By Choice

Notes: So, I'm trying to piece this fic back together. I think I've recovered as much as I'm ever going to get from my dead computer. I am trying though. This chapter originally went differently. I may end up putting together a fic of discarded scenes later on.

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Sebastian doesn't see Valerio. He does find Ruben near the hall leading out. A still statue carved from marble for all the give that his face has. He's holding the file still with fingers that are bending the stiff cover a little too much. His eyes flick to Sebastian once but give nothing away as he notes the direction he came from. "I'm done here."

"Don't you want to see Laura?" The question slips out before Sebastian can stop it. Curiosity overpowering the promise he didn't actually voice aloud to hide Leslie.

"No," Ruben says with more control than he obviously has. Ruben's holding onto it tightly and with a kind of fragile air about it that lets Sebastian know he's going to be losing it soon. "She wouldn't appreciate it if I went to her while..."

Ruben trails off and doesn't start again. Simply walks out through the door leaving Sebastian to follow after. The white ends of his coat flutter in the wind, and Sebastian catches sight of a few people loitering down the street. They weren't there when he pulled up, and their blatant staring makes it obvious who they're hanging out to see.

Ruben ignores them with practiced ease, but it doesn't help his mood. Sebastian's got a general idea of where the church is, and heads that way without trying to persuade Ruben it'll be better to go home first. The air in the car is tense and leaves him bracing himself for an outburst he knows is coming.

Ruben is tightly leashed though. He keeps his words to himself until they're out of the main part of the town and then they come out with a quiet force that's as effective as a shout. "Pull over."

Sebastian eases the car over to an empty patch of gravel without thinking, but before he can ask why Ruben's out of the car. He throws the car into park and gets out after him. The tails of Ruben's coat flutter as he paces along the road restlessly for a little bit before stopping. Breathing harsh and loud like he's run there the whole way from the hospice.

"I hate this town," Ruben says and his voice is growlingly low. Filled with the same loathing as when he spoke of his parents. Elk River lies spread out below them. The road leading up to the hill just high enough to get a good view of the entire town. "I hate these people."

Ruben turns and doesn't give Sebastian a chance to try to figure out what the hell to say to that. Pushing him fast and hard enough that he falls back with a curse onto the warm hood of the car. "What the fuck!?"

The thin metal of the hood wasn't meant to hold the weight of two, full grown men and the sounds it makes as it dents make that loud and clear. Ruben doesn't seem to give a damn though as he crawls up over Sebastian. His eyes lit up with anger and something almost gleeful that makes Sebastian's gut clench tight in anticipation.

"How much time have you spent in small towns, Seb?" Ruben asks as his fingers spider out around his face. Tilting his head up and holding him still so he can't look away at all even if Sebastian were to try.

"Enough," he grits out as he reacts to their close proximity even though sex looks like the last thing on Ruben's mind right now.

The hood gives a little more with every shift they make. Sebastian tries not to move too much despite wanting to. He reaches up to hold Ruben around the sides to keep him from moving too much. "What are you-"

"They're full of interfering hypocrites," Ruben shoves him again and keeps both hands on his chest. Glaring down at him as he shifts up further. The hood groans and pings under them. His expression not doing much at all to pull Sebastian's mind away from sex. "Always so happy to lecture but they never follow their own damn advice."

"Ruben," Sebastian warns and pushes up against his hands before he gets shoved into the windshield, and probably through it going by the banked rage in Ruben's face. His words are spit out with rage and he sounds like every teenage punk Sebastian's had to deal with in his career.

Whining about how unfair the world is and how no one ever understands them. Except they were all pimpled faced brats with no idea at all of what they're bitching about, and Ruben...

Ruben does know. Far better than most people do, and the anger of that understanding blasts out around Sebastian as the man vents.

"They pretend they're all so much better than me," Ruben growls as he rages against the past and the present. His eyes look almost yellow as his fingers dig painfully into Sebastian. "As if they've done something great when all they've done is wallow in their stupidity! And even when they do see, even when they know-!"

Sebastian moves his hands up to carefully grab Ruben by the back of the head. Fingers as gentle as he can make them even as he firmly pulls the now full on ranting man down into a kiss. Teeth bite at his lips as Ruben snarls and rages against the world still, but Sebastian keeps his kiss soft. Pulling back when Ruben tries to devour him, and physically holding him back when he pushes forward.

Slowly, the noises the man is making die down, and his body stops shaking. Ruben moves with Sebastian's hands reluctantly until he seems to collapse. His body devoid of the emotions he was throwing around and pliant. Small tremors wrack his body as Sebastian carefully curves his arms around him to hold him. The kiss turning from one to two to six until Ruben is calm again.

There's no tears in Ruben's deceptively still eyes when he pushes away. Fingers brushing over his lips as he stares down at Sebastian. There is surprise there, and a touch of something that Sebastian can't quite place as the man slides back and off the hood of the car. He walks to the car without looking at him again, his voice flat, "A mile further will take us to the church."

The passenger door slams shut, leaving Sebastian on the hood alone to put together that little minor roller coaster of emotion. He runs a hand over his face and through his hair before slowly easing off the hood. Wincing at every pop he hears as the hood tries to reform itself.

Ruben looks unfazed, and he's looking away from Sebastian. Fear, Sebastian realizes with a jolt as he pretends to study the hood. That last thing he'd seen in Ruben's eyes had been fear.

"Jesus, fuck," Sebastian mutters as he decides the hood's not too badly deformed to hurt the engine. He takes a steadying breath before shoving that all away and walking around to get back into the car.

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