Disclaimer: No, I don't own any part of Star Wars. Not even an Ewok!
Sorry it's been a long time since my last update, but I had another story that was begging me to write it, so I did that one before I forgot it.
This chapter isn't the most exciting one, but it's important for Anakin.
I love reading reviews; they keep me from turning to the Dark Side.
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When Anakin woke up, his mind was completely blank for a few merciful minutes.
Then it all came rushing back. The hideous, evil things he would do! The friends he would betray! The lives he would end! The monster he would become!
He sat on the edge of the couch and buried his face in his hands. Despair and darkness filled his heart and mind. What would he do now?
He heard Angela come in.
"Good morning, Anakin. How are y… oh," she said, noticing his posture. "I'm guessing you'd like some time alone, wouldn't you? I – I'll just be in the kitchen if you need anything." Her footsteps retreated; she clearly had no idea what to do with him.
Anakin felt even worse. First, he found out that he would become a despicable traitor, and now he was making his hosts uncomfortable in their own home. For their sake, he made an effort to pull himself out of the dark well of depression he had fallen into, but he just didn't have it in him. His whole existence seemed pointless; his destiny was to destroy everything he had worked for so far in his life. What had he accomplished, then? Nothing his future actions wouldn't counteract, even overcome. He hadn't felt so low since his mother's death and his slaughter of the Tusken raiders; perhaps not even then.
He brooded for an hour before Angela came back and tentatively asked if he was hungry. He shook his head no, then rested it back in his hands. How could he eat with this terrible doom hanging over him?
He just didn't know what to do with this knowledge. Indeed, what was the use of doing anything at all, knowing it would all come to such an awful end? He sat holding his head in his hands for a long time, tears slowly leaking their way out between his fingers.
It was approaching noon when Anakin heard someone else come into the living room. He looked up just enough to see who it was: Jamie. She stood before him, still dressed in her pajamas, her hands on her hips. He remembered that the kids now had a break from school for that mysterious kriss-muss holiday. To avoid causing Jamie the same discomfort he had caused Angela, he sat up a little straighter and removed his hands from his face. He couldn't bring himself to look her in the eye, however, so he stared at the floor. After a little while, she went into the kitchen, and shortly after that, he heard her stride back down the hall. A few minutes later, however, she was back, this time fully dressed. She stood in front of him for a long time, arms crossed over her chest.
Finally, she spoke. "Are you just going to sit there on the couch for the rest of your life, then?" she demanded. "So you found out some things about yourself that you don't like! So supposedly, all that awful stuff is going to happen to you in a few months! Are you sit here that whole time and do nothing? What's the point of that? You may think that by just staying here, you can keep yourself from doing bad stuff like that, but you can't! You know, one of these days that Obi person is gonna come back here for you and make you go back where you're from! What are you going to do then? You'll probably just go on like you were before and end up doing it all anyway!"
She had a point. He could hardly just hide out on this family's couch for the rest of his life – or even for the next five months. Obi-wan was going to come with the fuel, and they'd go back to their own galaxy and go on with their lives.
"If you don't like what you saw, why don't you get up and do something about it? You know, maybe that's why you're here! Maybe those three movies were supposed to be like the three ghosts – Christmas past, Christmas present, and Christmas yet to come!"
Anakin stared at her utterly baffled. "You lost me," he finally admitted, using his voice for the first time in what felt like forever.
Jamie glared at him in disgust. "Haven't you ever heard of A Christmas Carol?" she shouted indignantly. She turned on her heel and growled in frustration. "Boys are soooo ignorant!" she yelled as she stomped down the hall.
Talk about ignorance! Anakin wondered if it had somehow escaped her that he had never been to this galaxy before!
But he had bigger problems than that. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that she was right: he couldn't use these people to try to hide from his own darkness. He had to do something. Maybe he could change what was going to happen. He thought ruefully back to the last time he tried to change the future. But this, he realized, was different. Then, he had been trying to hang on to the life of someone he loved. This time, he would simply be changing his own actions to avoid making a terrible mistake. This wasn't a prophetic dream; it was simply an ominous recording of what could happen if he continued the way he was going. And he knew that it would happen if he did not change somehow; having seen the recording from an outsider's point of view, he recognized warning signs that he saw in his galaxy. He knew he had to do something about them; he just didn't know what.
Anakin thought about it for a long while. He mulled possibilities over in his mind. Should he wait and see what happened? Would he be strong enough, when the time came, to resist his own selfish desires? Or should he avoid the whole thing: go straight back to the Council and blurt out that the Chancellor was a Sith Lord? But they'd never believe that. Maybe he should just gradually work to set things right, gathering evidence over time until he had a decent case to make.
Each solution had its advantages and its disadvantages, but all of them ultimately centered on one idea: Palpatine would have to die. The burden of this task, Anakin was sure, would fall upon himself, the "Chosen One." And none of the solutions guaranteed that he'd have enough mastery over himself to perform the deed.
He spent what seemed like hours, toying with each solution and its ramifications. He grew more and more weary with coming to the same conclusion: there was no plan that couldn't go wrong. He thought of ways to try and guarantee success, but each one came back to him and promptly failed. Anakin was too unpredictable even for himself to figure out!
Time went by; words began to lose their meaning; and Anakin's body grew as exhausted as his mind was. It was early afternoon when he suddenly was startled out of reverie by a loud thump! and found himself lying on the floor in front of the sofa. He wasn't sure how he had gotten there, but quickly surmised that he had fallen asleep and tumbled from his seat on the edge of the sofa.
Angela heard the noise of his fall and came in to check on him just as he was picking himself up off the floor.
"Why don't you take a nap? You're obviously tired, and I bet your mind could use a break from brooding all morning."
Anakin knew she was right, so he stretched out on the sofa and fell back asleep almost immediately.
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When he awoke some time later, Steve had just come home form work, and it was nearing dinnertime.
Angela begged him to come and eat something. "You haven't had anything all day," she coaxed worriedly.
Anakin looked away. Steve peered into the doorway at him. "Ah. Been doing dome thinking, I see. Didn't like what you saw last night too much, I take it?"
Anakin shook his head slowly. Steve hadn't talked with him very much yet, and Anakin wasn't quite comfortable with him.
"Have you decided what you're going to do about it?"
"No. That's… what I've been thinking about," replied Anakin wearily. "I need a plan that's guaranteed to work."
Steve came over and sat down beside him, and Angela left them alone. "So, tell me – what have you got so far?"
Anakin listed his ideas, explaining the pros and cons, but always coming back to the knowledge that he would have to work properly in order for the plan to.
"So I don't know what to do," he admitted, wondering why he had just shared all of this with a man he barely knew.
"Well, it all comes back to you, then, doesn't it?" said Steve. "Would you mind if I offered an opinion?"
"I wouldn't mind – I'd be grateful."
"Now, I don't know you very well, either from the movies or from meeting you in person, but here's what I noticed: each of your offered solutions focuses on what to do about your Chancellor-turned Emperor. Maybe you should look first and see what you can change about you. For instance, don't be offended, but you are a very prideful person. Both here and in the movies, I've seen you try to hide weaknesses so no one sees that you have them; they see only the invincible warrior. Like when you were carsick, for instance. You didn't come right out and say you felt sick, my kids had to figure it out on their own. You may not have thought of pride motivating that, but I'll bet that was the real reason you didn't say anything. Now, believe me, I know it's tough to admit to weakness, especially for us men, and especially when you've got the pressure of everyone expecting you to be a hero all day, every day. But you've got to learn to let go of that ego, son, and let people know when you need something. If you can lose some of the pride, it will help you in everything. Help you to ask for help when you need it, and to respect others more, especially your elders. Trust me, your club leaders'll like that. It'll help you not to get so worked up about things, too; if you keep your ego small, it doesn't get bruised so often, and you don't feel like blowing up at people so much."
Anakin considered this. Of course! He needed to change his own behavior as well as trying to expose Palpatine! He'd never thought of it quite that way before. He actually grinned as he thought of the many times poor Obi-wan had scolded him for his prideful or reckless behavior.
"Anyway, if you can get rid of that prideful attitude, you'll get better at controlling that temper of yours and those fears. And then – who knows? When it comes time to get rid of your Sith Lord, you might just have the willpower to do it!"
Steve got up and left, heading in to the kitchen for dinner. Anakin thought over what he had been told. It was good advice, he realized, and he would do well to remember it.
Also, he found that he felt better for having told someone else of his dilemma, even someone he didn't know very well. It was good to get it outside his head instead of having it all bouncing around crazily inside. "Steve!" he called after the man.
Steve turned in the doorway.
"Thank you," said Anakin.
"You're welcome," the big man answered. "Now, would you care to join us for dinner?"
Anakin smiled and followed him to the kitchen table.