Unbecoming chp 14

Confrontation

Jim stumbled through the white, his body reeling once again at the sudden change in landscape. He calmed his nerves quickly, having been here once before.

"Merlin," he greeted, a hint of distaste escaping his voice.

"You sound troubled," Merlin replied, sitting ever so nonchalantly cross legged in the empty nothingness.

"You wouldn't know the half of it," he replied bitterly.

"You found your friend's murderer"

"Don't talk about him so casually!" Jim snapped, growing ever more aggressive by the second. "Great, now I can't even have peace in my sleep."

Merlin's expression softened slightly. He forwent the casual sitting position to stand up. Almost instantly a grassy field materialized under his feet. Jim found himself dropped down with the familiar weight of gravity tethered to his body once more.

"The pain of the heart is often times the worst of them all. If not careful one can be consumed by it," said Merlin, his voice taking a graver note.

"And what would you know about it?" Jim snapped.

"My trusted charge has betrayed me, my only friend murdered by my own hands, and the boy who was meant for greatness was lost to the sorrows of his heart."

For all his anger, Jim could not direct it at Merlin anymore. The man seemed almost broken for a second. It lasted but a moment before the air of confidence came right back to his posture.

"But through all my failures I realised one thing; the world doesn't wait for grief. It doesn't wait for pain to subside, it simply continues. Trollhunter, you are running out of time. You will need another weapon, one more capable of wielding our power."

"The Sword of Daylight was lost with the Amulet and my magic pathways need time to heal," Jim replied. "How will I find a weapon in the middle of Arcadia anyway?"

"Find- no you will forge this weapon. Do you still have the pieces of the Amulet?"

"Yes, well all the ones I took in a rush anyway"

"The power stone in the middle- the blue one, do you still have that?"

"Yes, it was the biggest piece"

"Good, that is all you will need. Give it to Blinkous Galadrigal. I am certain that Troll can forge a sword well enough. Give him these specifications-"

Line Break

Jim woke up with a sore neck. The sun was shining straight into his eyes, momentarily blinding him. With great effort he forced his body onward until he reached a notebook on Strickler's desk. He wrote down the instructions Merlin gave him before he forgot.

"Yes, just help yourself to my things. It's not like anyone asks anymore," Strickler sighed.

"Oh, it's you"

"Yes it's me," Strickler replied dryly.

"Well if it helps any Merlin asked me to do this."

"And you don't find it odd that a millennia old wizard is inside your head every time you fall asleep?"

"Well it's hard to be surprised when your History teacher is a Changeling, you're the Trollhunter and apparently a time travelling one at that too," Jim listed with a humourless smile.

"Fair point," Strickler conceded. "Are you up for another diplomatic mission? Nomura warned me that you might be... on edge."

Jim clenched his fists by his side and took in a deep breath. The events of last night played through his mind again and again. He didn't get to avenge Toby, and the thought of that drove him mad with anger. He pushed that anger down. There was no time for it.

"I may be... angry, but I'm not going to let that compromise me. I'm the Trollhunter. It's my job to have things together. You won't get another outburst like the one from last night today. You have my word."

"I'll just have to take you up on that," Strickler nodded. "You should go tell Blinky of whatever it was you dreamt of and come meet me here."

Jim didn't have the energy to say more. He nodded and left.

"You want me to what?!" Blinky shouted in shock.

"Jesus Blinky, my eardrums," Jim whined.

"I heard you loud and clear the first time," Blinky replied crossing all four of his arms. "What I'm confused about is who came up with this ludicrous idea. Shall I go find the Excalibur for you instead because that's more possible!"

"Look whatever it is, probably has a completely different meaning to you than it does to me. So this Aventurine can't be that hard to find, can it?"

"Are you kidding, it's the fabled crystal that came from the heart of the last dragons! You won't find anymore, the last of it was used to create Excalibur!"

"Wait, wait, wait a second! Merlin did not explain any of this to me. So you're saying I might send you to your potential deaths searching for a crystal that may or may not exist."

"That's exactly what I said," Blinky huffed.

"I know where it is," Aaargh said, catching Jim and Blinky's outmost attention.

"What, why didn't you say so before?" Jim asked.

"Because it is in mouth of Gatto," Aaargh said, throwing a rubber into his mouth and chewing.

"Okaaay… now that's a problem," Jim mumbled rubbing his chin. "But you know you survived being digested by that douche in the old timeline."

"I what?" Blinky asked.

"You and To-… well the story doesn't matter. All that matters are that you went through it and you can do it again. Strickler, Nomura and I need to get the humans and the Trolls out of Arcadia and no offence but you and Aaargh probably won't help with your Troll forms. I might need that sword in the future," Jim admitted, rubbing the back of his head. "I hate to ask but-"

"No need to ask. The fate of the world is in our hands. I will not let it fall into Gunmar's. Now we just need a gift that will satisfy Gatto."

Jim shrugged. This was practically a very bad situation for Gatto. Knowing that Troll had an insane protection service meant that he was probably holding his fort. It wouldn't last long and soon he would have to move. Ancient Troll or not Gatto wouldn't have the luxury of being hostile. Still a precious enough crystal like the Aventurine won't be easily given.

"Sorry Blinky, there's not enough time to stay and talk, I have to go. Just remember tacos and death!"

Blinky and Aaargh watched on in confusion as the teen rushed out of the gym room.

"Tacos and death? What manner of riddle is this?" Blinky asked.

"I know where Tacos are," Aaargh said nodding sagely.

"My friend, it seems like you know a lot more things than me," Blinky replied shaking his head.

Strickler prepared himself. Talking had always been his strong point, but the slight buzz of nerves never left with experience. His adrenaline spiked with the stakes. Looking at the pacing boy in front of him didn't help. At least it wasn't the usual jittery pacing of a teenager. Jim seemed more focused, eyes narrowed, deep in thought as he walked back and forth the room. It was a meditative state. Strickler had seen it before in Gunmar once, and the similarities caught him off-guard. Maybe it wasn't just Jim, maybe it was everyone… they had all changed. The teen looked older, his old blue outfit thrown away for more practical wear. Strickler chose a darker suit for himself, forgoing the earthy browns he used to wear.

"I don't avoid confrontation, people should know that," Strickler said.

Jim seemed to knock out of his trance and turn around. He gave Strickler an odd look.

"Quoting David Coverdale now?" he asked amused.

"You know him?"

"I'm more surprised you do," Jim laughed. "I thought you only listened to the classics."

"I'm no Nomura," Strickler said shrugging. His smirk faded just as quick as it came. It was replaced with an aloof kind of readiness. "There are times to act and times to prepare."

"Who quoted that?" Jim laughed nervously.

"Me, now we should leave. We don't have enough time in the day and the sooner the humans leave Arcadia, the better it is for us."

Jim nodded. Strickler let out a sigh of relief when the teen stopped his disconcerting pacing and instead went to pack his bag. The office was mostly empty, leaving just him and the boy here. He had no idea where the rest of the idiots went but he assumed they were all in the gym. He resented that. His not-so-secret office had plenty of space and was definitely airy. He didn't know what the others hated so much about it.

"Come on, it's time we leave," Strickler said.

The teen nodded as he swung the bag over his shoulder. The two were about to leave when the office door slid down. Claire stood on the other end, arms folded and looking sweaty. Her face was set in a determined line that just made Strickler want to heave a sigh. He was not going to waste his time with her.

"Claire," he said.

"I'm coming with you," she said.

"No you're not," Strickler replied evenly.

"I'm coming," she repeated.

Strickler wanted to kick himself when Jim looked at him. The boy's flustered expression spoke words.

"Maybe we should… y'know… let her," he said, doing that thing with his arms and tilting his head.

"No, we're not."

Claire seemed to grow angrier by the second. Strickler rubbed his temple in frustration. This was not the time to be dealing with childish tantrums. Today was a decisive day. People could die.

"Look, I can help explain this situation to my mother! She's practically the mayor and everyone listens to her. She'll be more likely to listen to me."

Strickler took in a deep breath. The situation was already stressful enough without children commanding things off him. He saw through her act. She wasn't really trying to explain the situation to help them, she was doing this to ease her own guilt for running away.

"Step aside Miss Nunez. Who do you think your mother will listen to? A known teacher and a once member of the jury, or her own girl who ran away from her towards danger. You won't be helping our position you will be harming it!"

Strickler barely gave glance to the girl as he pushed her aside and walked away. Jim looked at the frozen Claire and then back to Strickler torn, before he gave her an apologetic look and followed behind the man.

"You didn't have to be so… so-" Jim began.

"-Mean. Just say it, you know it sounds childish," Strickler replied coolly.

"Look," Jim began in frustration, "I'm just saying you didn't have to lay it onto her like that."

The air grew thick with tension. Strickler heaved in a deep breath, the whole situation irritated him. He'd kept quiet about it before because he respected Nomura, but his patience was breaking.

"The whole world is crumbling; thousands of people are probably being murdered every night. Not every city has the privilege of having a fallout shelter. My familiar, who's life blood is tied to me by the way, is probably in the most peril he could be in right now, and that girl is taking away precious time from the last few people on this Earth who could do a damn thing. So do not except me to treat her like a precious princess," Strickler hissed lowly.

The teen took a step back before his shocked expression turned stern and his lips drew into a thin line. Strickler hadn't expected that look of disappointment in Jim's face. It felt oddly like he had disappointed a parent.

"Everyone is hurting Strickler, not just you. Maybe you're right but… you know what we have more important things to do," Jim sighed before he turned around. "Angor Rot, you can come out now!"

The Troll appeared from the shadows, his mouth twisted up in a smile, as close to playful as it could ever be. Strickler supposed the Assassin enjoyed games. How oddly childish of such an intimidating figure.

"I found you so that means you have to take us to the shelter," Jim said with a cocky smile.

"Who says I have to?" the Assassin replied, leaning on a wall and looking at his nails.

"I would say the ring, but I have no need for something like that to control you," Jim retorted.

Strickler rose a brow in amusement and curiosity. He wondered what allowed the teen to act so cocky. Jim drove his hands into his backpack and pulled out numerous figures. Angor Rot pushed himself off the wall and looked at the teen's palms with shock, before a brief spark of begrudging respect took his expression.

"I guess I can give back all your precious artefacts in exchange for a trip, or you know you could just comply to help the last remnants of a rebellion to save man and troll-kind alike… for free," the teen shrugged.

The assassin shook his head in repressed amusement. Strickler saw how the Troll was secretly beginning to respect the boy. Maybe they had some sort of unspoken understanding.

"Well come along then," Strickler urged, "the day isn't going to last forever."

Angor held up his staff and conjured his magic

Barbara had found herself required less and less. After the first attack, a lot of the survivors needed immediate medical attention. For the coming days she was needed constantly to tend to wounds. Now… well now the worst of it had passed, and she had done what she could with her limited medical supplies. The loss of life had always been a looming factor in a surgeon's life. She had about 4 deaths on her conscience. It was a side of her job she particularly didn't like to talk about. But her track had always been good and while those losses had hit her hard, they were spread apart in the span of her entire career. In the week that had been, she had lost 9 patients, two of whom now had infections that she did not have the supplies to cure.

That wasn't the worst of it. Her son, the only family she had, the last bit of her pride and joy was gone. He was out there, fighting man eating Trolls. Heck the last she heard of him he had magic poisoning. What even was magic poisoning? It probably wasn't even a real thing! If he was here she could have diagnosed him, treated him, had some semblance of control. She didn't even know where he was, let alone if he was alive. Everything seemed to torture her, keep her awake, and her already long days seemed entirely too long with the sudden lack of work.

"You need to take some rest," Mrs Nunez said, her voice authoritative.

"I know, but I just can't. On that note shouldn't you be doing the same?" Barbara asked.

Andrea let out a snort, although her smile was disingenuous. "I know, but I just can't," she parroted.

Barbara expected the women to leave her in the med room. The enclosed space covered by curtains was meant to be her space. The women didn't leave. She sat down on the portable med bed and let her stiff posture slump.

"I just can't stop thinking about Claire," Andrea confessed, letting her confidence melt away to reveal her sorrow. "I already lost my baby. I lost my beautiful Enrique. I can't lose Claire too."

Her hard shell cracked, and sobs wracked her body. Barbara felt tears prickle her eyes, but she held herself together and placed a comforting hand on Andrea's back. The leader covered her face, hiding her sorrow and fear as best as she could. Barbara wanted to say things would get better, but she couldn't lie. How could anything get better for a mother who had lost her child, her baby? And to feel the fear and uncertainty of her only remaining child sent out into danger… she knew that feeling. There was nothing consolable about it. It was terrifying.

"Andrea I-"

Sudden screams filled the shelter. Barbara shot to her feet, forgetting the woman besides her as she ran out into the chaos and confusion. Through the shouts and screams she pinned a familiar voice. Maybe it was just her hopeful thinking, but she stupidly ran straight to the source of fear. Her heart elated when she saw her child and the sight of him washed away sleepless nights of worry. She barely even gave thought to the glowing markings on his body as the relief washed over him.

"Jim!" she cried.

"M-mom," he stuttered, his expression turning both hopeful and timid.

Barbara spared no thought as she ran towards her son and hugged him. The rigid body underneath her seemed to stiffen before it melted into the embrace. It felt like the most perfect moment. She loathed to let go but she did. It seemed her act had calmed down most of the people, all of whom probably realised by now that the newcomers weren't the normal kind of man-eating monsters they had seen.

"Don't you dare leave me again," she cried, kissing his cheeks a hundred times.

Jim didn't push her away like he normally would have, instead he seemed to hold her tighter. Barbara finally noticed the other two members behind him. It was Strickler and an intimidating troll dressed somewhat like an Egyptian. She was finally going to throw her onslaught of questions when she felt a surprisingly strong hand push her away. Andrea stepped forward, her eyes bloodshot and still glinting wet with tears. She looked like a cornered lioness.

"Where is Claire," she growled.

Javier rushed in from the crowd, his hand supporting his wife's shoulders. He looked just as angry. Barbara noticed her son take an unconscious step back, barely glancing at the people behind them. She was about to take a step forward to put herself in-between the grieving parents and her son when Strickler beat her to it. She watched wondering how he kept his self-assured stance, arms behind his back and posture straight and confident.

"I know you're afraid," he began, his voice loud and carrying on purpose. Barbara noted that Strickler wanted everyone to hear, and with all the chaos they had caused with their appearance, everyone was around to hear it.

"I know you're afraid of what's up there, but here me when I say this, you are not alone! This situation has come upon humans because we have kept you ignorant, because you did not have the time or knowledge to prepare against us!"

Barbara held onto her son as she listened to Strickler. The former teacher went on through a fantastical tale of wizards and warfare not seen by a human eye. It was almost like a fairy tale, something somebody turned into a movie or a tv show… none of it sounded real, but the way the man spoke, well he could have sold ice to an Eskimo.

"So admits you Changelings have been living for thousands of years. Separated we will not have a chance to survive but times are changing, we need each other now. That is why we will no longer hide!"

Sparking green light surrounded the man's body. The light blinked, and he transformed into a Troll. The crowd gasped, a few shouts of fear and disbelief ringing through the whispering crowd. Barbara didn't know what to think. Sure she just heard the tale about Changelings, but to actually see it made it real. How many more people she knew were actually not even humans. Understandably the crowd became vary, giving each other worried looks.

"How do we know we can trust you," Andrea finally spoke, her voice deep and dangerous.

"They have it just as bad as you," Jim spoke up, silencing the crowd.

Barbara let go of her son reluctantly as he moved to stand in the centre of attention. She noticed his shoulders stand up, a nervous tick of his, and was surprised when it went back to its normal posture. He was ready.

"Changelings have been under the oppression of Trolls for Centuries, being created by them without their will, being treated like lesser beings or monsters in the dark. Human's… well we were just as much a threat to their existence."

Jim took in a deep breath, knowing he was going to step into murky waters with what he was going to say next.

"We understand what prejudice and xenophobia can do to people. It can turn a whole race of people into slaves. We've done it in the past, and I know that maybe this situation isn't as comparable, but we cannot allow ourselves to do it again. I'm not saying Changelings are without fault, no one is, but they deserve a chance just like us! And right now we need each other. The world needs us to join together, species be damned.

Barbara felt a swell of pride watching her son, and a distinct sadness. As he stood there, glowing blue eyes firmly on the crowd she saw a man. Her boy had grown up and she wasn't there to witness it. Well maybe she had already witnessed it… just never accepted it.

The crowd looked mostly agreeable. Jim had managed to sway them, even if it was only momentary. Barbara knew these kinds of sentiments would soon be lost. Humans were naturally tribalistic. It was always us and them, even if it wasn't race related humans managed to do it some other way, be it sports teams or nationalistic battles.

Strickler put a hand on the Jim's shoulder, giving her son a nod before standing besides him. It seemed this had all just been the preparation before giving the final piece of worrying information.

"The longer you stay here the more dangerous it will become for you. We have a whole group of Changelings, many of whom you will know as members of your community, waiting out there for you. We will exit Arcadia while there is still daylight and take you south. The Janus order does not have its reach in a few cities. You will find human strongholds there."

The crowded shelter became busy again. It was hard to move an inch without some rushing. People had unpacked and settled during the week they had been here, but now it was time to move. Jim hadn't taken into account the amount of time it would take to pack and leave. The Changelings were probably already ready to leave. He wished everyone would just hurry it up.

"I never thought I'd be having the family talk about tattoos until you were at least 18," Barbara said, catching the teen's attention.

"There's a family talk for that?" he joked.

Barbara's laugh died, and she ended up looking more tired and worn out than she'd ever been.

"Geeze mom, you look 10 years older. Did you get any sleep?" Jim asked worriedly.

"I look 10 years older?" she snorted. "You've become an adult while I was away."

The way she laughed, made her tone light, seemed wrong. Jim thought she would be angrier, more frustrated, but she was taking this well… well at least pretending to. He saw through her façade.

"You know you don't have to pretend around me mom," he said, smiling sadly.

Barbara sighed, a hand going to her face. "Jim there's a time in every parent's life where they have to let go… I-I just didn't realise it would be so soon. You've grown up, you've become a man."

"Mom, I could be 30, heck I could be 50 and I'd still need you," Jim said assuredly.

"I love you," Barbara said, her voice chocked as she knelt in for a hug.

"I love you more," Jim replied, hugging her back.

"Still you should have waited until you were 18 to get those tattoos," Barbara chided.

"Yes mom," Jim drawled, a smile on his face.

Barbara and Jim's attention turned to Andrea and Javier as they walked up, worried expressions on their face.

"We would like to apologise," Javier said.

"We have blamed you for a lot of things Jim, and it wasn't right of us," Andrea continued. "But you have to understand that we're worried about our daughter. She's all we have left."

Jim swallowed guiltily. What was he going to say, that their baby was still alive? That Enrique was down there but they couldn't go? No, he had to keep that a secret no matter how wrong it was or the lives of every living citizen of Arcadia would be put in danger. If they found out they would stay, or worse, try to go down into the Darklands. He didn't know which one was worse, but if Andrea and Javier left, this group wouldn't have a strong leader, and that was a death sentence. Jim needed them to go, no matter how hard it would be for them… and even if he would forever bear the weight of having to leave the children down there.

"Please don't apologise," Jim said quickly. "Claire is- well she's safe. She wouldn't go unless she found Enrique. I'm not sure where she'll find him, but we're not letting her leave unarmed."

"No, you don't understand!" Javier replied frantically. "She's not a fighter, she's an artist! She can't put herself in danger!"

Barbara stepped in, putting a consoling hand on the stricken father's shoulder.

"I know how hard it is, but if I know our children, it's the fact that they're stubborn. We have to let them go and I would rather do it knowing they're prepared than having them run from us unprepared."

The Nunez couple looked understandably distraught, their expressions grave. Jim couldn't imagine how they felt. He couldn't imagine what he had put his mother through… what he is putting her through.

"But we need to leave soon. The more time there is in the day, the better it is for us. It's already 3, we need everyone to leave now," Jim urged.

Andrea nodded, wiping her wet eyes. Her posture straightened, and the fire returned to her eyes. She lost the look of a grieving mother and became a leader. Jim could appreciate that. In these circumstances people need to do what they need to do.

"Everyone get moving! Pack only what is essential and move out! Hold everyone accountable! The strong will carry the sick or immobile in whatever stretchers we have, anyone else will have to be carried by the able bodied! Make it quick! Daylight is running out!"

The residents of the shelter scurried faster, hastily packing away necessities and the precious few possessions they had of their old lives. Jim watched on hopeful. These people had lost a lot, but they'd get through it, become stronger. He had to believe that, or the world would be too depressing.

Jim felt like he was Moses. He didn't have a nifty beard or a walking stick, but having nearly 300 people following behind him out of a town just screamed Exodus. He felt oddly like a walking beacon, still expending magic constantly and all. The survivors looked scared, vary and that was good. In the odd chance that Gunmar could come out, they would need their best reflexes. Jim had learnt that adrenaline was your best friend sometimes.

"The changelings should be past the road"

The teen jumped up in fright, a high-pitched squeak breaking his throat. He turned around to give Angor Rot a well-deserved glare. That squeak was enough to break his credibility in front of everyone!

"For Merlin's sake," Jim mumbled, letting out a huff. "Don't teleport behind me again!"

"Of course master," Angor replied, mockingly bowing.

"Has Nomura prepared them?" Strickler asked, cutting through two.

"Yes, everything is as planned. The other two Trolls have left," Angor replied, folding his arms and casually walking along.

"You mean Blinky and Aaargh," Jim supplied.

"Their names are of no significance," Angor Rot replied uncaringly.

Jim sighed, rolling his eyes before he informed Andrea. She gave notice to the group who up till this point had been silent. Their chatter rose, filled with trepidation and fear, until they came upon the group of Changelings. Jim could practically see the look of relief in their faces. The Changelings looked exactly like them, some of them even being people they had known and interacted with. It put them at ease. That was good because they'd need to fight together to survive and the Changelings had a lot to make up for past mistakes.

"We will take you to the forest," Jim told the mayor. "We can't go beyond that. We have work to do here. When you're out there can you send us any help you can find?"

Andrea nodded. "I'd do that and more. I only wish we could stay here and fight that son of a bitch."

"You need to make sure there's something to fight for. Keep these people safe," Jim replied shaking the woman's hand.

Jim noticed his mom watching on with a sad expression. Andrea left to help out the people and Jim found himself walking besides his mother.

"You have to go with them," he said sadly.

"Oh no I'm not. I'm staying here with you," Barbara replied sternly.

"Mom they might need a doctor," Jim began.

"No, stop talking right now! You know who needs a doctor? The idiot child who is going to face a giant war lord on his own. That's who needs a doctor. How do you even know you're going to win? Is there a prophecy or something? Are you the chosen one?"

Jim blinked. "What this isn't Harry Potter mom, this is real life… although I guess I am a chosen one."

"Jim I'm not leaving you and that's final," Barbara replied crossing her arms.

Jim wanted to protest more but he saw the forest up ahead. This was it, this was where everyone parted. The shaded clearing felt nice after a long walk in the hard sun. It was setting but everyone was far away from the Janus order camp now. Gunmar's soldiers would not have their reach here. Everyone was safe to go.

"It has been a pleasure," Andrea said, shaking Strickler's hand. It was more of a formality though since the woman didn't know him. Strickler shook back and nodded mutely.

"Godspeed," Strickler replied.

The survivors thanked Jim and Strickler as they walked by, a few of them being Jim's teachers. They had a proud glint in their eyes, worn down only by the events that passed. He was glad they were safe.

SNAP

A shout rang through the crowd. Jim turned instantly to the sound of shouting and panic. A Gumm Gumm stood there, sword impaling a man through the stomach. Jim shouted for everyone to run but the sheltered clearing was overtaken by Gumm Gumms.

"How did they find our location?" Strickler hissed, transforming into his troll form like the other Changelings.

"We need to cut through them so that everyone can run through the forest," Jim shouted, drawing out his blade.

Hundreds of people scrambled to the middle, screaming and shouting as they were herded in like cattle. The Changelings more used to this danger stood outside the vague ring of people, fighting the Trolls. This was not good. Jim moved to cut them a pathway. He knew using more magic could destroy his body now as his body was still integrating the power, but he had no choice.

Jim moved to throw a wave of daylight magic at the Troll army when his senses called to turn around. He threw up his sword and blocked a heavy hit. A familiar face looked from behind the blade.

"Gunmar"

Sorry for leaving you on a cliff hanger!

Ok I promised last time that my update time would be shorter but then I had a heck of a writer's block. I even thought I'd never write again. All my inspiration and motivation just drained out of me and I dumped perfectly good stories. I can't promise I'll stay consistent, but I'll try.

Writing is kind of like that ex-girlfriend that's on and off. She's a bitch at times so you can't stay together but she's freaking hot and amazing in bed, so you always come back for more. Well that wasn't the best analogy but you get my point right? I'm just that kind of girl that needs motivation to write, if I don't have it, my work is suuuper tedious, but when I have the motivation it's a lot of fun.