Disclaimer: I do not own Blindspot. More like it's the other way around… I've come to realize that THEY own ME. :)
A/N: Okay, I know how long it's been. But my book is done (!) and being beta-read so I have a little break to hopefully finish this story (no, this is not the last chapter). Hope you enjoy it. :)
Jane and Kurt lay on a blanket in the grass, in what felt the most remote spot on Earth – even though it wasn't all that far outside the city.
"We haven't done this in…" She tried to remember, but it felt like a lifetime. Maybe more.
"A long time." He finished her sentence for her. "Too long."
However long it was, it felt like ten times as long ago that they'd sat outside and looked up at the stars together. Practically all the way back at the beginning.
"Do you ever wonder…" she started without taking her eyes off of the sky. "…what would have happened if everything possible hadn't gone wrong for us? If we'd gotten to where we are now all that time ago?"
"What? You mean the easy way?" They both chuckled at the idea that anything could be easy for them. "The way I see it, we wouldn't have been here at all without… all of it," he replied. "Besides, when have either of us ever gotten anything the easy way?"
She chuckled softly. "Fair enough. What matters is that we got here."
"Have you had any more of those nightmares lately? I don't think you've woken me up in… at least a week, isn't it?"
Pausing, she stopped to consider how much she should tell him. "I can't say I haven't had them, but not every night. And they haven't been as bad. Maybe one of these days they'll actually… stop." A heavy sigh escaped her, and Kurt propped himself up on his elbow, now peering down at her.
"I'm sorry. Why didn't you tell me?" His tone was somewhere between accusatory and worried. It wasn't that she'd been keeping it from him on purpose, exactly. It was just easier.
"Once I wake up, I try to shake them off, not dwell on them," she said with a shrug. "I've gotten used to them, I guess."
"I know. But I wish you wouldn't insist on being so damn independent. Even though it's one of the things I love about you."
"You are aware that you can't have it both ways, right?" Her mouth curled into a smile as she watched him pretend scowl at her.
"Are you calling me unreasonable?" He seemed to be trying not to smile, but he'd never had a very good poker face when it came to Jane.
Now she burst out laughing. "I love you," she sputtered, once she'd regained control of herself enough to speak.
"I love you, too," he replied, already leaning down to kiss her. A few seconds later when he hadn't stopped kissing her, however, she slapped him gently on the arm. When he leaned back in surprise, she was laughing again.
"I thought we came out here to see the stars!"
Kurt gave her a devilish grin, nodding slowly. "Oh, don't worry, I'll make sure of that." She laughed again, as his face moved towards hers. "Besides, how many millions of years have the stars been up there? I think they'll still be there in an hour or so."
"An hour?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.
"What? You have doubts? Challenge accepted," he murmured as he kissed her again. After that, no words were necessary for quite a while.
Later, though neither of them actually checked the time, they were finally still once again. They alternated between looking at the stars in the sky and each other. Jane's eyes began to droop, as sleep danced nearer and nearer. They were no longer lying on the blanket, exactly, because they were now wrapped up in it, their clothes in a pile nearby.
"How far away did you say the nearest neighbor is?" she asked.
"Half a mile, at least, I think."
"Well, I hope we didn't traumatize anyone's children." The grin on her face, however, said she wasn't all that worried.
"It's getting chilly out here. You ready to go inside?"
"Not quite yet. This moment is just too perfect to leave yet." She held on tighter to him, thinking of everything they'd been through to get there.
"Yes it is." His voice rumbled in his chest, and he leaned down to kiss her forehead as she smiled, gazing back up at the stars.
How is it possible? Any of this? Life in general, in the scope of the universe, and this specific existence in particular. Mine. Ours.
When she started shivering, Kurt cleared his throat. "Alright, we're going back inside now. No need to be out here freezing in the back yard when there's a perfectly good house right there."
"Alright," Jane agreed. "But this was fun. I'm glad we did it."
"Me, too." He raised his eyebrows suggestively, and she shook her head at him, unable to stop her laughter.
"Well, yes, that too."
They gradually unrolled from the blanket, the cold air hitting their skin as they threw on their clothes, then grabbed the blanket, their shoes and socks, then made a mad dash for the house. Their feet were quickly chilled from the icy, damp grass, and they arrived at the door, out of breath… only to find it locked.
"Do you have the key?" Kurt asked.
"Me? I thought you had the key!" Jane yelped in surprise. "Was I supposed to?" All she could imagine was having to wait outside in the cold for God knew how many hours. It was not an appealing thought, as much fun as they'd had in the yard up to this point. "Are you sure you don't have it?" She jammed her hands into her pockets to double check, but came up empty.
"As sure as I can be, but if you'd like to check my pockets, please feel free."
There was something about his tone that made her suspicious. She knew him too well, and though no one else seemed to be able to read him, she almost always could.
"Check your pockets, huh?"
"What? My hands are kind of full here," he shrugged, holding the blanket, his socks and shoes.
"You could just put that stuff down, you know," Jane suggested. "Like I did, so I could check my pockets."
"Where's the fun in that?" he asked with a grin that she quickly found contagious.
"Alright then," she said, stepping closer and pushing her hands into the back pockets of his jeans.
"Well, I've never put keys in those pockets, but I like the way you think," he chuckled. Her hands came out empty, and she shook her head in disappointment. "It was worth a shot," he added. "I applaud the thoroughness of your search." Now she stepped around behind him, threading both hands around him and into his front pockets at the same time. She was surprised when she didn't find a key there – she'd been sure that he was playing a game with her.
If we really don't have a key, this is going to suck…
And then she pulled her hands back out of his empty pockets, remembering the one she hadn't yet checked. There in that tiny pocket within a pocket that most jeans seemed to inexplicably come with, was a single silver key. She pulled it out, shaking her head at him. "You did that on purpose, didn't you?" she asked with a smile.
"Of course not." He tried not to look guilty, but failed, as usual.
"So bad," she muttered as she unlocked the back door.
"And you like it," he said behind her.
She turned back around to look at him over her shoulder, but as she did, the world around her went white. For a split second, she was confused, and wondered what was happening.
As she opened her eyes and found herself in her own bed, however, she blinked the sleepiness away, trying her best to forget her dream. This one had been one of the most vivid, but it didn't upset her as these dreams usually did. Yes, she'd grown accustomed to them, but it wasn't that. After their almost kiss in the bar, she could wake up from this dream without quite the same level of sadness. After all, she now had hope, small as it might be, that she might get another chance. Because of that, this one didn't hurt nearly as much as they once had. Still, it was a shame she had to wake up.
Unlike the other mornings after these dreams, this time she even found herself smiling as she got ready for work. Nothing was certain, of course, but that could also be a good thing. For a long time, she'd felt certain that she would never mean anything to him again. Last night, he'd told her, "All this led me to you." They'd almost kissed. How times had changed.
On their way to the FBI building, Roman had commented that she seemed distracted. He'd asked if everything was okay, and she'd assured him that it was. It had been a long time since she'd actually looked forward to getting to work for a reason other than the chance to take her mind off of what was going on in the rest of her life. Today, it felt the opposite.
As the elevator dinged and the doors opened, she gripped her coffee tightly and rounded the corner. Within seconds, she and Kurt were walking down the hall side by side. "Hey, Kurt." It was hard to explain, but the words came out more easily than they had before. So often lately, talking to him had been such a struggle – less and less so over time, but still not easy. Today, the words fell out of her mouth without a thought. There was no second guessing. She was glad to see him, pure and simple, and she was fairly sure he felt the same way.
"Jane." The tone with which he greeted her, even with only her name, felt warm and familiar.
They talked about Tasha, about Roman, and before they'd gone very far, Kurt had invited her, along with Roman, over for dinner that night. It was a huge step for the two of them – this ease. Finally their baggage was being left in the past.
At the back of her mind, however, was one thing. She hadn't yet told Kurt Roman's secret – that he'd been the one who'd killed Emma Shaw, Taylor's mother. She knew she had to, it was just hard – no, impossible – to find the right moment. There was no right moment to tell someone something you knew would devastate them.
In between keeping up with what was going on with Tasha, who was undercover in prison trying to get to Sandstorm through Parker's girlfriend, Devon, Jane finally worked up the nerve to talk to Kurt. Roman was right. She had to tell him.
She was prepared for his anger. Still, to say that it did not go well was an understatement.
This same thing had happened so many times between them. The back and forth. Things would get better, and then worse. Better, and then worse. Over and over. It would have been funny, if it wasn't so sad. She knew that telling him had been the right thing to do, but it was just another swing backwards in their relationship. She understood his anger, even at her. Maybe she'd been a coward to wait, or selfish for not wanting to jeopardize the fragile peace between them. It would look that way to him, anyway, even though neither of those had been the cause of her hesitation. If only there had been a way to spare him of the inevitable pain, she would've done so in a heartbeat.
She hoped that time would help, and she resigned herself to the backwards swing of the pendulum. So she was surprised when, by the end of the day, she stood at her locker and heard Kurt ambling up behind her. She wasn't surprised when he asked for a raincheck on dinner. Really, she was just glad to see that his anger at her seemed to have abated, at least somewhat.
"Jane." He met her eyes evenly. It wasn't anger she saw in his face, for which she was grateful, but there was still a great deal of pain. "I know that Roman isn't the same person who killed Emma, just like you're not the same person who did all those things in your past, but I can't just flip a switch and get over this. This one's personal."
She felt powerless, and it was one of the feelings she hated most in the world. Her voice came out softly, the only words she could think to say, even though none of them would fix anything. Nothing would. "I wish I could change it. The past. I would do a lot of things very differently."
"Me, too." He paused for a few seconds and they looked at each other, neither one able to repair the damage between them. If it was going to heal, it would have to heal on its own. "Good night, Jane."
He'd already walked past her when she replied. "Good night, Kurt."
We've come this far, she reminded herself. She could only hope that it would all be okay between them.