Chapter 13

Once Buffy had explained to her how Wesley had intended to help them, Faith's reaction was much more slight than she had expected. Though she was undoubtedly nervous at the thought of Wesley Wyndham-Price, the man who had tried to throw her to the Council in the first place, being her unlikely savior, she didn't do much to express concern. Other than a few slightly sardonic comments and a slightly amused, slightly disbelieving smirk at the idea of it, Faith didn't protest or express much concern. Buffy guessed that she figured that with as few ideas as they had now, she'd better take the Wesley plan and run with it. After all, a girl who had already been willing to die in the name of their ideas in keeping her free of the Council clearly didn't have too many inhibitions about what she wouldn't do.

Faith didn't mention their sleeping position from the night before, nor did she mention anything about Buffy being the one to initiate it, of course. Though she was a little more talkative, a little more lively and rested than she had been the day before, she still didn't speak as often or as feistily as she had before her coma. Even if she was saying something flippant or playful, there was an awkwardness about her, a hesitance that went deeper than her limited, clumsy range of movement. Though she usually met Buffy's eyes when she spoke to her, Faith also looked away after only a few moments; occasionally, however, Buffy caught her watching her, her brow furrowed as if Buffy were behaving in a strange, completely foreign manner that the younger girl couldn't comprehend.

Buffy knew she and Faith needed to talk… but it still just didn't seem the right time. It was early, for one thing, and they'd barely gotten any sleep. Not ideal Deep Talk situation. For another, everything was still so up in the air- the Council, Faith's health, even Buffy's college attendance. She had already missed three days of school, and she had no idea what she was going to do now that Faith needed so much assistance getting around for a while. Adding her feelings about her to the mix, and the feelings Faith had for her… it seemed too much to cope with. And yet, she knew she had to- she needed to. Faith needed her to… but right now she couldn't make herself start.

So instead, she avoided it, and both girls carefully skirted any mentioning of the night before. Instead Buffy continued to handle Faith gently, occasionally touching or speaking to her in ways that clearly showed her affection for her without actually speaking about it. And Faith, for her part, did not return any of it, but rather received it with a bemused, cautious, but faintly pleased attitude she could not quite hide from Buffy.

After she had explained to Faith about Giles's and Wesley's little scheme, Buffy had helped her in and out of the bathroom again, then carried her downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast. Joyce Summers was already down there in her bathrobe, sitting at the table with orange juice and toast. She smiled at them as Buffy set Faith in the chair beside her, then stopped for a few moments to stand behind her.

"Good morning, girls. How are you doing?"

Faith quickly dropped her eyes again when Joyce smiled at her, muttering that she was fine; it sounded to Buffy like she had started to say 'five by five,' but stopped herself. Based on her hasty retreat into her shy-girl self-conscious routine, her slightly increasing boldness in her words and actions did not extend towards when she was around Joyce.

"Well, we were good until the nice ringing sound decided it was time to wake up," Buffy said wryly, raising an eyebrow. "I take it you heard too?"

"Yes, of course I did," Joyce replied, rolling her eyes back. "I tried to ignore it in hopes you would get it, but by the time I figured out you were probably doing the same thing it had stopped ringing. Did you answer it, honey- it could have been important. I really should have picked it up."

"No, I got it, Mom, it was Giles," Buffy told her, and when Joyce's head tilted, her eyes narrowing in concern, she went on, "He thinks he as everything sort of figured out with Faith and the Council. Wesley, of all people, is going to help us, apparently… so, so Faith's going to be okay here with us."

"Well, that's great then, honey," Joyce replied, and she gave her a genuine, relieved smile. "I'm glad Mr. Giles has that under control. I didn't doubt that he would, he's a very capable man…"

She stopped speaking abruptly, her face going stiff and wide-eyed with sudden realization, and she changed the subject hurriedly, to Buffy's simultaneous amusement and revulsion. Her mother and Giles… god, she would never get over that one.

"You ought to be able to eat more normal things before long, Faith, but why don't you have some oatmeal for breakfast now? Maybe you can have something a little less like hospital food for lunch," Joyce said, turning to her. "Did you girls sleep well? Before the phone call, of course."

At that question, Faith glanced over at Buffy with a too-rapid, too-skittish jerkiness that was very poorly concealed, and she quickly fixated her eyes on the backs of her hands, squirming in the restless fashion Buffy was used to seeing from before her coma. Her nonchalant words were blown by the slightly hoarse edge to her tone.

"Yeah, yeah, five by five, Ms. S."

"Yeah, it was fine, it was, it was of the good. Our sleep. We slept good. Well. I mean, we slept well, not well like the word well, or like a hole with water in it like Little House in the Prairie. You know what- I'm just going to say yes and leave it at that," Buffy concluded lamely, knowing her cheeks were flaming as much as Faith's, if not more. This babbling… definitely not of the good. Well… maybe she hadn't noticed. Buffy babbled a lot, after all, right?

She turned around quickly, standing to go make herself something to eat. Her mother was pulling Faith's instant oatmeal out of the microwave, however, holding a can of Ensure in her hand, and Buffy about collided into her in her haste to avoid her.

"Here, honey, can you give this to her?" she asked her casually, handing her Faith's breakfast as Buffy blinked and backed away hurriedly. As Buffy took it to her, then started to get up again, Joyce took her by the shoulder, stopping her in her tracks.

"Buffy, can you come here with me for a minute?"

She was looking at her in a perfectly calm, neutral way, not seeming to be suspicious or notice anything odd about innocent about their sleep. Regardless, Buffy's stomach flipped, and she swallowed nervously before forcing a casual nod and smile.

"Yeah, okay… you need help with something?"

She could feel Faith's eyes on them as they left the room, and she knew the brunette was suspicious. Well Buffy didn't blame her…private talks as a general rule were suspicious. And seeing as this one excluded her, it was pretty obvious it was about her. Though surely not about their sleeping arrangements from last night- her mom couldn't know that, right? Of course not…

Still, as she turned to face her mother in the living room, her smile was not quite as unconcerned as she wanted it.



"What's up, Mom?"

Joyce Summers looked at her daughter searching for a few moments, not replying right away. Buffy grew even more nervous as her mother peered at her, and she barely managed to restrain herself from flinching, shifting her weight, or looking away. What was with the look, why was she looking?! Was she trying to read her mind or something?

She was on the verge of blurting out something she would probably regret as soon as it was out of her mouth when Joyce spoke first, her voice as calm and level as her expression as she looked into her daughter's eyes. Even so, Buffy tensed automatically when she first heard her begin to speak, her mouth dry and pasty.

"Buffy, honey, I know you and Faith have something going on between the two of you. Either it's started already, or it will start, or you both want it to start but haven't actually gotten around to doing anything about it yet-"

"Started?" Buffy blurted, her stomach doing a spectacular dive even as her heart attempted to set a speed record. "Started, what do you mean started? I don't know what you're-"

"Buffy, don't waste time by launching into denials. You never were a very good liar, honey," her mother interrupted her quietly. "I know you have feelings for Faith…er, romantic feelings."

At that, Buffy's body jerked slightly with shock, and she could only gawk at Joyce for several seconds, her mind going numb with shock and horror. Oh no, oh god… how had she known, how had she found out?! What was she going to do, what was she going to say?! If her mother's reaction to Buffy's relationship with Angel was anything to go by, then she was definitely, definitely in for it. This was so not the way she'd wanted her mother to find out…

And just how had she found out?! Buffy certainly hadn't told her, and obviously Faith hadn't either. So how…

Giles…Giles, it had to have been Giles. He was the only one who'd been around, and he'd probably felt obligated to play the Concerned Responsible Adult role. God, he and Joyce must have had some talk the night before, all right. Why couldn't he have just kept his mouth shut until Buffy knew herself what was going on?!

"What?" Buffy tried to bluff, and it wasn't hard for her to insert much disbelief and indignation into her tone. "Who told you that? Giles? Because, because look Mom, Giles, he doesn't always-"

"Buffy, Giles didn't tell me," Joyce cut her off, lifting up a hand to silence the rapid, instinctive speech she was about to put forth. "No one told me anything. No one had to- it's pretty obvious just looking at you. So I'd really appreciate if you stopped trying to deny it to me, because frankly, that is rather insulting," Joyce finished quietly, but both her eyes and her tone had a steely edge.

Buffy could not respond right away; cold, squirmy discomfort was spreading through her body, making her feel restless and twitchy, almost panicked. What she really wanted to do was find some way- any way- to end this conversation, because she was certain it wouldn't end well.

It wasn't that she was afraid her mother was affronted by her being gay, or at least having strong gay tendencies where Faith was concerned. Joyce Summers worked at an art gallery, after all, and she was far from bigoted or homophobic. It was, rather, that she feared that as willing as Joyce might be to accept Faith into her home, she wasn't quite willing to accept her into her daughter's bed…

What would she do, if she was as pissed off as Buffy feared? Would she refuse to let Faith stay with them anymore, try to keep Buffy apart from her? She couldn't do that- she couldn't. She wouldn't- would she?

"Mom- Mom, listen, let me explain-" Buffy began rapidly, but Joyce held up a hand again to stop her. And as Buffy stared, astonished, she gave her a reassuring smile, even going so far as to reach out and squeeze her shoulder. Her expression was softer, gentler, but there was still a firmness to the kindly tone of her voice.

"Buffy, honey, I'm not asking you to explain anything to me. These things… I don't think they're really meant for any of us to understand. I'm not angry, I'm not disapproving. I'm not going to lecture you or tell you to be careful. I know you don't' need to hear that from me."

She paused, squeezing Buffy's shoulder lovingly and giving her a smile that the still-flabbergasted Buffy did not have the presence of mind to return. Joyce's voice grew more solemn and serious as she looked into Buffy's eyes, making sure her daughter looked back at her.

"You're a young woman now, Buffy. I have no right to tell you how you should feel, how you should live your life. What's more, you're mature, you're responsible and loving, and you put your whole heart behind those you love. I know you don't love lightly, and I won't belittle the intensity of your feelings toward Faith or anyone else by indicating otherwise. I'll leave you to make your own decisions about who you'll love without attempting to interfere."

Joyce paused again, still keeping a hand on Buffy's shoulder lightly. However, she was no longer smiling as she spoke to her again intently.

"Buffy, you know that I care about Faith. I always have, and I've always liked her as a person, even considered her good for you in a way. I won't rehash her past actions and her flaws and weaknesses to you. I know I don't need to do that, and I don't want to do that, frankly. But I do want you to realize, Buffy…"

She took a long breath in, let it out slowly, running a hand through her hair. Buffy barely noticed; she was hanging onto her mother's every word, scarcely daring to hope that she could really be hearing her right, really might be let off so easily.

"Buffy… if you become romantically involved with a girl like Faith, you'll be setting yourself up for an enormous commitment, an enormous unspoken promise. If you are to become Faith's… Faith's lover… then she will need, maybe even expect, for you to become for her everything she never had. She'll need a tremendous amount of patience and encouragement from you, a tremendous amount of love and support, that will probably be rarely easy for you to provide. You won't be able to back out of promises you give her, whether spoken or not, because it will be so hard for you to earn her trust. When she hurts you, Buffy, you will have to stop yourself from hurting her back, because she has been hurt so badly and so often by others before. If she's hurt again by someone she's trying to trust in, to love, it will wound her that much more deeply, which could be dangerous for you both, whether she lashes out or not. Once burned, twice shy… it's a phrase that is often very true, Buffy, and I'm sure you know better than me just how many times that child has been burned."

Joyce sighed again, gently squeezing Buffy's arm, and when she finished speaking, her voice was softer again, but no less thoughtful.

"I can't tell you that I don't' worry about Faith and what she might do when she's stronger, if she doesn't learn how to handle her emotions in a way that's not destructive. I know she's trying, Buffy, and I know she's sorry. I know you and Giles and everyone else, myself included, are doing all we can to help her, and I do believe that this can work for her. I do have faith in her, and I do trust your judgment, Buffy. I just want to make sure you realize how much Faith is going to need from you… whether or not she admits it or asks for it. In fact, she may very well fight you every step of the way, knowing her. But she does need it, Buffy… and I just want to make sure you think you're able to give it to her."

After all her dread, all her immediate assumptions as to her mother's reaction and what it was she wanted to say to her, to hear her offer her support and trust in her choices… Buffy was completely floored. It was a few moments before she could get past her initial shock and actually begin to think about and focus on what her mother had just said to her.

She was right, of course… of course she was right. Buffy had known all this on some level, even thought about it briefly. But always she had deflected her thoughts, too unsettled to consider them with any depth.

But she had to… she needed to. If she was really going to love Faith, really had any intentions of being anything more to her than a simple friend, if Faith would have her… if she was going to, or thought she was going to, then she had to.

But could she? Could she possibly give Faith everything that she would need?

When she finally answered her mother, her voice was quiet, nearly a whisper, but very honest.

"I don't know, Mom… I don't know if I can. I don't know if I'll screw up, or if it can be enough… but… but I know I want to try. I have to try, don't I?"

Joyce smiled gently at her, lifting her hand to touch her cheek.

"I guess you do… you know, sweetie, I always did think there was an odd chemistry between you. I thought maybe it was because you were slayers… but you two do look good together," she said, her voice thoughtful.

Buffy found herself smiling reflexively at that, an almost ridiculously wide grin born from her relieved near exhilaration as much as from her flattered surprise.

"Really? You think we look good together?"

Joyce grinned back at her. "Didn't you hear me the first time?"

She hugged Buffy warmly, and Buffy hugged her back, a warm feeling rising in her chest that's intensity was nearly painful as well as pleasant. She still could not believe she'd gotten off so lightly… her mother was really freakin' awesome when she wanted to be. Not to mention right.

"Well, we better get back in there, Buffy- I'm sure Faith is worried," Joyce told her as they drew apart. "Not to mention I better get ready to go to the gallery. By the way, what are you plans for tomorrow- you do know you're going to have to go back to school sooner rather than later, whether or not you're going to live at home for a while?"

"Uh…" Buffy said vaguely, biting her lip. "Still kinda working on that one, Mom…"

Joyce gave her a stern look, putting a hand on her hip. "Well, you better, Buffy. I know Faith needs your help right now, but passing your classes is a priority too."

"I know… I'll come up with something, Mom…" Buffy muttered. She knew she'd have to pretty soon… but that could wait just a little longer, couldn't it?

Faith looked up at them quickly as they re-entered the kitchen; she seemed to be attempting to keep a carefully blank expression, but Buffy could see the nervous tension in her face and posture regardless. Of course she knew they had been talking about her…

Buffy started towards her, meaning to reassure her, but Joyce was closer. She smiled at Faith, touching her back with casual yet gentle affection as she looked down at her.

"Finished eating already? Your hands must be getting stronger, that's good. Do you want some more, Faith?"

"No- no, I'm five-" Faith started, glancing back at her, but Joyce had already started off. She returned to her a few moments later with apple sauce, at about the same time that Buffy sat beside her with a couple of Pop-Tarts for her own breakfast.



"I know, I know, more hospital food," she smiled when Faith looked with less than enthusiasm at the little container in her hand. "But I'm guessing that your gums would probably bleed at this point if you bit into a real apple after four months of a dearth of tooth brushing and flossing, and you need fruits and vegetables in you. You too, Buffy, and strawberry Pop-Tart filling doesn't count," she said, turning to her daughter and fixing her with a stern look as she handed her an apple sauce container as well.

Buffy rolled her eyes, unable to hide a smile as she opened it. So much for her mother thinking her mature enough to make her own decisions…

As Joyce left the room, she could feel Faith's eyes on her and knew her quiet and feigned indifference were far from as casual as she was trying to make them out to be. Especially when she spoke up, her words too deliberately nonchalant.

"So, your mom needed your help or somethin', B?"

"What?" Buffy stalled, looking over at her quickly as she tried to come up with something plausible fast. "Oh, no, that' was just an excuse. She… she was asking me exactly what Giles said on the phone. She, she wanted to know what's going on, and she thought maybe I didn't tell you everything… I did though. Don't worry, I told you what he told me, all of it," Buffy added hastily, making herself look into Faith's eyes. She hoped she wasn't flushing, that she looked sincere. Damn, she hated lying to Faith…

But what could she say? 'My mom knows I love you and gives her approval, but is worried I won't be enough for you?' With Faith's skittishness and disbelief, there was no way she'd believe that. And if she did, she'd probably just be freaked out. Still… Buffy wished she could just tell her the truth.

Faith looked at her with slightly narrowed eyes, seeming to be unable to decide whether or not she believed her. Finally she nodded slowly, though she was still frowning a little. Buffy breathed an inner sigh of relief. Maybe she'd been more convincing than she'd thought.

Still, an unease remained between them as they finished eating. Both were slightly more anxious than they'd been before, though neither knew exactly why that was. As Buffy talked, not wanting there to be any silence between them, and Faith responded somewhat slowly in her reactions, Buffy wondered if she should have told her the truth in the first place. All this awkwardness and uncertainty was killing her.