~Hazel POV~

My eyes snapped open at the sound of rustling near my window. I shifted in my thick cotton sheets, grateful that Ms. Etta had finally let me go back to my own familiar room. More rustling filled the air. I squinted at the ceiling, my eyes focusing on the painted angels above as I stretched. I dismissed the noise. It was probably Yoda, the little black kitten Jamie had gotten me, which had taken to gnawing on everything in sight. Jamie. His name echoed through the back of my mind and burned almost as badly as the Rune on my back. He'd taken it so hard. He'd looked so angry. And I was so confused. How could someone who hated me so much be sad to see me go?

But Jamie didn't hate me. In all honesty, I knew he didn't. Otherwise he wouldn't have gotten me a cat. It was such a random act of generosity, so odd and dead-on that I had no other option but to feel bewildered by it. If this was his attempt at a friendship because he felt bad about what had happened at the Carnival, I'd take it.

My body snapped to full alert as more rustling came from my window, the slight frame sliding upwards quietly. Someone was sneaking in. I slid out of bed quickly, my feet silent against the carpet as I snatched the weapon of Heavenly Fire from underneath the bed and ran to the corner near the window. Infernalis Puritatem, that's what Magnus had called the rod. It was Latin for "inferno of purity" but after learning that it could set things on fire (I'd destroyed several sets of hospital bed sheets while Simon and I played with it) I'd taken to calling it Ember.

I pressed my back flat against the wall, Ember glowing dully in my hand as it expanded into a six foot tall blade. Cold air brushed through the room as the window slid all the way open, a heavy thud erupting through the room as a body slid to the floor. I sucked in a deep breathe before twirling the rod in my hands and whipping around the corner, the blade pointed directly into the face of...

"Jamie?!" I screamed, halting the blade just inches away from his throat. Jamie's eyes were wide, Ember's blade casting a golden glow across his skin.

"Are you trying to kill me?!" he yelled, swatting he blade away from his body. "You're insane! Shut up before you wake everyone!"

"What the Hell are you doing?!" I demanded, tossing Ember onto the bed and moving to switch on the lamp. "I was seconds away from slicing you in ha-" I trailed off, my eyes widening at the sight of him. Jamie was beat up. Like, really beat up.

A thin trail of blood dripped along his jaw, a bruise forming over his eyebrow. Three deep gashes tore through his fighting gear, his entire chest matted with blood as he clutched one hand to his stomach.

"What the Hell happened to you?" I whispered, running over to him and leading him to a fluffy arm chair in the corner.

"You should see the other guy." he wheezed, groaning as he sank into the leather. I pulled the weapons off of his back, tossing them to the floor carelessly.

"I'll go get Ms. Etta."

"No!" Jamie shouted, sitting up and wincing. "You can't tell her. Don't wake anyone up. No one even knows I'm gone."

"What time is it?"

"Almost three."

"Jesus.."

"He had nothing to do with this, trust me." He grunted, leaning back once again. I walked quickly into the bathroom, pulling a soap dish out of the medicine cabinet and filling it with hot water before returning with a towel in hand. I sat on my knees, pulling his shoes off. Jamie knit his eyebrows together, watching me.

"What happened to you?" I asked again.

"Damsel in distress."

"Did you get her number before or after you got your ass whooped?" I snapped, suddenly annoyed. Who was he to sneak into MY bedroom after parading around some other girl all night?

"No, considering she was five years old." He smirked. I looked down in embarrassment. "A demon followed her and her Mom from daycare. I got involved."

"At three in the morning?"

"No, not really. They got home at around eight o'clock. I got jumped for over five hours."

"I'm serious, Jamie."

"So am I," he replied, suddenly sober. "I thought it was just one of them, and when it ran I followed it in hopes of finding a nest or something."

"What'd you find?"

"Purified Ones."

I froze for a moment, clenching my jaw before sitting higher on my knees to help him pull his shirt over his head.

"That was stupid." I grumbled, tugging on the hem as he lifted his arms.

"I was trying to help."

"You're going to get yourself killed."

"It'll happen sooner or later and they deserved it after what they did to you."

"You killed them?"

"As many as I could. Granted there are probably hundreds more."

"You could've died."

"Shadowhunters die and go missing all of the time."

"I understand that that's your life motto, but maybe you should get it tattooed on your forehead instead of repeating it every chance you get."

"Well it's true," He said softly, sucking in air through his teeth as I pulled his shirt over his chest. The skin was wet and sticky, and I winced at the sight of it. "Isn't it?"

We were face-to-face, and the closeness of him caught me off guard. For a moment, I was unable to speak, trapped by his features. His golden eyes held me still for what felt like days.

"You're not wearing any makeup." he murmured, knitting his eyebrows together as if he were surprised.

"It's three in the morning."

"I know, it's just.. I like it. I mean I like it better this way." We sat there for another few moments before a faint light began to glow from his chest, and he winced, groaning loudly and sinking back into the chair.

"What's that?" I asked, skimming my fingers over what looked like a pathetic attempt at a Rune. Jamie shook his head, watching me.

"It doesn't really matter anymore." He said shortly. I rolled my eyes, grabbing the towel off of the table next to him and dipping it into the water.

He winced, hissing every now and then as I dabbed at the blood on his skin, trying to decipher what was wound and what was liquid.

"Why'd you come in here?" I asked quietly. Jamie's eyebrows shot up.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"It's a little late for that now, isn't it?" I retorted, trying not to laugh. "I just meant why you came in here. There are dozens of other students at the Institute-"

"Of which the majority wants to stab us." he said flatly, referring to our Carnival escapade.

"-and plenty of other girls which I'm sure would be happy to have you appear in their bedroom half naked."

"Hey now," he said somewhat defensively before smiling. "Your room is the farthest from Simon's. I didn't want to get caught since now they've got people guarding the doors. And besides," he leaned forward, prompting me to stop and look up. "I came in here fully clothed. It was your idea to take my shirt off."

I flung water at his face, his quiet laughter filling the room as he leaned back to let me start working again.

"Really," he said, calming down. "I'm not sure why I came in here. I just thought it made the most sense. Seeing as we...you know, I won't get to see you very much anymore." I bit down on my lip, ringing out the towel and getting it wet again. Jamie studied my face silently.

"We don't have to talk about it." I murmured.

"Yes we do."

"What is it that you want me to say?"

"How can you be okay with this?!" he grimaced, sitting forward and pushing my hand away. I sighed in exasperation.

"We've already been over this!"

"No, Hazel. I mean how can you be OKAY with the fact that you're-"

"I'm what?!" I demanded, standing to my feet. "That I'm dying? Yeah, I get it, thank you for reminding me."

"Are you joking?" he asked as I threw the towel into the water bowl. "You're the one who wouldn't let me forget it a few hours ago!"

"This is stupid. There's nothing to talk about. I have maybe a week left, if I'm lucky. Why would I want to dwell on it?"

"So what you're just gonna give up?"

"What other choice do I have?!" I asked, my voice shrill. "I'm not going to kill another person just so I can save my ass!"

"Death doesn't happen to you, it happens to the people you leave behind," Jamie hissed. "You're being selfish."

"Selfish." I repeated flatly. Jamie crossed his arms and stood, towering over me.

"Selfish."

Yoda meowed, weaving his way in between our legs. I sighed. There wasn't enough energy in my body to argue with him.

I pulled the bowl off of the table as Jamie's expression broke, his face faltering as he watched me walk into the bathroom. He followed me about halfway across the room before plopping down on the side of the bed and grabbing my stele from the bedside table. I dumped the water out into the sink, the white marble momentarily turning pink before washing away. Leaning against the sink, I stared into the mirror, my eyes lingering on my collar bone.

The toxin was spreading. The Rune, like a bloody rose on my shoulder, sat purple and blurry, black poison leaking out of it in all directions under my skin like vines. They licked across my left shoulder blade, crawling all the way up my shoulder and over the hill, flicking at my collarbone. It was getting worse by the day.

I sighed again and flicked off the light, leaning against the doorway and watching Jamie. He was wincing, his left hand turned awkwardly inward as he tried to re-draw the Rune on his chest. I sat gently next to him on the bed, crossing my legs underneath me and pulling the stele from his hand. Reluctantly, he gave it over, turning towards me.

I bit down on my lip, pushing the stele near him before pulling it away. Then moving towards him again, then pulling away again. Then moving, then pulling. And again. And again. And again.

"You have no idea what you're doing, do you?"

"I can do it!" I shot, sounding more like a bratty child than I wanted to. Jamie smiled lightly, shrugging.

"Don't trace over it," he said quietly. "There's no point, anyways."

"What do you want me to do then? Doesn't it hurt?"

"Have they taught you iratze's yet?" he asked. I nodded. "Okay. Do one of those." I took a deep breath before wiggling closer to him, our knees touching as I leaned forward and began drawing all around the right side of his chest.

"I'm sorry." he whispered. I didn't dare look at him. There was a chance I would cry.

"Don't be. It isn't your fault."

"Yes it is. I could've gotten to you faster and they wouldn't have touched you. They would've never gotten a hold of you and I could've, you could..."

"It's not your job to save the world, Jamie." I murmured.

"But I made it my job to save you." he whispered. This time I did look, and my stomach sank. "I promised I wouldn't leave."

"You're here now, aren't you?"

Jamie looked the saddest I had ever seen him. It wasn't the way he looked after hours of training with Jace. It wasn't the way he looked when he had his hands around my neck. It wasn't the way he'd looked at the carnival. All of those expressions were the same. They were harsh, and dignified. They were prideful and insecure, all at the same time. All games and seriousness in one complex mask. But this was different. Jamie looked wounded. He looked petrified and apologetic and weak. I had never seen this look on his face before. He bit the inside of his cheek, his eyes glistening slightly. Was he about to cry?

"Jamie..."

"It was my one job," he said softly, his voice nearly cracking. "I only wanted one thing and that was to keep you safe. You are special. You are special and you are so good and you're so brave and I don't understand why anything like this would ever happen to someone like you."

"Coming from someone who tried to choke me." I said jokingly, a small smile playing on my lips as I looked up at him.

"I didn't mean it," he said, rubbing a thumb over my cheek. "I just wanted to see what you could do. I wanted you to know how strong you are."

"Not everyone shows affection with tough love."

Jamie looked honestly confused by this statement, and it was just then that it dawned on me what he was. He had no idea how to love a person. He had never been correctly taught. Jamie had been brought up to believe that weapons and winning equaled approval and that pushing yourself and others past limits was some form of friendship. He didn't have buddies, he had teammates. He didn't have girlfriends, he had conquests. Jamie's entire life was a game that he was hell-bent on winning. It was everything he knew.

I looked down at the stele in my hands, lowering it into my lap.

"Sometimes I'm afraid," I admitted gently. I had never trusted a boy like this before. Not with what I had really felt. I prayed silently that he would never use it against me. "Sometimes I make lists of things I want to do before I die knowing that I'll never really do it." Jamie sat silently and listened. "And then I remember that everything will be better when I'm gone."

"For who?" he whispered. My eyes met his and he leaned forward slightly, my heart rate picking up.

"I'm tired." I said hurriedly, fear filling my tone. Jamie retreated immediately, nodding.

Without a word he began picking up his boots, his swords and blades clattering about obnoxiously.

"You're gonna wake the whole damn Institute!" I whisper-yelled, wincing as a dagger banged against the table. "Just sit down, sit down!"

Jamie made a face and sank into the leather chair, wincing. He would have to stay until morning broke.

"You need to sleep." I said softly. "And I mean get a GOOD sleep. Not in a leather chair." I pulled back half of the sheets, waving my hand at the bed.

"Is that an invitation?" he asked slyly. I rolled my eyes.

"If you touch me at all, I'll have Yoda eat you."

"Oh really?" he asked, clearly amused as the cat rolled around lovingly at his feet.

"Traitor." I grumbled, crawling underneath the heavy comforter. I turned to my side, facing the window as Jamie slid into bed next to me, careful to keep inches of space between us. Moments of silence passed after I switched off the light, shoving my fists under the pillow.

"Jamie?" I asked quietly.

"What's up, Princess?"

"Thank you for visiting me." I murmured sheepishly. Jamie reached over after a moment, finding my fingers in the dark underneath my pillow and squeezing them gently.

"Anytime."