A/N: Okay this one was waay emotional for me. I used more words here to describe a little over an hour than I have when describing two days. I'm not sure if I'm impressed or disgusted lol.

Greys has become my life: Don't look too closely (you already are lol) and don't back read carefully for that matter either. There are a MILLION things that magically/accidently happen/don't happen/appear/disappear... kinda like how Emma's cast magically disappeared. I of course never notice these things until I'm rereading the story chapter after chapter.

Let's call it magical realism shall we and before the English people jump all over me yes I know it's a literay term and yes I know it doesn't exactly apply to this story lol.

Seriously you guys I'm writing a chapter off and on that is going to be like 98% fluff because they need a break just as bad as we do. I think you will like it. It will be unique and hopefully introduce you to something you don't know much about!

Chapter Fourteen

Emma's POV

Emma glared at the letters looming before her. She was still sitting in Will's car strangely hypnotized by the meaning of the words. The last time she had been at a hospital for something that she was slightly in denial about her mom had died. No one was in danger of dying today. She was the reason they were sitting here in front of this intimidating structure. She was the reason behind a lot of things lately.

Over her standard breakfast plus one biscuit Will had cautiously told her about the appointment he had scheduled and attended. Her calm reaction had surprised her. She should have been furious with him for doing one more thing to betray her but the memories of yesterday squelched any negativity she tried to direct his way. Yesterday was heaven and hell sealed in one package. They had yelled at each other. He had walked out leaving her curled up in a sobbing ball on the floor.

He had spent the night in a motel.

All of that had been hell and she never wanted to relive it. Logically she knew it was probably a good thing that everything had happened the way it did. It had knocked a bit of sense into her and although she still wanted to deny the severity of her situation she was accepting that there was a situation and that maybe she should get help.

Her actions towards Will the next evening had been absolutely inexcusable but somehow her mind had not only excused them but also had given her permission to partake in them. During the night before she went to join him on the couch her thoughts turned on her but in a way she wasn't familiar with anymore. They were still negative, berating her for the way she was ignoring Will and how she maintained that everything was his fault when all he had ever done was show her patience, kindness and support. He had picked her up more times than she could count. She had been terrified that Will would reject her even after she apologized. She still wasn't sure if she would have forgiven herself but that was Will. He was always ready to forgive. He hadn't embraced her like she thought he would. When she whispered her apology she was determined that she be the first one to say sorry. She had been far worse to him than he had ever been to her in all the time she had known him. She had started crying asking for forgiveness with tears again praying that she hadn't done damage beyond repair. Forgive me twice for I can't offend just once.

When he finally did wrap his arms around her tears intensified and she could feel the spot she was leaving on his shirt. The feeling of his fingers in her hair and the brush of his lips against her forehead was heaven. The kiss had been soft, almost non-existent but the meaning behind it had been almost deafening.

"Hey Em, we only have about forty-five minutes and there is going to be paperwork." Will's gentle voice pulled her from her reverie and just as gently brought her back to the present.

Emma allowed herself to coast along to the rhythm of his words as she watched her feet one after the other carry her towards cold, hard, unfeeling brick and with every step she reminded herself what was at stake. Will she noticed with a quick glance apparently found his feet just as fascinating as she did hers walking along with his hands jammed into his pockets as he kicked at a stone before falling back in step beside at her side.

Emma involuntarily halted a few feet away from the automatic door. She had fully intended on walking right through that door but her legs refused to comply. The sound of the door opening was like a personal invitation to an unknown, sinister parallel universe. Will must have been expecting this reaction. In the time it had taken her to conjure up the idea of a parallel universe his hand had come to rest on the small of her back. There was no pressure, no attempt to move her forward. He was simply reminding her that he was there, reminding her that he believed in her.

Stepping through the doors of her own accord his hand a comforting weight through her clothes she wondered if she would have turned around if it hadn't been for his simple gesture. If she would have turned around or if she would have frozen the way she had outside her mom's room.

Once inside Will took the lead. Emma went out of her way to not take in any identifiable land marks keeping her eyes trained on the floor prepared to fix her eyes on Will's back if the carpet suddenly changed from a dull blue. She really didn't want to have the route that was causing panic to creep into her mind with every step memorized. Not when it was slowly sending her spiraling her into an oppressive, overwhelming state of fear. Risking a look at her surroundings upon hearing the elevator door after the feeling of moving up had stopped her eyes widened. She wished the letters in front of her could be construed as meaning anything but what they did.

Nutrition Associates Inc.

Emma found herself once again unable to move although this time she silently thanked her body. She didn't want to move anyways. The doors slid shut in front of her and she was taken aback when Will did not slip his hand between them to trip the sensor.

As the elevator began its decent back to the lobby Will pulled her into a soft embrace. He didn't say anything just allowing his actions to convey the comfort he was bestowing upon her. Sometimes she found these little touches more effective than words and somewhere along the way he had caught on to that.

Will must have pressed the button for the third floor but she didn't notice. Apparently no one had been waiting to get on either. She was okay with that. It meant Will could continue to hold her close to his body, it meant that she could spend just a few more precious seconds listening to the sound of his slow, steady pulse. She was certain that if she were to really concentrate that her pulse would be able to squeeze two beats in between two of his.

The doors opened again and Will pulled back looking into her eyes. "As much as I love carnival rides this doesn't classify as one so can we get off this time? I'm rather partial to being able to walk in a straight line."

Emma distantly registered his words but she more than registered the fact that there was absolutely no way for her to escape. The walls of the elevator seemed to be closing in on her and momentarily she thought that if they really did crush her it would definitely absolve her of the escape problem. Her mind raced. The small space she was in left her no options but the open one before her held three, one of which wasn't really an option so it held two. Left or right.

Not giving herself anymore time to contemplate what she was about to do needing the element of surprise for this to work she flew past Will pivoting to her left and hoping fervently that it wouldn't' prove to be a dead end. It was a dead end.

A warm dead end that had arms.

It certainly operated like a dead end effectively ceasing any forward motion. Emma stepped to the side only to come face to chest with Will once again. He probably had known she was going to bolt before the idea had even entered her mind. After a few more side-steps that two an outsider would have made it appear they were dancing in the hallway Emma gave up dropping her head against his chest.

"Will let's just go home okay? We can make another appointment, come back on another day…I-I don't feel good."

Emma really didn't know what made her think Will would believe something that even she couldn't tell wasn't true. She could have asked the same question in a million parallel universes and it would still have been paired with the same answer.

"No Emma. You need to go to this appointment," lifting her head so her eyes met his he continued, "Remember what I said this morning? You aren't doing this alone. I'm right here at your side sort of like a puppy that's always underfoot. You can't get away from me."

Emma knew her memory wasn't that bad. The puppy comment had not been in his speech this morning but his playful tone had ensured that it had probably accomplished its intended mission as she smiled slightly into his chest.

Will hugged her closer for a brief moment before he turned her around so that she was facing the door she had tried so desperately to avoid. This time the hand on her back was gently urging her forward and she complied with small, tentative steps. They were still a couple feet away when she stumbled nearly falling as Will effortlessly caught her almost as if he had been expecting it. It wasn't until he whispered a playful "woof" into her ear that she realized the thing she had tripped over had been his foot.

Leave it to Will to get her through the door and into the room that represented an elephant part of her wanted to leave alone while another told her it needed to be addressed with a smile on her face and a small yet sincere giggle spilling from her lips.

Emma was surprised when she heard her name called out in a polite, feminine voice. The only thing she could remember about sitting in the waiting room was the mountain of paperwork that had taken considerably less time than the pile had originally indicated. After that she had become so wrapped up in herself that time went by unnoticed.

Standing up she desperately pulled Will's hand into her own while his other hand took up what was becoming a permanent residence on her lower back. Making their way down a maze of hallways her hand only tightened after they had been told to make themselves comfortable on the couch and that the nutritionist would be in shortly. She knew she was probably hurting him but he was a guy he could take it and because he was Will he would never say anything even if she broke every bone in his hand.

Emma remained quiet her head lowered slightly as she listened for the tell-tale sound of charts being pulled from the door, that sound that meant a knock was seconds away. Far quicker than she would have ever imagined she heard the muted rustle of papers coupled with a soft knock as a woman with a friendly smile walked in. As much as Emma wanted to hate her she couldn't. This woman who had introduced herself as Kristen seemed like someone Emma would like, someone that in real life she could see herself being friends with.

Will had stood up effectively removing her human stress ball to shake Kristen's hand quipping something about the power of deduction which had caused them both to laugh at what was clearly an inside joke. Emma felt no jealously instead she was fascinated and envious only of the way Will could so easily relate to people. The blonde looked at Will obviously trying to suppress a giggle.

"Will you please have a seat, Will," she asked politely her voice wavering with the laugh she couldn't contain as she over-emphasized the first word of the sentence.

"Touche," Will bowed his head as he settled himself behind Emma wrapping his arm around her waist. Even though she was completely out of the loop she had smiled a bit at that last sentence. She had always meant to ask Will how confusing it was to have a name that appeared so often in everyday conversation. She knew from her own experience that once Will had become such a fixture in her life it was slightly awkward to use the word in a sentence, so much so that she often tried to find a substitute. Saying that word and not thinking of it his name was impossible.

The woman who Emma had guessed to be about her age sat down on a plush chair that was placed along the opposite wall. There were two small tables between them and before she registered what she was doing Emma reached out and straightened them with an embarrassing amount of precision. Her voice was timid as she apologized but Kristen had only laughed saying that she had been meaning to do that anyways. Will was trying to contain his laugh but Emma could feel him shake beside her and the snort that he didn't manage to contain had earned him a mock glare that soon became an overly dramatic eye roll.

Emma gave Kristen props when her friendly demeanor had not altered in the least when the questions regarding her home life, OCD and mysophobia turned in a more serious direction. Maybe she's not so bad.

"How long has this been going on Emma?" her almost melodic voice put Emma at ease about her answer even though it wouldn't be all that helpful.

"Honestly I don't remember. I don't even remember when it got this…bad. I can't remember a time where I wasn't like this even though I can remember what I ate before it. I just don't remember what it feels like to not be terrified of food, to eat something without caring about calories."

Why did I add that? That wasn't part of the question. What the hell am I doing?

Kristen had simply nodded saying that her answer was not out of the norm that many people could not accurately pinpoint a time when they began to fall into an eating disorder because the process was so gradual that they didn't notice until it was severe and even then it was the people around them that were the first to confront them about what was going on. Continuing on as if Emma's last comment had been part of her inquiry her mentioning that she had never treated someone with anorexia who could remember what it was like to eat normally at least hushed the voice in her head that was calling her crazy at the absurdity of a such small section of her life having the power to skew her past so effectively.

Emma answered a few more questions wondering not only why she was being asked symptomatic questions when she already had the diagnosis but also why she was able to notice it this time. Maybe it was because as much as she wanted to believe otherwise she wasn't in denial anymore.

Her shame was so overpowering she was certain it was tangible as she recounted events she didn't want to talk about. Events she didn't even want to think about because all they did was reinforce the ever present notion that she was crazy.

"What were you thinking when you were eating the cookies out of the trash bag?" Kristen's tone held no hint of disgust settling a few of Emma's nerves.

"I wasn't, well that's not exactly true. Before when I went out to get the bag I was wracked with guilt. All I could picture were those cookies that my mom had baked specifically for me sitting in a dumpster. That was the initial reason behind my going to get them. I never intended for the rest to happen." Emma was quite content to stop her narration right there too embarrassed to tell her the rest when Will was sitting beside her even though he had been there to witness it.

"What happened that you weren't intending to happen?" Damn.

Taking a deep breath Emma forced herself to act like Will wasn't there, like he wasn't listening to a surefire testament to how messed up she really was.

"I opened the bag and starting digging for the cookies. I had a coffee can on the counter that was where I was going to put them. I was going to put the coffee can on the highest shelf and I hoped that somehow the act of having to go get a stepstool to reach them would make it less likely for me to actually eat them. It was the smell that got to me. I was only going to take one small bite but as the smell got stronger the closer the cookie got to my mouth so did the feeling of losing control of my body. My one bite turned into cramming the entire thing in my mouth while I fished the rest out ignoring the coffee grounds that covered them. There had been other things in the package, fancy cakes and reeses. I had told myself I wasn't going to touch them the fact that they had a set amount of calories being my reasoning. That didn't last long. Once again I told myself I was only to eat one of each and just like the cookies I lost control. I couldn't really taste any of it, I don't know why, maybe because I wasn't really aware of what I was doing. Even the voice telling me I was going to get fat was silenced by my actions. I didn't notice Will enter the room. I didn't really register it as him when he moved towards me to grab the cookies in my hand. To me he was just a threat, something that was going to take away a prized possession. I vaguely remember him trying to talk to me, holding me against the wall and I think I might have been talking out loud. I don't know. I do remember running to the bathroom as the realization of everything I had just consumed slammed into me. I remember making myself throw up terrified that all of it wouldn't come out that this vile mistake would forever remain inside me. I do remember feeling his arms pull me backwards I still didn't realize it was Will. The only thing that mattered to me was finishing what I started and he was only something that was preventing that. I don't know how long he held me but I do I know that when I woke up I pushed my my way out of his arms as the memory of everything I had done came flooding back. Those memories were secondary to one thing. Will had seen it. He had seen how absolutely crazy I was. I told him he could leave, that I would understand, that I knew this wasn't what he had signed up for. I told him that he deserved someone attractive, someone sane. He hugged me then telling me that he wasn't going to leave me and as much as I wanted to I wasn't entirely convinced. He asked if I knew what my weight was and for a moment I thought about lying. I could have gotten away with it, he wouldn't have known but I so desperately wanted to know how much I had screwed up my progress. Will wouldn't leave the room, obviously not trusting me to tell the truth and I can't say that I blame him. I wouldn't have trusted me either. I had laughed at him when he had begun to tell me that he wouldn't look at me, told him that it didn't matter because either way he was going to run and I truly believed that. I truly believed that once he saw how fat I was he would walk out. I took off my clothes before he even had a chance to look the other way and maybe thinking back I did that on purpose. Maybe somewhere inside all of the malice I wanted someone to see what I was doing to my body, wanted someone to notice. I kept my eyes closed and asked him to read the number. I have no idea why I did that. All I had been thinking about when I stepped on that scale was seeing how much damage I had caused but when I actually had the chance I couldn't do it. I chickened out."

Emma lowered her voice with the last sentence allowing it to trail off because she didn't want to admit that she didn't have the power to simply read a couple numbers. Turning her head to the side to look at Will his hands were clasped in front of him as his elbows rested on his knees, his head lowered as he silently stared at the ground. Emma longed to know what he was thinking but the fear of what his answer might be stopped her from asking. He's probably realizing how absolutely fucked up you really are. Reliving the event just drove home that little point. Nice job, managing to convince this gullible dope that he has been deluding himself into thinking you were even the slightest bit sane.

Kristen had been scribbling notes throughout the painful dive into the murky depths of her past and as much as she wanted to feel angered at the gesture she knew how absolutely necessary it was. So what? So you know that she needs to take notes. Why would that keep you from feeling angry? Are you siding with her? Siding with her is just another failure you can add to the list that I assure you, will never end.

It was her turn to listen as Will was put on the spot and she too found herself staring at the floor.

Slightly numb both from her morbid foray into the world of story telling and from her unsuccessful attempts to ignore the voice that had barged its way back into her life with a vengeance she didn't really think too much about Kristen asking if she could get her weight. It was only when Will stood up saying he would be just outside that she jumped into action. There was no way Will was leaving this room. That would give them the opportunity to run, to abandon her. Kristen seemed to have sensed Emma's discomfort but misinterpreted it as not wanting to undress in front of her. Will had spoke up then for the first time since he their banter earlier saying that he would stay in the room with her and on request promising that he would not let Emma see her weight. Emma was relieved. He couldn't run if he was stuck in here with her.

Emma began taking her shirt off drawing out the process as much as she could and she was doing fine until the voice started taunting that he was once again going to see how disgusting she was and that even though she had solved the problem of him leaving her for the moment it was inevitable in the end. Tears began sliding down her cheeks and her hope of Will not noticing was banished when he suddenly appeared behind her telling her it was okay as he helped to remove her shirt, her arms having froze half way through the process.

Will didn't have to completely undress her by the time she had to remove her pants she had regained control of her hands. She didn't meet his gaze as she stood there in her underclothes her mind bombarding her with image after image of how she must look to him. Emma walked up to the scale without Will's encouragement she even stepped onto the scale without his encouragement. She looked down as Will placed the front of his shoe on a button that must have served to activate the device she was standing on. He looked back up before she could pretend she hadn't been looking down. Quickly Will cupped her chin bringing her face up to his but she could not meet his stare no matter how much comfort she would have probably found. She tried to look down only to have Will calmly order her to close her eyes. She did so for less than a second before opening them again. It would be her luck that Will hadn't moved.

"Close your eyes, Em," his voice while gentle held an edge to it that forced her to comply.

To Emma it seemed like she had been standing there forever her mind a whirlwind of numbers. A soft "c'mon" from Will made her almost want to jump off the object beneath her as he lead her off telling her to keep her eyes closed. Upon hearing the okay from Will she focused her line of sight as she slowly began to pick up her clothes silently coming up with ways that she could sneak a glance at the number she knew would still be there. Her mind kindly informed her that even from where she stood she was just tall enough to be able to see over the top of the scale, just tall enough to see the display. Picking up her pants she turned quickly her intended target replaced with Will's chest. Once again he had figured out what she was going to do before she had. Holding back her frustration she tried the one option she had left.

"Just tell me Will. Please."

"Emma, you know I can't do that." He was right she did know he couldn't do that but knowing not to do something and actually deciding not to do that something were two different matters. Leave it to Will to have the moral code of a saint.

Finishing with the rest of her clothes a soft knock resounded on the door and Emma stubbornly remained silent. It was Will who called out that Kristen could come in. See, he's trying to speed up the process because the faster he gets out of this unfortunate situation the faster he can get away from you.

Emma had curled herself up into a small ball her head resting on his thigh while his arm stretched out across her side. She didn't care how pathetic she looked, not anymore.

Kristen walked in and Emma began to study the floor. She didn't want to see the woman's reaction to her weight. Fat, you don't want to see her reaction to your fat not your weight. Get your facts straightened out before you actually allow yourself to think them or worse voice them.

For a moment Emma thought about asking Kristen what her weight was but if Will wouldn't tell her via her orders it was ludicrous to think that Kristen would. It was only a few minutes before the appointment ended which of course only opened the door for another one to be set up. The voice in her head commented on Will's stupidity as he walked out the door to the car with his arm around her shoulder.

Will's POV

Watching Emma out of the corner of his eye as the elevator doors opened her sudden inability to move didn't surprise him. He thought about pushing her forward but a quick glance at his phone told them they had more time then he thought they did so he let the doors close again.

Pulling Emma close to him he didn't offer any words knowing that his touch and proximity would be enough to calm her. He kept his arms around her as the elevator made its way back to the lobby and he was silently relieved that there was no one waiting to get back on not that it would have mattered. He would have kept his arms around Emma not really caring what they thought although he probably would have maneuvered them so that they were not smack-dab in the center of such a small space. Moving one arm he pressed the button again for the third floor and closed his eyes at the familiar feeling of being pressed downwards as the elevator began its ascent.

When the doors opened for a second time his attempt to lighten the mood by mentioning that although he loved rides he really wasn't up for another go on an elevator had fallen flat. Prior experience had taught him that she was going to make a run for it probably before she had even considered the option. As expected Emma ran past him although it had been just fast enough that he wasn't able to stop her. Her moment of slight hesitation about which direction to head had given him the edge he needed. Preparing his body to move swiftly in whichever direction she chose he easily managed to place himself between her and what she was probably hoping wasn't a dead end. It wasn't a dead end really unless he counted himself as one. Emma tried a few times to side-step him but he once again blocked her path. It almost felt like they were doing some sort of line dance, all he would have had to do was start doing the grapevine. When she asked if they could reschedule stuttering out that she wasn't feeling it was obvious that even she didn't believe her words. In a gentle voice he told her that rescheduling was not a possibility drawing on his earlier words about not leaving her side, not letting her do this alone. In another attempt to lighten the mood he likened himself to a puppy that would never move out of the way. He closed his eyes and exhaled slightly when he felt Emma smile against his chest.

Steering her towards the door with his hand on her back this time acting as a buffer against her moving backwards allowing himself to use an almost miniscule amount of pressure to urge her forward. It was during what Emma probably thought of as a death march that an idea popped into his head. Waiting until they were a little ways away from the door he kicked his foot out to the side to catch Emma's let as it came back up to take a step. He had already been poised to catch her as he leaned in to whisper a soft "woof" into her ear. The fact that Emma had walked into what was probably a living reincarnation of a nightmare with a smile on her face and the cute giggle he loved so much gave him hope for the day.

Emma filled out sheet after sheet of a mound of paperwork. Idly he wondered who came up with so many forms deducing that culprit must have been an incredibly sadistic individual. Her hand writing was flawless even in this situation, his was always barely legible especially in these situations as his frustration grew as he rewrote a hundred times Schuester, William.

When he heard her name Will mentally prepared himself for the death grip that was about to envelope his hand. Yep, there it was. Emma clung to his hand as they followed the lady in a dizzying path to a different office than he had been in last time. I'm going to have to ask how to get the hell out of here.

Sitting quietly in the small room he was beginning to wonder about the bones in his hand when Kristen walked in. More to remove his hand from Emma's vice grip than anything else he stood up to shake the woman's hand throwing in a comment about whether or not the power of deduction had allowed her to identify him as Will.

She got him back when she had asked him to sit down purposely using the word "will" spending more time on that word than any of the others until she ended the sentence with his name. She's good.

Will could tell right off the bat that Emma and Kristen were going to get along just fine hopefully even considering the situation. In all honesty he could picture them being good friends.

Kristen sat across from Emma much like she had from Will when he had seen her. Emma unable to stop herself and probably not even aware she was doing it reached out to straighten the slightly crooked tables that were just inches in front of her. He had been betting it would take her fifteen seconds to notice but it had only taken eight. Yes he had been counting which was why he was now working to stifle a laugh. He just barely caught the laugh but the snort had escaped. Emma's over-emphasized eye roll was a welcomed response. She's comfortable.

Will was impressed once again as Kristen's friendly manner had not changed in any perceptible way as the questions just as they had with him gradually slid into the realm of things more serious. He carefully listened for Emma's answer about when the disorder had started. He had been wondering how long Emma had been struggling with this but never had the guts to ask. It was slightly worrisome to him that when she said she didn't know. Her continuation about how she couldn't even remember what it was like to eat normally had definitely taken him off guard for two reasons. He couldn't imagine how difficult it must be for her to try to eat something outside her definition of "safe" when she couldn't remember what it felt like to eat something "safe" without it being "unsafe." The second being that Emma had just given Kristen more information the she had asked for and that gave him hope.

Every day he learned something new about a disorder he had never really considered a disorder. Before all of this he had viewed anorexia as more of a byproduct of today's society. Like the rest of the general population his opinion was based on the visible changes anorexia caused and like the rest of the population he assumed that it was well within their power to stop at any time. After everything he had watched Emma go through, after the glimpses he had gotten into her psyche he couldn't believe he had ever thought those things were the summation of anorexia nervosa. This disorder was about so much more than weight loss. This disorder revolved more around the invisible than the visible. Emma was absolutely trapped in the mindset anorexia had created for her and the power to stop was stripped from her hands the moment it had begun creeping into her life. There had been a girl in his Spanish class a few years back who had clearly been sick. She had been so painfully thin and he hadn't done anything because he assumed she brought it upon herself so she could take it away. The hell she must have been going through as I stood up there conjugating verbs completely oblivious as I took something that has so many dimensions and like the rest of the world condensed it into one. A simple desire to be thin.

Kristen's next inquiry about what had been going through Emma's mind the night he had found her eating out of the trash bag was an answer he was both interested to know and scared of at the same time. His fascination with the floor began as soon as he heard her mention his name. For some reason he was embarrassed.

He missed the inner war Emma was waging against herself when his world suddenly narrowed as Kristen asked him to recount his version of what had happened. Why do I have to do this? I really don't want to this. He tried to convey that message as he looked up at the woman and he succeeded in doing so, he also had only gotten a nod that clearly meant he had to go through with what she asked him to. Taking a deep breath and hoping to death that he wouldn't somehow make Emma mad he began not daring to look at her once the words started leaving his mouth.

"I've always been a light sleeper. I woke up to the sound of the door to the apartment closing and since Emma wasn't beside me that left only one illogical conclusion. I went out into the living room moving the blinds slightly trying to figure out what she was doing outside. There was a street lamp that offered just enough light for me to make out that she was walking towards the dumpster with a trash bag. I tried to convince myself that maybe she took her trash out in the early morning hours but I knew that wasn't the case. I didn't know what the case was but I knew that wasn't it. Before she came back inside I ran back barely having time to jump under the covers to pretend to be asleep. At some point I did fall into a restless sleep altering between asleep and not asleep. Sounds from the kitchen woke me up the second time and I slowly walked down the hallway standing so I could see Emma. I wasn't sure what she was doing but I could see a trash bag so I thought maybe she was cleaning. She changed her position and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. There were wrappers everywhere and she was eating cookies so fast that large portions weren't even staying in her mouth. My mind produced the conclusion of an eating disorder before I was ready to accept it. I made my way towards and in a motion I now see the sheer stupidity of tried to take the cookies out of her hand. Her scream as she jumped back against the wall caused me to jump. I started to crawl towards her telling her that I wouldn't try to take them away, asking her if she could hear me, telling her who I was. I could tell she had no idea I was even there. I had no idea what was going on. I had no idea what to do. When she started to cry I was able to hold her and I tried to tell her that it would be okay, telling her to match her breaths with mine. I grabbed her wrists when she started trying to get away. That's when I realized she was talking to herself. The words coming out of her mouth were so harsh, so degrading, so hatred in her voice was so…real. She made a comment about no one ever being able to love someone as crazy and fucked up as she was. I was going to stay quiet until she said that. I told her I loved her. She mentioned something about having to get it out before she so forcibly broke away from me that I had no chance of holding her back. I didn't move because I still didn't know what to do. I felt completely helpless. The sound of vomiting is what finally got to move. For the second time I couldn't believe what I was seeing. She was forcing herself to throw up and I couldn't fucking move to get to her side. She threw up two more times before I could. I pulled her away actually putting effort into keeping her away. I couldn't think anymore I was so overwhelmed. I tried to tell her to stop, to listen to me but I wasn't getting through. I yelled at her. The scream that filled the air after that I will never forget. She slammed her elbow into my chest but I didn't stop her. I figured that was better than throwing up. I didn't try to stop her as she hit her thigh either until I realized she wasn't going to stop. I told her she was hurting herself. She said that she deserved to be hurt, that she didn't deserve anything better. Eventually she fell asleep in my arms. I stayed awake afraid of what I might find her doing if I allowed myself to fall asleep. When she woke up she ran to the other side of the room telling me that I should go, that I didn't sign up for dealing with someone as crazy as her. I couldn't believe what she was saying. I couldn't believe she really thought that. I asked about her weight and when she told me that it didn't matter whether or not I saw her body because I would run anyways I wondered where I had gone so wrong to make her think that way. I didn't understand why she was so insecure about our relationship. I started to cry when I did see her from a combination of what she was doing to herself and anger over not having noticed. How the hell could I not have noticed? I looked at the number for her and took her to the bedroom. I covered her up and told her she would be okay as I started to cry again. I had no idea what to do. I didn't even know enough to put together symptoms to begin to figure out what she had. I had no idea how to fix her and I couldn't believe that one person could hold have so much hate inside them. I didn't understand how Emma could hate herself so much that she was destroying her body. It was weeks before I was able to admit that she was doing far worse than just destroying her body. She was slowly killing herself and for so fucking long I didn't notice."

Will let out a long sigh as he finished looking over at Emma he noticed that she was in the same position he had been in while she had talked. He wondered if she was embarrassed too. He knew the answer to that she was experiencing the same guilt and shame he had been wallowing in.

Even though Will knew the weight check was coming he was sort of hoping Kristen would forgo it just this once given the emotional hell Emma had just been put through. He had no such luck. Emma panicked when he stood up saying he would be just outside. Inwardly he berated himself for ever thinking Emma would willingly undress in front of anyone other than him. Kristen allowed him to stay in the room with strict orders to not let Emma look at the scale. He had to help her remove her shirt when she stilled half-way through. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what the voice was telling her.

She walked over to the scale easily enough she even got on without hesitating. Will had been prepared to have to coax her step by step. Pressing his foot against the button Kristen had showed him he looked up only to see Emma looking down. Moving quickly he moved her face up to meet his. Her eyes looking over his shoulder before she tried to look down.

Will had wondered whether or not Emma would try to see her weight. Obviously she was not intent on listening to the nutritionists' advice. Thinking for a moment he finally told Emma to close her eyes relieved when she actually did so. They remained closed for what could have only been a second before she again tried to look down. He hadn't been expecting her to do that and was glad that he hadn't looked at the scale yet. He repeated his earlier order his voice still gentle but with a stern edge usually reserved for students.

Will counted to five before glancing down quickly and just as quickly leading Emma off the scale. Telling her she could open her eyes he watched with a sudden surge of sympathy as he watched a painfully thin, emotionally guarded Emma walk towards the pile of clothes she hadn't bothered to fold. This has to be so mortifying for her. God I feel like a piece of shit.

He wasn't sure what caused him to realize that if Emma stood up she would be able to read the scale. At first he wasn't going to move to block her view figuring that she was probably too removed from the situation to even think about the possibility but when he saw her body tense as she reached out to grab her pants her intentions were evident. Her face nearly collided with his chest for the second time. He could tell by the thin line her lips were forming that she was becoming annoyed. Normally he would have thought her asking him to just tell her what the scale had said was a fairly innocent statement but this time he knew she was trying her one remaining option and that was the only reason her voice sounded so pleading. She was trying to get him to give in, to feel bad. He did feel bad but her ploy wasn't going to work.

"Emma, you know I can't do that." The expression that flickered across her face told him that she had thought it a sure bet that he would tell her. I'm sorry sweetie. I'm sorry.

Kristen knocked on the door and Emma just sat silently next to him. Figuring that she would have let the poor woman stand out there all day he yelled out that she could come in.

He watched as Emma once again studied the floor. Given how often they had ended up looking at the floor today he decided that this office definitely needed a carpet with an unrealistically complex pattern.

Will was surprised when Emma curled up next to him using his thigh as a pillow. Normally she would never allow herself to appear so vulnerable around a relative stranger. In an attempt to make her feel a little less vulnerable he put his arm on her side.

Thanking Kristen for her time Will somehow managed to get them both back to the waiting room without getting lost. Stopping at the front counter he turned to Emma to see what date would work for the next appointment. She wasn't at his side she was already standing by the door. He didn't want to start this war, not right now. He set up the appointment making a note to ask Emma if it was okay later and another note to actually check her calendar to see if she was telling the truth.

Making his way over to her he placed an arm around her shoulder as they slowly headed in the general direction of his car. He whispered that he was proud of her, that she was strong. He stopped walking and turned to face her as he told her with a confident, unwavering tone that he loved her. She had responded back but not with any sort of passion but rather with a tone that suggested it was a programmed response to a common declaration. He didn't take it personally but he did take whatever the hell that damn voice in her head was telling her personally.

That night Emma slept fitfully in his arms. The number of times he had been awakened by the jerky motions that were almost convulsive in nature as she sobbed into her pillow was of no real importance. He didn't care if she woke him up every minute of every hour. Every time he would pull her closer into him moving his hand in circles along her back as he alternated between planting soft kisses on her face and whispering words that were as much a comfort to her as they were to him.

A/N: Apologies for spelling/grammatical errors and all that jazz. Every time I worked on editing it I kept revising it. Hope there is nothing too horrible. I took a break (played with the dogs) for a few hours and came back but it's still hard editing when you know what the line is supposed to say.

...so I'm fairly certain I spent most of my day doing this instead of going to the library and checking out As You Like It and reading the first four acts. I'm also fairly certain I never read any of The Novel from Hell either...

Think my teachers would accept this as a valid excuse? Maybe if I showed it to them they would be too traumatized to care that I didn't get all the reading done...looks like tomorrow is going to be Shakespeare (yay) and Lloseph Varga ( I don't care if I butchered his name)