Leah's point of view
I heard every word Paul said. I couldn't help tearing up. He kissed me lightly and I don't know why. I wanted to kiss him back so bad. His kiss brought back hope. I woke up with the bandages around my wrists. I knew it wasn't a nightmare.
When I slit my wrist I was hurt and so desperate to take the pain away. I tried to get rid of the emotional pain and replace it with physical pain. All that seemed to be the best answer until Seth walked in.
He froze and for the first time he looked vulnerable. I made my own baby brother hurt and helpless. He rushed over to me and threw the blade away from me. We fought and it spun out of control till Jake ordered me to calm down. I was furious at first but now I understood why he did it.
I got up slowly to take a shower and got dressed. When I went downstairs everyone froze staring at me. I grabbed an apple and headed out the door.
"Where do you fucking think you are going?" My mom's voice asked harshly across the room.
"I'm fine. I just need to get out of the house." I answered not looking her in the eyes.
"That's bullshit. You are not okay. You're my only daughter and I love you so much. You have been through so much but this is not okay. Do you know what you put Seth through yesterday? Do know how distraught he was? He shouldn't have to babysit you and neither should Jake. But they do because they love you! Everyone here loves you and you refuse to see it. I don't know if it's because Sam imprinting, phasing, your father's death or you breaking up with Paul! But something is hurting you! You need to let us help you! We can't keep living like this; you can't keep living like this." My mom said with tears running down her cheeks.
Seth, Billy and Jake all had their heads down. I ran up and hugged my mother.
"I promise I will try harder. I am going to see Carlisle today. I am so sorry for putting all of you through all this. It's time for me to start living better." I choked out. I released my mom and ran to the Cullen's house.
I stopped when I saw Esme and Carlisle. I nodded respectively.
"We heard what happened Leah. Do you wish to talk?" Carlisle said somberly.
"Yes actually as hard as it is to admit, I need help. I keep feeling all these emotions and thinking all these terrible things. And I don't know what triggers it or how to stop. Everything is just spiraling out of control and I really scared Seth yesterday and everyone else. I can't keep doing this to them. So I am begging you to help me. Please." I begged fast and I felt my throat constrict at the end.
"Esme and I decided it would be best for you to talk to her." Carlisle stated. I was confused; Carlisle is who I had to talk to during therapy. I slowly nodded as I followed Esme out into the back patio. We sat down across from each other in silence. I didn't smell any other vampires so the rest of them must be out hunting.
"Leah is it okay if I told you my story? About how I became a vampire?" Esme asked carefully.
"Umm is it gross?" I blurted nervously.
"Just sad." Esme smiled weakly. I nodded and she began.
"When I was sixteen I fell out of a tree and broke my leg, Carlisle actually was the doctor who treated me. I didn't know what he was but it didn't matter because he left town. I married a man named Charles Evenson when I was only twenty two. Instead of being a teacher I stayed home as his house wife. I thought I was happy until he hit me." Esme said clearing her throat delicately. My eyes widened.
"My husband was extremely abusive but my family wanted me to keep quiet so I did. I never fought him back. He was enlisted a couple months later to fight in world war one. I was finally at peace and I started to teach. When he came back in 1919 I was hopeful the war would change him; I hoped it would make him less violent, but I was dreadfully wrong." Esme said choking out the last part.
"Esme you don't have to tell me this if you don't want to." I said gently.
"I'm fine, it's better that you hear it. Anyway I planned to leave him until I found out I was pregnant. I fled to my cousins but he found me. So I fled out west by myself without contacting any of my family. It was hard but I wasn't going to risk my child's life. I gave birth to my son when I was twenty six and he died two days later from lung fever. I was devastated and I didn't want to live anymore. My whole world disappeared." Esme choked out.
"You tried to kill yourself." I finished for her softly. I wasn't the only one to try.
"I jumped off a cliff just like you did and someone found me and brought me to the hospital. I was in severe pain, the medicine back then wasn't this advanced and I was a simple human. I saw Carlisle and he seemed to remember me. He transformed me into a vampire. We haven't been apart since." Esme said finishing her story.
"But he saved you and if you never jumped then you never would have met him. You would have died and everything would have been so different." I stated swallowing hard.
"Exactly Leah. We can't control everything in our lives. You and I made a terrible mistake but we both lived. We were both given a second chance; and no matter how evil or corrupt our chance at a new life may seem to us we need to remember how lucky we are. I mean look at us; I'm a vampire and you are a werewolf. I am frozen forever and cannot have children but I got this fantastic family and the love of my life. It was hard at first to accept myself but I had help. Carlisle loves me no matter what. I love him so much and I know we will always be together." Esme explained.
"How did you let him in though? If you were so hurt and broken how did you begin to love again?" I asked her slightly tearing up.
"I let Carlisle into my life. I accepted it was fate and God was trying to tell me something. Carlisle is amazing and caring. It wasn't too long before I fell in love with him. Just like your in love with Paul and he is in love with you." Esme answered grabbing my hand.
"It's only because the imprint. He shouldn't love me." I said furiously wiping away my tears.
"Leah I think the spirits or God knew what they were doing. They knew Sam was not the guy for you. When you jumped off that cliff they decided to save your life because you are special. They knew you deserved someone special. Someone who would make you better, and someone you could make better. I think when Paul jumped into the ocean after you they spirits realized he was the man for you. He risked his life for the small chance of saving your life. He was a brave and you deserve someone brave." Esme explained softly.
"I never thought about it that way." I said sniffling.
"Maybe that's when he got you to the beach and you opened your eyes, the universe decided then that you two were perfect for each other. He imprinted when you opened your eyes and it was like both of you were alive again. You both were given the ability to live again and had to do it together." Esme smiled at me.
"Thanks for telling me your story and talking to me. It really helped." I smiled standing up. She smiled and nodded.
"What do I do now?" I asked breathing hard. My heart was beating hard due to all she just told me.
"Decide what you want. For once in your life you can make the choice. You decide where your story goes from here. Just listen to your heart." Esme smiled motherly once more. I waved goodbye.
I learned a lot today. I learned how I am truly not alone and it's not weak to ask for help. Fate dances through lives but choice tangles with fate also.
Most importantly it doesn't get better, i have to make it better and learn to use what is thrown against me to keep me standing. Paul was hurtled at me unexpectedly and I was to blind to see he was in my life for a purpose. The purpose was to live better together.