Hey guys, here is the other chapter. This one was kind of hard to write lol, but I hope you guys like it. Honestly I cried a bit when I wrote this chapter, I was listening to Damien Rice: Long Long Way. Made it a bit more sad for me. Enjoy :)
Chapter 11:
"I have a hole in my heart that's where he's suppose to be" Santana said as she took a swing of bourbon.
"Is that what you feel?" Puck said as he grabbed the bottle from Santana and took a gulp.
"Ever since he died, that all everyone has been asking me, What do you feel?"
"What do you say?"
"That I'm fine, wish everyone would stop asking me that" Santana grabbed the bottle out of Puck's hands
It was a day after the funeral and she needed to get out of the house. Her whole family had come to stay with them and she couldn't take being in that house anymore. Not with everyone hovering over her, waiting for her to break or something. She decided to call Puck to take her mind off of things, but he ended up making her talk about how she felt.
"How are you grieving? I haven't seen you cry at all really."
"I'm managing."
"Managing? Your acting like its business. Your not suppose to be managing. Your suppose to be feeling it do you know that?"
"I'm fine!" Santana got off the hood of the car
"Its not fine! Your running away from it. Its okay to feel!" Puck followed Santana
"Don't you understand, I feel nothing, I need to feel nothing!"
"Why? Its normal to feel this pain"
"Nothing is normal about this Puck, I lost my brother and I'm damaged. I have no idea what to do with my life right now."
Puck went up to Santana and hugged her.
"How did we end up here Puck?"
"I don't know San" Puck hugged her tightly.
"I just need the pain to go away"
"I am so sorry San" Puck kissed the top of her head.
Santana slowly opened her eyes and tried to figure out where she was. She could see sun light coming through the window blinds. Her throat was dry and she needed water. She turned her head slowly to her left side and saw Quinn sitting in the chair fast asleep. Her head was pounding and she raised her hand to where the pain was coming, she felt a bandage on her forehead.
"Good. Your awake" She turned to where the voice had came from. She saw Judy standing by the door. "You've been out for hours, you hit your head pretty hard"
"Water?" Santana whispered. Judy rushed to give her some water. The feeling of the cold water made her throat feel better.
She turned her head to where Quinn was sleeping, unaware that she was awake. "She's been awake all night, waiting for you to wake up. Finally crashed an hour ago" Judy said quietly, not wanting to wake up Quinn. "Your mom and dad went to get something to eat, had a long night as well. So your stuck with me for now."
"Lucky me huh?" Santana said with a small chuckle.
Judy watched as Santana kept staring at Quinn. "Why do you do that?"
"Do what? Santana said without taking her eyes off of Quinn
"Stare at her. Like your trying to keep her from breaking"
"Because it's the only person I've kept from breaking"
"How are you sure?"
"She hasn't left me yet"
"Your in love with her aren't you?"
"Will you punch me if I say yes?"
"Maybe" Judy said with a small smile
"Then yes. I am. She knows that. I'm to damaged for her to love me though" Santana turned her head to face the celling instead
"But she does."
"And it is because of that, that has kept me for losing it. I wondered what kept pulling me back from the dark side and it was her. It has alway been her."
"Santana?" Both of them turned to see Quinn rubbing her eyes and standing up from the chair. "Santana!" Quinn rushed to Santana and hugged her tightly. "Your okay, I was so worried"
Santana hugged her back. "I'm okay Quinn, I'll be okay"
Judy smiled and slowly walked out of the room to give the girls some alone time.
"Tell me Quinn"
"Tell you what" Quinn looked at Santana with a confused look.
Santana caressed Quinn's cheek as she stared into Quinn's eyes "I need you to tell me that we'll be okay. I need you to say it so I can believe"
"Of course Santana, We'll be okay. We'll be okay." She grabbed both of Santana's cheek "We'll work on it. I promise."
"Mija! Your okay" Maribel and Antonio rushed to Santana's side. "I'm so happy your okay"
Santana hugged her parents. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean for this to happen"
"Santana. No, you have nothing to be sorry about. We're sorry" Her papi hugged her tightly
"We'll be alright mija. We'll fight this pain together. We won't be alone anymore" Her mami kissed her forehead.
They embraced each other until Russell walked into the room. Santana was the first one to notice him.
"Your okay?" Russell said softly. He couldn't look her in the eyes, so he kept looking at the floor.
"Yeah, I'm alright. Can you guys give me a second with papa Rus. Please." Her parents nodded and left with Quinn and Judy. Quinn kissed her forehead before leaving.
Santana sat up as she watched them leave. "I'm sorry" she said breaking the silence between them. Russell's head snapped up at her.
"Why are you sorry?" Russell walked closer to the bed
"Because I made you do something you shouldn't have"
"I did it to save you Santana"
"That's what everyone has been doing lately. Trying to save me."
"It's the only way to keep you alive. To keep you from destroying yourself."
"I wanted to kill him."
"I know. I saw it in your eyes. Your not angry though. Your hurt."
"I want to forget it. I want to ignore it. Pretend its a bad dream or something. I want the pain to go away, but I can't ignore how broken it's making me." Santana's started crying. "It hurts, it hurts so much"
"I'm so sorry" Russell moved a little more closer. He hugged her. He knew that all those emotions she has been holding down for months has finally caught up to her.
"Sorry isn't going to make it all better"
Russell just held her until she couldn't cry anymore. She on to him with a death grip. The girl he watched lose everything was finally breaking. He's going to do everything he can to fix her.
After a couple of hours Santana was able to go home, she was suppose to stay awake because of her concussion. Quinn volunteer to stay with her until she felt better.
Quinn was helping Santana get ready while her parents signed the discard papers. Quinn walked out of the bathroom and saw Santana standing there staring at the door.
"You okay Santana?" Quinn said walking towards her.
"I want to see him"
"Who?"
'Puck. I want to see him."
"Santana, I don't think that a good idea"
"Please Quinn, I need to see him. I need to know why."
Quinn walked up to her and grabbed her hand. Santana turn to look at her. "Please"
"Okay, lets go."
They walked to Puck's room. Santana's parents saw her and knew where she was going, they let her be because this is what she needs to be okay after.
Santana and Quinn stood in front of Puck's room. "Do you want me to go in with you?" Quinn grabbed her hand tighter.
"No. I need to do this on my own." Santana let go of Quinn's hand and went for the door knob.
She slowly walked into the room. She saw Puck laying there as she closed the door. She saw him laying there facing the window.
Puck heard someone come inside and he face the person. "Santana" He said softly. He sat up and as he sat up a rattle noise came from the bed side. Both looked to where the noise was coming from, Puck was handcuffed to the ring pole on the bed.
Santana got a good look at Puck, he had a couple of cuts on his face. The swelling on one eye seemed to be going down. He had stitches on both of his eyebrows. She saw the bruise on his neck from her hands. Santana didn't walk closer to him, she stood next to the door just staring at him. She didn't know what to say.
"Santana…"
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why didn't you tell me? Why did you hide it from me?"
"Because, I have no reason San. I just, I didn't want you to hate me. I didn't want to lose my best friend. I thought I could help you, help you through this and maybe just maybe you would have forgiving me."
"You do know that I can't forgive you right?"
"I know, but you can't blame a guy for hope right."
"I could have killed you"
"I know, I have proof" Puck laughed a little.
"How do you do that? Act like every things okay. Act like you didn't do anything wrong"
"Santana."
"You killed Michael!" Santana yelled. "You killed my brother!"
"Santana I'm sorry!"
"Sorry isn't going to bring him back! Sorry isn't going to fix this! Stop saying your sorry"
"I wish things were different. Just listen to me!"
"No! Nothing you say would change what happened"
"It should have been me!"
"You promised! You promised me that you would never hurt me! You said that everything was going to be okay! Your a liar!"
Puck started crying. He didn't know what to say, he knew that he was a coward for hiding this from Santana. He knew that this was blowing up in his face. He didn't know what to do. His best friend was breaking in front of him and this was the first time he couldn't do anything to help her because he was the cause of it all.
"Your right, I'm a liar. I hurt the people I love. I'm a bad person San. Either way Santana I lose. I lose everything."
"And you think I haven't lost anything Puck?"
"I know your angry San!"
"I am not angry, I am in pain and you put me here! The person that is suppose to love me more then anything! How could you have done this to me, your my best friend in this whole world."
"That's what I do Santana! I ruin things, I destroy them. I screw up everything. You wanna hate me! Then do it hate me!"
"That the problem Puck! I don't hate you, because if I hate you then I have nothing left."
"It's never going to stop Santana! The pain its always going to be there between us! Because you and I are broken now. I broke it. I broke it the minute I drove away."
"You took him. You took him away. If I could have just one moment left with him, I would tell him I love him. But I can't! And you are going to live with that for the rest for you life Puck."
"Okay! I know okay! I know it's my fault. I have nothing now, but pain. It's all I've ever had!"
"You had me! I was there with you through it all! Through your stupid mistakes, through your worst decisions. I was there! Not Quinn Not Mike ME!" Santana grabbed the pitcher of water and threw it against the wall. It smashed. Antonio and Russell came in time to stop Santana from attacking Puck.
Antonio grabbed Santana by the waist and started pulling her outside of the room. "It was always me! I hate you! I hate you! You coward! You didn't save him! I hate you!" The door closed shut and Santana started banging on the door. "I hate you Puck! I hate you!" She fell to the ground and cried "I don't hate you! I can't hate you!" Marible ran to her daughter's side and hugged her. "He's my best friend mami"
"I know baby girl, I know" Maribel held her daughter tightly as she cried.
"How could he have hurt me so much?"
Russell watched as Puck fell apart on his bed. He threw the pillows and sheets, he was trying to break the rail where the handcuff was tied to. He needed to get to Santana, he needed to hug her, just one last time. He broke into tears.
"Santana I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He climbed out of bed and started pulling the bed with him as he got close to the door. "Puck! You need to stop your going to hurt yourself."
"No! No! I need to tell her I'm sorry! I need to tell her I love her. I-I-I need to Rus I need to" Russell grabbed him by the waist and started pulling him away from the door. "I can't lose her! I can't lose her!" Puck fell to his knees, he knew in that moment that he had lose his best friend. What if this moment was the last time he saw her?
So what did you think? Hope I did well. The last chapter is coming soon, I'm working hard on it. Making it a perfect ending and stuff. Until next time -Danger10