Severus Snape gave a long-suffering sigh. "I'm agreeing to this under protest." He muttered as Kitty took her seat in the dungeons for Potions Class with the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. "And because it annoys Umbridge." He conceded silently. The squat toad-like woman was perched in the back, scowling at the mutant girl sitting among the Ravenclaws. Snape didn't look forward to this either, but if it annoyed Umbridge…well, that was fine with him.
"Take out your books and prepare your cauldrons." Snape droned. "Any accidents will result in a loss of house points…if you're lucky." Kitty raised her hand. "Yes, Miss Pryde?" Snape groaned.
"I, like, was wondering if this was anything like cooking. You know, measure this, add that, and junk?" Snape felt a nerve above his eye twitch.
"Girl, this is not home economics and this is not cooking. This is Potions." He snapped. "One of the oldest and most refined arts in the entire magical world. Now, take out your beakers and measuring cups and pour out two centiliters of Bubutuber pus."
"Pus? Ewww!" Kitty squealed. "And like, how many cups are in an ounce?" Snape resisted the urge to bash his head against the dungeon wall.
"Ms. Bones," Snape moaned. "Please sit with Ms. Pryde to ensure that I do not have to deal with the equivalent of another Mr. Longbottom!"
Susan Bones nodded and took a seat next to Kitty.
"To continue…" Snape muttered. "Today we are going to brew a potion that changes color depending on the emotional state of the person near it. It's a low-scale, primitive version of veritaserum, which you will be working on later. Consider this practice."
"Cool!" Kitty chirped. "It's like a mood-ring, only it's a liquid!"
Snape muttered as he sat down. "Dumbledore, you're not paying me enough for this."
"Okay, let's see." Kitty said as she read the ingredients on the board. "Eye of newt? Toe of frog? Intestines? Pus? Eww! It's like a Seder at Vincent Price's house. I'm like so glad I'm a vegetarian!"
"Let's just get started." Susan said patiently as she began cutting up some of the herbs they would need. "Do you cook a lot where you live?"
"Sure! I cook all the time." Kitty said.
"Well, despite Professor Snape's hysterics, if you know how to follow instructions and add ingredients right you're half-way there." Susan said.
"I'm so glad you didn't say, 'half the battle.' " Kitty said, relieved.
"I beg your pardon?" Susan blinked. Kitty didn't explain.
Things seemed to be going smooth enough. Although Susan was a bit worried by Kitty's tendency to want to 'experiment' with the potions a bit. Plus, having Umbridge circle around like a vulture didn't help Susan's concentration either. Susan winced. The image was all too fitting.
Umbridge gave her fake little "hem hem" cough over Kitty's shoulder. Susan shuddered. It was one of the most irritating sounds she had ever heard in her life.
"You're doing it all wrong, Ms. Pryde." Umbridge sneered. "You're supposed to put in the pus after you let it stew for two minutes, and then you add the—" Umbridge droned on like an evil Hermione; only unlike Hermione, Umbridge wasn't out to help, in fact she was deliberately telling Kitty the wrong things to do.
She grit her teeth, but knew that there wasn't anything she could do. Umbridge wouldn't allow Susan to set Kitty straight with the fat toad standing over them. Susan knew what happened to students who dared tell the truth and set the record straight…she'd seen the back of Harry's hand.
"Times up." Snape said as he started heading around the room, robes billowing. He peered over the cauldron Kitty and Susan worked on. "Dare I ask?"
"I like, know what I'm doing!" Kitty said as she stirred. "See? Uh-oh." She said as the cauldron started to froth and foam. "Is that a good sign?"
"Is it ever?" Susan countered.
"Duck!" One quick-witted student said as they all dove for cover. The cauldron exploded majestically, spewing a rainbow-colored liquid that smelled almost entirely unlike tea, across the dungeons. Kitty phased on instinct and felt a strong blow of wind, the backlash of the explosion, she guessed.
Snape groaned as he wiped his face clean of Kitty's failed potion. "Are you, like okay?" Kitty asked him.
"Oh I'm fine." Snape fleered as he pointed to his robes, which had gone from pure black to tie-dye. His hair had become tie-dyed too. "I'm just groovy."
"Is everyone all right?" Susan called. Everyone else, though spattered with potions, seemed okay.
"Like, why aren't you covered too?" Kitty asked her. Sure enough, Susan was completely spotless.
"I guess I just sheltered myself well enough from the blast." She said.
"Like, does this mean I shouldn't keep trying my hand at potions?" Kitty wondered aloud.
"I knew I should've been a priest." Snape moaned. "Miss Pryde…please go somewhere, anywhere, else. Miss Umbridge, can you help me find—Miss Umbridge?" Snape asked as he looked around. "Where is she?"
Muffled yelling answered him. Everyone looked over to one of the oversized cauldrons in the back of the room. Umbridge was stuck upside down in it. As Kitty left, she heard Snape directing the students to pull her out, but she was stuck tight.
"Does anyone have a shoehorn and a tub of grease?" Snape asked.
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