IS THIS REAL LIFE?
Chapter Fourteen
Craig and Tweek were desperately attempting to keep Kenny and Kyle away from one another, which looked hard. Wendy stood on the sidelines, Bebe rubbing her back supportively.
"I'll bet this is a really hard choice for you." Bebe noted.
"Yeah." Wendy replied, not taking her eyes away from where Stan and Catman looked ready to pounce, the only things stopping them being Clyde and Pip.
"Who would you choose?" Bebe pushed. "If they asked you instead of needing to be macho?"
Wendy thought for a moment. She cast her eyes over the four boys.
"Personally, I'd have to pick Stan. You two have soooo much history, and he obviously still loves you, even after you seriously broke his heart last year. Remember he went goth again? Wendy, that boy loves you."
Red broke in at this point. "Bebe! The whole reason this fight is going down is because Wendy told Kyle she liked him! If she were to pick anyone, it'd be him, right Wendy?"
Wendy made a little 'ah' noise and both girls rolled their eyes when they saw her eyes following Kenny. He was straining against Craig's hold, yelling muffled profanities Cartman's way.
"No Wendy. Even Cartman is a better choice than Kenny. I mean, think about the sexual tension you have with Cartman! Think about all those times you told me you wouldn't mind taking your heated debates to the bedroom!" Bebe stressed.
"Yeah, Wendy!" Red cried. "I mean...Kenny. He's like...a slut."
"I heard he was a virgin." Wendy said. She caught Kenny's eyes and waved flirtily. Kenny, unable to move his arms, nodded at her, wiggling his eyebrows.
"Trust Wendy." Red and Bebe sighed simultaniously.
"He won't win." Acknowledged Butters, who'd been standing quietly behind them this whole time.
"Butters!" Bebe cried, wrapping her arms around the small boy. "When did you get back in town?"
"This mornin'" Butters smiled up at Bebe.
"Well, I sure missed you." Bebe grinned back.
"I-If you'll excuse me, ladies, I gota go talk with Kenny."
Butters walked, a little too fearlessly, to Kenny's side and hissed, so only Kenny and Craig could hear. "What are you doing? Butters' parents send me to therapy for a measly week and you manage to get the four of you into a fight? Not cool!"
"Chill, Mary!" Kenni laughed. If Craig hadn't still been pretending to hold her back, she would have ruffled Mary's hair, which she had to cut for the sake of being Butters.
"How can I chill? How are you going to get out of this? The whole school is watching!"
"We've got a plan. Just relax and watch, we'll be fine."
But Mary couldn't relax. She went back to stand with Red, Wendy and Bebe, and listened to them chatter about what it would be like if Wendy was dating Kyle, Stan, Cartman, Kenny...
"Oh! It's starting!" Bebe giggled nervously.
Wendy stood to attention, watching as the four 'boys' were released and swaggered to the centre of the circle the crowd had made around them.
"Ringside seats." Mary muttered to herself, knocking her knuckles together. She chided herself and put her clenched fists to her side. The more she pretended she was Butters, the more of his habits she took on.
It was so for the other girls as well. Kenni flirted with everything that moved, male or female. Sarah was eating a whole lot more, though that might have been down to Mrs. Cartman's amazing cooking skills. Lizzie was more down to earth than she had been, and was actually stressing about schoolwork. Nadine was no longer big and bouncy around other people, even people who knew their secret. She was more subdued, and Mary had noticed her looking a little green when talking to Clyde earlier.
Mary covered her face with her hands as Nadine lurched foreward and grabbed Lizzie by the collar. Lizzie held onto Kyle's hat, keeping her hair concealed beneath it.
The crowd gasped as Nadine seemingly brought her lips down on Lizzie's.
In truth, the girls were amazing actresses, and had simply tilted their heads and positioned their hands in a way so it looked as if they were kissing. Sarah backed up, looking disgusted, but Kenni looked intruiged.
She waved Mary over, yelling 'My turn' over the noise of the crowd. Some laughed, some looked confused, others downright disgusted. Mary made her way to Kenni, who positioned herself and Mary just like the fake Stan and Kyle.
"We're in love!" They yelled at the crowd.
Wendy ran out onto the field and threw her arms around Eric.
"I hoped you'd win!" She lied.
Sarah pushed Wendy away.
"I already have a girlfriend, ho!" She laughed, enjoying the sight of Wendy's smile dropping from her face. Served her right for how brutally she'd dumped Stan the year before! "I was just messing with you!"
At this, realizing there was to be no fight, the crowd slowly dispersed.
"Told you we had it under control." Kenni giggled, making her way over to Craig and pulling him down into a totally non-fake kiss. Tweek looked on until Kenni beckoned to him and whispered in his ear. Then he nodded eagerly and headed in the direction of Kenny's house. Kenni paused to say a "Good job guys!" To her friends and skipped after them.
"She's such a whore." Mary commented dryly.
And so the South Park fans were once again stunned by the boys' newfound homosexuality, Kenny's whorish antics, and more than a little confused about why Butters had just called Kenny 'she'...