Chapter Fourteen

Santana chuckles as she watches Rachel gesture wildly to her Dad as they sit around the table in the kitchen. It's Hiram's birthday and the Berry's are following their annual tradition of take-out and trips down memory lane. The Latina has to laugh as she watches Hiram recount the time his daughter tried to sneak backstage at a theatre in London on one of the families trips to see the latest musical. Of course Rachel is adamantly denying a lot of the details, but Santana is pretty sure Hiram is enjoying exaggerating his story solely for the purpose of playfully winding up his little girl.

"That is so not true!" the diva shrieks, her eyes bulging as she shakes her head in embarrassment "Daddy, tell him."

Santana laughs as Leroy is unwillingly dragged into the middle of the debate; he throws the cheerleader a helpless look before announcing that it's time for champagne. That seems to quiet down the discussion and the Latina smiles as she takes a glass from the older man.

After both girls repeatedly acknowledge that it is a 'special occasion drink' the family raise a toast, their glasses clinking together before they slip back into casual conversation.

It's not long before Santana finds herself sunk down on the couch with Rachel as they watch Hiram and Leroy heading out. The two men grin as they say their goodbyes, making sure to go over emergency contacts one more time.

"We'll be fine, go have a good time." Rachel says as she rolls her eyes and urges them out the door "It's your birthday, have fun!"

The house is comfortably quiet after the two parents have gone and Santana smiles as she watches Rachel flick the television on to a cheesy late night movie. They sit close together, each draining the last of their champagne as they giggle at the terrible acting and even worse special effects.

Santana yawns as she stretches out against the couch, her arms resting across the back of the seat she smiles when Rachel snuggles into her. It's a routine for them now, whether they are watching tv or sleeping, or simply sitting, they naturally seem to gravitate together. Santana has noticed lately that when the smaller girl isn't near her she can't seem to relax.

Rachel makes a flippant joke about one the actors and Santana can only giggle as she stares at the other girl. Neither is sure who makes the first move, but aided with a little Dutch courage they are soon leaning close together.

When their lips meet for the first time Santana swears she feels a jolt pass through her, but it's gone before she can think too much about it and then all there is, is Rachel. The kiss is gentle and slow, and all to soon Rachel is pulling back.

"Santana, what-"

And then reality hits the Latina hard, her heart racing in her chest as she realises what she has done. Pushing herself back quickly she stumbles over her words, her eyes flicking from the confused face in front of her to the floor and back again "Fuck. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

She doesn't finish her incoherent sentence though; instead she pushes herself up off the couch and away from the smaller girl as quickly as she can, her mind already screaming at her for her stupidity. Santana doesn't stop to say anything else, she's too ashamed already, so she chooses to ignore the tears that have sprung up from nowhere and heads straight to the door. It's cold out, and the rational part of her rain begs her to at least get a jacket, but she's outside before logic can kick in.

Shivering the Latina wraps her arms around herself to try and conserve some heat as she takes off down the street, though she knows she doesn't have anywhere to go. It takes her a few steps to realises someone is shouting her name behind her.

"Santana, Santana…stop! Please!"

She doesn't of course, if anything she picks up her pace a little not ready to deal with the consequences of her actions she prays Rachel will give up. The steady sound of her feet pounding against the pavement drives the Latina on but she's soon stopped as Rachel somehow manoeuvres herself into the cheerio's path.

"Santana, where are you going?"

The fact the diva sounds more upset than angry makes Santana stop, looking up she sees the worry on the other girls face "I'm just…I'm going okay. I'm sorry I….I didn't mean to fucking ruin everything-"

"You didn't."

Santana laughs bitterly as she pushes her way past the smaller girl "Of course I did Rachel. It's what I do. I take something that is perfect and I find a way to fuck it up."

Rachel spins around and follows the cheerleader, placing a gentle hand on her arm she stops the Latina "You didn't fuck this up."

"I kissed you" Santana shouts angrily "Which is so far beyond stupid that I can't even begin to think about it."

"Kissing me is stupid?" Rachel asks with a frown.

"What? No-"

"Because I'm pretty sure I kissed you back and it didn't feel stupid."

"I-" Santana stops, her eyes wide "Wait, what?"

"I said, I kissed you back." the diva answers shyly as she stakes a step forward.

Santana frowns as her mind begins to race, "You don't have to humour me, I know I shouldn't have done it-"

"I'm glad you did." Rachel interrupts as she reaches down to clasp one of Santana's hands "I've been wanting to do it for a while but I…I didn't know if you felt the same way and after everything you've been through I didn't want to push you."

"I don't understand." Santana whispers, her confusion evident "You wanted me to kiss you?"

Rachel grins and nods, her smile soon dissipates though when the Latina snatches her hand away "What's wrong?"

"You…you can't like me." the Latina states, her face blank as she tries to hide the pain.

"It's not really something I can control." Rachel replies softly "Besides, why shouldn't I like you?"

Santana feels all of her insecurities rise to the surface as she looks at the smaller girl. It's a simple question but the Latina is terrified of the way a multitude of reasons come flashing quickly into her mind, the self-confidence she has been slowly building begins to dissipate "Why? Well, off the top of my head how about the fact that I'm a complete fucking mess? Being with me would only drag you down."

"We've spent every day together for the last…however long and as far as I'm aware I haven't been dragged anywhere." Rachel argues, as she reaches out to grasp one of the Latina's hands "I've seen you at your worst Santana, literally and figuratively and I stayed by you because I wanted to, because I knew that underneath all the walls you put up that you are an incredible person. I never thought you were a mess, I thought you were strong, loyal…and I want to be the one to make you see how good things could be again."

Santana shakes her head as she holds back tears, her voice is quiet as she mumbles "I don't want to lose you…what if it doesn't work between us? You're the best thing in my life and I can't lose that…"

"You won't lose me." the singer states firmly "I promise you that, we have a chance to take a great thing and make it even better and I truly believe that this is the right thing. But if you don't, if you don't want this…then we can forget this happened and carry on as we are."

Santana frowns as she feels her heart clench at the words, and she realises for the first time how horrible it sounds to pretend none of this happened. Looking up at tear-filled eyes she shakes her head "I don't want to forget…"

As her words drift off into a peaceful calm Santana takes a step forward, reaching up she cups Rachel's cheek gently and brings their foreheads to rest together. Even with her eyes closed she knows that Rachel is smiling and as she brings their lips together for the second time the Latina lets out a contented sigh.