13. Mother

Eight years prior…

"When did he start…" The doctor gestured his fingers towards his mouth. "to chew on his fingers?" Maria let out a breath before looking through the window, to se her son sitting quietly in the other room drawing with Crayola crayons, while another doctor spoke to him. He didn't seem interested in what she had to say to him.

"I noticed when his first teeth started coming in," She answered.

"But he didn't start…" Jim trailed off before finishing his sentence. "He wasn't biting off chunks of his skin until now."

"Did he cry much after birth?" The doctor asked.

"No," they both said in unison.

"Mr. and Mrs. Bristoll… you son has a very rare disorder. Only about seventeen children are recorded to have what he has in the United States."

"And what is that exactly?" Maria's voice was becoming as sharp as glass. Five different doctors, five different pediatricians, five different hospitals, and three different therapists, and only now they are finding out what is wrong with her son.

"Your son cannot feel pain. He has what they call Congenital insensitivity to pain with Anhidrosis… known as CIPA for short." Both the parents looked utterly confused as well as shocked. They knew what the doctor was saying, but they didn't understand the extent of it.

"He can't feel pain?" Jim was pondering how far the doctor meant when he said that his son couldn't feel pain. "He cannot feel pain at all? Or just… scrapes and bruises?"

"At all, as in broken bones, cuts, scrapes, bruises, bites, even headaches, sore throats, or anything else internal. Although it may seem like an advantage it is the complete opposite."

"Is it dangerous?" Maria asked, holding her husband's hand tightly.

"Yes, it is much easier for him to hurt himself despite the fact that he cannot feel it. You see pain is like a defense mechanism. Without it we would cause far more damage to ourselves. When you place your hand over a hot stove, a small hint of pain arises, and that alone tells you not to touch the surface. But someone like Adam won't feel such a sensation, and persist to burn himself. You will need to check him all the time, all over his body, even in his mouth, for Adam could bite off his own tongue and not even know it."

Tears ran down Maria's face while looking out the window at her boy in the other room. He was already very quiet, and shy around other children. And this will only add to his insecurities. She turned her eyes to the doctor again, forcing a smile. "That's not so bad, so we have to check him, that's not a big deal right?"

"On the contrary," The doctor bowed his head. "He's in more danger all the time, because of his condition. You're very lucky, most children with this disorder don't live past three, and however if they do age twenty is usually how far they will go. Due to the ware and tear they do on their bodies. It is so much easier for them to destroy themselves." Tears poured out of Maria's eyes at the thought of not having the time she wanted with her son, or give him the things he deserved.

0o0o0

Mother, do you think they'll drop the bomb?

Mother, do you think they'll like this song?

Mother, do you think they'll try to break my balls?

Mother, should I build the wall?

0o0o0

The sun battered on his head as his head as he stood on the base swinging his bat around. Waiting for the ball and watching the pitcher make his aim. He watched closely, he always somehow could tell the difference between a ball, and a hit. The pitcher swung the ball, and Adam swung; hitting the ball clear out of the park.

AND THAT'S A HOME RUN!

Adam smiled to himself as he ran around the diamond, watching the opposite team players slam their hats on the ground as he ran past. He could hear his father cheering on in the stands, and it only made him run faster, and his smile wider. He made it home, and jumped into the arms of his fellow players as they lifted them on their shoulders.

"I am so proud of you!" His father patted his head as they both walked home after the game. "You're getting to be quite the player, but be more careful with your swings."

"I know" He whispered.

"We don't want to go back to the doctor's to find out that your arm has been pulled out again."

"I know!" Adam shrieked. His father stopped walking, and forced Adam to stop and stand in front of him.

"Hey!" He said to his boy. "I am just keeping you in check, that's all. No need to get bratty." His father tried to laugh to lighten the mood, but the little boy only continued to look down at the ground. His father put a finger under his chin and made him look up. "Hey, I know it's hard for you. You're momma is only looking out for you." Adam didn't answer. He just looked at his father through his bangs, the four-year-old felt he was invincible, but he mother thought he was made of glass.

"Now let's go inside." His father said softly, before gently wrapping an arm around his shoulder and guiding him into the house.

When they entered they were surprised to see a very angry mother sitting at the table. When the saw her at the kitchen table they both froze. Maria blew out smoke, and batted her cigarette ashes into her tray, before making evil eye contact with them.

"What did I say?" She asked them. Her voice was quiet, but full of edge, it only made Adam flinch.

"Honey, please-" Jim tried to reason but she cut him off.

"Don't you remember what happened last time?" She was nearly in tears. "Baseball is too dangerous! And here you are making me look like the bad guy because you take him to games behind my back!" Tears fell from her eyes.

"Maria, we can't-"

"Can't what, James?" She shouted. She looked at Adam, and at the sight of him her eyes went from angry to pleading. "Honey, remember what we talked about? I can get you involved in swimming, it's safer, and it's still a sport."

"I don't want to swim!" He argued. "I love baseball! It's not fair! I don't get to do anything!" He yelled.

"Adam!" Her voice was firm. "We discussed this, and I am sorry, but baseball is far too dangerous. Too much heat can kill you, if you're running around the hot sun you could-"

"But I haven't!" He cried. "It's not fair!" Tears were running down his cheeks, like rivers. Her face went from soft to hard in a matter of seconds, he knew that face. She made it when she had made her final decision.

"No more baseball… ever!"

0o0o0

Mother, should I run for president?

Mother, should I trust the government?

Mother, will they put me in the firing mine?

Is it just a waste of time?

Hush now baby baby don't you cry.

Momma is gonna make all of your nightmares come true.

Momma is gonna put all of her fears into you.

Momma is gonna keep you right here under her wing.

She wont let you fly, but she might let you sing.

Momma's gonna keep baby cozy and warm.

Ooohh baby, ooooh baby.

Oh baby.

Of course mommy's gonna help build the wall…

0o0o0

A year later another addition was added to the family. A little girl, and her name was Abigail. Adam wasn't sure what to think of something so small when he arrived at the hospital with his father to see her. His father took the baby from his mother, and gently let Adam hold her while he sat in a comfy chair next to his mother's bed. Her eyes were blue, and her skin a porcelain white. Adam was frightened he might drop her because she was so small.

"Isn't she beautiful, Adam?" His mother asked, he smiled and nodded at her. But one questioned bubbled in his mind.

"Can she feel pain?" He asked them. Both parents' grins disappeared from their faces like someone simply washed them away. They both seemed to be at a lost for words. Adam's father got to eye level as Adam and told him no, that she can feel all the pain she needed to feel.

One year later, the baby was now walking on her own, and her hair was a very fair blonde. Her voice was so soft, but high when she giggled. Adam didn't mind having her around. She wasn't as bad as his friends informed him that baby sisters were. But he still felt like they gave her whatever she wanted, whereas he sat back and got nothing he wanted. They drove her to her little dance group one day before dropping Adam off at swim practice. He didn't want to go. He hated it there. He wasn't a fan of swimming, and some of the older boys thought it were funny to push him in when he still wasn't very good at it.

One boy who was about thirteen, and had brown curly hair kept his head under the water so long that he threw up water when the coach finally saw what they were doing. It may not have hurt, but he couldn't help the anger that soared through him every time he laid eyes on that boy.

Adam decided to walk home since it was around the block; he and his friends had a tree house hidden in the woods not too far. He hid his baseball things there. He stopped there and grabbed his bat to make a few practice swings; little did he know that the older boys had followed him.

"Hey you little douche, what do you have here?" Adam stood in shock; he hadn't expected anyone to follow him. This was their secret hideout, no one was supposed to know about it. The thirteen year old with curly brown hair took his bat from him. "Wow, this nice, I think I might keep it." He said while laughing tauntingly. The other boy laughed from the side as Adam tried to attempt to get the bat from the older boy.

"Give it back! That's mine!" He yelled, but the other boy continued to push him away, all the while continued to laugh. Adam grew furious; he looked over and saw that the older boy's bike was right behind him. Adam picked up a giant rock, and waltzed over to the bike.

"Hey you little shit, what are you doing?" Adam started smashing the bike with the rock. He didn't see the other boy's run up behind him and throw him. The curly headed kid marched up to him as Adam stood, Adam hadn't expected to be punched in the face, but the older boy's fist made contact with his face. Blood spilt from his mouth, but of course Adam didn't react.

The boys looked alarmed at the fact that he felt nothing, another hit, and another kick, but no response. Adam decided to take a step further and fight back. His fist made contact, and he continued to pound and pound on him until the thirteen year old's face was completely rearranged. His friend pulled him away from Adam, and they both ran. Adam was punished for two weeks, and the other boy's were kicked off the swim team. Not that it mattered, they were petrified of him now, and Adam preferred it that way. His mother took swimming away from him too for the two weeks of being grounded. Adam didn't care, he hated swimming, but for some reason his mother had it in her head that he loved it. He had no idea why.

After dropping off Abigail at dance they were on their way to the public pool. Adam was feeling melancholic the whole way, until he finally blurted out the words.

"I don't wanna go." His mother glanced at him between the roads.

"Why, sweetie? You love swimming."

"No." He said. "I don't, I hate it!"

"Where is this coming from, Adam? Is it those boys?"

"No!" He yelled. "I want to play baseball!" He heard his mother groan. It usually frightened him when she did that, because it meant she was angry, but he was sad all the time because of her, and now he was going to tell the truth.

"You can't play baseball! We've discussed this!" She yelled.

"I wouldn't have been beat up if I was still in baseball!" He yelled back. She got quiet; she didn't say anything for what felt like forever, until finally tears fell from her face. Now he felt bad, he hadn't meant to make her cry.

"Adam, I don't want to lose you! If you play baseball, you'll get hurt."

"So! So does Bradley, and Stan, and their moms let them play."

"I am your mom, not theirs!"

"Abigail gets to do what she wants! I don't get to do anything. I don't get to play outside anymore; I don't even get to play in my room alone anymore, because you wont let me! But Abigail can play tag outside all day with her friends, and go dancing, but I'm not aloud to do ANYTHING!"

"Abigail isn't different like you!" She snapped. Adam's eyes widened. He knew it! He just knew it. Tears fell down his face as he sobbed. He heard his mother sob as well, and suck in a breath.

"Adam I didn't-"

"I HATE YOU!" He screamed at her. "I want Daddy!"

0o0o0

Mother, do you think she's good enough, for me?

Mother, do you think she's dangerous, to me?

Mother, will she tear your little boy apart?

Ooooh ah,

Mother, will she break my heart?

0o0o0

"He told me he hated me, Jim." She sobbed into her husband's shoulder.

"You can't keep sheltering him, or else when he gets older, he'll mean it." He said in the most honest way he could without being cruel.

"I know, but you heard what the doctor said, I don't want to lose him. I don't want him to die." She sobbed while hugging Adam's stuffed puppy someone got her for her baby shower, now missing an ear, and a nose. "What would we do? I couldn't bare if anything happened to my little boy." She cried heavily into the stuffed animal.

"He's my son too." Jim said softly.

"I know, but I'm his mother. We think differently than daddy's." James sighed sadly, she was right. Mother's were so much more passionate about their children most of the time. But doing what she's been doing only looks like she is leaving him out of things. Adam was too young to understand that she was only doing what she was doing because she was frightened of losing him.

"I think we need to take matters into our own hands here. " He finally said. "I actually did some research, found out about some other kids that have the same condition as Adam. Some of them older. I think that doctor was full of shit Maria, I think our boy can live his life to the fullest, regardless whether or not he can feel pain!"

"What!" her voice was full of surprise. "There are people with CIPA who are adults?"

"Of course!" He jumped in front of her, getting on his knees. "This genetic mutation has been around a long time, Maria. And these people who are adults with it are very healthy and are living life to the fullest."

Adam was listening to everything from around the corner. He really hadn't meant to hurt her feelings like he did. He stood up and went to walk away when there was a knock at the front door. Adam heard his parents start to descend to answer it. Adam figured he would get there first since he was the closest. He opened the door to reveal a tall man wearing a black baseball cap on his head. He was scruffy, and wore a thick heavy jacket, and steel toed boots.

"Hey kid." His voice sounded eerie to him. "Is your mom and dad home?" Adam nodded and turned around and saw his mother approaching them.

"Adam, honey who is at the door?"

"A man, who wanna talk to you." He replied, but was surprised when he felt the man's cold, dry flaky hands wrap around his face. He let out a scream, and his mother followed suit as she darted for them. She hit the man, screaming and crying.

"Let him go, you bastard!" She yelled. The man had released him to grab a hold of his mother. He watched and continued to scream, when the man pushed her to the ground, and took out a kitchen knife to bring it down to her chest.

His father came out in a flash, fighting off boogey man. Adam was in complete shock, not able to move or make a sound as he watched his father struggle. He finally looked at his mother who was still conscience. She was saying something, at first he couldn't hear, it took a moment before it actually reach his ears, like everything was in slow motion.

"Run baby." She had said. He finally found the strength to run and ran straight for his sister's room.

"Abby! We have to hide!"

"Why?"

"We just do! C'mon!" He dragged her out of bed and into his own room. He opened his closet and they both squeezed in. "Adam I want mommy." She cried.

"Shh!" He shushed her and covered her mouth. They both listened to the sounds of their parents' cries, and screams. The stranger was yelling, and cursing.

"Close your eyes, Abby." She did as she was told, and he covered her ears as they stayed as quiet as possible. Soon the commotion died down, Adam was almost certain they could come out, but then footsteps emerged from down the hall. The tears returned to his eyes, as deep down he knew they could no longer hide.

The closet door swung opened, and they both screamed. The stranger picked up his sister by her ears, she screamed and kicked. Adam jumped out and bit the man in the leg. The stranger cried in pain and dropped Abby, she stopped making noise the second she hit the ground. Adam was stuck staring at her lifeless form, as the man tumbled over it. When he came too, the stranger was coming for him again, Adam went to make a run for it, but he had grabbed him by the hair and was dragging him down the hallway.

He tried everything, from screaming, yanking, hitting, and kicking. The man seemed too powerful. The came into the front room of the house where his parents lay on the floor. His mother's eyes were wet with tears, and mixing with the blood on her face.

"No!" She cried as she saw him being dragged. "Leave him alone! Please!" She cried. Not able to move, she was dying with each second; if only she could stand up, fight back. She tried, she tried so hard, but her body just wouldn't respond to anything she commanded it to do. She was completely paralyzed.

"Mommy!" Adam cried, as he was being shoved into a sack. "Help me!"

"Please!" She cried again. "Let him go! Don't take my boy!"

Soon Adam's view was only of darkness, and the cries and pleas from his mother slowly faded away to nothing. She was gone, and there was nothing left of what he was….

0o0o0

Hush now baby, baby don't you cry.

Mama's gonna check out all your girlfriends for you.

Mama won't let anyone dirty get through.

Mama's gonna wait up until you get in.

Mama will always find out where you've been.

Mama's gonna keep baby healthy and clean.

Ooooh baby, oooh baby, oooh baby,

You'll always be baby to me.

Mother, did it need to be so high?

0o0o0

Adam's eyes burst opened his chest felt heavy, and he tried to say something, but his throat felt so heavy, like trying to lift weights with his throat. Jace woke up next to him, seeing as Adam was thrashing and squirming, he was surprised she hadn't woken up first.

"Adam, it's okay! It was only a dream." Jace chanted. Clary sat straight up, and looked down at Adam who was desperately trying to find his voice.

The last thing I told her was that I hated her.

"What's wrong?" Clary was full of concern as she scooped Adam up in her arms.

"I think he had a nightmare, but he's trying to talk." Jace answered as he scooted closer.

"Shhh." Clary cooed. "It's okay, don't put too much stress on your throat." Tears were pouring down his face as he tried so hard to speak, but his throat just wouldn't allow it. He clung to Clary and cried into her breasts. Jace held him from behind, both of them cooing him, and reassuring him. He felt nice, he hasn't felt this sort of thing in ages, not even with them before they had gone. Adam slowly stopped sobbing and calmed down, he gently moved away from Clary so he could be face to face with her. Her took his palm, making it flat, and taking his thumb and pressing from his chin and then outwards.

Clary looked surprised at first then said. "Did you dream about your mother?" Adam shook his head- well… he did, but that wasn't what he meant. Adam then fully signed the words….

I love you, mommy….

Then buried himself back in her chest. It too a moment before Clary could respond out of shock, but then she smiled down at him, she kissed his hair as tears slowly leaked from her eyes.

"I love you too, baby." Jace smiled at the both of them. Adam turned his head to Jace and signed;

Don't worry, daddy, I love you too…

Clary smiled at him as the three of them embraced each other.

0o0o0

"I'm sorry for what happened to you, and no one can make that better, I wish I could. I do. Because if… if I could somehow go back there and make what was happening to you stop, if I could just… you know, pick you up and tell you that it'll all be okay. That's what moms are supposed to do. They're not supposed to cause your pain, they're supposed to make it go away. They're suppose to hold you and tell you that everything is gonna be alright. They're supposed to tell you that thunder is Angels bowling, and that's it's okay to be afraid of the dark, and that it's not silly to think there might be monsters in your closet, and that it's okay that if you want to climb into bed with them just this once, 'cause it's scary in the room all alone. They're supposes to say it's okay to be afraid, and not be the thing you're afraid of. But most importantly they're supposed to love you no matter what…" ~JJ Criminal Minds…

Hush now baby baby don't you cry

Momma's gonna love you no matter what you do…

Okay, just one importance you pronounce CIPA See-Pah understand? lol

Oh and I am DEFINITELY doing a Christmas chapter. One more chapter, then Luke and Jocelyn come home... DUH DUH DUUUUUUUUNNNN! lol

Review please =)