When he leans in to kiss me for the second time, I lose myself in his kiss.
Maybe because this time I'm not taken by surprise, unlike the first time. Or maybe because the doubt I had before, the 'am I flirting with him? Am I going crazy or do I really long for this guy?' doubt that I had just disappeared the moment our lips touched for the first time.
So I just let myself go and kiss this guy, longing desperately for his lips, his gentle tongue, his sweet taste. I want him. I want all of him.
When I'm about to pull him closer, he breaks the kiss. Too quickly, this time.
"What? What's wrong." I ask, clearly confused, as I look into his eyes.
"Nothing." he sighs "Not one damn thing is wrong."
If nothing is wrong, if not one damn thing is wrong, why does he look and sound so miserable?
"I'm sorry, I…" why I am apologizing?
"Hey! Don't do that. You've done nothing wrong." he smooths a lock of hair behind my ear, a misty look in his eyes "I'm just… damaged."
Damaged? What does he mean by damaged?
Our first awkward silence.
He turns around and starts the car again, not saying a word, just driving wherever the GPS was previously taking us. I sigh as the car leaves the parking lot behind.
It's been 2 or 3 minutes, but I miss that kiss already. I know it's crazy, how can one miss something that happened not even 5 minutes ago? But I do. I physically ache from missing and wishing for that kiss again. I don't remember feeling safer, more protected, more at ease, in my entire life. I felt like I could finally relax, don't overthink things, just… live. I've never felt like that before in my life…
"So, is this the place?" he asks, waking me up from my thoughts.
I look around and realize we're here. Josh's apartment building. I totally forgot. About everything, not only where we were going, but I forgot that me kissing a guy is absolutely crazy and wrong. I totally forgot about Josh. I forgot about my fiancée Joshua. Or ex-fiancée?
Damaged. Seth and I. Damaged.