Yeah, it's been a while. Blame life, 'cause that's who I'm pointing my finger at.

Disclaimer: The usual

On with the show...

The next evening Dottie and I walked the three blocks over to the college campus she was attending. Apparently there was some party there and she'd asked me to come with. Well, aside from sitting on her couch and watching Rawhide and Bonanza I had nothing to do anyways. Yeah, I liked westerns. You would too if the only thing your kid brother ever watched was Perry Mason, The Addams Family, Mr. Ed, and The Honeymooners. He controlled the TV because he was the only one not too lazy to get up and change the channel. At least there was some action in a western. I wondered if it would have been better to have never got off the couch because as we got closer I could tell there would be no action at this party.

Everyone was dressed up nice when we walked in and I felt immediately out of place in my clean shirt and roughed up jeans. There was soft music playing and I could tell you for a fact it wasn't Elvis or Hank Williams. When Dottie asked me to this school party, I wasn't sure what to expect. Now I knew what it was like to be a greaser at a Soc party. I felt stupid for coming. Yeah, it's not unusual for me to feel this way, but tonight I was really hoping I could just be someone else. Maybe if I had have gone on to college instead of Nam, I wouldn't have felt so out of place right then.

"You ok?"

I glanced down at where Dottie was giving me a look that I often got from Darry. It was the 'you look like you're about to bolt' look. I was all right, just horribly out of place. I shrugged looking around the party.

"Fine. Just out of place."

"Just mingle and you'll do fine," she urged. "If not, I know for a fact those boys plan to spike the punch."

"Real wild crowd," I said sarcastically and she smirked at me.

"Just wait. I'm sure someone's going to get a paper cut and all hell's going to break loose," she teased and I smirked. "Come on, I'll introduce you to some girls I know."

"Trying to set me up on a date already?" I asked and she elbowed me in the ribs.

"Anyone ever tell you you're an asshole?" she asked and I nodded.

"Daily in some cases."

Dottie ignored my comment and pulled me towards where a blonde and a redhead were standing. I didn't know either of them, but they were looking at me like they knew me better than was socially proper. I wanted to squirm, but you just didn't do that when you were a tough greaser.

"Charlene, Franny; I'd like you to meet –"

"Sodapop. Sure, we know him," Charlene broke in.

"Works down at the DX. rain or shine. If it's shine, he doesn't even wear a shirt some days…" Franny trailed off.

"No, this isn't Sodapop," Dottie said looking at me with a confused frown and I shrugged.

"He's my twin brother," I explained and she pinched my arm – hard.

"Ow," I said, rubbing at it to take the sting out.

"You might want to mention that the next time you meet someone," she pointed out and I shrugged.

"I told them, didn't I?"

Dottie shook her head at me and the girls looked me over like I was something new now. I think I liked the weird intimate looks over this hungry cannibal look I was getting now.

"I'm gonna grab some punch. Want some?" I asked and Dottie nodded.

I went over to the punch table, circling it so I could still see the girls. Would you turn your back on two girls who looked like they wanted to eat you alive? Yeah, didn't think so either.

They were all giggling over something and Dottie was blushing something awful. I tried to concentrate on hearing what they were talking about. I'd noticed no one ever seemed to want to talk directly to me, but rather about me. These girls were no different. It was frustrating.

"How'd you land him, Dot?" Charlene asked and Dottie shook her head slightly.

"We work together. We're friends."

"Honey, that is not a boy you're friends with," Charlene informed her. "That is the kind of boy you get to know every part of with your tongue."

"Charlie!" Dottie looked scandalized and I rolled my eyes.

Girls.

"Seriously," Charlene jumped in again. "If you can't have the hot DX boy, take the twin."

"He looks glum," Franny stated, tilting her head to the side a little to look over at me.

"He's going through a rough patch," Dottie explained.

"He needs ice cream." Franny said. "Ice cream makes everything better."

I decided to put a stop to the conversation before it got any further.

"Here," I said, handing Dottie the cup of punch. "It's not spiked yet."

"Thanks," she said with a blush still tingeing her cheeks.

"So," Charlie said, smiling at me over her own cup, "The party is turning out to be pretty dull."

"What do you suggest?" Dottie asked.

"Well, we could head on over to The Way Out and get some dancing in."

"I like that idea," Franny nodded.

"What do you think?" Charlie asked, looking over at me and I shrugged.

"If you want to see a good beating, then sure."

All three of the girls frowned and I sighed. Girls. You had to spell everything out for them.

"It's a Soc hang out."

"So?" Franny asked and realization seemed to dawn on Dottie. "Why should that matter?"

"He's a Greaser," Dottie pointed out. "He wouldn't be caught dead at the Way Out without starting a fight."

I smirked at her. Yeah, she got it.

"That old thing is still going on?" Charlie tittered. "Silly for them to be fighting like that."

I set my still full punch cup down and was about to tell her exactly what was silly about it when Dottie set a hand on my forearm and looked her friends over coolly.

"It isn't silly to them," she pointed out. "Anyways, I think we should get going. I'll see you both in class on Monday."

She turned the pair of us around right about then and we made our way back towards the exit.

"You don't have to leave," I told her.

It had been the same attitude of anyone who hadn't grown up on one side of it or the other. I was more than used to it.

"Were you having fun? I sure wasn't," she replied. "Lets go do something fun!"

"Like what?" I asked, thinking that my idea of fun and her idea of fun probably weren't the same thing.

"Well, let's head on over to the pool hall or go dancing or something," she suggested, "If we get bored, there's a bottle of Bourbon at my place."

"You should know better, working at a bar and all," I told her with a smirk.

"I do know better. Sometimes I just don't care." She shrugged, leading the way out of the party and back to the quiet sidewalk we'd taken to get there barely half an hour ago.

I shook my head and followed Dottie wherever she wanted to go.

The next morning, I woke up pretty hung over on Dottie's couch. The room spun for the first few minutes after I opened my eyes and it took a lot of effort to get that under control. The TV was off and the apartment was quiet. I assumed Dottie was either out or passed out. I groaned, wondering if I had work or not. I didn't even know what day it was. I couldn't even remember the last time I got this drunk. In fact, I distinctly remember having given up drinking at one point and swearing I was never going to feel this bad again. I finally managed to sit up and glanced at the coffee table. There was an empty bottle of Tequila sitting there. I frowned. I thought it was Bourbon we were going to be drinking. It was no wonder I felt this sick if we'd gone through that whole bottle of Tequila.

I tried to think about just what happened last night. It was pretty much an alcohol induced blur, but from the little gaps in the Tequila whirlwind I recalled we'd gone dancing and ended up at Buck's at some point. That explained the hang over. Buck promised me a bottle of Tequila when I finally brought another chick in with me. I was surprised either of us remembered that. It had been years since he promised me that. Lily thought drinking was immoral at our age and never came with me, even if I told her I was going it sober that night. She didn't trust me around my friends where there would be a bar.

Dottie obviously didn't have that problem. She was legal and kept a bottle of bourbon in the house. She was the one that got me drinking this time. She was the one who worked at a bar and said she didn't care sometimes, even if she knew better.

I sighed, hoping to hell I wasn't comparing the women in my life. Dottie was just a friend and Lily was just a memory. Right now I didn't need anyone complicating my life more than I was already complicating it on my own.

There was a knock on the door a few minutes later and I ignored it. The person knocked again and I hollered for them to just come in. I finally got up after the third round of banging and wondered who my hangover had managed to bug already. I pulled the door open and frowned.

"What're you doing here?" I asked.

"Pepsi, are you drunk?" Soda asked, closing the door behind him and I waved him off.

"No, I'm hung over. There's a difference," I grunted, sitting back down on the couch while Soda looked around the living room with his hands in his pockets. "What are you doing here, Sodapop?"

"We've been looking for you for two days," he answered. "So when these two girls mentioned they'd seen you at a party last night and that you'd been with a friend of theirs…well, I thought it was worth a try."

I sighed. I really didn't like Franny and Charlene any more today than I did last night.

"Well, you found me," I pointed out.

"Yeah. Did you drink that whole bottle of Tequila?" Soda asked, picking it up and shaking it to make sure there was nothing left in it.

"No, Dottie helped," I paused. "I think. We did some shots at Bucks before we ended up here."

"Well, you look like hell."

"Thank you, Sodapop. Now, would you get to the point of this little visit?"

Soda sighed, sitting on the couch near my feet, his fingers searching for the pilling fabric that was basically making up our whole couch at home. He didn't find any on Dottie's, so he started pulling at his denim-covered knee. I sighed and offered him my ankle where the fabric of my jeans was falling apart in strings. He smirked lightly before pulling at them. It was a nervous habit of Sodapop's. He did it whenever there was too little going on and he needed something to do with his hands. At least he had that. I don't know how many times I had considered picking up smoking just to have something to do with my hands.

Soda sighed and looked at my leg for a few minutes before finally saying something.

"Ponyboy told me what happened."

I nodded. Yeah, the kid used to tell me everything, too. Soda had always been the first stop, though. Soda always knew what to say to make things better. Soda always had good ideas and ways to comfort the kid. Me? Well, I was good at beating up whoever had made the kid upset. I glanced at the Tequila and figured I'd managed to do it again.

"I know," I replied, hoping Soda would go on.

"He was pretty shaken up." Soda met my eyes then. "Do you really think we want you dead?"

I sighed. This is why context was so important.

"I didn't say that. I meant it would have been easier if I hadn't made it out of Nam."

"How can you say that?" he demanded. "You were dead for four months to us and they were some of the hardest months of our lives. After losing Mom and Dad and then Johnny and Dallas…How can you say that?"

"Soda…"

"You and me, we don't always act like it, but we're twins. You died and it felt like something was missing all the time. I felt like that with Mom and Dad, but it went away after a while. Then you came back and it was there again."

Soda was looking like I'd shot his puppy and I couldn't look at him. The tequila bottle occupied my vision as Sodapop sighed and seemed to be thinking on what he wanted to say next. Either that or he was waiting for me to say something. I didn't know what to say. I hadn't thought Sodapop was that passionate about who we were. I'd never been that way. Sodapop was my brother. I'd always treated him like he and Darry and Pony were equal. The pair of us had always stayed out of each other's way and we really had nothing in common. It made me wonder how I would feel if we were in each other's shoes. I didn't want to think on that. My head thumped enough on its own without those pleasant little thoughts thrown in.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Soda," I finally said when it looked like Sodapop wasn't going to say anything.

"It's not what you say; it's what you do. Lately you've been shoving us all away. You've even pretty much run away from home."

"I haven't been gone that long."

"Sure feels like it," Soda informed me. "You haven't really been here since you and Lily broke it off."

"I'm fine," I told Soda before he could start.

"I mean, you were so happy to be home and then you started having nightmares," Soda went on, "And you won't talk about them. You act like you're punishing yourself for whatever went on over there."

"You weren't there, Soda," I sighed, closing my eyes.

"What did you do that was so bad? Everyone killed over there. Steve killed! But you both came back alive."

I pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes, hoping to make the pain of my hangover go away. Soda had no idea what I'd done. He had no idea.

He sighed and pulled at a few more of the strings on my cuff. "Ponyboy was only trying to help."

Help? He'd forced me into a corner. He'd called me a coward. He'd tried to make me relive the things I never wanted to think about again. And then he'd pulled back so suddenly I'd metaphorically face planted. They had no clue. None of them. Darry was the only one who seemed to get the hint and leave me alone.

"I know."

And I did know. In his own way, he was trying to help. I just wished he would actually take a step back and give me a little more space. I smirked a little. Pony and Darry weren't like that. You either went all out or you weren't trying. I'd forgotten how tenacious he could be. I shouldn't have been surprised.

"So, are you going to come home?"

"Soda, I'm not sure if I can even get up again, let alone make it home."

"And that's what brothers are for," he said, standing up and offering me his hand. "C'mon, Darry has the day off and he said he'd cook your favorite, if I could find you."

I groaned one last time for good measure before grabbing Soda's hand. He pulled me up and I stood stock still, letting the world stop spinning.

"You ok?" Soda asked and I nodded.

"Lets go home, Sodapop."

Ok, I will try very hard to work on updating more! Hey, beats coming up short on a promise, right?

Any comments at all are welcome and flames are accepted.

See ya in the funny papers!!!

Tens and Zickachik