AN: So I am alive. I am terribly sorry for the complete lack of updates. The last four months have been Mordor-ish for me, between a difficult job and the passing of a family member. My creativity was at an all-time low, and there wasn't much writing being done. I think that may change in the future since I am at a new job that, while the boss is insane, is a much better place to be.
Thank you to any who continue to read/review this story.
-Katy (I am fairytalelover6, but i just changed my name to katybaggins, in case you were wondering)
Chapter 13- Morning
It seemed like only minutes had passed before Lilly felt someone shaking her awake. In her daze stupor, she thought it was her mum. "Mum, just let me sleep just a few more moments, please," she muttered.
"Miss Lilly?"
The voice was too deep and masculine to be her Mum, and so she opened her eyes. She found that she was in a hobbit hole, Bag End to be precises, and Sam was shaking her. Was she in Bag End? She rubbed at her eyes. She still did not feel very awake. "What is it, Sam?"
"Nothing, Miss Lilly," he said. "It's just...it's your turn to watch, but if you don't want to, I can..."
Everything came back to her then- coming to Bag End, seeing Mellon, realizing that Frodo was sick, worrying he would die until he woke up, And then he'd asked her to stay, which she had. "No, it's all right, Sam," she said. She slowly got out of bed, noticing as she did that Sam looked tired. She should give him a respite. "You stay here, and I'll look after Frodo."
"Thank you, Miss Lilly," he said. He sat on the bed with a thump and propped up the pillow. "I'll have a little rest myself, if you don't mind."
She smiled a little. "No, I don't," she said. "Sleep well, Sam."
She left Sam to rest and walked to Frodo's room. She was a little apprehensive of what she might find, but he was still sleeping peacefully, Mellon now curled near his feet. She smiled again at her devotion to her master. She settled into the chair that Sam had vacated, sighing as she did. She wasn't sure exactly what she was supposed to do. Obviously, she was watching in case he grew worse, but even if he did, what should she do? The normal things she'd do when a family member was sick didn't seem like they'd work since this wasn't a normal sickness in the least.
His hand rested near her, and she took it in hers. It was his wounded one, but that never mattered to her. She knew he saw it a sign of failure, but she did not. She thought it showed how brave he was. She stroked his hand gently with her thumb, and she began to speak to him aloud. "I hope you feel better soon, Frodo," she said. "Sam and I are here to look after you if you need us." She felt a little silly talking to him when she knew he couldn't hear her. For all she knew, he was lost in the past again. Somehow she couldn't stop though. She wanted to talk to him. "I...I wish you weren't sick. It makes me so sad to see you suffer..."
Suddenly he stirred in his sleep, a soft cry coming from him. She couldn't stand it; she had to do something more than just sit here and hope he'd feel better. She rose from her chair, and sat on the bed, taking him gently into her arms. He didn't wake, only rested against her limply. "You'll be all right." She brushed his hair away from his eyes. "I love you," she whispered, close to his ear. "I love you so very much, Frodo. Do you know that?"
He didn't respond at all, though she hadn't really expected him to. But she wondered briefly if he could even hear her at all through whatever horrible memory that he might be reliving. She tenderly kissed his brow. "No one will ever hurt you again, I promise." Her palm felt his forehead. Still a little too warm, she thought. But maybe another cold cloth would help him.
She quickly got up and went to the kitchen. Somehow she managed to get a wet a cold cloth and be back in his room in not too much time at all. She gently put the cloth on his forehead and sighed. "I'm so sorry you're sick, Frodo," she said. 'I'm just...sorry about everything." Tears stung her eyes. "You shouldn't..." Her voice broke despite her best efforts. "You shouldn't have to suffer like this." She began to cry softly, and she hoped he wouldn't notice. She immediately realized how stupid that was. He was asleep, he couldn't tell that she was crying. "I'm sorry," she muttered. "All I ever do around you is cry." She sniffed. "But I can't really help it. Everything that happened to you is so unfair. It breaks my heart." She tried to stop her tears, though they kept slipping down her cheeks.
Suddenly she felt someone's hand touch hers. Frodo. It had to be.
Had he woken up? She looked at him, but his eyes were still shut. It didn't make sense to her at all. But maybe...maybe somehow he had heard her in her subconscious. She held his hand in hers.
"Please feel better soon, " she whispered.
She studied him, and his face seemed more peaceful, much to her relief. His breathing had evened out, and it was comforting to her. Before she knew it, and in spite of her efforts, she soon feel asleep as well.
XxXxXxXxXx
The next morning, Frodo slowly woke up. For a moment he couldn't remember what happened yesterday, but after a moment of two it slowly began to come back to him. He'd fallen ill, and then Sam and Lilly had watched over him.
Lilly... He turned over and much to his surprise she was lying next to him, asleep. She almost seemed to smile in her sleep. She must be having a good dream. He wonder what it was, but memories from last night filled his mind. He could remember now her sitting by him, telling him how sorry he was that he was sick, how it made her so sad to see him suffer...
And it was then that she'd said it.
I love you. I love you so very much, Frodo. Do you know that?
He wondered if he'd dreamed it somehow. Maybe it was just something he wanted to hear, and so he'd made it happen in his mind. He could also remember her crying because she felt so sad, and he'd...he'd reached out his hand and touched hers. Why had he ever done that?
But she was still asleep next to him and he should wake her up. Shouldn't he?"Lilly," he said softly.
She stirred a little, hugging him closer to her, and her head came to rest near his shoulder. He smiled a little. There was something….comforting about having her so close. He almost hated to wake her up."Lilly," he said again.
She finally opened her eyes. Her gaze settled on him, and a smile briefly tugged at her lips. But soon her face turned red with embarrassment. She jumped off the bed. "Good morning, Frodo," she stammered. "Are you feeling better?"
He missed her presence next to him almost immediately. But he still gingerly sat up, though his head spun. He sdid not feel that well, but he supposed he was better off than he was. "A little," he said.
Relief filled her eyes."Good," she said. "I'm so glad, Frodo." Her palm gently reached out to touch his forehead. He could remember his Mum doing something similar when he was ill as a faunt. But it hadn't felt like this. "Only a little warm…" she muttered to herself. She glanced up at him. "Would you like me to make you a cup of tea? I don't think you should rush out of bed…."
"I don't want to inconvenience you…"
"It's no trouble at all, Frodo," she said. "I'd be happy to do it."
I love you. I love you so very much, Frodo. Do you know that? Why was it that those words kept repeating themselves in his mind? "Thank you, Lilly."
She smiled. "I'll be right back." She left the room, closing the door behind her quietly.
He sunk down under the sheets, his eyelids drooping. He wasn't sure how he could possibly feel tired after a day of nothing but sleep yet he did. He remained exhausted, in both body and soul. Mellon crawled up next to his side, and he let his eyes shut the rest of the way.
He had nearly drifted off to sleep again when he heard the door open. Lilly. She set a cup on the table next to him. He felt her hand lightly touch his forehead once more. "My poor, dear Frodo," she murmured. "You certainly aren't feeling well, are you?" Her hand left his forehead, and he could feel Mellon purr louder next to him. So she must be petting the cat now. "Are you looking after him, Mellon?" The cat merely meowed. "Yes, I agree. He does need looking after, doesn't he? Otherwise he might be lost or hurt…" She let out a sigh. "I worry about him so, Mellon. He always doesn't seem quite…there to me. I wish-…." Suddenly her voice trailed off, and he opened his eyes to look at her, wondering what she was about to say.
Her gaze had dropped to her hands, though he could tears pooling beneath her lids. "Lilly?" he said softly.
She didn't look up. "Your tea's on the table, Frodo."
Her voice sounded so faint that he had to ask her about herself. "Are you all right? You look like you're crying…."
"It's nothing, just a speck of dust in my eye," she mumbled.
Her denial sounded so much like him it was uncanny. Are you all right, Mr. Frodo? Yes, just fine, Sam… They'd had that conversation more times than he could count, but it was uncomfortable to be on the other side of it. No wonder Sam always grew rather aggravated at him. "Lilly," he said. "I'm sorry, but I can't say that I believe you." He touched her hand briefly, but it was enough to cause her eyes to look at him. Sure enough, there were tears there. "What's wrong?"
She said nothing for a while, though he stayed quiet. He thought that she was considering what to say and he didn't want to interrupt. "I just worry about you," she said softly.
"Why?" he asked, though it thought he probably knew. He remembered what Sam had said about him – that he was lonely. Clearly Lilly could see it as well.
"You seem so sad," she said. "And though you try to disguise it with a smile, I know that you are in pain some days too. It just...it just makes me upset to see you suffer so."
I love you. I love you so very much, Frodo. Do you know that? "I don't want you to worry about me..."
"That's not something that can truly be helped," she said. "Your friends and I worry about you because we care about you."
"But-..." I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to be any more burdensome than I already am.
She shook her head. "No buts, Frodo," she said. "Help me understand. Why do you push us away?"
"I don't want to be a burden," he muttered, voicing his thoughts aloud.
"A burden?" she repeated. Her hand moved to touch him but she quickly pulled it back. "You're not a burden, you're not. Why would you ever think that?"
The reasons were too long to name. Some were related to Sauron, but many were not since they had been with him since childhood. He felt sometimes that those he loved would be better off if he was somewhere else. He said nothing.
"Well, it doesn't matter, really," said Lilly. "You're not a burden, not to me. I just want..." She bit her lip, and this time she gently touched his hand. "I just want you to be well and happy."
He didn't know that either of those were possible, not anymore. "Lilly..." he began.
He heard a throat clear, and he saw that Sam was standing in the hallway. Lilly promptly touch her hand back, her cheeks flushing. "Excuse me, sir," said Sam. "I didn't mean to interrupt. Just wanted to see how you were is all."
"It's all right, Sam," he said quietly. He looked over at Lilly, and she stared back at him. It took her a moment, but she finally nodded. "Of course it is, Sam," she said, and at last a smile came to her face. "Did you sleep all right?"
"Well, I reckon I slept, Miss Lilly," said Sam. "But I don't know if I'd call it good, if you understand me."
"I do, Sam," said Lilly, as if she knew just what Sam had experienced last night.
But he didn't like them losing sleep because of him. "I'm sorry," he said.
"Nonsense, Mr. Frodo," said Sam with a shake of his head. "Are you feeling any better? That's what we're concerned about, truly."
He knew what Sam wanted to hear and so he said it. "I feel a little better, Sam."
"Hmmm," said Sam. "Probably feel better with a bit o' food in you, if you understand me. Don't you think, Miss Lilly?"
Lilly glanced between him and Sam. Her eyes lingered on him, concern flickering in her eyes, but eventually she nodded. "Maybe a little something would be good," she said. "Do you think you could, Frodo?"
He didn't feel hungry at all, but he knew it'd probably make them happy if he did. "Yes, of course," he said, trying to sound like there was nothing he'd rather do than eat. The truth was that he felt rather sick to her stomach.
Sam's face immediately brightened. "Well, then Miss Lilly and I will make you a fine breakfast, sir, and you can come eat it when you're ready. What do you think about that?"
"It sounds fine, Sam," he said quietly.
"Good," he said. "We'll be in the kitchen when you're ready."
Sam and Lilly left, though Lilly looked at him briefly before she followed Sam. He took his time getting ready for the day, trying to prepare himself to act like he really was fine. He still did not feel at his peak, and it likely was past the time that they had expected him when he finally made it to the kitchen.
Sam and Lilly were standing by the stove, talking quietly amongst themselves.. He caught some of what they were saying. "...still concerned about him," said Sam. "He looks too pale, and no mistake, Miss Lilly."
Lilly's reply was almost too quiet to hear, and he only managed to catch part of it. "...know, Sam...only so much..."
Sam sighed. "True enough, Miss Lilly."
He decided that he'd heard enough. It was too clear that they were likely talking about him. He took a deep breath in and smelled the fragrance of the scrambled eggs. "Mmmhhm," he said, though he truly did not feel that hungry. "Whatever you two have cooked smells good."
Sam smiled, though Lilly looked significantly less convinced. "Eggs, sir," he said. "And some nice crispy bacon."
Nice crispy bacon...Though he was sure that Sam hadn't intended to, he was immediately reminded of Weathertop. They'd cooked 'nice crispy bacon' that night too. "Splendid," he said, though his voice sounded strained, even to his own ears. He sat down at the table, and soon a plate full of food and a cup of tea were set on front of him. Sam and Lilly joined him with their own plates and cups. Sam quickly began to eat as usual, but Lilly fiddled with her fork idly. Her eyes darted from his face back to her own food. He could tell what she was waiting for, and so he shoved some eggs in his mouth. He promptly felt his stomach lurch, but he made himself smile. "Wonderful, Sam," he said. "Thank you."
Lilly still did not look convinced, though she began to eat herself now. He and Lilly remained fairly quiet as they ate, though Sam made occasional comments. Usually that was Lilly, but she did not eat much either. Maybe it was because she was tired?
He couldn't say he was too surprised when she pushed her chair back soon. "If it is all right with you both, I think I will head home now."
Sam nodded. "All right, Miss Lilly," he said. "Thank you for all you did." He looked over at Frodo now.
"I'll walk you to the door," he offered. They walked together, though neither of them said much. When they reached the door, he knew he should speak. But what to say? "I don't know how to thank you, Lilly," he said. "Thank you so much for staying and helping Sam."
She smiled at him, a tiny spark of light coming back to her eyes. "You're welcome, Frodo," she said. "I'm just glad you're feeling better."
"Some," he said, though he dearly wished it was more true.."I will see you soon, all right?"
"Yes, of course," she said. "Fare well until I see you again."
"Thank you," he said quietly. "Same to you, Lilly."
She gave him one more smile before she left.
He sighed as she walked away. Sam came up behind him and gave him a meaningful look. "Sure was nice of Miss Lilly to stay all night with you," he said.
"Yes, it was," he said, somewhat absently.
"She must care about you a lot," Sam continued.
"Yes, I suppose," he said.
Sam gave him another pointed look, but he didn't know what to say. He couldn't even imagine what Sam was trying to tell him. "Thank you for staying, Sam," he said.
"You're welcome," he said. "Would you like me to stay longer, Mr. Frodo?"
"You're kind, Sam," said Frodo. "And I appreciate everything you've done. But you can go home if you want to. I'm sure you're tired." What he was saying was completely true, but if Sam went home, he wouldn't have to pretend he felt well.
"Thank you, Mr. Frodo," he said. "I think I'll go home for a little bit and then come back to garden."
He made himself smile. "Yes that sounds fine."
Sam left shortly after, and he felt completely exhausted, even from the morning's seemingly simple activites. He walked to his room, and curled up in bed. Soon he was asleep once more.
XxXxXxXx
On her way home, Lilly couldn't stop thinking about Frodo. While he seemed better this morning, she still worried for him. He'd looked so tired even after he'd slept almost a night and a day, and it wouldn't surprise her if he'd gone right back to bed after they had left. Somehow she didn't think that Sam would have stayed too much longer after she had...and maybe that would be for the best.
She lost herself in thought and so her home came sooner than she'd expected. She opened the door with a sigh. She did not have to go far (only the kitchen) before she saw Mum and Daisy.
"Hullo dear," said Mum. "We're glad you're home."
"I'm glad to be home too," she said. She rubbed her eyes tiredly. Her lack of sleep last night was catching up with her.
"How is Frodo?" she asked.
She sat down at the table, wondering how to answer. He was still sick, or at least it seemed that way to her, and he never did seem quite well either. "He's...he's all right."
"Really?" blurted Daisy. "Because he was so sick yesterday!"
Lilly fiddled with the sleeve of her dress. "He was," she said softly. "But he seemed a little better today."
"Well, I guess it wouldn't take much," said Daisy. "He looked at death's door."
Lilly had feared the same, though she couldn't find any sort of response to that. You saw that he woke up," she said.
"Yes, but he still looked like death warmed over," she said. "I wonder if-..."
A sudden yawn took Lilly by surprise, and she wasn't quite able to cover it. "Terribly sorry," she muttered.
Daisy just stared at her, but Mum gave her a small smile. "That's all right," she said. "You must be tired."
"Mmmmphhh," she said. "I am."
"Then why don't you take a rest?" said Mum. "I'll walk you there, if you'd like."
She would like. There was something warm and comforting about Mum, and she desperately needed that right now. "Thank you," she said.
After a word to Daisy, Mum and Lilly began to walk to her room. "Try to be patient with Daisy," Mum said in a low voice. "It's been hard for her to be all here by herself so much."
"What?" she said. She stopped and looked at Mum. She truly did not know what Mum was talking about.
"With Ruby gone and Teddy with them – and you often at the store – she's been alone quite a lot. I do what I can, but I think she misses you." Mum smile a little. "You've often been with Frodo, you know, when you're not at the store..."
"I understand," said Lilly slowly. "But Frodo..." She trailed off, unsure of how to continue.
"I know," said Mum – and Lilly had the feeling that she did. Mum was quite perceptive in her own way, and she could not have missed Frodo's sad demeanor. "He needs your friendship right now, and he should have it. But don't forget about Daisy."
They stood in front of her door now. "I understand," she said again. "I'll...I'll keep it in mind."
"That's all I ask," said Mum. "But I hope you know...I'm proud of you, dear. You're good to him."
She felt tears sting her eyes, but she couldn't help it. She valued her mother's opinion and to know that she was proud...well, it meant a lot to her. "Thank you," she said softly.
She walked into her room, and crawled under the covers without changing her clothes. Very soon she was asleep.
XxXxXxXx
Several hours later, Lilly woke to someone shaking her. "Mmmmphhh," she groaned. "Mum, not yet."
The shaking increased. "Wake up! Wake up, sleepy! Are you going to sleep the day away?"
It was Daisy, obviously. She cracked an eye open. "Daisy?"
"Yes, it's me," said Daisy, with a little laugh. "Of course, silly. Who else would it be?"
Who else indeed? That was a good question, to be sure. Only Daisy would shake her away like she had, and Teddy was still off with Ruby's family. "Is there something I can do for you?"
Daisy smiled brightly. "Mmhhhmm," she said. "I thought you'd never ask!" Lilly could only wonder what that would mean. "Tell me what happened with Frodo!"
"What do you mean?" she said. "What is it that you think could have possibly happened?"
Daisy laughed. "What do you think?"
Daisy's imagination knew no bounds. "He was sick..." said Lilly. "Daisy, you were there. You saw him."
"Yes, he was sick," said Daisy. "But he still seemed to want you around."
Mum's words came to her mind. Don't forget about Daisy... Maybe she wasn't trying to torture her with her questions. Maybe she just wanted to talk with her sister. "I don't know if he does truly or not," she said slowly, trying to be honest with her. "But I...I want to be around him."
Daisy laughed happily. "Of course! Because you love him, don't you?"
"I do," she whispered.
Daisy nodded, and there was not a hint of surprise in her eyes. "Well, I thought you did," she said. "But 'tis splendid to hear it from you."
"It make you...happy that I love him?" she said slowly.
Dai looked at her like she had grown daft in a matter of seconds. "Of course!" she exclaimed. "Frodo is the kindest hobbit! He'd make a splendid brother-in-law." She laughed again. She touched Lilly's hands and squeezed them. "So, tell me, sister," she said. "What's your favorite thing about him? And try not to think too much, all right? It has to be the first thing that you've think of."
She tried to do as Daisy said, and didn't think about her response. "His...his eyes," she said, then blushed. "I suppose that may sound rather silly of me."
Daisy shook her head earnestly. "It's not silly. His eyes are rather beautiful." She giggled. "And blue."
Her cheeks felt terribly warm. "They are," she said. "But I shouldn't love him just based on his looks."
"But you don't," said Daisy. "I know you love him for much more than his looks."
"I do," she said, thinking about all the qualities she loved about him. "He's the kindest, most intelligent hobbit I've ever known."
Daisy lay on her back and sighed dreamily. "How wonderful," she said. "It must be nice to be in love."
Lilly didn't know how to respond to that. She knew that love was supposed to feel wonderful and make you so happy, but Frodo was not a simple hobbit. And neither was being in love with him. She hadn't the foggiest notion of how he felt about her. They were friends, of course, but...
"Isn't it?" said Daisy, some of the excitement vanishing from her eyes.
"It is...," she said slowly. "And it's not." That didn't help Daisy at all though; she could tell by the look in her eyes. She didn't understand. "Daisy, I don't know what to say. It's...it's just complicated. He's not the usual hobbit, and so neither can be...whatever it is that we have, all right?"
"You seem to think that there isn't much between you," said Daisy, somewhat flatly. "Why is that?"
Lilly felt a wave of tiredness wash over her. "I can't tell you much about what happened to him out there," she said. "But it left scars, all right? I don't know if he's even thinking much about...that."
Daisy stared at her, but she eventually shrugged. "Oh well, I'm sure it's possible you could change his mind," she said.
Before she could respond, Daisy had bounced out of the room. Lilly flopped onto her bed with a groan. Daisy just didn't understand. He wasn't thinking about it, he wasn't. And she was sure that there wasn't much she could do at all to change it.