A/N: Worms, worms worms... please don't hurt me. Alright, before there is any confusion, the song is You're the Top, composed by Cole Porter and as sung by Ella Fitzgerald. This chapter was better when the lyrics were in it, but they had to go bye-bye. And the last bit of this chapter...

Disclaimer: I don't own the turtles or associated characters, places or whatnot. I don't get paid, and I mean no harm. Please don't sue.

Chapter 14 - Consequences of a Drunk Leonardo

Leo went down with a heavy thud.

"Geez Donnie!" Raph exclaimed as he jumped to his feet. There wasn't much that could sober one up quite as quickly as watching Don hit Leo.

"He told me to!" Don defended himself weakly, talking more to the floor than anyone else.

"That's not what he meant and you know it!" Mikey shouted.

Leo popped up off the floor where he'd fallen and crawled into the nearest available seat. That seat happened to already be occupied by John. "Did he hit me yet?" Leo asked as he picked up his cards again. Glancing around, he caught the strange looks on his brothers' faces. "Oh, are we not playing anymore? Alright." Leo started looking for other sources of entertainment.

Moments after it happened it seemed the whole incident was completely forgotten. With the quantities of alcohol his brothers had consumed, Leo in particular, Don couldn't say that he was surprised. But he sunk down in his chair anyway and desperately wished that he could still pull himself inside his shell. He wanted to go home. The noise, the bizarre behavior of his brothers, the smells, the sheer number of people, it was all making him a little crazy. What the shell had he been thinking? He hadn't had that much to drink, only a couple sips of various things that were placed in front of him at the beginning of the night and about a quarter of whatever this was in his glass now that he'd been working on for the past hour.

The song started and Leonardo recognized the tune. He immediately, and much to his brothers' shock, started singing to his new, uh, friend. Leonardo didn't care about anything around him other than the music that flooded his soul. He faced his new friend and began belting a Cole Porter classic.

"I didn't know that tune had words." John said in quiet awe.

The first thing that struck Raphael was surprise that Leo not only knew the words to this song, but he apparently knew them quite well. As his very drunken brother continued to sing he found something else out. Leo was pretty darned good, especially for one as smashed as he currently was. Raphael settled in with his post-drinking game shoek to clear his taste buds of the bizarre drinks Mikey had chosen and watch the evening's entertainment courtesy of his incredibly drunken brother.

Leonardo continued his song and even began a somewhat unbalanced dance around John. His usually unmatched self control had gone out the window for the night. Tonight was about having a good time, right? And that was just what he was going to have!

All Donatello could do was stare at his usually straight laced brother. At least it was something to focus on other than his boneheaded mistake earlier. Somehow, he suspected that there had been some foul play during the drinking game earlier. One glance at Raphael and Michelangelo was all he needed to confirm his suspicions. He considered getting after them for it, but decided against it. For starters they'd never hear the end of it from Leo, that is, if their brother ever admitted to being quite this far gone. And second, watching this was just way too much fun. Raphael was looking smug with his shoek resting on the arm of his chair, and Michelangelo's garish multicolored drink had already been rescued from the table as Leo continued his song and dance routine. What Don had now was a rather fruity concoction that John had recommended. It tasted kind of Hawaiian, like pineapple and coconut, and it was a little too sweet, but at least it didn't have that awful aftertaste the shoek did and it wasn't syrupy like the Triklos. He reached for his drink then leaned back in his chair to watch the scene his brother was making a la Ella Fitzgerald.

Leonardo danced his way around the table and back to his new friend. The blue masked turtle had put an arm around the guy's shoulders and was singing specifically to him. If he had had eyelashes, he would have been batting them.

It was all that Michelangelo could do not to bust up laughing. He knew he wouldn't be able to control himself much longer, this was just too much. Somewhere in the back of his mind Mikey knew that Leo was not going to be happy in the morning. If he and Raph were lucky then Leo wouldn't remember a thing, but somehow he had a feeling that Leo would find out one way or another exactly what had happened here tonight. And that was a frightening thought. However, it wasn't enough to decrease his enjoyment of the scene in front of him. Mikey watched as Leo's song got louder and his actions more and more outrageous. Leo had gone from just singing the song with a little dancing, to acting it out. The words sounded almost coy now, and every so often he tipped his head to the side in a way that Mike would almost call seductive. The clincher that made Mikey absolutely sure that something a little funny was going on here was when Leo had sat down in John's lap and tapped the guy's lips while singing about John being the smile of the Mona Lisa.

Raphael was slightly surprised that John hadn't pushed Leo away yet. In fact, the guy seemed to be lapping the attention up. A sudden memory crossed his mind and he wondered what exactly 'clamming hands' meant. Leo's behavior at the moment certainly wasn't something that Raph would tolerate from someone who was just a friend.

Leo had flopped back rather dramatically when the song called for it, and had nearly tumbled off John's lap, but John had somehow managed to prevent the fall. By this time, Donatello was quite sure that Leo had no idea how right he was in singing that he was a total wreck and a flop. The blue masked turtle was definitely wrecked and flopping around like a fish out of water. Never in his life had he seen Leo this plastered. Come to think of it, he had never seen Leo plastered, period. And it was something that he could live a long and happy life without ever witnessing again. Don was more than a little surprised when he noticed that it seemed as though Leo truly liked this guy. Personally, he found Cora more interesting in that way, but hey, if John could make Leo happy then Don had no intention of standing in the way. He just hoped that John didn't take Leo's actions tonight too seriously.

Leonardo turned the charm up a notch and was definitely playing with John in his drunken state. If Raph had been suspicious before, he was sure now. John wanted more from Leo than just friendship. He and his brothers watched a little dumbstruck as Leo snuggled into John's lap and played the game shamelessly. Oh there would be shame, of that they were certain; there just wasn't any right now. Raphael began to wonder if that drinking game earlier had been such a great idea. If Leo remembered this in the morning, or worse and more likely if he heard about it, Raphael knew that he would be dead. So dead. What had he been thinking? Leo was going to kill him for this one. But Mikey had been in on it too, maybe he could use that. Don hadn't stopped them, come to think of it Don hadn't known about the deception. At least he hadn't when Mike had gotten the drinks, Donnie was bright enough to have figured it out by now though.

Mikey could only watch what was quickly becoming an embarrassing scene when his brother, ne'er-do-ill, Splinter Jr., always in control, fearless leader Leonardo rubbed his beak against John's nose and continued his merry way through the song that was quickly becoming obnoxious. Mikey found himself hoping that the instrumental would run out leaving Leo high and dry.

People were beginning to notice the ruckus. If Donatello thought he wanted nothing more than to pull his head into his shell and disappear earlier, that had nothing on right now. Or better yet, he could slip away and disappear into the many shadows of the club around him. It would be so easy... But he had to stay. Leo was going to need help getting home. After what he'd done earlier, he owed Leo that much.

You're the nimble tread of the feet of Fred Astaire
You're an O'neil Drama
You're Whistler's mama
You're my Johnny-Bear

Ok, maybe Leo didn't know all the lines, or he was playing, Raphael wasn't quite sure which. At this point no one was sure anymore. And Leo had drawn quite a crowd. This was a side of Leonardo that Raph had never seen, and actually rather hoped that he would never see again. He made a note to himself: no more drinking games with Leo. When he gets drunk it's incredibly embarrassing. Leonardo sat facing John, straddling his lap and he reached out and clasped his hands behind the man's neck and made him sway with the music.

Don, FINALLY, recognized that the end of the song was fast approaching and put his drink down on the table. He made ready to announce that it was time to go home.

Leo was positively cuddling with John in the little chair, and John seemed quite content to cuddle back. The little public display of affection was just about too much for Raphael, who made ready to speak, but John beat him to it.

"Come home with me, Leo." John slurred, he was almost as drunk as the turtle who had claimed his lap.

The three turtles still capable of at least some semblance of linear thinking, at least until they heard that statement, were struck speechless. Three trains of thought promptly derailed

"I don't know, John. I'm supposed to be home already. It's late. Sensei would be mad if he knew that I was still out." Leo then lowered his voice and moved closer to John's ear. In what would have been a whisper if he had any concept of volume at the moment, he said, "He'd be REALLY mad if he knew that I was in a bar!"

"I promise not to hurt you."

"I don't know, I can't think too good right now." Leo admitted, shaking his head slowly from side to side as if he were trying to clear it. "Why don't you ask Mikey? He can be my conscience for the evening."

"Now you know he isn't thinking straight, having Mikey as his conscience." Raphael whispered to Donatello.

"It took you this long to come to that conclusion? What the shell did you put in his drink?" Don shot back in a whisper just loud enough for Raph to hear over the music.

"Mikey? Can I take Leo home tonight?" John implored.

"What? Me? Why are you asking me?"

"Leo said that you're his conscience tonight. He really wants to come." John pleaded.

"Me?" Mikey had heard Leo's declaration, but had no idea what to do with it. "No, no, no. He was mistaken. Yeah, that's it. I'm not his conscience."

"Great then we'll just be…" John was making an attempt at standing up unsteadily and helping a very drunk Leonardo to his feet.

"No, Leo was just mistaken, Donnie's his conscience!" Mike declared triumphantly as he pointed at his purple masked brother. John aborted the attempts to stand such that he and Leo dropped back into their chair.

Donatello was not the least bit amused by this turn of events. He didn't want to be Leo's conscience. Sure the guy was friendly and Leo did appear to want to go, but he KNEW that Leo would regret it in the morning if he did. And now that Don had been made his conscience… Well Don didn't want that responsibility, especially with all the people who were still watching them. Raph and Mike made the mess, and now it seemed that Don was left to clean it up, as usual. Though, he had been the one to hit Leo earlier… He sighed and moved toward the strange pair on the chair.

"Oh, I don't know, John." Don finally answered. "I think he should really come home with us where he can sleep..."

"We'll sleep!" John promised loudly, and Don cringed. It wasn't the sleep, as in REM, delta, etc. that he was worried about, it was the other activities that might come up.

Raph was starting to get a little angry with this man and was about to forcibly pull his brother from John's lap. With a quick look to Raphael, Don promised to take care of the situation and Raph stormed out of the bar. Mikey followed, making sure Raph didn't do anything stupid. Now Donatello was on his own, and he wasn't too fond of that prospect.

"I'm sure you will. All the same we should really be getting home. Our father will not be happy if we come home without Leo." So Master Splinter might not find out anytime soon, but he would find out eventually, and Don was sure that he would not be happy.

"You can come too, and sleep on the couch!" John suggested.

Oh, SHELL no! "I'm sorry, John, but that's really not going to happen." Though Don tried to keep his tone polite, he wasn't sure how successful he had been. Kneeling in front of the couple, Donatello gently pulled Leo, who was curled up and half asleep in the other man's arms, away from John. Leo made a sad little noise at being pulled from his warm, comfortable spot. Donnie continued to pull, slowly and gently, until Leo finally broke his hold on John.

"Bye-bye, Johnny." Leo slurred sadly with an exaggerated frown on his face. Almost as soon as his hold on John was broken Leo threw his arms around Donatello's neck, much to his brother's surprise, and snuggled up against Donnie's plastron.

Oh you've got to be kidding me! Don now found himself in a rather awkward position, and really wished that Raph or Mikey were here to back him up, and people were staring. He really wished he hadn't been crouching when he had pulled Leo away from John. The position left too much in the way of a lap, and Leo seemed to have claimed it. Also, he now had to stand up somehow, and he wasn't quite sure how he was going to do it. Finally, he shifted Leo a little and for lack of anything better cradled his brother similar to how one would carry a young child to bed. Or a husband carrying his new wife over the threshold, Don thought catching the looks from the bar's other patrons. Leo, you are way too big to be carried around like this!

Don found his other brothers just outside the club. "You two owe me." He announced to the other turtles who were still capable of standing on their own two feet.

"Here, this is your fault, you carry him." Don ordered as he tried to give Leo to Raphael, but Leo refused to release his hold on Don's neck.

"No! Stay with Donnie!" Leo insisted with a hiccup as he held tighter to Don's neck. "They not nice." Apparently some part of Leo knew that Raph and Mikey had been up to something this evening, at least he did for now. Their actions must have stuck with him more the the fist to the jaw.

"Sorry Donnie," Mikey grinned, "seems you're stuck with him."

Donatello glared at his standing brothers. "Fine. Are we moving or not? He's heavy."

To Raphael it was more than obvious that even if Leo didn't remember tonight's events Don most definitely would, and he was not the slightest bit amused. In fact, he seemed a might bit snippy at the moment. Raph was quite aware that he owed his quiet brother big time.