Love and Death

by xXShadow-KissedXx

**ABUSE** Aimee is absed, for a long time. No one cares if shes alive or breathing, they all wish she'd dissapear. Bill and Tom Kaulitz are the new bad boys in town. Will Bill find his true love? Will Aimee trust him enough to talk to him? Tokio Hotel

14. By Your Side

[My reviewers]: Shaker10; XxShelbyxKaulitzxX; michelleandjulia; lpwriter4life

Lol, I have to pee reallllyyy bad, but my mom's showering O_O Anyways, I don't think I have anything to drone on and on about right now :3

*WARNING ABUSE*

Chapter 14: By Your Side

*Journal*

October 2008

It'll be Halloween soon, I've never been trick-or-treating before, I feel like such a fail. And I'm probably not going to be allowed out anytime soon anyways, because of what happened… I'm crying again, I'm such a horrible person, and a bad kid. Rin gave me a note in the library, and didn't want me to read it until way later. And me being the dumb ass I am, I forgot all about it until I got home. Lets just say, my dad got to read the note before I did. I don't know what's fucking wrong with me, why didn't I remember? Because of Rin, and my little mistake, my life is again tumbling downward again. My dad thinks I'm a lesbian now. Here the note will explain, I taped it under this:

Hello gorgeous :3

We've known each other for a couple of months now, and I feel like you know the real me. I don't have to hide when I'm around you, I just open up and share my feelings and opinions with you, and you always nod and agree. Even though sometimes I know what I do is wrong, you're always there for me, you always have my back. I knew you were going to be my best friend, ever since I saw you walk through those library doors, with tears shining in your bright blue eyes. I wanted to comfort you, but, wouldn't that be a little weird? Yeah, it would have been.

Now that we've bonded, over the stupidest of things, the book Twilight. I saw you reading it one day, and I knew that was my chance to get to know you. We both loved that book. I ruined it for you, by telling you the Cullen's were vampires, but I mean, chick! Read the back of the books! :]

Darling, even though you may not think it, but you mean a lot to me, and I know you have one too many secrets hidden within your exterior. But if your willing to, I'll do whatever it takes to break you. I'll be here for you no matter what, I'll take an oath. Because as weird as it sounds, Aimee, I think I love you. A lot. I guess this is me asking you out. You are the prettiest thing I've ever set eyes on, and I just wanted to let you know I guess. This is the one thing I've kept from you. I'm bi, and I have a huge crush on you.

And you need to stop complaining about how you think you're not pretty, because even my brother thinks your sexy, he'll be here later in the year, and I don't want him to sweep you out of my feet. That is, if you like me back? This is cheesy, but check yes or no?

~Rin

P.S: I'm here for you whenever you need me, even though it may seem I'm only out for myself, I will easily put you in front of everything, if you would kindly give me the chance? I know, I'm awkward, but what better way to go than being straight forward? Ily chick, ttyl… : )

That note was from Rin, she gave it to me about a week ago… it may seem bad, but I tried it out, I haven't felt so wanted before, it was worth a try right? Hah! Funny! Rin did nothing but try to manipulate me into something I'm not. She fucking broke my heart! Cheated on me in front of my own eyes, with some douche bag Michael. I just can't get over it though, she tells me she "loves" me then blows me off for some ass! And no we didn't even get to the kiss stage yet. Which I'm glad.

What the hell is wrong with me? Am I that desperate for love and attention that I'll jump at any chance I get? You couldn't blame me though. But now I know my mistake, I'm never going to be so naïve again, besides, I'm only a freshman, I have so much longer to go before I should even start worrying about finding love. Besides the point!

My dad, he's such a sick bastard. He got so cocky and maybe even turned on when he found the note. I know so, he's not being nice to me anymore. He read the note to me, then voiced out scenarios where I'm making out with chicks, and… and then… he made me put my hand on… his crotch while he was talking. It's nasty isn't it? He made me feel his cock grow hard, at the fantasies of ME kissing girls. What the fuck. I'm his own flesh and blood. He's such a pervert. After that, it was the first time I feared for my life in a while.

He threw me in the closet and locked me in. I cried and yelled, and he told me, The more your fat ass yells, the longer you stay in there, and I swear to god, if you tell that filthy whore anything about what goes on in my house, I'll fucking kill you, got it? I can still hear his voice as it pierced through my ears, I was scared.

In worse news, I cut again. And when I did, it wasn't a little scratch. It was really deep, it made me pass out, but I was grateful for the darkness to take over. But it also frightened me. I don't know what I'm going to do! Hopefully it'll get better… I'll try to think positive, instead of negative, but we'll see.

Night Journal… hope I have a peaceful one.

*End Journal*

*1 Week Later*

I sighed peacefully as I uncurled myself from Bill's side, being his girlfriend has been amazing. I finally got to met their father, Jorg. He is super intimidating! He's scary huge, graying brown hair, tall, wide, but not fat, just really muscular. He don't try to talk to me, and I don't talk to him at all either, I feel bad and all, but he just gives me bad vibes. Call me crazy, but usually I'm right about these things. Bill don't seem too worried about his attitude toward me, he even says he likes me, in a real enthusiastic way. Pssh, Germans.

My dad hasn't been home since the weekend I stayed with Bill, and apparently my dad told Jorg and Simone, I could stay until further notice. Like whenever the hell he gets back from the office. My stomach is feeling really under the weather, I've gained weight, and I feel like puking with all this sudden weight gain. It hurts really bad, I've been feeling really light headed. Simone said it's because I wasn't used to eating a lot and such. But I felt ginormous!

I've resulted in sharing Bill's pants it's become that bad. They tease me about it, about me getting pudgy. I laugh and play along, but it hurts me deeply. My eyes started to water, god I'm so stupid, I'm whining over a couple of pounds. I'm just worried about what He might think, I'm going to have hell to pay when he gets back, no daughter of his would gain pounds within a week. He's going to have too much fun. I sighed, this was going to be awful.

It was still quite early, but I decided to hop up to get ready for school anyways. School has been a blast with Georg and Gustav there! Georg has already been into a fight, with no other than Hanna's current pick of the… day? I don't know, but her current fling accused Georg of eye fucking her in Branger's class! It was classic! You just had to be there, so what is Georg swung first, the ass hole was totally asking for it. Me and Georg have all classes together, and me and Gus only have 1. We all have 5th period together, how we got away with that, who knows.

I've been forced to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner! My stomach grumbles and gives a sick tumble at the thought of food. I'm going to have to figure out a way to get myself out of eating today, I just didn't know how yet. I didn't know how the twins stayed so skinny, they ate like sumo wrestlers! Well not really, you get my metaphor though. I don't see where they put it all! Bill is stick skinny, and Tom is sort of chubby in the face, but other than that their toned. I would have to start working out somehow.

I quickly went over to Bill's closet and rummaged through his selection of pants, which he had a lot of. I chose a pair of dark blue jeans, and I mind as well take one of his shirts. Hmm, I thought really hard about it, I decided on some Tokio Hotel shirt. What a lame band name. Pssh. :3 Anyways, I slid the shirt over my head and managed to change before Bill even woke up, fucking heavy sleeper, I was jealous. I stole some of his socks, and put on my worn out converse. I was such a freeloader! I shook my head and made my way back to Bill.

I silently climbed up next to his beautiful sleeping form, he was breathing slowly in and out. He really was something. I slid in and wrapped my arms around him, and ran my fingers through his hair. He loved when I did that, it was so sweet. He stirred and smiled in his sleep, moving closed and nuzzling his face into my neck. I kissed him on his forehead. I'm so glad he was mine. "Bill sweetie," I whispered in his ear. "Time to get up." I've been waking him up like this since we woke up together.

"Hmm?" Ew, morning breath. Somehow I didn't mind though.

"It's time to get up gorgeous," I kissed the hollow of his neck. He playfully moaned. He was such a sweetheart. He leaned down and kissed me full on the lips, I sighed happily and deepened the kiss. Bill told me, waking up like this makes him really happy, and I don't blame him. Ever since we started dating, we've been making out a whole lot, but its Bill freaking Kaulitz! The sweetest guy in the world, I mean what would you do!

He pulled away sleepily and went to change and do his normal morning routine, did I mention he was adorable? Hey, I couldn't help it, I was love struck or something. I yawned and laid back on the bed, with my arms spread over my head. I wish this feeling could never end.

About half an hour later Bill finally emerged from the bathroom, he tried to be sneaky, but I heard him coming, I let him have his fun though. He crawled on top of me and just sat there. I laughed. "Are you serious?" I stuck my tongue out at him.

"As serious as cereal honey." He stuck his tongue out at me too. We were a bunch of kids. He held my arms over my head and placed butterfly kissed all over my neck, I loved it when he kissed my neck.

XxX

The whole family was seated at the dining table when me and Bill made our way down the giant hallway. Simone blushed happily at us as we took out seats. I stared down at my food and immediately felt like I was going to throw up everywhere. I tried to put forth an effort of pushing the food around my plate. Bill noticed first he seemed worried. "Do you feel well?"

"Yeah…" I tried to fake it, but now everyone's attention was settled on us.

Jorg decided to talk, making me want to cower, with his strong and tough voice. "Now, Aimee, do you feel well enough to go to school?"

"Yes, but.." He cut me off before I could finish.

"There are no butt's in this house. If you want to stay, then you will eat, you must not waste what my beautiful wife makes. Wasting is like disgrace, you wouldn't want Simone to feel bad no would you?" I shrank back into Bill's side, which made him flinch a little bit. At least I wasn't the only one who thought he was intimidating.

"No, I wouldn't…" I said quietly.

"Okay then. Eat up." He smiled then laughed.

I stared at my eggs, toast, bacon and waffles. Holy shit, where was it all going to go! The eggs looked safe enough, I nibbled at them slowly but quickly, I didn't want to have everyone waiting on me. I left a bite of eggs, then went on to the bacon, I combined the toast and that together. I couldn't do it, I felt like I was going to fucking pop out of Bill's clothes. I wanted to puke, I was so disgusted with myself for even trying to eat.

"Honey, you don't have to eat everything," Simone told me quietly when Jorg stepped out to warm up the car. "I can tell your feeling under the weather, and I wont force you to eat." She said with a hopeful tone to her voice. I gave her my plate eagerly. "You'll have to excuse Jorg, he can be a little intimidating, but he don't like wasting things, and well stuff." She nodded sadly at me.

Bill took hold of my hand, and I had to get up slowly. "You feeling okay sweetie?" He asked, concern laced in his pretty little voice.

I wobbled a little bit. "I think I'll be okay, but I'm trying not to miss that many days of school, so I'd be going anyways." I faked a weak smile.

He kissed me on the top of the head. "You worry me sometimes." He sighed. Then all 5 of us made our way out to the car for school.

Oh getting in the car is tricky! It's hilarious really. Gustav sat up front because he was a bit bigger than everyone else. Georg sat on the outer side in the back, tom in the middle, then Bill, then I sat half on Bill's lap and half on the seat. Were great, it even drove Jorg crazy! And whatever pissed him off made me smile. Ugh there was something that got me about him, and I wanted to know real soon!

XxX

I winced with every step I took towards first period, the pain I was feeling didn't feel real. A stabbing in my belly, and a pukey feel. I sarcastically laughed at myself out loud, today was going to be shity. I walked to German hand in hand with my boyfriend, and Georg on the other side. He was pretty hilarious. Everyone found him intimidating, so they pretty much steered clear of out group of friends, which I needed. My self esteem hasn't been hurt that bad since he came to school.

"Babe!" Georg said dramatically throwing an arm around my shoulder. "Are you sure your feeling okay? You look paler than Bill! And have you seen him?" He sounded like he was joking, but he was being serious.

"Honestly I feel like complete utter shit." I stated bluntly.

Bill gave me a kiss on the cheek. "What do you thinks wrong?" Poor guy, I was burdening myself on him.

Georg whispered to us. "Bill man… you didn't knock her up did you!" My eyes bugged out of my sockets and I glanced sideways at Bill. His face was the color of crimson.

"What the hell dude! No!" He whined back. God with the bickering. Cool, now I had a fucking headache. He turned swiftly to me, "What do you thinks wrong?" He repeated again.

"God, I think it has to do with all the food I've been eating since I've been staying with you guys, I'm not used to…" Damn, I was about to say I'm not used to eating everyday…

Georg was dumb and just kept talking. "You must have not been eating well then, because you are seriously pudging up!" He squeezed my cheeks. "Awh, so chubby!"

I gasped, my hands flew to my cheeks. I felt my eyes start to water. "I'm not getting fat, am I?" Bill gave Georg a dirty look.

"Sorry, sheesh, your just so cute with your chubby little cheeks!" HE grinned at me.

"My cheeks are NOT chubby!" I felt like a retard, arguing with someone about my cheeks.

"Dude, cool it!" Bill defended me. "And no sweetie, your not getting fat." He kissed me full on the mouth, making my worries go away. Even though I knew I was gaining weight myself.

The bell rang and we all filed into German class. Bill and Georg sat with me and Rin. Bill in front and Georg behind me, Rin sat to my left. "What the fuck happened to you!" She stated at me. She was just playing around, but it still made me feel like, well, shit!

"I feel awful, thanks for noticing." I said sarcastically. I took my seat, and my stomach immediately began to flip out. Great, it was going to be one of those days. And it didn't help, because every couple of seconds Georg would poke me in the side. I would tell him to stop but he wasn't having it. I needed to get out of eating for a few days soon. This was killing me. I wrapped my arms tightly around my stomach and put my head on my desk.

I felt bad for Bill, because you could tell he wanted to do something about it, but he was helpless. Finally I made it through 1st period, now hopefully the day will get better. Bill walked me to Art class. "Now, if you need anything, don't hesitate to come find me, I'm here for you. Or it'd be easier if you asked Tom or Georg, their here for you when I cant be, okay sweetie?" I only nodded, I didn't feel like talking. It made me feel nauseous.

We kissed. Yeah, I could never get over kissing that boy. Tom and Georg sat with me in my little corner, and Mr. R could get the fuck over it, because today wasn't the day to mess with me. I felt all pukey again, so I made Tom set with me, I was leaning on him and he was trying to cool me down by waving some paper on me. Poor guy, I bet he felt awkward holding his brothers girlfriend in a time of need…

My thoughts were cut short when a giant stabbing feeling went through my body. I tensed and rose up quickly. "Fuck! Are you okay!" Tom was freaking out.

"I. Don't. Know." I said between clenched teeth, still trying to stay calm. I raised my hand for the teacher. He came over quickly at my and Tom's expressions.

"Yes?" He asked nervously, probably thinking I'm going to break down or something. I was close to it.

"I need to go to the bathroom!" I said quickly. Was it hot in here? I started to sweat.

"Are you sure? Do you need to go call someone?" He was really worried for me. And that's why he's my favorite teacher.

"I think I'll be better after I puke or something!" I rushed out.

He gave me the orange pass and ushered me out of the room quickly. I practically ran towards the bathroom when I felt my stomach drop and my mouth started to pool with spit. I shoved the door open and ran into a stall. Of course it didn't lock. I didn't give a fuck at the moment. I leaned over the toilet and puked my guts out. That was an exaggeration. Even though it felt like that. My poor stomach, its had too much food in it, it felt good to release all that built up stress and extra food. I raised up my shirt to inspect my stomach… it looked fucking swollen! It hurt to the touch… Damn, I did look like a Pudgy Pidgey! I had to show Bill…

I sat there pathetically on the dirty bathroom floor and dry heaved for at least 20 minutes. That's when the lunch bell rang anyways. I couldn't do lunch, I texted Bill instead, I bet he was freaking out by now.

A: Go to the library please?

B: Ok, we'll be there in a second.

A: Just you please? :/

B: Sure thing, are you alright?

A: I hope.

I waited for about 5 minutes before I gathered my strength to leave the bathroom, I checked my appearance, I looked sick, but otherwise I was fine. Thank god the library was across the hall from the bathrooms, because I didn't know if I would be able to stand that long. I rushed in and signed my name. Bill stood there in our corner… our corner waiting for me.

I walked as fast as I could and ran into his open arms, I fucking cried a little bit. "Are you okay?" He needed to know.

I took his hand and led him to where no one could see us, his face looked even more scared now. "I-I don't think I'm okay.."

He swallowed. "What do you mean?"

I stepped away from him and lifted up my shirt, he gasped. I didn't even want to look at it, even Bill's pants were to where I didn't need a belt. They just fit snug around my waist. I used to be so tiny compared to him, this wasn't right. I was getting swollen. "Why is your stomach all swollen?" He sounded so sad.

"Honestly?" He only nodded, rushing me to continue. "Well… I'm not used to eating this much food.. Usually I never eat at all, and I went from that to all this food, and I think that's what its from." I looked down and sighed. I felt ashamed.

"What do you mean you barely ate?"

"I'm anorexic…" I made eye contact with him. "Sometimes I even puked up my food…" I'm such a conversation killer.

He gasped. I thought he was about to leave me, but what he did shocked me. He put both hands on the side of my face and kissed me before pulling me into a giant hug. "No offense, but when we first met, and stuff, I thought you had an eating disorder, but I didn't want to be so forward about it." He frowned. "You're just so freaking tiny!"

"I know I need food, but I cant eat anything else today, or soon," He tried to object, but I kept talking. "BUT when I feel empty and hungry, and when my belly goes back to normal, will you help me eat and get healthy? Like eat small amounts at a time?" I cant believe I told him a big secret about my life… and it felt good to get it off my chest.

His eyes were shining bright. "Of course I will Aimee." He smiled brightly too. "Yah know, when I was younger I once ate only sausages for a few months, and I swear all the weight went to my head. I refused to eat until I lost all the weight. It was forever until I finally ate something." I wanted to laugh, I could imagine a baby version of Bill running around with a giant head. Instead I only hugged him back.

This guy was great, and I'm pretty sure he knew it.

The rest of the day I felt really better, my stomach was empty and a huge weight was lifted off my chest. I just hoped my stomach returned soon, I hated being picked on, even though they were just playing around. I was sensitive. I scoffed. After the last bell of the day, we all decided to walk home since I felt up to it. Gus offered to carry me, Georg cracked a joke about him not being able to, because of my pudge.

"We should all go to that dairy place for ice cream!" Gus spoke up, he always had a sweet tooth. I groaned. Which made everyone laugh.

"I second that!" Tom said. They were the only two that agreed on going for ice cream, Bill wanted to stay with me, and Georg wasn't in the mood for sweets.

Georg sighed grumpily. "I'm so tired! And I'm stuck with you two love birds!" He made mushy sounds.

"Well sorry!" I said sarcastically. "You could have went with them ya know, instead of bothering the 'love birds.'"

"Why? You guys have anything better to do?" He said. We stared at him blankly. He laughed. "Exactly!"

We were all laughing our asses off about a funny story when we walked in the front door. About a time when Bill thought it'd be cool to do their long haired cats fur when he was little. He tried to cut it and style it, put blush on its cheeks, then proceeded to dress HIM up. And then Bill wondered why the cat had it out for him ever since. They had to leave him in Germany though. Poor little cat.

We walked in the door and Jorg was just standing there glowering at all of us, he said we were being too loud.

"Oh and Aimee?" He said to me. I just looked over at him, I was too scared to talk to him or answer him without Bill directly by my side. "I'd like to have a quick chat with you right now." I gulped and thought I was about to die right on the spot. Jorg quietly led me to his study. I gave Bill pleading eyes on the way there, but he only grew sad and shrugged.

Why did I feel so scared?

BAM! Lol. Okay, I want your theories on what you think is going to happen and whatnot. My question to you, there will be 5, because I get bored, and I think your all answers are quite interesting :3

1. Where all have you traveled? {I've been to many states. Ky. Ohio. Tenn. Ind. Miss. Ala. And Louisiana :3}

2. Favorite band/artist [besides Tokio Hotel] {David Bowie. Shinedown. Or Cinema Bizarre}

3. Favorite book & worst book {Fave: Vampire Academy. Worst: So far it has to be Peeps, or Catcher in the Rye}

4. Thing you do when you get bored {pshh, I do weird things when I get bored!}

5. Your best friends name. {Albanie}