A/n I know its been a hella long time since I've updated anything, but it wasn't my fault! Well it was kind of... but more whore AOL's. Bitch AOL. Anyways, I am back and will start writing again. Woo! Well... woo I hope.
* * *
LAST TIME ON CHARMED DOES THE COUNRYSIDE:
FEEBEE: Anyways, so I went into Wal*Mart and I told them that if they didn't have my size then they could go fuc- hey! Are you even listening to me?
LEO: Shut up Feebee, you already told me this story. Twice.
FEEBEE: Yeah, but. It gets better with each telling.
FEEBEE: O-MI-GAWD. Leo! Look! There's two strangers staring at us. And they seem to be performing some satanic ritual. Look! It's VOODOO! They're making the little figures of people move around, that means they're controlling them! O-MI-GAWD, Piper and Paige and that other girl will be so proud of me when I tell them I found some demons.
PIPER: SOMEONE FAT GET IN MY WAY!
PAIGE: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
PROO: This place seems too familiar to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
PRUE: Take me down? You wish. Lierre! Don't look at that!
PROO: OOO, so his name is Lierre is it? Hey Lierre, baby, take a look at this!
SHE LIFTS UP HER TOP AND FLASHES... HER NOVELTY "I SURVIVED LESBANIA AND ALL I GOT WAS THE DUMB T-SHIRT" T-SHIRT AT LIERRE. HE FLUSHES AND FANS HIS CHEEKS... HIS FACIAL CHEEKS YOU DIRTY LITTLE SMUT-FIEND.
PRUE: OH that's it. Come on, bitch, we're gonna take this outside.
PIPER: Well... that showed me. Hey, Lierre.
LIERRE: What?
PIPER: What's with evil and the colour black?
* * *
AND NOW ON CHARMED DOES THE COUNTRYSIDE...
FEEBEE: So, I went into the bargain rail at Wal*Mart, and I says to the sales-people... what did I say again?
EVERYONE: I told them that if they didn't have my size then they could go fuc-
FEEBEE: Oh yeah! So I says to them; I told them that if they didn't have my size then they could go fuc-
PIPER: Shut up shut up shut up!
FEEBEE'S LOWER LIP TREMBLES AS SHE TRIES TRIES TO HOLD BACK TEARS. AFTER A FEW SECONDS SHE MUMBLES:
FEEBEE: If you didn't want to hear it you could have just asked...
PRUE: We did ask!
PROO: About fifty times!
PRUE: No, actually fifty one.
PROO: Actually you are wrong.
PRUE: What would you know anyway, slut!
PROO: Lets do this thang!
PROO AND... PRUE JUMP AT EACH OTHER AND START PUMELLING EACH OTHER. THEY TURN INTO A COMICAL BALL OF DUST AND OVERBLOWN SOUND EFFECTS THAT ROLLS OUT OF THE HOLE IN THE CAVE THAT PRUE CREATED LAST EPISODE.
PAIGE LAUGHS AND SHAKES HER HEAD.
PAIGE: Well they'll sleep tonight.
PIPER: Hmm, sleep. Have we actually slept since we started this trip to the Countryside?
PAIGE: Um... no.
PIPER: Oh, well, just checking.
PAIGE GIVES HER A STRANGE LOOK AND EDGES SLIGHTLY TOWARDS THE HOLE IN THE CAVE, HER FOOT CRUNCHING ON A THE REMENANTS OF A CHESS PIECE. SHE WINCES SLIGHTLY AND TRIES TO AVOID LIERRE'S ANGRY GLARE.
PAIGE: Let's just go outside and see what they're doing.
PIPER: What about Feebee?
PAIGE GESTURES TO FEEBEE, WHO IS SITTING ON THE ROCKPILE AGAIN, APPARENTLY TELLING HER WAL*MART STORY TO A PIECE OF ROCK SHAPED LIKE A FACE.
PAIGE: She seems happy enough. Let's just leave her here to play. Maybe we'll get lucky and there'll be another rockslide in while we're out.
PIPER: Here's hoping!
SHE LINKS ARMS WITH PAIGE AND THEY BOTH WALK OUT OF THE HOLE AFTER THE PRUE AND PROO... PROES? WHO KNOWS? LIERRE AND LEO ARE LEFT ALONE IN THE RUINED CAVE. THEY STAND AWKWARDLY AND WHISTLE, BOTH TRYING TO ACT MACHO.
LEO: So... you ever kissed a guy?
THE AWKWARDNESS MULTIPLIES TENFOLD AND LIERRE DESPERATELY LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO TALK TO. HIS EYES LAND ON PHOEBE, WHO IS STILL TALKING TO THE ROCK.
FEEBEE: Yes, I agree, the ecconomy is important. Without it I couldn't buy stuff. Like my new clothes from Wal*Mart. Talking of Wal*Mart, did I ever tell you my story?
THE ROCK BEGINS TO WEEP AND FRANTICALLY... RUNS AWAY. NOT SURE HOW IT DID BUT IT DID. FEEBEE SIGHS AND LOOKS AT LIERRE.
FEEBEE: Did I tell you my story?
LEO: Because, you know, it isn't disgusting like you'd think. Especially not with Cole.
HE SMILES AND LICKS HIS LIPS. LIERRE GULPS NERVOUSLY AND EDGES TOWARDS THE HOLE.
FEEBEE: So I was in Wal*Mart and the size wasn't right, so I says to them-
LEO: I've never kissed a clean-shaven guy before... have you?
LEO BATS HIS EYE-LASHES AND LICKS HIS LIPS AGAIN. LIERRE SCREAMS GIRLISHLY AND SHIMMERS AWAY.
PRUE AND PROO HAVE ROLLED INTO A CONVENIENT WRESTLING RING AND SHOUTING RANDOM INSULTS AT EACH FROM OPPOSITE SIDES.
PRUE: Yo' mama is so fat her ass needs its own zipcode!
PROO: Well yo' mama is so fat she... is really fat!
PRUE: Don't you talk about my mama! Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
PRUE SCREAMS AND LAUNCHES HERSELF INTO THE AIR. PROO ALSO JUMPS, THEY FLY TOWARDS EACH OTHER, GETTING SLOWER AND SLOWER WITH EACH SECOND.
PAIGE: Whats going on?
PIPER: Some bigshot wanted to do a Matrix effect.
PAIGE: Tut tut. That is so last centuary.
PIPER: But it does give me time to get a snack. HEY! HOTDOG! DOWN HERE!
SHE HOLDS HER HAND UP FOR THE VENDOR... AND COLE SHIMMERS ONTO HER LAP. HE CATCHES PIPER'S EYE AND WINKS BEFORE CHEESILY SAYING:
COLE: One hotdog, and I'm all yours babay.
PIPER: Oh god. That's so clichéd. Go away until we're ready to deal with you again. Go on, go! Shoo!
COLE MAKES SOME WHINING NOISES BEFORE SCAMPERING OFF INTO THE CAGE TO SNIFF LEO'S CROTCH.
PAIGE: Look! I think they're finally moving again!
SHE POINTS TO PRUE AND PROO, WHO HAVE FINALLY FLOWN UP TO EACH OTHER IN THE RING, AND HAVE BROKEN OUT OF MATRIX TIME. THEY BOTH LAND A COUPLE OF PUNCHES BEFORE THEY BOTH FALL BACK ONTO THE GROUND.
PROO: OW!
PRUE: Shit! That really hurt.
PROO: I think my hips broken.
PRUE: My back hurts.
PROO: Then it'll be all the easier to kick your ass!
PROO CRAWLS ACROSS THE RING TO PRUE AND JUMPS ON TOP OF HER, BEFORE PULLING HER HAIR AND SQUEALING. PRUE SLAPS AT PROO AND RIPS HER SHIRT. ALL OF A SUDDEN IT BEGINS TO RAIN AND MOST OF THIER CLOTHES MAGICALLY FALL OFF.
PIPER: Lesbiums.
PAIGE: Mmm-hmm.
LEO: If I wasn't so gay I'd enjoy that...
THEY BOTH TURN TO HIM WITH SHOCKED LOOKS ON THEIR FACES. LEO LOOKS BEHIND HIM WITH A PANICKED FACE.
LEO: Um.. who said... uh... that? Certainly wasn't me! I'm as straigt as... that... nail!
PIPER: Isn't the phrase as crooked as a nail?
LEO: Oh shut up, you think you're the boss of me!
PIPER: That's because I am.
LEO: Yes mam...
AND THAT IS THE END OF THIS CHAPTER! TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO SEE IF FEEBEE EVER STOPS TRYING TO TELL HER WAL*MART STORY, IF LEO KISSES LIERRE AND HOW THE ULTIMATE PROO VS. PRUE BATTLE TURNS OUT!
* * *
LAST TIME ON CHARMED DOES THE COUNRYSIDE:
FEEBEE: Anyways, so I went into Wal*Mart and I told them that if they didn't have my size then they could go fuc- hey! Are you even listening to me?
LEO: Shut up Feebee, you already told me this story. Twice.
FEEBEE: Yeah, but. It gets better with each telling.
FEEBEE: O-MI-GAWD. Leo! Look! There's two strangers staring at us. And they seem to be performing some satanic ritual. Look! It's VOODOO! They're making the little figures of people move around, that means they're controlling them! O-MI-GAWD, Piper and Paige and that other girl will be so proud of me when I tell them I found some demons.
PIPER: SOMEONE FAT GET IN MY WAY!
PAIGE: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
PROO: This place seems too familiar to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
PRUE: Take me down? You wish. Lierre! Don't look at that!
PROO: OOO, so his name is Lierre is it? Hey Lierre, baby, take a look at this!
SHE LIFTS UP HER TOP AND FLASHES... HER NOVELTY "I SURVIVED LESBANIA AND ALL I GOT WAS THE DUMB T-SHIRT" T-SHIRT AT LIERRE. HE FLUSHES AND FANS HIS CHEEKS... HIS FACIAL CHEEKS YOU DIRTY LITTLE SMUT-FIEND.
PRUE: OH that's it. Come on, bitch, we're gonna take this outside.
PIPER: Well... that showed me. Hey, Lierre.
LIERRE: What?
PIPER: What's with evil and the colour black?
* * *
AND NOW ON CHARMED DOES THE COUNTRYSIDE...
FEEBEE: So, I went into the bargain rail at Wal*Mart, and I says to the sales-people... what did I say again?
EVERYONE: I told them that if they didn't have my size then they could go fuc-
FEEBEE: Oh yeah! So I says to them; I told them that if they didn't have my size then they could go fuc-
PIPER: Shut up shut up shut up!
FEEBEE'S LOWER LIP TREMBLES AS SHE TRIES TRIES TO HOLD BACK TEARS. AFTER A FEW SECONDS SHE MUMBLES:
FEEBEE: If you didn't want to hear it you could have just asked...
PRUE: We did ask!
PROO: About fifty times!
PRUE: No, actually fifty one.
PROO: Actually you are wrong.
PRUE: What would you know anyway, slut!
PROO: Lets do this thang!
PROO AND... PRUE JUMP AT EACH OTHER AND START PUMELLING EACH OTHER. THEY TURN INTO A COMICAL BALL OF DUST AND OVERBLOWN SOUND EFFECTS THAT ROLLS OUT OF THE HOLE IN THE CAVE THAT PRUE CREATED LAST EPISODE.
PAIGE LAUGHS AND SHAKES HER HEAD.
PAIGE: Well they'll sleep tonight.
PIPER: Hmm, sleep. Have we actually slept since we started this trip to the Countryside?
PAIGE: Um... no.
PIPER: Oh, well, just checking.
PAIGE GIVES HER A STRANGE LOOK AND EDGES SLIGHTLY TOWARDS THE HOLE IN THE CAVE, HER FOOT CRUNCHING ON A THE REMENANTS OF A CHESS PIECE. SHE WINCES SLIGHTLY AND TRIES TO AVOID LIERRE'S ANGRY GLARE.
PAIGE: Let's just go outside and see what they're doing.
PIPER: What about Feebee?
PAIGE GESTURES TO FEEBEE, WHO IS SITTING ON THE ROCKPILE AGAIN, APPARENTLY TELLING HER WAL*MART STORY TO A PIECE OF ROCK SHAPED LIKE A FACE.
PAIGE: She seems happy enough. Let's just leave her here to play. Maybe we'll get lucky and there'll be another rockslide in while we're out.
PIPER: Here's hoping!
SHE LINKS ARMS WITH PAIGE AND THEY BOTH WALK OUT OF THE HOLE AFTER THE PRUE AND PROO... PROES? WHO KNOWS? LIERRE AND LEO ARE LEFT ALONE IN THE RUINED CAVE. THEY STAND AWKWARDLY AND WHISTLE, BOTH TRYING TO ACT MACHO.
LEO: So... you ever kissed a guy?
THE AWKWARDNESS MULTIPLIES TENFOLD AND LIERRE DESPERATELY LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO TALK TO. HIS EYES LAND ON PHOEBE, WHO IS STILL TALKING TO THE ROCK.
FEEBEE: Yes, I agree, the ecconomy is important. Without it I couldn't buy stuff. Like my new clothes from Wal*Mart. Talking of Wal*Mart, did I ever tell you my story?
THE ROCK BEGINS TO WEEP AND FRANTICALLY... RUNS AWAY. NOT SURE HOW IT DID BUT IT DID. FEEBEE SIGHS AND LOOKS AT LIERRE.
FEEBEE: Did I tell you my story?
LEO: Because, you know, it isn't disgusting like you'd think. Especially not with Cole.
HE SMILES AND LICKS HIS LIPS. LIERRE GULPS NERVOUSLY AND EDGES TOWARDS THE HOLE.
FEEBEE: So I was in Wal*Mart and the size wasn't right, so I says to them-
LEO: I've never kissed a clean-shaven guy before... have you?
LEO BATS HIS EYE-LASHES AND LICKS HIS LIPS AGAIN. LIERRE SCREAMS GIRLISHLY AND SHIMMERS AWAY.
PRUE AND PROO HAVE ROLLED INTO A CONVENIENT WRESTLING RING AND SHOUTING RANDOM INSULTS AT EACH FROM OPPOSITE SIDES.
PRUE: Yo' mama is so fat her ass needs its own zipcode!
PROO: Well yo' mama is so fat she... is really fat!
PRUE: Don't you talk about my mama! Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
PRUE SCREAMS AND LAUNCHES HERSELF INTO THE AIR. PROO ALSO JUMPS, THEY FLY TOWARDS EACH OTHER, GETTING SLOWER AND SLOWER WITH EACH SECOND.
PAIGE: Whats going on?
PIPER: Some bigshot wanted to do a Matrix effect.
PAIGE: Tut tut. That is so last centuary.
PIPER: But it does give me time to get a snack. HEY! HOTDOG! DOWN HERE!
SHE HOLDS HER HAND UP FOR THE VENDOR... AND COLE SHIMMERS ONTO HER LAP. HE CATCHES PIPER'S EYE AND WINKS BEFORE CHEESILY SAYING:
COLE: One hotdog, and I'm all yours babay.
PIPER: Oh god. That's so clichéd. Go away until we're ready to deal with you again. Go on, go! Shoo!
COLE MAKES SOME WHINING NOISES BEFORE SCAMPERING OFF INTO THE CAGE TO SNIFF LEO'S CROTCH.
PAIGE: Look! I think they're finally moving again!
SHE POINTS TO PRUE AND PROO, WHO HAVE FINALLY FLOWN UP TO EACH OTHER IN THE RING, AND HAVE BROKEN OUT OF MATRIX TIME. THEY BOTH LAND A COUPLE OF PUNCHES BEFORE THEY BOTH FALL BACK ONTO THE GROUND.
PROO: OW!
PRUE: Shit! That really hurt.
PROO: I think my hips broken.
PRUE: My back hurts.
PROO: Then it'll be all the easier to kick your ass!
PROO CRAWLS ACROSS THE RING TO PRUE AND JUMPS ON TOP OF HER, BEFORE PULLING HER HAIR AND SQUEALING. PRUE SLAPS AT PROO AND RIPS HER SHIRT. ALL OF A SUDDEN IT BEGINS TO RAIN AND MOST OF THIER CLOTHES MAGICALLY FALL OFF.
PIPER: Lesbiums.
PAIGE: Mmm-hmm.
LEO: If I wasn't so gay I'd enjoy that...
THEY BOTH TURN TO HIM WITH SHOCKED LOOKS ON THEIR FACES. LEO LOOKS BEHIND HIM WITH A PANICKED FACE.
LEO: Um.. who said... uh... that? Certainly wasn't me! I'm as straigt as... that... nail!
PIPER: Isn't the phrase as crooked as a nail?
LEO: Oh shut up, you think you're the boss of me!
PIPER: That's because I am.
LEO: Yes mam...
AND THAT IS THE END OF THIS CHAPTER! TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO SEE IF FEEBEE EVER STOPS TRYING TO TELL HER WAL*MART STORY, IF LEO KISSES LIERRE AND HOW THE ULTIMATE PROO VS. PRUE BATTLE TURNS OUT!