Trust
Leah and Thorin stood together on the rampart which overlooked the entrance to Erebor. The others had retired to their rooms. However, Leah knew she wouldn't be able to sleep, not after what she'd been told by Gandalf. After her talk with Gandalf, she'd seen Fili hovering, ready for them to head off and find Azog, but Thorin asked her to join him alone for a while. Immediately she had sensed that something serious was on his mind; the set of his face was enough to let her know. But still, even as she knew something was about to be discussed, which would result in a possible debate, she felt the butterflies hit her stomach. Just being alone with him, wherever it was and no matter the circumstance, still held power over Leah.
Thorin placed his hands on the wall, feeling the cold night air brush through his hair and chill his cheeks. "I know what Gandalf spoke to you about," he said, looking down. "You still have these ridiculous ideas in your head about changing the past and finding Azog."
"I never...said anything about A...Azog," Leah stuttered. How on earth had he managed to stumble upon the information regarding her finding Azog? She trusted Fili and Kili implicitly that they would not break her trust and tell Thorin.
"You don't have to say anything for me to know what is going through your mind," Thorin snapped, his head turning quickly so his stare burned into her. "You're planning on finding Azog with Fili and Kili."
"How did you know?"
"It does not matter how I know!" Thorin shouted. Leah stepped back as she saw him grow absolutely livid. She knew he would never hurt her physically, but the sudden change in his demeanour still scared her. "You swore to me, Leah, that you would leave it all alone. Why will you not listen to me? Why will you not see any sense beyond what you think is the right course of action? You tell me you love me, but if you truly felt anything at all for me, you would listen...and especially to Gandalf! You may think me stupid, Leah, but I know your behaviour all too well, and Gandalf would not speak to you alone unless it was something greatly troubling."
"How can you even say that I feel nothing for you?" Leah cried out. "I've given up everything I know for you, Thorin!"
"But you were soon ready to throw it all away because you feel I deserve to be a king who is alone with nothing..." He stopped, unable to continue on. Thorin turned his back on her. "I don't know if I can trust you."
Leah was stunned by his words. But ultimately she knew that anyone in this position would lose their trust in her. She'd gone behind his back, ready to give up their relationship for the sake of wanting to do the right thing in her own mind. "Maybe I did want to go and find Azog, but after what Gandalf told me, going back in time went right out of my mind."
Thorin never turned back around. "What did he tell you?" His voice had finally returned to its normal volume.
Leah approached Thorin and looked into his eyes and put her hand on his arm. "We have a son and daughter. He shouldn't have told me, but did it because he knew it'd stop me wanting to go back and change things."
Hope sprung back into Thorin's eyes as he heard those words of his future. He turned to look at her and now his face had changed; his eyes had grown soft again, full of the kindness and sensitivity he'd always shown towards her. "And can't you see now, my love, the line of Durin will continue? If I were to become King after you changing the past, I would never meet you and have our children. I do not want to mistrust you. And if you are adamant in finding Azog, I will go with you. If this is the only way that both our minds will be at ease and you will not even consider going alone, then I will do it."
"If he remains alive, he'd come after you, Fili, Kili and even the children whenever we have them. I can't stay here and bring children into this world knowing that that bastard is out there. And I love you too much to lose you again."
Thorin smiled weakly at her. "If you do not want to lose me, then do not consider the past again. As for Azog, we will find him together." He moved his head closer to hers, his eyes carefully studying her face and then they came to rest back toward her emerald gaze. "I need to trust you, Leah. That is above everything. You will be my right hand to rule this kingdom and I cannot do that knowing that this still lies between us. I need to know that our hearts and intentions are completely bound as one and nothing will ever remain unsaid."
Leah looked directly into Thorin's eyes and cupped his cheek with her hand. "I swear to you right now, on everything I hold dear, I won't attempt to change the past. I'll be with you for the rest of our lives, and I'll be nothing but open and honest with you."
Thorin smiled and rushed into a kiss, sealing her promise. Leah was caught off guard for a second, but felt herself melting beneath his strong arms which had locked tightly at her waist. Slowly, Thorin pulled himself away, gathering some self control. He knew that his passion for Leah was always on the edge and fit to burst, and if it remained out of control he'd take her right there and then on the rampart, in the cool night air, for everyone to see. "We will find Azog. I do not want to even consider putting our people at risk, especially you."
xxx
Back inside the warmth, Leah sat on the bed in her room. Thorin was beside her with Gandalf, Bilbo, Fili and Kili all stood around in a semi circle. "You cannot be serious about finding Azog!" Gandalf hissed. "And to think that you two were actually going to go along with this?" He turned and stared at Fili and Kili. "She does not know how to fight!"
Thorin uncrossed his arms and stood up in front of Gandalf, looking up into the wizard's wise and tired eyes. "I will be with her. If I do not go, I know that she will find another way, and I cannot risk her safety."
"But surely he has re-grouped. Not all the orcs were slain; a lot of them disappeared like the cowards they are. He will amass a new army. Are you prepared to take that on?" Gandalf asked.
"I am ready to find him and take him down before he gains too many followers and comes into our kingdom," Thorin replied sharply. "He gathered an army of thousands when my grandfather was slain, and I cannot see that come upon Erebor. I will protect this kingdom and those I love until my dying breath,"
"You have got so much to answer for," Gandalf growled at Leah. "Thorin is taking you with him because you can't stay in one place and keep out of this."
Thorin couldn't help but smirk. "I agree that she indeed is stubborn and to the extent which could match any dwarf. But if she is with me then I know she is safe and not considering alternative means of finding the filth."
Gandalf rolled his eyes and sighed. "She really does not understand how important she is, but is so ready to put herself on the front line of danger just to prove a point."
"I'm doing it because I want to see everyone safe. Thorin, Fili and Kili are my family now and I know Azog wants to destroy their bloodline, which also means our children. He has to die, Gandalf. One way or the other, he has to. I'm not prepared to wait any longer for him to gain strength and come after us."
"Why can't you just stay behind?" Gandalf asked.
"Because I want to be with my family," Leah replied. "And I don't trust staying here with Dain."
An hour later and Leah began preparing to leave Erebor temporarily. Thorin had left to discuss the plan with Dain and that he would return as quickly as he could. It had been agreed that they would leave at dawn after much needed rest. However, Leah very much doubted she'd sleep that night.
Fili stayed alongside Leah and looked at her questioningly. "Did you really mean that when you said we are your family?"
"Of course I did," Leah replied, checking through the clothing that had been given to her by one of the servants. Her hand fell onto a leather jacket, very similar to Thorin's, with fur around the neck. "I might have this one. We need to meet in the armoury shortly, don't we?"
Fili reached out and stopped Leah picking up the jacket. "You have no idea how lucky we are to have you here, Leah," Fili began. She finally stopped messing with the clothing absently, and looked at Fili. "People find it hard to trust us and only consider us greedy. But you have never judged us, and only seen the good in dwarves."
"Maybe apart from Dain," Leah laughed. "I don't see a lot of good in him. But seriously, I know that everyone has their flaws, including me. I'm too questioning sometimes, naïve at times and ready to ignore other people if I need to do something I feel is right. I've never considered any of you greedy."
"Not even Thorin when he had the sickness?"
"No. I knew he was sick," Leah replied. She suddenly grew saddened at the thought of Thorin at his weakest. "It wasn't him."
"Are you sure you won't miss your home?" Fili asked in interest.
Suddenly there was a tap at the door. "Come in!" Leah called, never answering Fili's question.
Bilbo walked in slowly, looking out of place and slightly confused, as he always did. "I want to come with you, too." He looked up to Fili and Leah in turn, then looked down at his feet, tapping one of them on the tiles. "As long as I know Azog is out there, I want to help you find him."
Leah smiled and then looked at Fili. "I just wish the others were coming as well. It'd be great to have all of us back together. Maybe I could try and find them and bring them here. See if I can stretch that far."
"But did you not say that you found it difficult going to people and bringing them back?" Fili asked. "And I thought you had to travel using your memories?"
"True, but there's nothing stopping me trying, is there? I'm sure they'll all be together, or at least close by to one another."
The door opened again and Thorin stepped back in with Kili and Gandalf filing in after him. "We must get down to the armoury," Thorin said sternly. His face was straight, yet held a very slight trace of annoyance in it. What had Dain said to him?
"Thorin, what's the matter?" Leah asked. She could sense the frustration in not only his face but posture and behaviour.
"Just the nuisance of my cousin," Thorin replied sharply.
Leah shifted from Fili's side over to Thorin and placed her hand on his arm. "What did he say to you?" she asked, concern swimming in her eyes.
"He does not agree that we should leave, and should wait for Azog to come here. Dain has always had a hunger for war and does not consider the consequences of it. He is quite happy enough to sit back and wait so he can charge into battle with an army of dwarves."
"I don't give a shit what Dain thinks," Leah spat. "You're King now, Thorin, and you have the say and authority."
"I am not officially King yet," Thorin sighed. "And that is the issue. Dain still has authority over who enters and leaves Erebor, and their intentions."
"I do not understand why he is being so unreasonable," Kili said. "He watched Azog slay many of our people and he's ready to wait for that to happen again?"
Leah then pitched in. "And this is why I need to go. I can leave this place, and take you with me, without being seen."
"Then I propose that we have a night's rest and still leave at dawn, but we leave in silence and with no attention drawn to ourselves," Thorin said. "I shall go to the armoury before dawn and gather weapons. We will meet there and Leah can transport us out."
A short while later and Leah undressed herself down into a long nightdress which had been brought to her by a servant, the same red haired dwarf woman who had smiled at her and shown nothing but kindness. She had brought different clothes to Leah, of all different styles so she could choose which pieces would be the best for her.
Leah sat down on the chair next to her bed and closed her eyes, feeling the swarm of newfound memories begin to churn in her head, the memories that had lain dormant in her mind for about a month. She remembered the times she would watch Thorin from across the camp and felt the pleasurable pool of moisture between her thighs when she thought of intimacy with him. She remembered the times she would laugh with Bofur and Dwalin, and then try her best to join in with one of their merry songs. She remembered the nights she would go to sleep, under the stars, and wonder what her sister was doing back home. But the heart wrenching memories still remained some of the strongest, the ones that would not let go.
She raced behind Bilbo, needing to see Thorin. She'd done as he insisted and stayed as much out of harm's way as possible, despite the war raging around her. Then she saw him, lying on the ice with Bilbo next to him. Instantly, she felt her breath become so tight. And she ran, not caring if she slipped on the ice or fell through it. Leah cried out his name as she dropped down beside him. There was no way she could hide her feelings for him now. Over the time she'd journeyed alongside him, she'd remained as closed as possible to her feelings, not wanting anyone to sense her love for Thorin Oakenshield. Because, why would he love her?
As she looked into his eyes, she saw the contentment linger there. His hand reached up and she took it in hers, holding it tightly. And then, not even caring any more and acting on pure instinct, she kissed him. Beneath the metallic taste of blood on her lips, she felt him respond, and his hand tightened in hers. Just as she moved her lips away and he took his last breath, Thorin whispered something.
For the first time since truly re-gaining that memory in its purest form, she realised what he had said:
"My love."