I'D LIE

"You can't truly heal from a loss until you allow yourself to really FEEL the loss."
― Mandy Hale

Hanna sat in the backseat of Spencer's white SUV. Her knees were pulled up to her chest and she gazed absentmindedly out the window. She didn't pay attention to Aria and Spencer in the front seat trying to make sense of the navigation system. She didn't want to think about anything. Then she felt Emily's comforting hand on her knee. She looked up. Emily offered a weak smile. Hanna rested her head on her friend's shoulder and Emily stroked her blonde hair in an effort to offer some solace.

They couldn't understand the pit of despair she was swimming in. She was only seventeen. It's not like she was in the position to raise a child, but just because she had every intent of giving up the baby, didn't mean she couldn't feel the guilt and pain of loss. Some could argue, giving birth to a baby she never got to hold, was the greatest pain of all. She didn't need to justify her grief.

As Spencer continued on the dark road, the rhythm of the engine lulled Hanna to sleep. Soon her eyes were closed and she was blissfully unaware of the chattering in the front seat. Eventually they arrived and Spencer pulled onto a gravel road and parked outside a wooden cabin.

"We're here," Emily whispered to Hanna.

Hanna stirred awake and rubbed her eyes adjusting to the darkness of night. She slid out of the car and followed her friends inside. Hanna settled into an upholstered chair by the fireplace while Spencer sprouted out commands to the other girls.

"Hey," Emily sat down next to her. "Are you hungry? Can I get you something?"

Hanna shook her head. She didn't want anything. She just wanted to be left alone. But Spencer wouldn't rest until they had cheered her up.

"So," Spencer plopped down on the couch. "What first? Movie? Wine? Charades?"

"Spencer, just stop, okay?" Emily spat at her.

"What did I do?" Spencer was confused.

"This isn't just a breakup," Emily explained. "We can't even begin to comprehend what Hanna went through. Let's just cut the crap, okay?"

"Uh yeah, sorry," Spencer shrugged. "I was just trying to help."

"I know," Hanna spoke finally. "Thanks guys but..."

"What if we just lit a fire," Aria offered. "We can make s'mores and not talk unless we want to..."

Spencer got up to start the fireplace. Emily grabbed the marshmallows from the cupboard and Hanna pulled out her phone. She needed the kind of comfort that none of her friends could provide, so she texted him.

"I was thinking," Spencer broke the silence, "and maybe this is the worst idea ever, but Hanna, maybe you could give Melissa a call. She did go through the same thing after all."

"I don't think talking to Melissa is going to make me feel better," Hanna retorted.

"Just a suggestion," Spencer replied.

They were all silent. None of them could imagine what Hanna had gone through in the last few weeks. Even Aria knew that Ezra's latest revelation didn't hurt nearly as much as the pain Hanna went through. As the log started to die out, Spencer stood up and wiped her hands.

"I was thinking," she said aloud, "Aria and I can take the upstairs bedroom. Em, you and Hanna can have the basement. That way you won't hear us in the morning. You can sleep in as late as you want."

"Thanks," Hanna managed a smile.

She got up and grabbed her duffel bag following Emily downstairs. Hanna wriggled out of her clothes and threw on a pair of leggings and flannel. Then she crawled into the bed next to Emily. Just before they turned out the light, she sent her mom a quick text to let her know everything was okay. That's when she herself received a text.

I'm outside.

"I'm going to get some water," Hanna informed Emily.

She threw off the covers and tiptoed upstairs. When she looked out the window, she saw the familiar truck parking in the winding driveway with the lights off. She stepped outside pulling her flannel tighter around her torso.

"Hey," she smiled at Travis who was leaning against the truck. "What are you doing here?"

"You said you needed to get away," he replied. "I brought my valiant steed."

"While I appreciate the gesture," she laughed. "I meant more in a metaphorical sense."

"Oh," he laughed. "I guess I look dumb."

"Do you want to come inside?" she asked.

"Sure," he smiled.

She took his hand and led him into the dark cabin. Careful not to wake anyone else, they turned on a dim lamp. Hanna grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water, offering a second one to Travis.

"Thanks," he took a sip.

She placed her glass down and rested her hands on Travis' muscular chest. A shiver slid down his spine. Slowly, her hand wandered to his cheek and she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him gently. This was unfamiliar territory. She was used to Caleb. They fit together perfectly. Travis was taller. And even on her tiptoes, he still had to lean down to meet her lips. His hands wandered her body and she unbuttoned her top inviting him in. But in a second, he pulled away.

"We can't," he told her.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Look," his eyes showed sincerity, "as much as I want this...us...to happen, this just isn't the best time. I don't want to be your rebound."

"Thanks," she smiled. "I guess I needed that."

"I can be your friend," he told her, "but the other stuff...maybe we should just give it more time."

"Okay," she sighed. "But since you're already here, could you stay with me?"

"Is that really a good idea?" he asked.

"I won't try anything," she assured him. "Promise."

He caved. They sat down on the couch and Hanna rested her head against his shoulder. Then she grabbed a blanket to cover them both. For the first time in a long while, she felt safe.

It felt like Hanna had only closed her eyes when she was awoken by the sound of the coffee machine dripping. She vaguely sensed two figures whispering in the kitchen. Her eyes opened. She was wedged in between Travis' arms. She slithered out of the blanket and tiptoed into the kitchen where Spencer and Aria were decked out in running shoes and sweats.

"So," Spencer winked at her.

"It's not like that," Hanna snapped.

"When did he show up?" Aria asked.

"Last night," Hanna replied. "I kind of asked him to come."

"Well," Spencer smirked, "don't let us keep you. We're going for a run."

"Alright," Hanna sighed.

She watched as her friends closed the front door, shaking the entire cabin. Travis woke up with a start. Looking around, he finally placed his surroundings.

"Sorry," Hanna told him. "They're on a serious workout regimen. No slacking allowed."

"It's alright," he smiled. "I should probably get on the road anyway."

"You can stay," she replied. "It's the last weekend of summer."

"I don't think it's a good idea," he said. "When you're ready, I'll be there."

She understood. She needed time to get over Caleb and everything that came with their breakup. Falling into a new relationship with Travis would only make her more miserable. She liked that about him, though. The fact that he put her needs in front of his own selfish desires. She could someone like that in her life.