Troubled Minds

Chapter Fourteen: There is a Light that Never Goes Out.

Doug Rattmann liked going to work. As much as he hated his job, there was one thing he loved about Aperture Laboratories.

Most of his co-workers weren't very friendly. He knew they spoke about him, whispering and muttering about him behind his back. Sometimes he'd catch them, their eyes avoiding his as he asked them what they were talking about. They'd shuffle awkwardly, nervously even, as he give them questioning looks. They always lied and said something involving science, Doug knew they weren't though.

There were a few people that treated Doug normally though and one of those people was Caroline. Caroline was the delightful, enthusiastic assistant to Cave Johnson, and she was a beauty too. Although he rarely got to speak with her, Doug always thought of her as a kind and gentle woman. From the way she spoke, she was rather innocent as well. Everything about her was... perfect.

"How has your day been so far, Doug?" She'd ask, small wrinkles forming around her mouth as she smiled. Her eyes would close and she'd tip her head to one side as her long brown hair fell into her face.

Doug would look up and smile, nodding softly before saying, "Same as always. How have you been?"

Today was different though. Caroline had come round to check up on their department, just as usual, but as she stopped beside Doug she placed a small slip of paper on his desk. Then, before he could even look up, she turned swiftly on her heel and left the room. Not a word was said. Doug blinked, staring blankly at the doorway she'd just left, before turning his attention to the paper.

Reaching down, ignoring the strange looks of Henry and the other scientists in the room, Doug swooped up the paper and unfolded it slowly. He was about to start reading it when someone gave him a hard, jarring slap to the back, making him jump in his seat and crinkle the note in his fists.

"Whatchya got there Dougie? A love note? ohhhh Let's see!" A face appeared over his shoulder, leering and curious. It was Matthew, another scientist from their department that loved to annoy Doug about anything and everything. But his favourite thing to tease him about was Caroline.

"You were too chicken to ask her out, so she had to ask you out, is that it?"

"It's nothing Matt. It's probably just a form she wants me to fill out," Doug sighed.

"You leave Rattmann alone, Jensen. You should be working on that report Johnson wants done in an hour!" It was Henry, one of the only other people to stand up for Doug.

"I'm almost finished! Can't I have a little fun around here?" Matt complained, returning to his seat across the room. Doug gave Henry a quick smile; his was of thanking him for his intrusion.

Doug then waited for everyone to return to their work before he smoothed out the paper and began reading what it said. His eyes scanned the paper, soaking in the information Caroline's elegant handwriting had left for him. His eyes widened slightly, and he immediately ripped up the paper, shredding it into a million tiny pieces before dumping it all in his wastebasket.

At lunch, Doug slipped out of the cafeteria and away from his co-workers as they jittered on about their families and lives (something he really had nothing to contribute to usually, as he had no family and knew very well no one was interested in his artistic hobbies), heading down a long catwalk towards the main office sector. He shyly waved to a few people as he passed by, then quickly slid into the dimly lit hallways that lead to the various offices that controlled Aperture. Blinking, he tried to remember where Caroline's office was. He remembered being ushered into her office when he was first interviewed for the job position at Aperture, nervous beyond belief that they'd dismiss him the minute they found out about his schizophrenia, only to be greeted with a cheerful, warm smile and the sweet, soft sound of Caroline's voice. Remembering, he jogged his way up three flights of stairs and smiled as he reached her door.

Knocking lightly, Doug waited until the soft voice, muffled by the door, welcomed him into the room. Opening the door and peering into the room, he saw Caroline sitting at her desk, the skyscraper pile of paperwork that seemed to never go away looming over her as she smiled weakly up at him. "Y-you asked me to see you, Caroline. Wh-what's this about something urgent?"

Caroline pointed to a seat across from her and said softly, "Yes, thank you for coming Doug. Have a seat."

"Is there something wrong? Am I in trouble?" Doug asked, he wasn't really worried about losing his job, he hated it after all, but he knew he should at least act worried.

"You're fine Doug. It... It's me. I've... I've been asked by Mr. Johnson to do something very drastic for science and... well. I'm not sure if I should," Her eyes creased as her forehead wrinkled into deep set worry lines. Her brown eyes filled with fear.

"What is it?" He was curious now, leaning forward in his seat, palms pressed firmly against the edge of her desk.

"Mr. Johnson's been ill for quite some time, as you must know, but lately he's been getting worse..." Caroline stared sadly at her hands, folded neatly on the smooth surface of her desk, "But lately he's been talking about how he won't be alive in time for us to build a computer to put his conscious into."

Doug knew where this was going, and he didn't want to hear it. He and his co-workers had spent the last year and a half up to their asses trying to design a working AI for Johnson, and he wasn't about to lose Caroline to it.

"NO!" Doug shouted, standing up and slamming a fist against the desk. "You shouldn't have to do anything he says! You don't deserve to-"

"Doug."

Her voice was calm and sweet, and he knew she was serious by the way she stared at him defiantly.

"Mr. Johnson trusts me to keep this place running when he's gone. If that means giving up my life for science then so be it."

Doug stared down into her lovely brown eyes, now ridden with fear and a strange defiance - no, tenacity. She had made up her mind and she was telling him this because... Because she trusted him. He lowered back down into his seat, his mismatched eyes lowering to gaze down at his feet. "You're not even gonna put up a fight, are you?"

"I'm going to try not to. But the way the AI project is going right now, I don't think we'll have to worry about anything happening for quite a while."

She was right. She was always right. It had been a good five years before they had to worry. Five years. Doug was thirty two when the announcement had been made that the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System was complete, and all that needed to be done was upload Caroline's conscious onto it.

Doug Rattmann hated his job. As he watched Caroline being dragged off towards the operating room, kicking and screaming, he felt guilty and sad. He wished he could have told her what she meant to him. He wished he had let her know how much he loved her. It wasn't until he heard the blood curdling screams coming from the operating room that he realized he was too late. Not knowing what else to do, Doug turned and ran.

~x~

Get up. She's gone.

Doug's eyes shot open and he realized exactly where he was. Pushing himself up off the cardboard mattress, he almost fell back again as his whole body ached. Squinting through the artificial sunlight, Doug noticed he was alone.

She left.

"Where did she go?" He asked, turning to glare at the cube.

How would I know? She just got up, got dressed and left.

Doug reached over and shut the radio off, he was getting a headache and he knew noise would only make it worse. He then looked down into his lap and blushed, remembering exactly what had happened the night before.

What ever happened to "I'd never think of doing that with her"?

Doug didn't answer, instead, he scooped up his clothing and dressed himself half-hazardly, pacing about the large den in thought. "Where could she have gone? Why did she leave? She doesn't know these parts of the facility well enough! What if she gets lost?"

You sound like an overprotective father.

"I care about her."

You love her.

"I..." Doug was at a lose for words.

You do, don't you?

Caroline. Instantly he thought of Caroline. They were similar in so many ways. Both were tenacious and stubborn. Both were sweet and kind.

Caroline is dead, Doug. Don't let Chell get away, or you might have to relive that experience all over again.

Doug turned to give the cube a desperate look, he could see his reflection in the silvery metal of Cici's steel plates. He looked so old.That thought alone made him feel even more helpless and lost. He looked away, he couldn't stand his reflection anymore. This was ridiculous.

She shouldn't be far. She left about an hour ago. If we leave now, there's a chance she might still be nearby.

Doug's eyes widened. All hope had not been lost. He could fix this. He could tell her he was sorry. He knew he shouldn't have kissed her last night. Glancing at Cici, then to the open vent they had arrived from, it took only a matter of mere seconds for Doug to scoop Cici up and clamber into the vent.

Doug searched the catwalks for an hour and a half. He was starting to lose hope of finding her when he noticed a languid form off in the distance. Curious, he inched his way closer, making out the shape of Chell's slender, athletic body. His first thought was that she was hurt - or worse, dead. He rushed over and crouched beside her, the worry washing away from his face, replaced with relief, as she looked up at him with those sad grey eyes.

She can't do it without you. She's too attached.

Doug bent down, pressing his lips against her forehead softly, his thumbs swiping gently across her eyes, wiping away the salty tears that had formed there.

"I don't know what I would do without you," she whispered into his neck after sitting up and throwing her arms around him in a tight hug. Doug smiled, it felt like he should be the one saying that, but that didn't matter right now. What mattered was she was safe, she was alive, she was here, with him.

"I don't know either. But what I do know is that I love you and we're gonna make it out of here alive. Just you watch..." Doug whispered back.

They stayed there for quite a while, holding each other until Chell seemed to stop crying. She sniffled, pulling away from him and looking down at her lap with shame.

"I'm sorry. I know I've said that to the point that it's meaningless now, but I really am. One day, Chell, you won't have to worry. You won't have to deal with Aperture or turrets, or testing or any of this. One day you'll forget this all happened. I promise that when we get out of here, I'll take you as far away from here as possible. We'll never have to see this place again," He had no idea if this was ever going to happen and he sure as hell didn't know why he was so sincere and sane-sounding. He helped her up and gave her a quick, tight hug.

"Doug?" Her voice was scratchy and soft and muffled against his shoulder.

"Yes?"

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

Doug was silent. But it was true, he wasn't sure if he could keep that promise or not. He looked down to see her smiling slyly up at him. A coy grin pulled at his lips and her ruffled her hair.

"C'mon. Let's go. GLaDOS is probably looking for us..." He muttered, intwining his fingers with hers. He gave her another kiss on the forehead and they started down the catwalk again.

Author's Note: It's been awhile! But It's finally here! Sorry for such a long wait, I've been going mad with school work. I'm on winter holidays now so I'll be writing up a storm! Thanks again to my editor and all my readers! I'd like to ask if anyone has any music suggestions for Troubled Minds? I'm compiling a fanmix. Just message me or hit up my tumblr (check my profile).