Fire and Ice, Again

Surreal. That was really the only word to describe our current predicament. Jacob standing stark naked. He and Edward talking about the possibility of their respective impending deaths as calmly as if they were discussing the news. I think their blasé demeanor made it more difficult for the reality of the situation to set in. Hence, why I had let the conversation continue for several minutes without intervening.

It wasn't until Jacob and Edward fell into an ominous silence, the wolfpack and Cullens' began to retreat a bit to their separate corners, and Jacob stepped back in preparation to phase that the reality finally hit me, and when it did, it was like a ton of bricks. They are really going to fight to the death. I knew I had to do something. Like now.

Before I could, Jacob turned to me, realizing he had something to say before phasing into his wolfy state stopped all conversation between us. "Goodbye, Bella," he said solemnly. "Whether it's goodbye for now or goodbye forever, I'm not sure. But I do know that I'm sorry that I put you in this position. I should never have let you kiss- I mean, I should never have been so excited- I mean," he paused, looking for the right words. After a few moments, it was clear that he wasn't going to be able to find a good way to spit it out, not in front of Edward. So he let the sentence drop. "Anyway," he raised his voice slightly, "I- I- love you. So, so much. More than anything." He looked at me intensely with his black eyes, grabbing my hand with both of his.

It was all too weird. I knew that Jacob was being heartfelt; trying to express himself fully in an intimate moment, that, for all we both knew, could be one of his last. Yet, a part of me just couldn't take him seriously. I mean, he was naked, for crying out loud. How could I possibly?

I needed to shove this discomfort aside- it didn't matter, in the grand scheme of things. What mattered was that Jacob stay alive. I needed to talk him out of this. I forced all of my embarrassment back, and gulped, mentally preparing myself for a moment. Then I let loose. "Wait, Jacob!" I begged. "Please! There could be a new treaty drawn up. One that keeps you and the Cullens' even further apart- a 'no entry' neutral zone in the middle." I was grasping at straws, but I didn't care.

Jacob was looking at me, almost amused, clearly not convinced that any ideas I had would work. I dug deeper. "Or just….let me leave, please!" It killed me to say what I was about to say, but I just had to. I looked at Edward, taking him in, and then back at Jacob. I hesitated. "I….I promise I'll…..never interfere with either of your lives again. I can move to Jacksonville to live with my Mom. And stay away. For a long time. Just….please….don't hurt each other! I won't be able to live if I saw either of you die!" I shoved Jacob away as I backed off a step, trembling uncontrollably.

I noticed both Edward and Jacob's expression shift slightly after my last words. I had been speaking figuratively, but their change in demeanor gave me an idea. It wasn't as though they enjoyed seeing me upset to begin with, but I could now clearly see in their eyes a fear of losing me, not to Jacksonville, but to my own mortality. It was then that I realized just what exactly I needed to say to keep them from fighting. Why hadn't I thought of this before?

"I'll kill myself!" I burst out. "I swear to God, if I have to see either one of you die, I'll kill myself! I mean it!" I screamed the words with such intensity that I knew that everyone had to be thoroughly convinced that they were the truth.

But were they the truth? I had never really thought about killing myself before. Even at the lowest point in my life, when Edward had left, I still managed to wake up every day, inhale, exhale. Even when I didn't do much else, didn't want to do much else, I still accomplished basic life processes. Of course, I had already decided in the recent past to end my life; but that was only for immortality, and to be with Edward for eternity. Could I really stop my own heart, without receiving any of what I wanted in return?

Both Edward and Jacob looked stunned. But Jacob reacted first. He stepped towards me, taking my hand in his again. He spoke in a calm and amazingly mature tone. One would have thought that his age was eighty, not eighteen. At that instant, he sounded just like Billy. "Bella," he said serenely. "Everything Edward said a minute ago is true. He's right. We can't coexist here anymore. Too much damage has been done, and we can't undo it." He started running his hand through my hair, then pressed it to my cheek, where once again fearful tears had started to collect. He wiped them away. "Sssshhhhhh, it's okay," he whispered. "It's all right. Bella, no matter what happens, everything will be just perfect tonight. If I win, than the pack gets to stay, and we won't ever have to deal with them,"- he looked up and gave the Cullens' a murderous glance- "again. They'll be gone, and our tribe will be at peace here forever. And if I lose, than my family will relocate, find someplace where there are no cold ones, and start a new life. And I…." Jacob faltered, looking down.

He kept his head down for a minute, and when he looked back up, I could see that tears had formed at the corners of his eyes. He continued. "…I can die knowing that the last two days of my life," he beamed at me, "were by far the happiest. Spent with the girl of my dreams, who I love with all of my beating heart, with me, in my bed." His eyes flickered with pleasure for a second, but then took on a much more measured expression. "So," he added casually, "it's really a win-win. And there is really no reason for you to do anything drastic. No matter how things turn out." He looked me straight in the eye.

Damnit. He was going to call my bluff. He was obviously not convinced that I was going to follow through with my threat to inflict harm upon myself. And he was not-so-subtly clueing me in on this. Fuck. What was I supposed to do now? I felt as though I had bargained my last chip. I was out of ideas. My expression must have communicated this very clearly to Jake. Occasionally how well Jacob seemed to know me really pissed me off.

"Believe it or not, I wholeheartedly agree with you, Jacob," Edward spoke softly. "I don't feel as though I have anything to lose, either. If Bella were to decide that she wanted to be with you, I would let her go, but I would end my life anyway. At least this way I have a chance of not only eliminating my competition," -Edward returned a pretty sinister look of his own to Jacob- , "but also of restoring peace and tranquility to our entire family." He glanced at the wolfpack. After a second, he looked back and added, "It's undoubtedly worth the risk."

I was in shock. "But….But…." I stammered, trying to come up with a logical counterargument, and failing miserably. Finally, I just tried to pull at their heartstrings. It wasn't practical at all- but it was all I had left. "Please….I just want you both alive. Don't you want to make me happy? Don't you love me?" I squeaked out. I was speaking to both of them. Desperately, I might add.

This time, Edward responded first. Before I knew it, he was two inches away from me, kissing my hand- the opposite hand, I noted, that Jacob had taken into his. "Of course, you silly girl," Edward breathed in his soft velvet voice, "I believe I speak for Jacob as well when I say more than life itself. But both of us are willing to give you one hundred percent of our heart, beating or not. Is it really too much to ask for yours in exchange? Given that Jacob and I are mortal enemies, and that we both want you, all of you, to ourselves, don't you feel that it is a lot for you to expect that we coexist merely so that you could love both of us?"

My heart sank. Of course Edward was right. I was being selfish, and I knew it- yet I kept doing it anyway. I didn't deserve to love both of them. Hell, I didn't deserve to love either one of them. I looked down, avoiding eye contact as more tears trickled down my face. Finally, I nodded. "Yes," I whispered. "It is a lot to expect."

I didn't say anything else. I didn't have to. Those words were my concession. I had no other choice. I couldn't decide between Edward and Jacob- it was impossible. So I was somehow going to have to let them decide for themselves. I wanted them both- but that wasn't fair. So this was how it had to be. I didn't want to accept it, but what else could I do? I couldn't kill myself- because then I couldn't ever have either one of them. That was something that I just couldn't imagine.

I felt Edward's icy fingers on my chin, pulling my head up. "I love you, Bella," he whispered softly. "And I'll love you for the rest of eternity, whether either of us are alive or not. Remember that." He kissed me softly on the lips. "I hope that this isn't goodbye." With that, he retreated and faced Jacob.

I took a cursory glance at Jacob, who breathed a quick, "Me, too." An instant later, I felt Jacob's scorching lips on mine for a split second. But I didn't even get to feel the warmth of his body before he was several feet away and facing Edward again. Clearly, he wanted to kiss me but didn't want the stolen kiss to be the last thing that he ever experienced.

I burst into tears. And for once, for perhaps the first time ever, neither Edward nor Jacob diverted their attention away from each other long enough to console me. I'm not sure either one of them even cast a glance in my general direction. Despite the fact that they were partially fighting each other for me, I never felt so alone.

Edward and Jacob were still several feet apart, circling each other warily like two boxers that had just stepped into the ring. Still crying, I closed my eyes and wiped at my tears. I just couldn't watch.

The next few seconds felt infinite. It was difficult to comprehend the extent of the events that happened in such a short amount of time.

I heard scuffling, hisses, growling. The swishing of grass, thuds on the forest floor. For a few seconds, I didn't hear anything that would indicate to me who was winning or what had happened. But then, I heard it, ever so faintly. A whimper. Jacob. My eyes shot open.

Jacob's wolf form was on the ground, crouched in the fetal position. He was clearly bleeding profusely from the side. Edward was standing over him, arm raised, almost like he was going to bring it down on him hard and crush Jacob's skull with his bare hands.

I completely disregarded my earlier thought process. Seeing Jacob lying there, helpless, made me realize that there was no way that I could just sit back and let him die. This situation was just too fucked up. I had to do something. Third wife.

My first instinct was to grab something sharp and slice it across my wrist, or my neck, distracting them for a few precious seconds. But I fought it. I was worried it wouldn't work- Edward and Jacob were both so tunnel-visioned at the moment; would they even notice? And if they didn't- would I die? The thought was just too morbid. If I was going to die, I needed to make sure I went out on a better note than that.

I needed to decide quickly- Edward looked like he was about to strike. Another idea occurred to me, and I quickly realized that I didn't have another choice. I took a deep breath, and then dove between them.