AN: It's about time that I wrote a new chapter! I know you are all thinking it and I got a review the other day asking me to please update…a lot. I didn't want to make anyone wait any longer because I know I pull my hair out when it takes a long time for an author to update. Thank you for the continued reviews and the patience, my life is starting to get under control again so hopefully you won't all have to wait so long for an update. Also ive been thinking of new ideas for new stories and an interesting play on this story I may write once I finish with this one ;) Anyways, here is the long awaited Chapter 13. I hope you all enjoy!~
Chapter 13
I was sitting on my knees at this point in complete shock at what my mother had just told me. I could feel hot tears running down my face and I didn't realize it until a minute later but I was breathing really hard…hyperventilating would be a better word for it. I could still only think of Ikuto and how I didn't want to loose him. I could never imagine not being able to see his beautiful dark blue eyes or his teasing smirk…
"There is no point crying! You've forced this on yourself! We tried working with you but you have no intention of changing and all you're doing is causing more worry for this family!" My mother's words snapped me out of my shock and I began to find my voice to speak through all the tears.
"N-nnn-no…no…wait…" I struggled to speak in between sobs only coming out as desperate mumbles.
My mother began to turn away shaking her head and I finally found my voice. I felt so helpless but I couldn't give up.
"NO, wait, PLEASE!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. I was trying to control my breathing and stop hyperventilating. I was already so light-headed but I couldn't stop.
"Please, please, please!" I cried out begging as I tried to wipe the tears away that were running down my face.
"Please mom, please don't send me away! I'm so sorry! I don't want to go away! Please don't do this to me! I'll be good and do anything you want! I'll try harder I promise just please don't send me away!" I buried my face in my hands and cried. I felt so distraught. I knew I had to deal with this alone and all I wanted was to run away into Ikuto's arms where I knew I was safe…
"No! I've had enough! Besides, you're only going to keep sneaking to see him. This way I can totally remove him from your life and set you on a better path." She didn't even turn to face me but I could hear hesitation in her voice.
She wanted me away from Ikuto so bad…but why? How could she keep me away from someone I loved so much all because she didn't think he was good for me? Because she thought he was a delinquent? He was the best thing for me. She didn't even know the whole story. I felt my heart began to rip apart as I formed the words in my head. I knew what I had to do and even though I didn't want to I couldn't risk never being able to see him again.
"NO! I-I-I promise! I will never see him again! I'll end it and I won't sneak out anymore! Please…just please don't send me away!" I choked the words out the best I could trying to sound as believable as possible. Every word hurt as I thought about erasing him from my life for even a day.
She finally folded her arms and turned around, her face hard showing no emotion. "Fine. You'll have to agree to my terms then."
I slowly shook my head still crying. "You will go to school every day and you won't be late anymore. I'll start driving you to and from school so we won't have to worry about any attendance problems. Also, no more bad marks from your teachers. I don't want to have to come see the principle anymore so you better be on your best behavior because if I get one call from any of your teachers about bad behavior you're gone. Lets not forget how grounded you are. You won't be going nor doing anything for awhile. Do you understand?"
I was starting to go numb as my emotions slowly began to recede into my mind rebuilding the walls that Ikuto had finally destroyed. I could still feel tears running down my face as I shook my head as I stared at the ground. I knew the worst was yet to come…
"Most importantly, no more seeing that boy." she said with such disgust, as if he was something dirty in her mind.
"Now call him and end it."
I hadn't expected that. All the emotion rushed back to my body and my eyes shot open. I began to shake my head pleading with my mother through my eyes to not make me do that. I started laughing through shallow breaths as I could feel myself began to hyperventilate.
"Wh-what are you talking about? End what?" I shook my head as I tried to laugh. I tried to sound believable but I knew there was no use…
"I'm not stupid Amu! Now call him and end it right now in front of me." She gave me a warning look and I reluctantly pulled my phone out.
I flipped my phone open and began to slowly search for his number. My body was shaking and it was hard to see through my tear filled eyes as I tried to draw out this painful even for as long as I could. When I landed on his name I stared at it for a moment while tears ran down my face.
I grudgingly looked up at my mother as I placed my finger over the call button. "What do you want me to say?" I mumbled against my own will. I could never form the words in my mind to end it…
"Tell him you're done seeing him. You had fun, but it's better if you didn't see him anymore. He can't be in your life anymore. You need to sound real so stop crying."
I choked back a sob as I pushed the call button. Trying to control my voice I continued to cry no matter how much I wiped my eyes. Taking a deep breath I waited for him to answer. I was praying that it would go to voicemail…
"What's wrong Amu?" The minute I heard his voice my heart shattered. I pulled the phone away from my ear and choked out a silent sob as my mother turned away with her arms still crossed. I could hear him calling my name becoming increasingly worried as I didn't answer. He knew something was wrong…
"Amu! Amu! Answer me! Are you ok?" he yelled into his phone.
I took a deep breath composing myself. I knew that I had to do it…
"Yea…im ok."
"What's wrong? You sound…off." I smiled at his concerned words as more tears escaped.
"I'm sorry…Ikuto." I mumbled sounding barely convincible.
"For what?" His deep voice was so relaxing and comforted me even though I was so distraught…I couldn't imagine not hearing it again…
I took a deep breath and continued. I felt my body trying to destroy itself as I thought these poisonous words.
"I don't want to see you anymore. I had fun bu-" He stopped me before I could finish.
"What are you talking about?" he said sounding so confused and worried.
"I don't want to see you anymore!" I yelled as I began to cry harder.
"Its better if you're not in my life! Thank you for all you've done…goodbye Ikuto." I whispered.
"I love you Amu."
I immediately flipped my phone closed ending the call before dropping it on the floor and breaking down. I hadn't cried this hard since I had lost my father…
I saw my mom pick my phone up off the floor before flipping it open and proceeding to erase my phone.
"I'll hold onto this for awhile. Its empty now but I'll be the one to decide when you get it back. I'm doing this for your own good Amu."
I looked up through thick tears and started to stand. With my head down I turned towards the stairs that led to my room. "Why couldn't you have died instead of dad…" I mumbled.
"Amu!" I heard Daichi yell but I paid him no attention as I made my way up the stairs.
I was so heartbroken and in pain that I immediately collapsed after slamming my door shut. I lay on the floor for what seemed an eternity crying as the swirls of pain ricocheted through my body. My entire body hurt and I felt the waves of my emotions trying to rip from my body. Mustering all the strength I could I crawled to my desk snatching my drawer open, spilling its contents on the floor.
There was only one thing I was looking for. The only thing that would release my pain. I angrily flung papers around looking for the source that had brought so many scars to my wrists and arms. Finally grasping my hands around it I scooted my back against my bed, resting my weight on it as I pulled my sleeves up. I could feel the tears still running down my face as I thought of him.
Ikuto.
He wouldn't be here to save me this time…I wanted to run to him so he could take me away from everything…but I knew that this time…I was all alone. My heart yearned for him as I brought the razor to my wrist dragging it up my arm making the first cut. I kept replaying the short memories of him in my mind trying to relive every moment with him. I switched to the other arm as I began to rebuild my walls. With every cut I could feel all my pain escape as my emotions began to be sealed behind those high walls again.
I finally felt my tears stop and I dropped the blade as I stared at my window where he had appeared so many times. I pulled my sleeves down letting the blood soak into my jacket as I tried to climb into my bed.
Curling into a ball I felt my conscious began to slip…not before hearing his last words.
"I love you Amu."
BANG! BANG! BANG!
"Amu! Wake up! You have 30 min to get ready and be at my car!" my mother shouted through my door.
I slowly felt my body reanimate as I opened my swollen eyes. I felt so empty and emotionless. I moved robotically going through my usual routine for school. I alternated between a cold and hot rag over my eyes to reduce the swelling and brushed my hair not even putting any special pins in.
I grabbed my jacket and looked at the new cuts on my arm. They were so inflamed and painful, but it kept my inner pain away. I put my jacket on after rubbing my finger over them and ran down the stairs after grabbing my bag off the door. I didn't care what time it was…so I didn't know if I was late.
"Heard you got in big trouble last night!" Ami sneered. She was probably still bitter from the other day when I made her cry.
I didn't even look at her though…I kept walking and without noticing it I was in my mother's car. The drive was short and silent, but then again that's what I wanted.
"Have a nice day at school…" I heard her mumble.
I jumped out of the car and started walking towards the school, not even glancing at her.
I heard all the kids talking about their fun filled lives and their plans for the weekend as I opened the door.
Conversation stopped when I walked in but I didn't care. I stormed towards my seat and put my hands in my face when I was finally seated. My mind was completely blank…
"Hey Amu, are you okay?" I looked into Kukai's beaming face which was covered with worry as was Tadase's who stood next to him. I heard Rima and Yaya chime in next to me.
"Yea, we were worried when you didn't come to school yesterday." Yaya looked almost ready to cry.
"We had Tadase text you but you never answered, right?" Kukai said nudging Tadase.
"Um yea…"
All there faces were full of such worry and pity. What were they called again…friends?
"Um…" I started to talk when the homeroom teacher walked in. They all rushed to there seats after giving me "we're not finished" looks.
"Alright class settle down! Enough talking! That's what lunch is for!" she came booming in. I didn't even remember her name.
"Now then good morning." she said with a bow as we all stood and responded with a bow.
"Now let's see who all is here toda-" she stopped when she looked at me. She put her hands on her hips and gave me a disapproving look.
"So nice of you to join us today Ms. Hinamori. Hope you enjoyed your little day off. I spoke to your mother early this morning. I guess we should expect a better behaved attitude right?"
I started to grind my teeth as I looked down. "Yes…"
"Good. You missed a lot of work while you were playing hoo-" Tadase stood up stopping her mid-sentence.
"Sorry to interrupt you but the student council has to discuss ideas for the upcoming school festival with the class and since im the representative for this class and the president I need to do this quickly." I gave him a faint smile as I put my head down not wanting to hear anything else.
Lunch finally started and I walked in a daze to the lunch line buying something I wasn't even going to eat. I hadn't eaten all day and I was starting to feel more light-headed. I forced myself to sit with my "friends" as I awaited their many questions.
"Hey Amu!" Kukai was the first one to speak as usual and I nodded trying to smile.
"That was totally not right the way Ms. Hisashi did you this morning! She's such a total bitch!" Rima started yelling.
"Rima." Yaya whined. Nagahiko only laughed as he put his arm around her.
"I'm sorry but someone had to say it!" Rima huffed leaning into her boyfriend.
"It doesn't matter…" I mumbled.
I was too heartbroken to care.
Everyone's face dropped. Usually I was "cool and spicy" or whatever they called it…but today I was just completely empty. My words carried no spicy sting to it…
Kukai coughed and immediately changed the subject. "So! I heard you weren't doing well in math so I think it would help if you got a tutor and what better tutor than Tadase!" He nudged to his friend who put his hands up in defense.
"I'm not that good…" he shyly remarked.
"Whatever Mr. A++! No one "not that good" scores 103 on a math test. I don't even know where the extra 3 came from! We didn't have any bonus questions!" Kukai shouted.
"Yea Tadase! Your amazing at math. You help me all the time when I confuse numbers." Yaya chimed in.
"Confuse numbers? What?" Kukai whispered to Tadase.
"Aww Yaya, you're so cute!" Rima broke away from kissing her boyfriend and started patting Yaya's head. "Let's go get a cookie! For you of course cause im watching my weight." she laughed as they stood up.
She ran her fingers through Nagahiko's hair before walking away. They were definitely having sex…
"Anyway! Let Tadase tutor you. You're guaranteed to pass and you don't have to pay him." Kukai motioned to Nagahiko and they followed the other two girls.
Great…another genius Rima plan to get us alone…
"I don't have to tutor you if you don't want me to. They can be so pushy sometimes, but I don't mind helping you if you need it. I mean not to say you need it. Not everyone is good at math…um not to say you're not good at math! I just meant!" His face started to turn red as he struggled with his words.
I smiled faintly and rested my chin in my palm. What could it hurt?
"It's ok. You can help me if you want. I really do actually need a tutor but im not some leech. I will pay you some kind of way."
He shook his head smiling. "You don't have to pay me. That's what friends are for, right?"
I looked at him with wide eyes as I felt a piece of my wall crack. I smiled genuinely and softly laughed. "Thank you."
He looked away blushing as Kukai and the gang walked back over. "There we go! I knew you would get her to smile!"
Yaya scurried over to me and handed me a cookie smiling. "Cookies make everyone smile…well except cookie haters…or mean people or mayb-"
"Just give her the cookie Yaya!" Rima walked over laughing as she placed her arms around Nagahiko's neck.
I reluctantly took it and thanked her smiling genuinely. This is what real friends were like. I nibbled on the cookie listening to their funny conversations feeling my mind slowly awaken.
"Do you want me to start today?" Tadase asked walking with me to the parking lot where my mom was waiting.
I started to say no when my book bag rubbed against my cuts and I winced in pain. "Are you okay?" Tadase immediately asked.
"Yea its nothing. I just scratched my arm climbing out of a tree." I lied. It was the first thing to come to mind and I wished I hadn't said it. I bit my lip and waited for him to start asking questions, I mean what could I have been doing in a tree?
He didn't though. "Oh, well im glad you're not to badly hurt."
"Yea…" How ironic his words were. My mother had basically stabbed my heart.
"By the way, you can start today if you want…well if my mom will let you." I thought about being alone in that empty house and all the room it would give me to think. I didn't want to think, I wanted to forget and lock my feelings away.
"Alright. I'm sure I can get your mom to agree." he laughed following me.
When I saw the car waiting for me in the parking lot I was filled with instant rage and I looked at my mother. I felt such hatred and betrayal but I had to mask it.
Walking up to the window I proceeded to introduce Tadase. "This is Tadase Hotori. If it's ok with you, he plans on tutoring me and helping me with my work."
"Nice to meet you Mrs. Hinamori." he said bowing.
She looked at him with a strained smile. "My how you've grown. Your mother tells me about how well you're doing in school, Mr. President."
He looked down laughing. "That's nothing…"
"Oh but it is. You're an outstanding young man." She looked so pleased with him and I hated it…
"If it's ok with you I don't mind tutoring Amu with her school work."
She glanced at me then nodded. "Alright, she could use the help. Thank you very much. I'll pay you at the end of every week. Just tell me how much you want to charge an hour an-"
Putting his hands up he nervously shook his head. "That won't be necessary. I'm doing this for free. Amu is my friend and friends help one another."
I looked at the ground as they continued barely hearing the conversation. My blood was boiling with the rage I felt towards my mother.
"You're so sweet. Well hop in. I can drive you to our house. We have a dinner party tonight so we'll be leaving but you and Amu can continue studying." She had such a bright smile as she looked at him approvingly. I could see the look in her eyes like this is the boy my mom wanted me with…I was starting to rethink my initial plan.
"Sure. Thank you." Tadase began climbing into the backseat while I sat in the front staring out the window.
They talked the entire ride but I never really heard what they were saying. I kept building my walls in my own silent world.
Tadase was a really good tutor and helped me understand a lot of problems that I usually didn't even attempt to do. He also took my mind off of everything else. I admit that he was pretty cool, just shy which was…cute.
"See it's not that hard." he laughed checking over my paper.
"Of course not when you're a genius." I teased back.
"I'm not a genius. Nagahiko is actually way smarter than me." he said begrudgingly.
"No way!" I shook my head laughing. "He's so quiet and glued to Rima."
"Yea well his grades are better than mine. I may be the president but he's at the top of the school. Remember that test Kukai said I scored a 103 on? Yea well Nagahiko scored a 105." He looked jealous and I laughed placing my hand on his shoulder.
"Don't worry. You're just as good, better even since you're the president." I said winking at him.
"Thanks…" he said looking down embarrassed.
His shyness was cute. I could feel the ice around my heart melting as feeling started to run through me again. The walls were still strong, but I didn't feel as empty. I didn't feel so alone…
"Look at the two lovebirds." I heard Ami sneer.
My body tensed up as I glared to were she was standing. "Don't you have some more pink things to try on?"
"You're just jealous because you can't go to the dinner party." She marched into the living room looking proud.
"Yea anyone would be jealous if they didn't get to pin the tail on the donkey." She was started to annoy me which would bring my blood to a boil again. I didn't want to have a freak out session with Tadase here.
"So unsophisticated." she said tossing her head back laughing.
"You can't even spell that."
"I can so!" she yelled balling her hands up.
I looked over near the door where the umbrella was sitting. Wasn't there a time when I was going to use that to beat her?
Before we could argue any further Tadase laughed.
"You must be Amu's cute little sister. My names Tadase Hotori. Your dress is really pretty." He smiled trying to sooth the storm that was brewing between us.
Ami stood wide eyed looking mesmerized by Tadase. Her face was flushing red and I started snickering failing to hold back my laughter.
"Um…Thank you." She looked down and started playing with her fingers just as my mom walked in.
"Ready to go Ami." She looked so tired and stressed but still managed to look beautiful.
"You look lovely Mrs. Hinamori." Tadase complimented.
She seemed to be in some sort of daze quickly snapping out of it when Tadase spoke.
"Thank you sweetie. Well you two have fun. Let's go Ami." she said ushering Ami to move.
She waved to Tadase before running out of the house. Daichi followed behind my mother and glanced at us giving Tadase a small smile. When they were finally gone I realized the problem at hand. I was alone with Tadase.
I turned around making eye contact with him before looking away nervously. "So…um are you hungry?"
"No thank you." he answered politely. We sat in silence for a moment as I searched for something to say.
"Thanks for helping me with all this." I motioned towards the schoolwork and he smiled.
"No problem. You seem to be feeling better. You seemed too depressed today."
I turned towards the table and shrugged. "Sorta."
"I don't want to be nosey, but is everything alright?"
I looked into his eyes which held such strong concern. I smiled sadly. "Yea ive just been going through a lot lately."
"Did he do something to you?"
My head shot up at his question. "No! Never!" I quickly denied. Except make me love him…
"Ikuto…" I struggled to say his name. "He's nice to me. He saves me."
"Saves you? From what?" He sounded so concerned and I looked at him sadly reluctant to tell him. So I lied.
"From life…when it gets to hectic."
"Weird…I thought he only cared about himself." he mumbled.
I turned to face him confused. "Why would you think that?"
"Because…Ikuto has always done what he wanted to do no matter what trouble it may have brought on our family. He stole my mother's jewels and sold them for his own personal wealth and what makes it so bad is that my sister stands by his side and supports him…" I had never heard him so angry before.
I wanted to deny everything he said and tell him what Ikuto had told me but I was afraid that Tadase wouldn't believe me.
"My mom was so good to him and he just ignored it and did what he wanted…hes just a thief." He looked down as he balled his fists.
I stared at him speechless as the pain set back in. I missed him so much…
"Please don't cry! I'm sorry, I just get so mad when I talk about him!" He caressed my cheek wiping away the tears as he had done once before as I realized I was crying.
I jerked away shocked rubbing my eyes. "I'm sorry…" I couldn't help the tears that flowed down my face and I buried my face in Tadase's shoulder as I cried. He gently held me as I cried.
I was so angry with myself for letting my walls fall again but I couldn't help it around him for some reason.
I pulled away sniffling and wiping my eyes. "You love him don't you?" he asked sounding sad.
I looked away not wanting to respond. He sighed and poked my cheek making me turn to face him. "I'm not giving up." I was confused as I stared at his smiling face.
"Giving up what?"
He shrugged and started laughing. "Nothing. So you and your mom don't really seem to get along, so if you want the gang and I can come get you in the morning and drive you to school then I can come here after for tutoring, if you'd like?"
I smiled and thought about it before shrugging. I felt tired like I didn't have the energy to speak.
"Don't worry we'll make your mom agree." he told me winking. I felt my heart flutter as my face began to redden. Who knew he could be so prince-like…
I nodded and stood up to stretch. "Well I'll see you in the morning Amu." he said as he gathered his supplies to leave.
"Wait! How are you getting home?" I felt a chunk of the energy left in me deteriorate as I reached out to grab his shoulder to stop him. I immediately withdrew my hand and pulled them behind my back.
"Don't worry Kukai lives right up the street from here." He was smiling as always and it made me feel warm.
I was unconvinced but I let him go not having the strength to argue any further. I nodded and opened the door for him but before he could leave I did the unthinkable. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him.
"Thank you for everything Tadase." I mumbled.
"No problem." he laughed nervously. I pulled away and waved him goodbye before shutting the front door. That's when the loneliness began to eat at me.
I stared at my things on the living room table and made my over to shove it all in my bag before trudging up the stairs.
I felt so alone and I wanted more than ever to hear his face. As I walked up the stairs I stopped at my door, hoping that he would be on the other side. Hesitantly pushing it open I stared at an empty room. Throwing my jacket off onto the floor I crawled into my bed realizing that I still hadn't really eaten today. Holding onto my pillow I drifted away into a deep slumber….and that's when the nightmares started.
AN: I know this chapter was sad but things will look up in a bittersweet type of way, and sorry to say but I do have to give Tadase a chance at least lol. So don't give up on me yet. I realized im starting to make longer chapters…I hope it's not too much for everyone to read. Anyways, write me a review and let me know what you thought. They are much appreciated. Until Next Time!~
~MewRaven94