AN: So, this story only has a few more chapters before I bring it to a close, one that I don't think any of you are going to expect, or maybe you do expect it, I'm not sure. Anyway, I hope you guys have enjoyed the ride so far, and that I don't dissapoint you too much with how it all ends.

Change Of Heart

Chapter Fourteen

The kiss was soft and hesitant, almost chaste, and then it was over before my mind had the chance to process that it was even happening. My eyes fluttered open and I looked up into Alex's gray eyes at close range, to find every wall that had been built since that fateful day in Paris tumbling down right in front of me. There was so much love and desire and heartbreaking longing in those eyes that I felt my heart stop in my chest at the sight. For me, this kiss was something that I hadn't even realized I wanted until it was happening, but for Alex, this was everything.

"I'm sorry." It was a final attempt to give Alex some time to consider this, to consider placing her heart back in the hands of the woman who had crushed it so ruthlessly. This was her chance to pull back, to rebuild her walls; her chance to pretend or to rush on forwards. But the words sounded hollow even to my own ears, and my voice cracked, showing the emotion that I was trying to hide. A small smile tugged at the corner of Alex's lips, and without a word, she leant forwards and kissed me again.

Hesitancy was replaced with confidence as Alex's lips met mine once more, and I was desperate this time for it to last. When I felt the raven haired woman begin to pull back again, I tangled my fingers in her hair and pulled her closer, ignoring her breathy chuckle as I attempted to devour her lips with my own. But Alex's amusement quickly vanished and the kiss soon became urgent and hungry, with our hands desperately clawing at each other's clothes in an attempt to get closer.

It had been too long and it wasn't enough; it was never enough when I was with Alex. I pushed my hands underneath her black tank top, my fingers gliding over her hot skin, but I still couldn't get close enough. There was too much of her that I wanted to touch, after being without her for so long, and I just wanted to bury myself in her. It wasn't long until I found myself in Alex's lap, straddling her thighs as she gripped my ass and pulled me closer until our upper bodies were pressed together. I wrapped my legs around her waist and gripped the sides of her face as I kissed her, welcoming her tongue into my mouth and the taste that was Alex.

It was all pushing and pulling, giving and taking and taking and taking more, because it was never enough. Her hands gripped my ass, squeezing and pushing our hips together, while my fingers clenched her hair, pulling it and pulling her closer. God, I had missed her, but I had really missed this. I had missed her touch; the trails of fire that her fingertips left behind on my skin and the heat that twisted in the pit of my stomach. I had missed her mouth, her lips and oh god, her tongue, and I had missed the way kissing her made me feel so dizzy, never stopping for long enough to take something so insignificant as a breath of air.

And then suddenly, so suddenly, Alex did stop, her body tensing beneath my touch and her lips parting with mine with a sharp inhale of air. I stared at her with a mixture of lust and confusion, my pupils dilated and my heart hammering in my chest as I gasped for breath. Had she changed her mind? Oh God, please don't change your mind. I want more; more of this, more of you, more of everything.

"Alex?" I breathed, staring into her gray eyes which were looking straight back at me, full of mixed emotions. "What's wrong?"

I expected her to tell me that this was a bad idea, to say that we should stop, but she didn't. When she finally spoke, her voice was cold and detached, completely at odds with the emotions swirling in her eyes. "I was expecting a call."

And that's when I heard it, Alex's familiar ring tone blaring from somewhere in her apartment. I frowned, unable to comprehend the meaning behind Alex's words in my lust induced haze. But her words, along with the sadness and almost worry in her eyes, finally helped to switch on the light in my brain. Alex lived for the moment that our bodies tangled together, no matter where we were or what we were doing. The moment our lips touched, all that mattered was the feeling of each other's skin and Alex never gave up the opportunity to fuck me for anything.

Except work.

"Piper," Alex's voice was almost pleading as she felt my body deflate in her arms, my shoulders slumping as I let my head fall onto her shoulder. It was like a wakeup call, reminding me that this woman was still the same person that I had left all those months ago, and that all our problems were still problems. It was like being kicked in the stomach, as all the want and desire seemed to seep from my skin to be replaced with frustration at myself and this situation I had put myself in.

I had missed Alex; I had missed talking to her, and waking up beside her, and I had missed her smile and her laugh, and even her sarcastic, sometimes mean sense of humor. I had truly missed her touch and our undeniable chemistry, and the way she made me feel when her hands and lips and teeth were on my body. But I hadn't missed this feeling, of always coming second, of feeling alone, of being completely terrified of who and what she actually was.

I finally lifted my head from Alex's shoulder and pulled away, until I could look into her eyes. Already I could see the walls being built, as the impassive mask descended over Alex's face, an expression I was unfortunately familiar with. She knew what I was going to say; she knew it from my body posturing and my expression, and she knew it by the look in my eyes.

It was true that Alex Vause knew me better than anyone, which is why I decided to say nothing at all, because what was the point?

"It was nice seeing you," I spoke the words tonelessly, even as I untangled our limbs and pulled myself away from her embrace. Alex's hands slipped from my body reluctantly as I stood and picked up my jacket which had been discarded on the floor hours ago. I tugged it on, along with my beanie, and when I leant down to pull on my shoes, Alex's finally seemed to snap out of her frozen state, standing up and running her fingers through her disheveled hair.

"Piper, can you just stop?" Alex's eyes flittered between me as I dressed and her open bedroom door, as her phone continued to ring. Her voice was bordering on the edge of desperation and frustration, and her hands were flexing at her sides in a nervous habit. "Please, this will only take five minutes and then we can talk, okay?"

"It's always five minutes, Alex," I sighed as I turned to face my ex-girlfriend, trying to ignore how fucking beautiful she looked in just her black tank top and underwear. I wasn't angry, or even really upset, just profoundly disappointed in the fact that I had let myself believe that this could be different. I had let myself hope and I had crushed myself again, and probably Alex too and it hurt. "It's always going to be five minutes or later or tomorrow and I don't have the time anymore. We don't have any more time. I need to go."

"This is bullshit!" Alex threw up her hands in the air, the lines at the corner of her eyes crinkling as she scowled. "Two fucking minutes ago everything was perfect and now this? You want this, Piper, why are you running away from me?"

"For all the same reasons that I wanted to walk away in Paris." Anger flared at Alex's disbelief like a flame in the pit of my stomach, anger born of the disappointment and frustration that I had tried so desperately to keep inside. I didn't want to fight anymore, I was so sick of fighting with Alex. "I didn't want this," I gestured between the two of us, with our angry stances and furrowed brows. "I never fucking wanted this, Alex. I wanted a clean break, to be able to walk away and not have to see you, so I never had to feel like this again. I don't want to feel so fucking out of control all the time. I don't want to want you. I don't want to lo-"

I cut myself off, unable and unwilling to say those words and just shook my head instead. But despite not saying the words, Alex's eyes flared with newfound hope.

"You don't want to what, Piper? To love me?" Alex asked, her eyes burning and her gaze so intense that I found it impossible to look away. "You think I fucking want this? Do you honestly think that I want to be that love-struck, heartbroken idiot that can't let go? Fuck no! I hate those kind of people, and it makes me fucking sick that I'm one of those assholes now, but I can't fucking change it, because I love you, Piper. I love you and I fucking hate you."

The last words were spoken almost venomously, hitting me like a slap in the face, so hard that I actually flinched. I wanted to cry and I wanted to leave, but I was rooted to this spot, which was unfortunate, because Alex was just getting started.

"And I'm sorry that my loving you is such an inconvenience," Alex scoffed, so close now that there was barely an inch of space left between our bodies. "And I'm sorry that you love me too, because if you didn't, then maybe we could both fucking move on, but you do love me. It's why you didn't just leave when you had the chance, and it's why you came over today instead of just calling. You keep saying that our time has run out and our story is over, but there's still time, Pipes, because this is just another chapter. So, tell me, where do you want this story to go? What do you want? Do you want a beach in Cambodia? Do you want something a little more domestic, a white picket fence and a little security? What do you want?"

She had been close to yelling during her little speech, but it seemed as if the fight had left her to be replaced with quiet sincerity. Her eyes softened behind her glasses as she raised her hand to touch my face, her thumb gently caressing my still flushed cheek. She stepped closer, until our bodies were pressed together and rested her forehead lightly against mine before whispering. "What do you want, Pipes? I'll give you whatever you want, just tell me."

I closed my eyes, savoring the feeling of her hand on my cheek, and memorizing the curves of her body as they pressed against me. It never failed to amaze me how well our bodies fit together, even in moments like this, when our bodies were tense and angry words were spewing from our lips. With an inaudible sigh, I finally opened my eyes and met her gaze, a sad smile on my lips. "I want the beach in Cambodia and I want the white picket fence and the security that comes with it. I want warm and comfortable and I want heat and adventure. I want to live on the edge, but I want someone there to hold my hand, to make sure that I don't fall. And I don't want to be scared that that person is going to be the one to push me. I don't want to be scared anymore." I watched as the hope in her eyes began to fade, leaving her gray orbs dull and lifeless and it hurt, but I continued. "I want you to be able to give me everything that I want, but you can't, and if I can't have all that, then honestly? I just want the story to end."

Alex's face was a frozen mask as I leant up and pressed a kiss to her cheek, with my lips just grazing the corner of her mouth. I closed my eyes at the touch, savoring it, along with the feeling of Alex's breath on my neck. Her fingers slipped lifelessly from my face as I pulled away, and I looked into her eyes one last time before making my way towards the door. "I'll call you."

It wasn't until I was opening the door to leave that Alex spoke, her back facing me and her slumped shoulders conveying her defeat. "No, you won't."

And it was true that Alex Vause knew me better than anyone.