This chapter wasn't even supposed to be action-packed, but that's the way it turned out. I own nothing!
Chapter 14: Much of Pain About Nothing
"I'm sure you're all wondering why I called you here," Chaos stated slowly, his crooked teeth testifying to his non-existent dental records.
"Not really," Mateus, CoD, Ultimecia, and Sephiroth all said at the same time.
"Shut it!" the God of Discord snapped, quite offended at his minions' lack of interest. "Now, I hear that there is an important ball coming up tonight,"
"So what?" some big, muscular guy in black, gold, and white armor, horns on his head, and a blue cape, asked.
"Who in the bloody blazes of Hell are you?" Mateus asked the newcomer with disdain.
"One guess, turtles!" the guy shouted.
"What do you know, he had something under the armor," Sephiroth mentioned calmly as Mateus and Chaos tried to come to grips with this new development. Finally, Chaos shook his head.
"Look, I don't even care anymore, but this dance is important," he glared at them to deter another interruption. "Because there is a 10,000 gil prize for the best dancer! And, believe me, we need the money,"
"So, basically, you want us to humiliate ourselves for your financial gain?" CoD asked flatly.
"Yes!" Chaos confirmed. They all turned and started to leave. "But…" he trailed off dramatically. They continued for the exit, causing him to flare up. "Fine! I won't give you a cut for the candy budget!" That put halt to them.
"That's a turtle of a different color!" Exdeath bellowed unnecessarily in Ultimecia's ear. She quickly froze time and batted him off into the distance with one of the giant swords that were stuck in the ground around the area. Deciding not to ask where he went, the others continued their conversation.
"Well, if it gets me more candy, then I'm in," the Emperor said with an evil smile.
"Hold on, I forgot to tell you," Chaos warned gradually. "You must bring a dance partner of the opposite gender or, at least, the appearance of opposite,"
"Hmph," Sephiroth crossed his arms and turned to leave.
"Come on, we would have it in the bag," Ultimecia said slyly to him.
"Yeah, what're ya, chicken?" Jecht asked, coming in with a bottle of whiskey clutched in his hand. He quickly got a boot to the face and flew back into the shrine. "I'm gonna go lie back down," he grunted, staggering away.
"Fine…I'll go to this dullard's dance," the ex-General grumbled, leaving with a swish of his cape/coat/thing.
"All right, now all we have to do is find some lavish clothing for the occasion," Mateus noted.
"And all we have to do is dance better than anyone else?" Zidane asked. "No problem!"
"We'll mop the floor with those other chumps!" Bartz added with much enthusiasm.
"I'll pass, I suck at dancing," Cloud mumbled, taking a bite of his taco. They were, currently, having lunch.
"Come on, it'll be fun!" Prishe protested, shoving a turkey in her mouth.
"I know that you're just scared, Cloud," Tifa teased. "Don't you want to prove yourself to us?"
"And flooring hordes of manikins with my Buster Sword doesn't do that?" the spiky-haired swordsman grumbled.
"I'd rather not, either," Squall grunted from behind his new book (Emo Mercenaries 4: Origins). "Too many bad memories,"
"I think that I'll try to win," WoL interjected, turning from his conversation with Firion. "I wonder if I can persuade Cosmos to be my partner?"
"No way! She's a Goddess!" Tidus shouted from his end of the table.
"Not to mention that you're her whipping boy," Kain commented snidely.
"Do you want to step outside?" the blue-armored man snapped, standing up.
"Now, now," Cecil stood between them. "Let's not fight amongst ourselves,"
"Get out of the way, cocky b******, I've been wanting this for a while," the Dragoon barked, shoving the Paladin out of the way. "Come on, outside, now!" He and WoL stalked out of the kitchen.
"There goes the food budget," Vaan said while he reclined back in his chair.
"Maybe they'll just talk it out," Yuna suggested a bit doubtfully.
"Don't get your hopes up!" Laguna responded cheerfully. A couple of seconds later, they heard an explosion outside.
"So, anyway, who are your partners?" Tidus asked. "I'll take Yuna, but you guys left your girlfriends at home, right?"
"I'll go with Cloud!" Tifa volunteered, grabbing his arm.
"I thought that he was going out with Terra?" Bartz inquired with a puzzled look.
"Actually, I'm not going out with anyone," Cloud muttered, detaching himself and leaving the room.
"Don't worry! I know how you feel!" Zidane called after him. "I remember this one time," he added to the remaining warriors. "I asked a waitress on a date, but I forgot that and asked Dagger as though I had already asked her earlier. Boy, I got in the doghouse for that one,"
"Typical guy," Lightning grunted, leaving the room in her usual huffy, I'm-too-cool-to-be-around-you, fashion. There was a crash and a WoL-shaped imprint appeared in a nearby exterior wall.
"I think that we'd better continue this discussion elsewhere," Firion wisely suggested. The others agreed and started to leave. Unfortunately for OK, he got plowed into the floor as Kain was sent crashing through the wall and smashed into him.
"An impressive will that never wavers…" he grumbled, jumping up and blocking a thrown shield with the haft of his spear. "But I will shoulder the burden!" He threw WoL backwards with a mighty swing and bounded after him. WoL countered with a charging thrust, but he Jumped and crashed back down on him, flooring him in the shallow waters that ran through Order's Sanctuary.
"Hey," Jecht rumbled as he walked over to Lightning, who was sitting on the roof of the castle, watching Kain and WoL have it out.
"What do you want, Chaos pawn?" she casually pointed her gun blade at him.
"Heh," he sat down next to her, an inch from the business end of her weapon. "I was looking for a partner to that stupid ball, and none of the Chaos gals are good enough, not to mention that they're taken,"
"So what's your point?" the commando asked bluntly. "Are you trying to invite me? No thanks. I don't date drunkards that are full of themselves,"
"You sure know how to hit a guy where it hurts," he cracked his neck and downed another swig of whiskey. "But me and you…we're the same, you know? We're so awesome, we're in a league of our own, and no one will ever match us,"
"Hmph, like you can really compare me to you," she put away her weapon with a twirl. "You'd be crying for your momma in a minute if I decided to put the smack down on you,"
"Oh," Jecht's face registered a challenge, something he'd not had in a while. "Care to try it out, or are you scared that Cosmos'll mop the floor with you for wrecking her castle?" Lightning stood up, pulling out her gun and pointing it in the Blitz King's face as he jumped up, too.
"Screw Cosmos, this is personal, now," the commando declared grimly.
"Wouldn't have it any other way," Jecht flexed his shoulder and prepared to fight.
WoL dodged out of the way as Kain Jumped down again and threw his shield, nailing him in the face this time. Quickly following up, he slashed the Dragoon up into the air and fired a blade of light out of his sword, sending him hurtling away. The Paragon rushed after him, but was stopped when he heard a cry of,
"Cross the heavens!" Kain came shooting down before WoL could think to dodge and was pierced through before being carried down to the ground, the spear being twisted painfully in the wound, and slammed again. "Bow down!" The Dragoon added before springing back to avoid the counterattack as WoL flipped back onto his feet and fired a series of lighting bolts at him. He blocked them easily, but that left an opening to be impaled by a charging thrust and then roundhouse kicked away. Landing painfully, the Dragoon regained his feet in time to dodge another shield toss and performed a charging thrust of his own, impaling his opponent again and then knocking him away with a flipping kick before jumping after him. WoL quickly dodged the next swing, though, and spun, giving the Dragoon a slice across his chest plate before blasting him away with a fireball.
Jecht jumped over Lightning's opening spinning slash and prepared a Triumphant Grasp, but she saw it coming and bounded over it, delivering a drop kick to his back and sending him sliding, face-first across the roof. Quickly recovering, the Blitz King Jecht-Blocked a Waterga back at the commando and summoned a gigantic volcanic rock, chucking at her. Dodging both, Lightning propelled herself off of the Ultimate Jecht shot and cut into him twice before attaching her blades and gracefully slicing him with her Flourish of Steel. Reeling from the blow, the Blitz King grinned at the wonderful lack of ease this battle was affording him and dodged a wind spell that was sent at him. With a grunt, he was bathed in fire and moved forward so quickly it looked like he warped. He gave Lightning several kicks, spun around, cutting her with his massive blade, and sent her hurtling into a battlement with a final slash, causing it to collapse.
"Don't cry, now!" he taunted as the structure fell. There was a short pause, and then the rubble exploded away, revealing a commando that was in Ex Mode. "You sure got a hard head, little lady," He smirked and activated his Ex Mode as well.
"Dragon's Gift, to me!" Kain shouted, dodging away and entering Ex Mode as WoL tried to follow up. WoL quickly blocked as the Dragoon attempted a series of stabs, making Kain stagger long enough for the Paragon to back off and activate his own Ex Mode.
"To shine brighter!" WoL shouted as he changed classes. "Bathe in the light!" He cut the ground with a spinning slice, causing many pillars of light to appear and start cutting towards Kain. The Dragoon Air Dashed away and gave a cry of,
"Crumble!" swinging his lance downward. A smaller lance appeared from thin air and pierced WoL's chest plate, draining some of his vigor. Kain glowed green briefly as he received the energy and then he executed his Ex Burst. Soaring high into the heavens with an aura growing larger around him, he gathered a mighty amount of energy and inertia. WoL tried to get ready for when he came down, but knew that he was about to get hurt badly. Finally, a streak of teal came rocketing from the heavens, headed straight for the Paragon. Standing strong, he dived to the side, but the attack still, mostly, hit him and sent him sprawling, his Ex Mode vanishing in a flash. "You're no match for me…" Kain muttered, jamming his spear into the ground.
"Voltagon!" Lightning shouted as she waved her hands and a dozen Thunder spells struck at Jecht. He dodged around them and hurled another Ultimate Jecht Shot at her. She cut it in half with her Omega Weapon and opened fire on him as she Air Dashed forward. He blocked the glowing, blue bullets and slammed into her with another Jecht Rush, dazing her with multiple spinning slashes before adding in a Jecht Blade in the middle of the combo.
"Come on, come on, come on, come on!" he shouted while chopping her with a flaming blade repeatedly. "One more!" he slammed her at another battlement. Fortunately, she was saved from impact by her Grav-con Unit. "You're just outta luck!" He initiated his Ex Burst, summoning an even more massive volcanic rock and splitting it with powerful punches and kicks. "This is my show!" With an impressive display of force, he smacked all the rocks with a spinning slash and cast them at the commando. She took a defensive stance as the rocks collided with her in a massive explosion, leveling the guest wing of the castle.
"Heh," Jecht cracked his neck as he peered at the cloud of dust and smoke. "Guess I shoulda gone easier on her,"
"Enjoy the view!" Lightning's voice suddenly sounded from the cloud. Jecht was suddenly aware of lightning bolts raining down on him and it was too late to even Jecht Block. He was struck multiple times before being hurtled at the roof with an explosion. Lightning suddenly appeared next to him and kicked him in the face, vaulting off, before shooting him in the face. "I control my fate!" She then proceeded to use every attack in her arsenal on the Blitz King. He tried to ward off the agonizing blows, but to little success. "Let's finish this!" the commando cried, spinning around with her two curved blades as she passed through him. "Bull's-eye," she added in a mutter as she landed behind him. Jecht fell down, bleeding from the torso quite badly, and took a knee.
"You're good," he grunted. "I haven't hurt like this in years,"
"Humph," Lightning stood and crossed her arms, still facing away from him. "I suppose you aren't bad, either,"
"So, are we on for the dance?" he looked back with a smirk. The commando rolled her eyes and sighed.
"Sure, why not?" she shrugged before walking off in her oh-so-cool fashion.
"Quite a woman…" Jecht muttered, watching her go. "Reminds me of my old lady. Heh…" he struggled to his feet and began the long trek back to Chaos Shrine.
Mateus finished putting the finishing touches on his Silver Despot outfit. Looking over himself in the mirror, he decided that it was satisfactory.
I wonder what the pawns of Cosmos are up to, today? he mused to himself. He shook his head and decided that it wasn't important and then left his room. That candy money wouldn't win itself, after all.
Not quite sure how the expression should be used, but by 'old lady' I meant his wife, not his mom. I think that old lady can mean either, but just thought that I'd clarify that. Quite a few lame references to the original games in this chapter. Palamecian Berry ice cream to those that can point them out. Anyway, the usual R&R message and whatnot. Bye, for now.