on Kishuna's corpse that was severed in two, with Charzon bringing the flag of Galaxy League Baseball for Ugohr to plant on Kishuna as if he was the base of a flagpole. But then the Geonosian crowd jeered at him, hurling insults such as:
"You just made us slaves of the dark side of the Force!"
"Down with the Gungans!"
He made a lot of enemies for himself because of his attempt at taking control of the baseball world in this Force-vision. He will be hated all across Geonosis and he will simply be perpetuating the Baseball Wars yet another step, and embroil the galaxy in yet more costly and deadly ground warfare by criminal elements. The next step in this vision sees him inside the main audience chamber of Stalgasin Memorial Stadium, where he has built an iron throne with red spikes protruding from the throne's back in his office as the Commissioner of Galaxy League Baseball. He is having an audience with a few other general managers of Galaxy League Baseball teams, with the Butcher of Praesitlyn, now the GM of the Praesitlyn Cardinals, in the lead.
"Butcher of Praesitlyn, yousa go forth and taken Neimoidia for Galaxy League Baseball! No quarter! Kill all Neimoidians you can find around the stadium, even if theysa no deal in baseball!"
"I'll land as close as possible to the stadium so as to limit the bloodshed, sir"
Ouch! Ugohr is thus portrayed as a psychopath that would not hesitate to kill all the Neimoidians on a planet just because they can mount a resistance upon capturing Neimoidia, in effect almost wiping out the Neimoidians in the long run. But Ugohr had a glimpse of what happens if he turned to the dark side of the Force: there would be no peace in the baseball world and he would bring baseball to the brink of destruction. Once the last of the six candles have burned in full, he could consider the Trial of Spirit over.
"Issa horrible! Mesa not want to become a psychopath mass murderer!"
"You have seen what would happen to you if you fall to the dark side of the Force. In the meantime, if you receive authorization to own a baseball team, you know you passed this Trial"
"Ownen a baseball team issa big responsibility, mesa berry well placed to manage a baseball team"
He knew the price ranges of baseball teams as Nazarie does. They both think that the cost-effectiveness of owning a baseball team for the Order depended greatly on the level of the team owned by the Order. But they both knew that, especially post-Praesitlyn, the Jedi are persona non grata in the Neimoidian business of baseball, so their only option is to buy a Cartel-affiliated team. Wait… they are receiving a transmission from the Jedi Council regarding Ugohr and his future within the Jedi Order, as well as regarding his future trajectory in baseball:
"The Jedi Council hereby confers on Ugohr Poof the rank of Jedi Knight, with all the privileges, duties and responsibilities thereto appertaining. He may now take a Padawan learner and, in the current context, own a business, namely a…" Lennart announces.
"BASEBALL TEAM!" Nazarie screamed. Galaxy League Baseball also granted authorization to the Order to buy a team at any level…"
"Wait a minute, Master Nazarie, are you telling me that the Galactic Baseball Cartel has now become Galaxy League Baseball? I thought Galaxy League Baseball was associated with the top level of baseball, regardless of affiliation!" a confused Garam asked the Council in the dead of night.
"Yes. Now I must warn you: Galaxy League Baseball will not allow Jedi to directly own more than one team. Most bids submitted by Jedi to buy baseball teams were made by Jedi who, while they may have expertise in other areas that are useful to fight the One Sith, their knowledge of the baseball business may be… unsatisfactory. At the same time, Ugohr and you are those who, among the Order, know best about baseball. You are more than welcome to place a bid if you want to"
"Ther-sa preferences about da successful bid other than knowledge of baseball business on da bidden's part?"
"It has to offer a cost-effective way to fight the One Sith within the baseball industry. You have realized by now that the curve of cost-effectiveness vs the team level has an inverted U-shape"
But effectiveness alone is like a parabola at first and then a straight line. Cost, on the other hand, was another can of worms. As Nazarie and Ugohr know, Rookie and D-level teams can be had for as little as a few hundred thousand credits. Even the Christophsis Rays or the Kashyyyk Giants, which are the teams struggling the most financially at the major league level, are still worth hundreds of millions of credits. Plus the Kashyyyk government will block any attempt to sell controlling stakes in the team to non-Wookies. Even as they climb as low as the C-level, team prices in the seven figures are not uncommon: the last C-level team sold, the Whiforla 11 Rancors, was sold to the Kadavo government for 1 million credits flat, but they have yet to build a ballpark to relocate the baseball team in it.
"Wesa cannot afford to keep a low profile anymore. Wesa need to buy as high a level of team as wesa can"
"What's your budget like? There is a need for a press conference on Coruscant in the Jedi Temple regarding the baseball crisis"
"25 million credits"
AA-level teams can sometimes fetch eight-figure prices, sometimes even as high as the high-teens, although not as often as AAA-level teams. But even the most expensive AAA-level team isn't nearly as expensive as the estimated price of the Christophsis Rays. And even so, for the same cost, it would be subject to debate whether the value lies in whether to be close to Neimoidian turf or to be closer to the Geonosian-controlled core worlds of baseball (Praesitlyn, Geonosis); for combat purposes, the baseball contents of the team almost don't matter.
"25 million credits! You can virtually win the Order's bid to own a baseball team! You are to proceed, alongside your master, to all speed to Coruscant"