John takes his first step in starting a serious relationship.
Concentration, that was key. Jade's words kept ringing in John's head.
'The thing you have to remember here is that your powers are different from everyone else's. Everyone's powers are different and they all work in different ways! My powers took a lot of concentrating and visualizing before I learned to take control. I have to see what I want to summon or change in my mind, and then I will it to me or away from me, or I think about how big or small I want to make it. Roxy, on the other hand, has to concentrate on what she wants to make out of nothing. She has to have a picture perfect image in her mind and not let any other thoughts distract her. If I want to summon something, I have to know where I can find it before I can bring it to where I am, but Roxy can make something completely new out of nothing at all. It's different see? I don't know how you'll use your powers, but if we try enough things we should be able to find something that works!'
Concentrate; you have to take control.
'Your emotions seem to really affect your powers, so if you want to control them you're going to have to stay calm.'
Breathe in deep; breathe out slow and long.
'Imagine the energy like a physical force inside you! Swirling in all directions, like a cyclone. Control it. Imagine you're grabbing it, cupping it in the palm of your hands, molding it into a ball. Smooth out the rough edges, make it gentle, soften it. Tell it that you're in charge now. Feel it expand and contract when *you* tell it to. Bend it around into a gentle curve, a playful breeze! You just have to learn how to control it.'
Concentrate.
John took a deep breath, and then opened his eyes. The world around him became brighter, crisper with a yellow light around the edges of his vision. He could feel the course of power inside of himself. It was just like Jade said. It moved in all directions, following the paths of his nerves and his veins. They were a part of him, so that meant he could control it.
Moving slowly, purposefully, he lifted his arms up, feeling the wind rise with them, blowing his clothes and hair upwards with a low whistle. It gentled to a soft breeze when he curled his hands inwards, then down. He could do this. He could make it obey his will. He could learn to be its master, its companion. All he had to do was concentrate.
Concentrate.
'What the hell was that?!'
Ngh...
Just a sudden thought, a memory from a few hours earlier. He tried to wave it off, but now it wouldn't let him be.
'John, I need you to calm down.'
'No, seriously! What the hell was that? What happened down there?!'
It starts off feeling like just a twitch. A niggling little bump in the smoothness of his thoughts. Just the smallest distraction, really. One thought about something else and the swirl of energy shivered in his control, seeped past the gap of his fingers like little streams of water. They grew out of control, like they had formed their own invisible white water rapids ride and everyone wanted to tag along.
The wind shrieked as it rushed past him. No! He could do better than that. He had to!
Concentrate. Concentrate! John mentally scolded himself. This was important; he couldn't let himself get distracted.
But the all too recent memory couldn't stop itself from unfolding in his mind once again.
Mmnh...
'It's nothing to make such a big deal over! Look, if you just sit down and-'
'Are you kidding me?! Were we even in the same room just now?! Were you looking somewhere else?'
'John, you need to calm down before you start another-!'
"John, you're not concentrating!" real Jade's voice cut through memory Jade's, snapping John's attention back to the present. Her voice was loud, but muted by the howl of the air currents swirling around them on all sides, keeping them just barely safe in the eye of the tornado. He was supposed to be focusing his mind on gentler breezes than this, but apparently his powers reflected his mental unrest.
Dammit!
"Uuurgh!" John growled in disgust and completely let go of the remaining tendrils of control he had on his energy. The harsh, wild wind dispersed, dropping all the debris it had picked up. Tree branches, leaves, dirt, pieces of bark, all rained down around them, on them. The jungle was oddly quiet around them now. Even the strange din of creature sounds having died down long ago.
"You have to focus harder than this if you want to start gaining control of your power, John," Jade chastised. "I know what you were thinking about, and it's definitely not helping you. Especially since you were the one who said you didn't want to talk about it in the first place." She tried in vain to smooth twigs, leaves, and dirt out of her hair, biting back small, frustrated growls.
"Oh really? Mind reading one of your powers now?" John snapped.
"Don't get mad at me that you're in cycle, and it's making you moody! It's not my fault," the girl huffed.
"And how would you know?" John scoffed. He felt an irrational surge of anger that Jade would bring this up when he had said maybe a few hours ago that he didn't want to talk about it.
Jade gave him a look, and then rolled her eyes. "Because I'm not one of the many people you've been making goo-goo eyes at. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one you're not looking at even a little. Fuck you for that, by the way! I am a gorgeous woman, John Egbert, and I am a catch!"
John choked on his own breath, eyes widening in shock at the sudden swerve the conversation had taken, blue dusting his cheeks. Oh god, was she right? She was right, wasn't she? John had eyed everyone at some point or another… except her. He hadn't had the smallest questionable thought about her, even though he had thought about her older brother…
URGH! And why was that? Why Jake? Why Dave or Dirk? Why not her? At least Rose and Roxy made sense! But no! His weird troll heritage had him indiscriminately ogling all his friends, both guys and girls, but for some reason not Jade. And now Jade had noticed and her feelings were clearly hurt. He didn't like the idea that he had hurt her, even accidentally. It twisted and tightened up something cold in his chest. "J-Jade... I don't... I mean, it's not that I find you not sexy! You're so sexy! I swear to god you are, and," he babbled on half words and sputtered apologies until the tall girl started laughing. "…What?"
"Oh my god, John, you're so cute sometimes, I can't stand it!" Jade fought to bite back more giggles, tittering behind her hand breathlessly. Her shoulders shook with the force it took to hold the rest of it back. "D-don't worry about it! I'm not after your concupiscent quadrants, either."
She wasn't after one of his...? What?
John could only stare at her in shock, hot indignation slowly bubbling its way up his throat. "First off, I don't even know what that means! Secondly: what the hell? I'm already freaking out enough about of all this shit going on; what I am, and what's going on with my body, and… everything else that somehow involves me or is my fault because of my biology, or something! Not to mention my stupid lack of control with my powers that I can't seem to get right! All of that without worrying about upsetting your Amazonian feelings!"
Jade's expression softened as she realized she had probably gone too far. "You're not doing that bad. It's not easy controlling your powers at first, and yours started off especially strong! Don't lose hope. We just got started on your training. You'll get the hang of things, you'll see." She did her best to use a soothing voice as she walked up to the small boy, resting her hand on his shoulder.
John quickly shrugged her off, rounding on the ball of his foot to fix her with a stare that held all his frustration (It was adorably petulant, Jade thought. Especially when John had to tilt his head up to meet her gaze). "It's not that and you know it's not that! How am I supposed to concentrate on anything else when I'm freaking out about the fact that I'm in heat?!"
Jade winced. "John, you're not in heat."
"What would you call it then?" the submissive shouted, making a wide, arcing gesture with his arms.
Jade sighed. "You're… ovulating. And okay, maybe your body is producing hormones that are making you a little warm under the collar, but it's nothing drastic and nothing you can't control if you're just careful. Does this mean you're ready to talk about it now?"
"I..." John balked, eyes going as wide as dinner plates. He had walked himself right into that one, hadn't he? And he wanted to say no, he wasn't ready, he was never going to be ready! But... that was sort of the point. He was never going to be ready, but that didn't mean that he could let himself be unprepared for the rest of his life.
With a soft sigh, he nodded. "I guess we should talk about all of this, huh?"
"Do you remember what we talked about before? About what talking this out sort of entails?" Jade asked, looking almost a little unsure herself.
Maybe John was imagining it, but he could swear that there was the lightest hue of lime green dusting her cheeks. It was simultaneously comforting and a little distressing. Jade was supposed to be the confident one! Jade knew up from down while John was flailing for some anchor sturdy enough to latch on to.
"You mean," John felt the rise of a blush on his own cheeks, "the whole, you know, moray eel thing?" Suddenly the scuff marks on his new shoes were utterly fascinating.
"Moirail," Jade corrected, smiling despite her obvious nerves.
"Right, that. Umm... That troll thing that you feel for me." John was sure his entire face was blue by now, but at least the more flustered he got, the less nervous Jade seemed to be. Somehow that made it seem worth the embarrassment, the nerves, and the conflicting emotions.
"A little, yeah. Maybe more than just a little. To be honest, I'm not sure if we'd be the most perfect match for each other. But you need someone right now, and out of everyone here, I think I'm the best fit."
"That's so romantic, Jade," John deadpanned.
"Quiet, you!" Jade shoved John's shoulder. "You know I think you're adorable, too."
Despite the playful nature, her expression was quick to sober, regarding him in earnest. "But really, John. I do like you, and I feel protective of you. I want to help you. From anyone who wants to hurt you, from any hurt or confusion or sadness you feel, inflicted by others or even by yourself. I want to make sure you stay happy and healthy. It's been… killing me! These past few days where you've been so confused and conflicted."
"I… I haven't been that bad!" John tried in vain to defend his pride. "I've been dealing with it pretty good on my own." But he knew she was right.
"I just… I was torn between not wanting to interfere because you wanted so much to handle it on your own and wanting to protect you from the others. From yourself. You've been trying to deal with this as best as you can on your own, but I think of you struggling through it alone, and… it's awful! I hate the feeling that I can't help you with this. I want to help you. I want to be there for you, to help you through this. I feel... pale feelings for you. Do you want to be my moirail?"
John felt himself blushing; talk about a blunt proposition! It was an especially strange feeling when it combined with the bristling, insulted feeling that came along simultaneously. He felt his hackles rise. "But it's not like I'm some feeble weakling who can't take care of himself!"
"I never said you were," Jade said, astonished by the accusation. "I don't think you're weak." She tried to mollify, holding up her hands defenselessly. "Having a moirail isn't a sign of weakness. It's not admitting to anyone that you can't take care of yourself. It's just... having someone there for you when you need them, being there for them. Someone who understands you, how you think, and can help you in a way that's best for you. It's a two person support system. And really, John, you need a moirail because you're too strong, not because you're too weak."
"I... What?" And John suddenly found himself back on the Land of Confusion and Conflict. The weather on LOCAC was densely foggy and cold with the promise of heavy thunderclouds rolling in over the horizon. Something niggled unhappily in the back of his mind and he couldn't quite shut it up. "How does that make sense?"
"John," Jade sighed softly. She looked around the clearing and then made her way to a large, thick tree. It was easily the biggest tree in the area. She sat herself down at its base, motioning for John to join her.
John frowned, not sure exactly if he wanted to join her. This had all the makings of a 'Break It To Him Gently' talk. What did Jade possibly have to say to him that would require sitting down? Like she was afraid the news she was about to deliver would make him weak-kneed. Just how much worse could things get? He didn't want to join her, but he also knew that just refusing to hear what she had to say wasn't going to make what she had to say not true. So with a resigned huff he shuffled his way over and sat next to her, tucking his legs one under the other to sit Indian style.
"I don't want you to take this the wrong way," Jade started, "but your unchecked emotions can cause a lot of physical damage to others around you. You've already seen and felt it for yourself. Hell, it's the reason we're here on the island in the first place! To protect the world from you until you can control yourself. You're incredibly powerful and you don't know what you're doing."
"O… kay…?" John said slowly, trying his damndest not to take that the wrong way. It wasn't easy, but he managed to reduce the accusation to a small sting to his ego. She was right, after all. "But I already knew that."
"Right," Jade nodded in agreement. "And you want to train to control your powers. But have you considered what you'll do in the meantime?"
John's brows furrowed deeper, creating a little pucker above his eyes. "Umm… train? Kinda like we were doing just now?"
Jade exhaled a long, suffering sigh and rolled her eyes. "I mean besides train, dummy! How do you plan to keep the outbursts from happening until you can control them?"
"I… uh…" John replied eloquently. "I don't know! I mean, if I'm training to learn control how am I supposed to control the problem before I know how to control the problem?"
"Well for starters we can cut back on what triggers these outbursts." Jade tapped a finger to bottom lip thoughtfully. "Knowing that your emotional fluctuations are causing your powers to run away from you, you have to find methods to keep those fluctuations to a bare minimum. Avoiding certain issues helps as a quick fix band-aid, but you can't avoid them forever. You have to realize by now that keeping everything bottled up inside isn't going to help you."
"I'm not-!" John tried to protest, but was silenced by a finger to his lips.
Jade raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "Is that so? Then I guess you'd have no trouble at all if I explained to you in greater detail the workings of your body while you're ovulating?"
"NO!" John quickly leaned over and placed both his hands over Jade's mouth. "I don't want to talk about that! N-not right now," he quickly amended when it looked like Jade was ready to protest.
"Well then when would you like to talk about it?" Jade calmly inquired as she took hold of John's hands in her own and pulled them away from her mouth, holding them almost tenderly between them.
"I… I don't know… Just not right now," John huffed. He felt his cheeks warm and tugged his hands free from Jade's.
"How about five minutes from now? Five minutes isn't right now," Jade needled, not at all ruffled that her intimate gesture was rebuffed.
"No! Not now! Not… Not today!" John exclaimed, glaring at his friend. The wind picked up a little and John gasped, pushing the feeling down.
Jade seemed not to notice. "Then how about tomorrow? Is tomorrow good for you?"
"Jade!" John felt his anger bubbling up inside of him. Why couldn't she just leave it alone? What was her problem? Couldn't she see how much it was bothering him to even think about it? What sort of moirail deal was this supposed to be, because it seemed completely counterproductive to him!
"How about an estimation, then?" Jade pressed.
John had enough, jumping up to his feet, whirling around on the spot so he could fix the rage of his stare on her directly. "NO! No estimation!" His eyes flashed fiercely, glowing so bright they were blinding to look at. "I don't want to talk about it now! I don't want to talk about it EVER!"
Like the shockwaves of a bomb, pressurized wind burst out in all directions from John's center, pushing Jade back against the tree trunk with enough force to keep her pinned. It blew the debris away from the clearing and bent back tree branches until they groaned against the force, thinner limbs snapping clean off.
"J-john..." Jade squeaked out, the pressure of the wind pushing the air out of her lungs and making it hard to breathe it back in. "John, please..."
"LEAVE. ME. ALONE!" John's voice bellowed over the wind.
A second burst of pressure flattened Jade's body to the thick tree trunk harder, pushing the rest of the air out of her lungs painfully and making it impossible to draw a new breath in. She winced as she felt the wood crack and splinter at her back.
"Je-nngh," she tried to say, but the wind had stolen even the air to speak. It was doubtful John could hear her even if she could speak. His eyes were glowing that bright yellow they did when John was consciously checked out.
She might have gone too far in pushing him.
A little...
Maybe.
And now she had to see for herself if she could really bring him back.
Bright green energy crackled around her, bringing with it the smell of burnt ozone. The color reflected in her eyes, glowing like neon lights to match. Displacing intangible space when it was so turbulent was a near impossible undertaking; at the very least it wasn't something Jade had much experience with. She had been lucky back in Dave's apartment: she didn't have to stop the wind, just the objects it was moving. Her initial thought right now was to remove the rough winds from around her area to let her breathe in peace. That would give her a bit of time to think up a sane plan of attack (so to speak). But even when she managed it, it left her with no oxygen to breathe at all. Stupid, she berated herself. She should have known better!
She didn't have much time to act; she should have never tried to give herself some extra time in the first place. John was stupidly depleting his energies again. And the idiot gave himself so little time to recuperate; Jade couldn't imagine he had that much to spare in the first place. Her will resolving, Jade focused on the panicked hybrid a good ten feet away from her. Usually a trek of that length was such a piece of cake it didn't require thought, but she couldn't even move an inch towards him right now.
If she couldn't move herself, she'd have to shift the space between her and John. In a blink, she switched places with the open space besides the boy, quick to wrap her arms around him as an anchor. It wouldn't do to get blown away, and who even knew what she'd manage to slam into if she did.
"Jngh!" It was the closest Jade could get to saying his name. There she was, beside him, holding onto him for dear life. Now what?
She didn't give herself the time to think, letting her instinct take over. Struggling to get her body to obey against the pressure of the wind, Jade reeled her hand back, then swung forward with all the strength she had left to slap John across the face.
John gasped sharply as his head snapped to the side; his eyes faded back to their normal white sclera and blue iris. The wind died down instantly, leaving the pair of them in the quiet of the small clearing.
"J-jade…?" John whispered in confusion, touching the sting on his cheek. He could feel the heat of it under the palm of his hand, and he wouldn't be the least bit surprised if his face was tinged blue underneath it.
He wanted to ask what she was doing, but the world suddenly spun and blurred around the edges, his knees giving out under him. He wanted to be sick, but there was nothing in his stomach to get rid of (breakfast hadn't seemed all that appealing after the incident) to ease the queasiness.
Luckily, Jade was quick to help him back up to his feet before he fully hit the ground. Her arms were firm around his middle, and her voice was quiet and soothing as she murmured soft apologies. She nuzzled the top of his head between his horns, the warmth of her breath tickling along his scalp. The oddest little cricket-like sound reverberated in her words as she spoke and John couldn't help but quiet himself down to listen to it in fascination. It was… really cute!
Jade squeezed him tight and held him up until John was sure that his legs would be able to support his own weight again. He felt weak and he wanted to lie down, but his pride kept him upright. He was sick and tired of always ending up back in bed rest. He didn't care if that was supposed to be normal for him right now; he'd go to bed only when he didn't have the energy to do anything else. Why sleep when you could just pass out?
"I'm sorry," he muttered back. His arms felt like dense lead as he clung to Jade in return, careful not to touch her back. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." He'd done it again. He had lost control and hurt a friend. He could remember it this time. Not clearly, but enough to fill in most of the blanks and form a full picture. Would that be considered an improvement? It sure didn't feel like one to him.
"It's not your fault. I shouldn't have pushed you so hard," Jade spoke softly. "I went too far."
"That's... That's not true. And that's not an excuse! Don't make excuses for me," John rebutted, pressing the side of his face against the curve of Jade's neck and feeling her clavicle press against his cheek. "I... I could have seriously hurt you. I..." John sighed, drawing away from her, turning his back to her. "I thought that if I just... pushed everything down, pushed it away, it wouldn't bother me, that I wouldn't keep doing this. It's stupid, but I thought not dwelling on the things that freak me out might have been the key to keep these outbursts from happening."
"Well, if it's any consolation, it was mostly working?" Jade smiled sheepishly. "You know, not counting the kitchen freakout and just now."
John snorted softly. "You think that'd prove my point, but it actually proves just the opposite of my point. I know... deep down I know I can't avoid these things coming up sooner or later. I think you and Dirk alone are proof enough of that. And all the previous avoidance didn't do shit to make it easier. I might even be willing to admit that they probably made things worse."
Jade hummed in agreement, approaching John slowly. He could hear her steps just loud enough that he knew she was getting closer. It felt like she was making sure John knew she wasn't sneaking up on him. "Well, that's a step forward right? You're absolutely right! You shouldn't keep it all bottled up. Keeping something that scares you or worries you buried deep down instead of dealing with it kinda makes it seem like it's a bigger deal than it actually is. If you talk about it, you face it head on and you realize that it's not as scary as you thought it was. You can get through it." Now behind him, she reached across slowly to place a (hopefully) comforting hand on John's shoulder.
John whirled back around to face her, taking a half step back the moment he felt the light warmth of her hand. "But I istill/i don't want to talk about it! That's the problem! I... It's... it's embarrassing." The last part was admitted in a quiet murmur.
Jade sighed heavily, shoulders lifting and dropping with visible fatigue. "It's really not that embarrassing. Once you get used to all the changes it'll be no different to you than what hand you write with or the length of your toes."
John's eyes narrowed, his entire expression skeptical. "Is that really true or are you bullshitting me to make me feel better?"
"Well... Heh." Jade shrugged a shoulder, smiling dolefully. "I guess it's more that I want to believe that it's true."
And just like that, everything suddenly stalled in John's mind. His every battling thought, raging emotion, conflicting feeling waging war in his head suddenly stilled in a sudden ceasefire. All that was left behind was a sudden sense of shame and the feeling that he was three inches tall.
On the most basic of levels he knew that Jade's change (not to mention Rose and Roxy's) had altered her physically in a way that was more than just her eyes and horns. It was more than just gills or wings, black nails or tougher skin. Out of all of his friends, the girls were the closest to understanding what he was actually going through. Jade had gotten her own special addition to her... private bits, too. But it wasn't until this very moment that John even stopped to consider that maybe he wasn't the only one struggling to accept the physical changes in their body. They stated it as such a simple fact before that John didn't stop to consider how weird that must have been for them.
"Fuck, Jade... I am so sorry." He didn't know what else he could say.
"What for?" But it seemed that Jade was determined to make him find a few extra words anyways. She smiled innocently enough, but John could tell it was a ruse. Jade was making him elaborate as the start of his penance for being such an asshole.
"For... For... I don't know! I mean, I do know, it's just..." John cleared his throat. "I'm sorry about being a self-centered, self-obsessed little weenie. And for not really paying much attention to what it must feel like for you with your still pretty new... You know..." John pressed his fingers together, making undulating motions from his fingertips down to his palm, rolling his wrist to make vague, sort of wiggling gestures with his hand between his legs.
"Pfff! John!" Jade laughed outright, lightly smacking the boy's shoulder. "Never make that gesture again and I'll forgive you!"
"Okay, deal!" John grinned, relieved that Jade wasn't actually that mad at him. If she could still laugh at his lame jokes, then things couldn't be all that bad.
"But I do understand, you know," Jade said after her laughter calmed. "I mean... maybe not exactly, because I knew there was a pretty good chance that it was coming so I wasn't completely blindsided by it like you were."
"Thanks," John scoffed.
Jade shrugged and went on as if uninterrupted. "There was only a one in seven chance that I'd be a submissive, so as convenient as that would have been… I was mentally preparing myself since I was about twelve or thirteen for what was much more likely."
"How did you know it was coming?" John asked. That was something that was always nagging quietly in the back of his mind. How had they all known what was coming?
Jade hummed and smiled sheepishly, rocking back on her heels. "It's kind of a long story. But to make it short: we all knew because our parents and guardians knew. I never really got to meet my grandparents. At least I don't really remember them. They died when I was really young. But Jake did get to know them, and they told him what he needed to know. They even left us letters. In Rose's case, they left her and Roxy tons of mythological books and tomes with every last bit of accurate information on trolls that could be found. I'm not sure what exactly Dave and Dirk's parents did."
"Probably left them clues hidden in complex rap riddles that they'd have to figure out." John rolled his eyes.
"Pfff!" Jade bit back a bark of laughter. "Probably!"
"And how did you all find out about each other? I mean, what are the odds of that happening? Or did you all already know about each other beforehand? Did your parents know each other? And then what are the odds that you guys would make friends with me, when I had no idea, and then it turns out I'm like the rest of you, too? I think I heard Dave say that he knew it was going to happen, but you guys didn't believe him?" John counted off the line of coincidences on his fingers.
"Whoa, slow down. One question at a time, okay?" Jade held up her hands.
John shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry. I figure if we're broaching this conversation now, I might as well get my money's worth."
Jade snorted softly, "I'm afraid you're out of luck, though. Maybe some other time. Like when everyone is around to give you their own straight answers. Or at least when Dirk is around to properly calculate the odds for you."
"Fuck Dirk," John interrupted, his nose wrinkling in distaste.
"Pfff, yeah, I'll bet," Jade muttered, then cleared her throat. "Right now we should be talking about you."
"Me?" John winced. So much for that distraction…
"Yes, you. I figure that if you're willing to admit to me as much as you have already, I might as well get my money's worth," Jade said teasingly, sticking out her tongue.
"Wow, no… You know what? How about no and you shut up?" John's own tongue stuck out defiantly.
"John!"
"Jade!"
"John, seriously," Jade spoke sternly. "We should talk about this now. It's just you and me out here and I promise anything you say won't find its way back to anyone else. You have my word." She held up her hand as if in pledge, and with her left she traced an 'X' over her heart.
John's lips pressed into a thin line. Jade was right and he had already admitted she was right. He knew what he should do… but he still wasn't so sure on what he wanted to do. "I just… don't want to talk in detail about how I've changed. It makes me anxious, you know? Admitting to all the ways I'm not even me anymore."
Jade's brow shot upwards in surprise. "Who said you weren't you anymore?"
"Ah…" John started to speak then stopped short. No one had actually said he wasn't himself anymore. But everything that he had to learn about himself now made him feel like he wasn't the same person he used to be. "I… I don't like that before I was a potential protector, an action hero waiting to happen… and now… I'm the one the action hero protects and saves." He stopped himself short of saying he was now the leading lady, because bluh bluh, semantics, and he didn't want to argue with Jade that girls can and do kick ass. That wasn't the point of his analogy. "You said it yourself; just being what I am now makes all of you feel protective of me. Like I'm some weak and dainty little thing that can't take care of himself."
Jade bit her lower lip. They had told John something like that before, hadn't they? And it wasn't a lie. In their own, unique ways, they all wanted to protect John. It was... instinct. "That... that doesn't actually make you any different than you were before, though. You're still you, John. You're not any weaker than you were before, and if you feel like you need to be stronger, you can still get stronger. It's all up to you. You're still who you were before, but now you're this, too. One doesn't change or detract from the other."
"I don't feel the same," John muttered unhappily, looking away dejectedly.
"That's because you're so obsessed with the idea that you ihave/i become different!" Jade urged. "When you're not thinking about it, it's pretty easy for you to start acting like your old self, right? It even seems like it's pretty easy for you to forget that anything at all has changed when you don't think about it."
"Well... maybe..." John conceded. After all, when he was just talking or goofing off with his friends, he did tend to forget all about the weird changes in his life. "But I thought you said that not thinking about it was part of the problem."
Jade shook her head. "No, the problem is that you were purposely not thinking about it so you wouldn't have to deal with it. What we have to do is get you to a point where it's so normal to you that you don't have to always think about it."
John exhaled heavily, tired of arguing about it at this point. "It's going to happen sooner or later, isn't it?"
"Yep!" Jade chirped cheerily.
"Then I guess we might as well get this over with." John took a deep breath in through his nose, then exhaled slowly from his mouth. "Okay Jade, I give you my permission to rip the bandage off." He closed his eyes, arms opening wide as if waiting for the inevitable blow.
What he felt was a flick to his forehead. "Ow! Hey!" John rubbed at the sore spot, pouting at his attacker.
"Don't look at me like that. It's your own fault for acting like such a dork." Jade snickered, hands on her hips. "Now are you seriously ready to talk this out?"
"Yeah... I mean, I'm not... but I guess I should," John mumbled. "Hey... Umm... does this mean we're moerails?"
Jade blushed lightly. "That's moirails. And… only if you want to be. I asked you to be my moirail, so the choice is up to you."
It was up to him.
John didn't know what to do what that responsibility. Jade had made her move and now the ball was in his court. He'd either have to accept Jade's proposal or figure out a way to let her down gently. Or he could just… not answer? Not answering was also a viable choice, right?
But…
He couldn't just leave the proposition hanging in the open air. It wasn't right to Jade and the last thing he wanted to do was make her feel like he was stringing her along. He... he hated the thought of hurting her feelings, too. Jade had been the first of his online friends and through her, he had met the others. It was because of Jade that he had such good friends, and Jade was the best friend he could ever ask for. And he sort of liked that she knew when to be gentle with him and when to call him out on his bullshit.
And if he were honest he felt a little bit calmer around her than he did with the others. It probably was because out of everyone, Jade hadn't flirted with him or coyly teased him in some way or another.
He hated the thought of hurting her, sometimes felt that he just wanted to be close to her, but was that what being... moirails meant?
Looking at her now, her quietly expectant face... He could tell that she was hopeful but she didn't want to get her hopes too high at the same time. She'd be really hurt if he said no, and even worse, she'd try to act as if she wasn't. She'd smile through it and still be his friend and probably not change one bit of her behavior around him for his own sake. That twisted something up horribly in his chest.
"Would... it be okay if I said I want to try?" It was the most honest answer John could give. He wasn't sure if it would work, and he knew that if it didn't it might make things worse than if he had just said no. But... he wanted to try anyway.
Jade huffed a soft, surprised breath, then smiled, nodding quickly. "Y-yes. Of course, we can try! It's probably for the best like that. You get to find out how pale romance works firsthand without promising too much. Trying is definitely okay."
John sighed, feeling the tight, knotted feeling in his chest ease. He found himself returning Jade's infectious smile, laughing lightly in embarrassment. "Then we'll try."
"We'll try," Jade confirmed with a small laugh of her own.
Their eyes met, then just as quickly simultaneously looked away. Jade was blushing, John could see it, and his own face felt hot to him, too. He shifted nervously from foot to foot, and from the corner of his eye he could see Jade nervously play with the bottom of her shirt. They were a couple... What now?
"Umm... hrmm..." John cleared his throat, getting Jade's attention. Of course, once he had it, he wasn't exactly sure what to do with it. So he did the only thing he could do: He reached. "So... um... what do moirails do...? I mean, no, don't explain what moirails are, I just mean... what should we do now...? Wow, that's lame, sorry I asked. Forget I asked, I didn't say anything." He winced as his mouth kept running, especially when Jade started laughing, clapping his hand over his mouth and pressing down.
"Well, we can just stay out here under the shade and relax a bit. Just enjoy the peace and quiet until it's time for lunch," Jade offered. "Oh! And of course we can discuss your changes and what they really mean for you personally. You know... help you deal with all of it."
"Ah... umm..." John fought the screaming 'NO' that wanted to burst its way past his mouth, biting down on his lower lip.
Jade could clearly see John's discomfort though. "We can work our way up to that if you want. There are other things we can talk about first. Like..." she paused thoughtfully. "Like the other two quadrants that haven't been explained to you yet. I think now more than ever it's important that you understand them, too. It'll help you better understand what happened during breakfast."
"It would?" John looked genuinely astonished. "Why? Don't tell me I was acting out another quadrant thing with someone else?"
Jade bit back an embarrassed little giggle. "Sort of. Come on, let's get comfortable and I'll start explaining it to you."
"Ugh... Please tell me it's nothing serious. I'm not sure I like the idea that I'm unconsciously flirting seriously with anyone. I haven't done something really creepy like quadrant solicit someone for sex, have I?" John whined. "I don't even understand my own instincts right now; I don't want to confuse others by giving off hints that I don't mean to give when I'm not even ready to deal complicated romance bullshit. One quadrant is enough for now."
"Oh John..." Jade sighed softly and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Her expression was a little unreadable; she was smiling, but John couldn't really tell what she was thinking at all. He really wasn't sure how he felt about that. "Why don't we talk all of that now and then we'll learn what we're dealing with and what to do about it along the way?"
John didn't shirk off Jade's hand when it found its way back to his shoulder. He got the feeling that he wasn't going to like what came next, but it was going to come sooner or later. And he'd rather find out now, from Jade, then to find out by being locked in another strange situation with someone else that he might or might not be quadrant wooing. He sighed. "Why does troll romance have to be so needlessly complicated that you could be giving someone romantic signs without even realizing that you're doing it?"
Jade laughed. "Believe it or not, human love isn't any easier."
"Hnnn…" John hung his head in defeat. "Will this at least be something that gets easier as I learn to accept it, too?" He asked, looking up at the tall girl expectantly, hopefully.
Jade's strange, smiling expression became all the more unreadable. "I'd like to say yes it will, but it probably won't. At least you'll have a better idea of what you'll be dealing with at least?"
"I was afraid you were going to say that." John sighed and let his body tip forward the short distance between the two of them so that he crashed against solidness of Jade's body. With a soft, chittering whining sound, he pressed his face against her shoulder, his arms curling under her arms to cling to her shoulders, still mindful of her back. He didn't know why he did that, but it just felt right... natural. Instinctively he knew Jade would catch him and wouldn't let him just fall.
When Jade pulled him closer, he let himself be tugged along, and when she started to sink down onto her knees, he followed her lead down to sit on the jungle floor. He didn't fight her. He was done fighting her. He was done fighting everything. It was time to start accepting these new little details of his life that were now also who he was without changing who he was. At least, that's what it sounded when Jade had explained it.
Somehow he ended up sitting while straddling Jade's lap, and he didn't fight that either. It didn't feel weird, it actually felt oddly right. John suddenly found himself purring softly as he inhaled Jade's scent and let the heat of her warmer body just sink into his skin. He took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, nosing the thick locks of her hair that was the barrier between him and the juncture of her neck and shoulder.
Wow, why had he been fighting this all along? This was nice. He could get used to this.
"I think we should continue with your quadrant lessons now," Jade spoke softly as she stroked her long fingers through John's hair, steering clear of his horns.
Maybe it was just John's imagination, but maybe Jade sounded a little flustered again. This time it didn't bother him, it just made him smile a little. "I'm ready when you are, Professor Harley."
Jade huffed a soft laugh and it made John smile more. "Okay, Mr. Egbert. Then we're ready to continue your lessons on quadrants now. We'll start with kismesitude."
WHO THOUGHT DAVE OR DIRK FROM READING THE SUMMARY?! WHO?
I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK WAY TOO LONG! A lot has been happening in my life. And for those of you who follow me on Tumblr and read the chapter teaser I posted earlier, I'm sorry to say that the part I teased with has been pushed to the next chapter because it was getting too long. XD;
Thank you all for being so patient with me, and if anyone is curious about what is going on with my life, or even just writing progress, you can follow my tumblr blog, which is ravenfyre. I reblog a lot of nonsense, so if you only wanna follow for the skinny on what's happening to me and my writing you can add "tagged/about-me" and/or "tagged/rave-writing" to the end of my blog url, or even just "tagged/birthright-fic" if you want only Birthright specific goings ons
As I promised before, this story will not be dropped, even I'm slow in updating now. I'll try to pick up speed a little. Thank you for reading, and as always: comments are always appreciated! They're my motivators. :3
ALSO! I've hit my 100k mark with this fic! We did it! We climbed the whole mountain! ... More like we made it to the first base camp... ahahaha! Thank you all for sharing the journey with me so far!