EPOV

I followed Bella into the house with a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, because it suddenly hit me how totally fucking normal this would all seem, to anyone except me. A girl inviting a guy into her house; surely it happened all the time, and it was no big deal.

There was that word again; normal. To me, the whole situation felt surreal.

Bella led me into the kitchen, where she offered me something to drink. A moment later, I was holding a chilled can of Pepsi in my hand. As Bella turned away from me and headed for the sink, I couldn't help but follow her every movement with my eyes, wondering if she had any idea how strange all of this was for me. A part of me felt really awkward, but at the same time, I was fucking intrigued.

Realizing that I was still staring at Bella's back, I quickly averted my eyes. That was when my mind started wandering.

Although I had always shied away from other people, keeping a safe distance and telling myself that I didn't want any friends, I suddenly found myself playing with the thought of being an accepted part of Bella's life. I had to admit, the idea wasn't totally unpleasant. There was something special about her - aside from the fact that she treated me like a person, instead of a nuisance.

It was pointless to deny the truth; I was drawn to her, like a moth to a flame.

But, as much as she fascinated me, I could also see the danger. If I allowed myself to get too close, I would most likely end up burned. Because sooner or later, Bella would realize that I just wasn't worth the time and effort. If we kept spending time together, she would eventually start asking questions about my past.

I didn't want to lie to her. And I couldn't tell her the truth.

She would be horrified, disgusted. And I didn't think I could survive losing her, once I had let her in and allowed myself to hope. It would hurt too much when she left. Because she would. There was no way she would stick around after learning how weak and pathetic I really was, how I was so unlovable that even my own mother didn't want me.

"You just never learn, do you, boy?" James' voice was eerily calm as he kept approaching me where I sat, not stopping until our faces were mere inches apart. I nearly gagged when I smelled the reek of alcohol, coming from his breath, but I somehow managed to keep from emptying my stomach right there in front of him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice trembling. "It won't happen again." Of course, I had no idea what I had done, as usual. But I had a sinking feeling I was about to find out.

He pulled back his fist, and I instinctively raised my hands to cover my face. But James was much faster as he grabbed my arm, his fingers digging into my skin. "You keep disobeying the rules," he hissed, his face red with anger. "You're a disgrace and a disappointment to your mother, and you leave me no choice but to punish you."

My head snapped back as he slapped me hard across the face, causing tears of pain and humiliation to well up in my eyes. However, I quickly blinked them away.

James went on, mockingly, "But it doesn't matter what I do, because you just never learn. You keep misbehaving, and you can't do anything right." He paused, a cruel smile playing on his lips. "Say it."

When I just stared at him, my brain not comprehending what he wanted me to say, he tightened his grip on my arm and yanked me up on my feet, slamming me into the wall behind me. "Say it!" he ordered.

I swallowed, nodding as realization finally dawned on me. "I've been bad," I gasped, stumbling over the words in my desperation to get them out fast enough, so he would stop hurting me, at least for the moment. "I'm bad."

"Yes, you are," James agreed in a cold voice, his eyes narrowing threateningly. "Say it again..."

Having been lost in my memories, I never noticed how Bella walked up to me, so when I felt a hand on my shoulder, I leaped backwards in pure panic, closing my eyes in a reflex action as I waited for the pain that didn't come. In the next moment, I heard Bella's soft, yet slightly hysterical voice, stuttering out apologies, and my eyes snapped open.

One look at Bella's face told me that she was shocked by my reaction. She looked at me with large eyes, her mouth opening and closing a few times as she was clearly at a loss for words. Horrified for losing it in front of her like this, I lowered my eyes to the floor, unable to face her as shame and revulsion welled up inside me.

And then she asked me if I was okay. I pressed my lips tightly together, forcing myself to take a couple of deep breaths through my nose, and waited for my heart to stop beating like a fucking sledgehammer inside my chest. I heard Bella saying my name, sounding on the verge of tears, and I finally managed to find my voice. "I'm fine," I lied, my entire body trembling violently.

I should've known coming here was a mistake.

When she held up a towel, and explained in a somewhat shaky voice how she had simply intended to give it to me so I could clean myself up, I felt even more like an idiot. While a part of me realized I owed her at least some kind of explanation for my behavior, the coward in me just wanted to run.

That was when she shocked the hell out of me by pretty much begging me to stay. And - with all the tension building up inside me - I just exploded.

"Why are you being so fucking stubborn?" I practically yelled in her face. "I can't be whatever the hell you want me to be. I can't do anything for you, except hurting you and making your life miserable. Don't you get it, Bella? I'm not good for you. I'm. Fucked. Up!"

Bella just watched me in silence for a moment, showing no sign of being intimidated by my outburst. I didn't understand why she wouldn't just start yelling right back, telling me what an ass I was. Or simply telling me to get the hell out of her house and never speak to her again.

Instead she shook her head, firmly. "I don't believe that. Anyway, I'm willing to take my chances."

I was both frustrated and ashamed, but most of all confused, having no idea why she was being so damn persistent. Why she wouldn't just give up and realize she was wasting her time, that she shouldn't even bother. But she refused to listen to my angry protests; instead she just demanded to know what the fucking problem was.

"Didn't you fucking hear me?" I gave her a warning look, which she seemed to ignore. "I'm fucked up. I'll hurt you."

"So you keep saying." She looked me right in the eyes. "But that's not the real problem, is it? That you're afraid of hurting me. It's the other way around." My eyes widened in alarm as she took a step forward, and I backed away, silently warning her to keep her distance.

"You're not afraid of hurting me. You're afraid I might hurt you. That's what this is really about, isn't it?" I glared at her, furious about the fact that she was somehow able to see right through me. Suddenly I felt like I was trapped in a corner, with the walls closing in on me. When I remained silent, Bella went on, a pleading note in her voice, "I won't. I would never hurt you, Edward. You have to believe me."

It was all becoming too much for me to handle, and I realized with horror that I was on the verge of having a serious fucking break-down. Anger, accusations and hostility - that I could deal with. But not unconditional kindness and sympathy. Because I knew I didn't deserve it.

By some miracle, Bella finally seemed to realize just how close to the edge I was. Just like that, she backed away and stopped pushing me. And here we were now, sitting by the kitchen table and staring at each other like hypnotized.

"What is this?" I asked, my voice cracking as I was both tired and fucking confused. I'd had plenty of opportunities to leave, and yet, here I was, once again lost in the depth of Bella's chocolate brown eyes, feeling the tension slowly leave my body, although I wouldn't allow myself to let my guard down completely.

She hesitated, obviously a little taken aback by my question. "What do you mean?"

"This!" I was unable to keep the impatience out of my voice, because I just needed her to explain to me how the hell she was able to affect me this way. I could yell and rant at her, come up with a million reasons why she should just leave me alone, but then I still couldn't bring myself to stay away.

Bella swallowed. "I don't know," she finally mumbled, although I noticed how she suddenly wouldn't meet my eyes. She opened her mouth, then closed it again, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. Finally she glanced at me. "How's your hand?"

I frowned, for a moment wondering what the fuck she was talking about. "Excuse me?"

"Your hand," she repeated, all of the sudden eager to change the subject. "Does it hurt? Maybe you should have someone take a look at it."

Understanding finally dawning on me, I wriggled my fingers a little, holding back a grimace as I shook my head. "It's nothing." In a way, that was true. While I still felt a dull ache when I clenched my fist, I'd had a lot worse.

"So, what happened?" She eyed me carefully, clearly wondering if I would be offended by her question and lash out at her again.

I sighed, then shrugged as I decided to just tell her the truth. "I punched a lamppost."

"Oh." Bella's eyes widened, slightly. She was quiet for a moment. Then she spoke up again, her voice surprisingly light, "You know, you really shouldn't go around getting into fights with lampposts. You should know those things fight dirty."

At first, I just stared at her in disbelief. Then I couldn't help but chuckle. "Thanks. I'll try to remember that."

Bella's face lit up and she nodded, seemingly pleased by my reaction. Then she became serious again. "Are you mad at me?" She sounded worried.

My eyes immediately shot to hers, and I gave her an incredulous look, for the moment forgetting to be on my guard. "Why the hell would you think that?"

She started picking, nervously, at the edge of her sleeve. "Well, it's not like I'd blame you if you were. I'm sorry for pushing you like that. I just..." She shrugged. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"Bella..." I hesitated. All of the sudden, Bella seemed so small, so uncertain. I could tell how badly she wanted to know what was going on with me. I had also noticed how her fingers twitched when she asked me if I was mad at her, like she just wanted to reach out to me, but knew it wasn't 'allowed'.

That was when it hit me that she genuinely cared about me. While that realization made me feel strangely warm inside, I also felt a lump in my throat, because the fact remained; Bella still didn't know the truth about me. And I didn't doubt for a second that it would drastically change the way she felt, should she ever find out.

"I meant it when I said I like being around you. And nothing's going to change that. I'm not going anywhere."

Bella's voice suddenly echoed in my head, as I recalled her words to me. Still, I didn't know what to make of it. Surely, she wouldn't feel the same if she knew how damaged I really was, if she knew the dark secret I was hiding, what I had been unable to prevent from happening when I was a kid. If she knew how bad I had been.

Then she would hate me. And I would be alone again.

But what if I was wrong? I had already established that Bella was different. Maybe if I'd just give her a chance...

Are you out of your fucking mind? the voice inside my head cried out in protest. You can't trust her. So what if she seems to care about you right now? She'll just end up hurting you, whether it's intentional or not. Don't even think about getting any closer. You shouldn't even be here. You've better leave now, before it's too late.

Except I was pretty certain I was already past the point where I could simply walk away. I feared that trying to run from Bella - and my confused feelings - was no longer an option.

"I would never hurt you, Edward. You have to believe me."

She had seemed so honest, so sincere. Even now, when she was watching me quietly from across the table, waiting for me to say something, anything, I noticed how her eyes were begging me to trust her.

And in that moment, I really fucking wanted to.

"I'm not mad at you," I finally blurted out, not missing how Bella's expression instantly changed from anxious to hopeful. Then I paused, struggling to find the right words to assure her. But my mind was completely blank, and I let out a frustrated groan. "Fuck! I don't know how to do this shit."

"What?" she asked softly, obviously a little confused.

I rolled my eyes, annoyed with myself for being so screwed up that I couldn't even put my pathetic thoughts into words that Bella would understand. But she just waited, patiently, for me to explain. I sighed. "Interacting with people," I finally confessed without looking at her, ashamed to admit just how introverted and antisocial I really was.

Feeling her eyes on me, I reluctantly raised my head, and was stunned by the acceptance and understanding I could see there. "I think you're doing just fine right now," she said, quietly. I raised a brow and gave her a doubtful look, but remained silent. Bella shrugged. "We can figure the rest out together."

I swallowed and merely nodded, not trusting my voice to hold if I tried to speak. A part of me was absolutely fucking terrified of even beginning to take in the meaning of those words. And another part felt a strange urge to reach over the table and grab Bella's hand, begging her to hold on and never let go.

"Um..." I got the feeling Bella was able to sense my agitation and inner turmoil, because she changed the subject. "How about twenty questions?"

"What?" I stared at her in bewilderment.

She smiled a little at my obvious confusion and explained, "Well, I said before you could ask me anything. I've decided you get twenty questions before I start making the lunch. What do you say?"

My eyes widened, slightly. "Are you serious?" She nodded. "And you promise to answer whatever fucking question I ask you?"

"M-hm." Bella nodded again, although I noticed how she suddenly looked a bit nervous. "As long as it's not, you know..." She blushed. "...inappropriate." I held back a snort, and simply nodded in acceptance. "Go ahead, then," she encouraged, leaning back into the chair and folding her hands in her lap.

"Right. Um..." I searched my mind for something to ask her. "What's your favorite color?"

It was Bella's turn to snort. "Is that the best you can come up with? That's totally lame!"

I shrugged, feeling rather stupid, because she was obviously right. "All right. Never mind, then. Here's one question for you." I could see how she braced herself, looking at me expectantly. "Why didn't you wanna go to the prom with Tyler Crowley?" I practically spat the name out, anger welling up inside me as I recalled seeing him with Bella, but still dying to know the answer.

Bella blinked in surprise, but quickly recovered. "I..." She hesitated for a moment. "Well, for one thing, I don't dance." A pause. "And even if I did, I would never go with him. He's a jerk."

Wondering briefly if she could see the relief on my face, I nodded in understanding and hurried on, "Okay. Next question..." I thought quickly, "Do you prefer to read, or watch TV?"

"Read." She answered immediately, without hesitation.

I decided to stick with the subject. "What's the name of the last book you read?"

She smiled, somewhat sheepishly. "Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë. I've read it like ten times."

"Huh." Remembering being forced to read Wuthering Heights in English class about a year ago, and hating every moment of it, I was about to ask why someone would want to read such a depressing story twice, let alone ten times, but the look on Bella's face made me decide against it. She clearly liked the fucking novel, even though I couldn't for the life of me understand why.

I proceeded to ask her what kind of music she preferred, and before I knew it, Bella and I were having a heated discussion about rock versus classical. It suddenly hit me that we were actually having a real conversation, and I found myself enjoying it. In fact, I couldn't remember the last time I had felt this comfortable talking to anyone.

And judging by the look on Bella's face - and the genuine smile playing on her lips - she felt the same way.

*~*~*

A/N: I wanna give some credit to one of my reviewers. Bella's comment to Edward about the mistake of getting into fights with lamp posts was something kerrybell wrote in her review over at Twilighted, and I liked it so much that I contacted her and asked for her permission to use it in my next chapter. She said yes, so here it is. I thought it was hilarious. So, thank you kerrybell! :)