Theycanstillgrow: "...wait,,,what?! He just left, no good bye? But he spoke to Maggie as he was leaving? That was a 100% dick move, especially knowing how sheltered and vulnerable Michonne is."
can08writer : "Rick better be watching her cuz she's still in danger. How are they just gonna leave her by herself after everything she's been through? But I know Rick won't let anything happen to her."
member00: "Wait...what? Well, this motherfu— Grimes better have a good reason"
Trinrichonnetrash: "I think I'm devastated. Michonne waking up after a night of passionate sex and seeing Maggie on her couch instead of the man she fell in love with gutted me. That hollow sinking feeling she must have felt. I felt tears."
Nwfanmega ""That fucking asshole" indeed. I'm mad at Rick Michonnesus! He's firmly on my shit list for leaving her like that. In the middle of the night?! NO! Wrong, wrong, wrong. Grrrr. You've got me heated! Calming down..."
- haha I knew most of you guys who are reading this story would react this way, basically the same way michonne did. that's why I thought I'd be good to show you what happened from Rick's POV. Hope this chapter soothes your anger a little lol!
''How could I let this happen? How could I be so irresponsible? So impulsive? So... fucking stupid?"
I laid there in the dark and stared up at the ceiling, silently berating myself for doing the one thing a Soldier is never, ever supposed to do. But then I felt her shift against me in her sleep and sigh softly, and when my eyes slid down to see her head on my chest my heart clenched. The imagery of that night came surging back to my conciousness. It was amazing, like quenching a desperate thrist and I know she wanted it as badly as I did. It was unmistabeabkle: the look in her eyes when she pulled my shirt off and poured her gaze over me. I'm sure my expression matched the rawness of hers when I peeled her wet clothes away and kissed her while running my hand over the curves and valleys of her soft body.
Her little sighs and gasps fanned the flames within me and I steadily increased my strenght as I began to slip further under her spell. She had no clue what she was doing to me. She had no clue just how unhinged I had actually become thanks to her. It was a miracle she didn't slap me when I kissed her in the shower. I still couldn't believe that she would even kiss me back, let alone go to bed with me. The softness of her skin drove me wild. The feel of her hair in my hands as I craded her head and smoothed my tongue over hers twisted my stomach in knots. Knots that only tightened as her long legs wrapped around my hips, and her hand gripped my hair, pulling me to kiss her deeper.
I thought for sure she would be like the other women I'd been with. I was so sure she was only in this for the thrill of it. She was scared and lonely, and I was there. I thought she only wanted me for the safety I provided, a warm body to lay next to, and my face. I'll admit I'd learned to use my eyes and smile as deadly weapons against women. And my body would be equally usefully if it weren't so... damaged. In the past I'd found ways to enjoy sex while removing as little clothing as possible, and now that she had me naked the anxious discomfort I'd always had for my physical being was slowy creeping its way into my chest. The blade of panic sliced through me when I thought of how she must feel, seeing my scars and bullet wounds that I'd learned to hide from people over the years to avoid stares. I've never told her how I got them, and whatever she think's happened to me is probably still not as bad as the truth. I knew there was no way she could really want this. I dragged my gaze over her round hips, her small waist, her full breasts to rest on her absolutely beautiful face, she was so perfect, and I was a monster.
I'd stopped, pushing myself up to hover over her as I panted. She softly stroked her fingers through my hair. I wanted her so badly I was sure it would kill me, and I locked my eyes on her. She smiled and her brown eyes were glimmering in a way I'd never seen before. Of all the looks women had given me over the years, those soft bedroom eyes were somehow new to me. She reached up a hand to smooth over my chest, and bravely slid it down my abdomen. I knew where she was heading, and when she reached her destination and grasped firmly my eyes rolled back and I groaned as I sank back down onto her. I rested my forehead against hers as she continued her sweet treatment, and I felt almost guilty. She deserved better then me. She was too beautiful for me. She was too good for me but I had her right where I wanted her, and all I needed was the green light. I searched her gaze for permission, steeling myself for the moment when her eyes would avert from my body and her limbs would be careful not to touch my scars.
But that moment never came. Her deep brown eyes bore into mine and she slid her left hand up my hip to rest on my back, softly stroking it while the other hand smoothed through my hair. She planted her soft lips against a jagged dark scar on my clavicle and when she pulled back to face me again she smiled at me and pulled me down to kiss her.
That was it. That was the moment that everything changed. My heart welled in my chest knowing that she was comfortable, and willing, and she trusted me. That she didn't care about my scars, or my past. So I used every fiber of my being to show her how precious she'd become to me. I'd pushed every gasp from her, drank every soft sigh, savored the test of her warm skin and the sweetness of her full lips as I climbed higher and higher, pulling her with me to the summit. I had her right there, teetering on the edge as she dug her fingers into my hips and shoulders. I'd memorized her body's responses, and I knew her weakest spots. And so I clamped my arms around her and with a few final powerful thrusts, I dragged my tongue over her neck before pulling her mouth to mine and kissing her hard to muffle her cries.
Felling her cling to me desperately and cry out like that nearly pushed me over the eadge, but I didn't finally plummet until she broke the kiss, panting and gasping in my arms and breathlessly whispered in my ear.
"Oh God, Rick."
I shattered.
.
I only slept for about an hour. When I opened my eyes and saw her curled up against me with her arm around me, my swollen happy heart began to shrivel. What had I done? Of every bad decision I'ld ever made, this was by far the worst. Having sex with the person you were assigned to protect, and like the solid-gold fuckup I'd proven myself to be, I'd managed to even out do myself when it came to epic bad behavior. It wasn't enough for me to simply sleep with Michonne. I had to make it so much worse by falling madly, desperately, and irrevocably in love with her.
I blew out a sigh and pulled the bearskin blanket around her shoulders when she shivered against me, and settled my arms around her as I senk into the mattress, willing myself to surrender to sleep again. But sleep wouldn't come again for me that night, because my phone began to vibrate from the back of my pocket of my pants on the floor. I slid myself from Michonne's hold and she stirred half asleep, moaning softly,
"Mmm... Rick?" She whispered, eyes still closed.
"It's fine, go back to sleep." I murmured. I moved to find my phone, which had since stopped ringing, when I felt her hand on my arm. I stopped, and turned back to run my fingers over her cheek.
"I'll be back in a minute. It's probably Hershel checking in." I said to her peaceful, resting face. I brushed my lips over her brow and slid out of bed, searching the floor in the dark before snatching up my prize and moving out the living room, closing her bedroom door behind me. I stood in her dark living room as I checked my phone and returned Hershel's call.
"I was about to call again. What took you so long?" He said.
"Couldn't find my phone." I half-lied, as I slowly paced in her living room.
"We have a huge problem. You need to get out of there now."
"You want me to take her to my place?" I asked surprised.
"No, you don't understand. You need to leave. I got a message a few minutes ago threatening to fire bomb her apartment if you stay with her."
My blood ran cold.
"...I'm not leaving." I said. "Increase security outside. Do whatever you have to do, but I'm not leaving her."
"Rick, you know what the orders are. You can't stay and put your life at risk."
"I don't give a fuck about my life, you know that. But I care about hers. My orders were to protect her, and that's what I intend to do."
"So you'll risk having a molotov put through the window instead? Think about what you're saying. There's really nothing to discuss here, you need to be out before dawn."
I felt hot anger rise inside my chest. Clearly that son of a bitch somehow knew what happened between us and wanted me to leave her to ruin everything. I raked a hand through my hair, wrestling internally with what to do. Who's to say if I left they wouldn't fire bomb her apartment anyway?
"Hello? Rick?" Hershel's voice broke me out of my thoughts. "What's going on with you? You've been acting weird."
Oh shit.
"Weird?" I said, suddenly feeling very nervous. "Weird how? I'm not weird."
"I know I asked you to get close to Michonne to get information but I'm hoping it stopped there. You're behaving like all this is personal. Did something happen between you and Michonne?"
"No. Nothing's happened. I just care about accomplishing the mission."
"You care about her. I know you do. Don't let it become anything, Rick. It's dangerous and you know it."
I openend the door a jar and looked in on her sleeping form, feeling my heart squeeze involuntarily. I knew what I had to do. I had to protect her. I had to leave.
"Who's replacing me?" I asked quietly.
"Maggie is. I'm increasing security outside to find whoever's watching you, but you need to get out of there. Maggie will be there in an hour. Be ready."
"I will." I said, gazing at her and taking in the way the moonlight illuminated the dark skin of her exposed back. She was so beautiful.
"Don't let her die, Hershel." I murmured sadly before hanging up. For the first time in years I seriously wanted to cry. I was such a fool to have any shred of hope that we could have a future together. She'd proved that she could see past my imperfections, but she still had no idea just how fucked up I actually was. After reentering her room I set my phone on the nightstand and slid back into bed, washing my gaze over her sleeping face yet again, and I could swear that if it were physically possible for a heart to actually break, mine fractured in half at that moment.
She would never forgive me after this. I couldn't tell her I was leaving, because if I had to watch her cry again and beg me to stay, I would never make it out the front door. I couldn't risk telling her to come with me, I knew Hershel knew what he was doing and knew he'd keep her safe. The clock was ticking. I needed to get everything in order so Maggie wouldn't know what we'd done, but first I needed one last taste of her. It was greedy and selfish considering she would wake up alone and angry, thinking that I'd used her and skipped out on purpose, but I couldn't stop myself from kissing her again as my hand slip up her side. Her barely waking body responded so perfectly as I kissed her neck and coaxed her legs apart to settle myself between, and when her arms slid around my neck I knew she was fully aware as she pulled me closer to slide back into her warmth. I couldn't stay long, but I had to have her one more time before never seeing her again.
When she came back down and settled back into peaceful sleep, I silently gathered my things and got dressed with the heaviest of hearts, trying not to think about how she would feel the next morning and how much she would likely hate me forever. I quietly ran around the dark apartment, getting everything in order as quickly as possible and when my phone buzzed with Maggie's text saying she'd arrived, I slid on my jacket blinking back moisture before opening the front door.
"You have everything?" Maggie asked quietly.
"Yea."
"Hershel's waiting in his car outside. He's got a lead for you, in Washington."
I looked back at her and attempted to mask my misery. I knew Maggie wouldn't be fooled.
"I really don't care anymore."
She blinked back at me in surprise.
"You're giving up after all these years? Trust me, Rick, this is the strongest lead we've ever gotten. Hershel wouldn't send you on some wild goose chase."
I looked back at Michonne's closed bedroom door for a moment before sighing, no longer trying to hide my emotions.
"I'm afraid to leave her. She's gonna get killed if I do." I muttered.
"This isn't like Judith, Rick."
"I know, this is different." I pulled my bag across my body and moved to leave, pausing on my way out.
"Tell her I'm sorry, and I really hope she can forgive me."
And with that, I closed the door behind me and made my way down the hall toward the elevator, telling myself to pull it together and accept the fact that we could never have a future. She would never see me again and when she woke up in the morning to find me gone, she would likely curse my name for the rest of her life.
She would hate me, and I would have to be okay with that. It was better than anyone ever knowing how I felt about her. No one could ever know how much I loved her.