All thanks to SE Hinton for her novel, The Outsiders.

Chapter 14

Winding the Way Home

XXX

A choking feeling woke me from my sleep. I coughed, the rancid taste of stagnant blood in my mouth. My face felt sticky, dried pine needles and dirt stuck to me. I reached over to wipe it off, resulting in only having it smear over my cheek. The thought occurred to me in the darkness that the stickiness was blood, slowly seeping from cuts somewhere on my head and making small tear-like trails across my face and lips as I lay asleep on the forest floor.

I sat up, feeling dizzy and cold. Very cold. I shook violently from the chills I had running through me. My teeth chattering so violently I was sure they would chip apart. I could barely feel my hands and feet despite clenching and releasing every finger and toe repeatedly to try to force blood into those most distant joints. The sky was beginning to receive the earliest rays of sun but it would still be dark for another half hour at least. In the waning moonlight, I could see my breath as I gasped for air.

Breathing wasn't easy and movement was pure agony. However, the stench of jet fuel and remnants of smoke and ash on my skin and tattered clothes turned my stomach, forcing me onto my knees as I heaved bile and blood onto the ground next to me.

I took a shaky hand and wiped my mouth, knowing I had to get moving even if all I really wanted to do was to lay back down and return to sleep. I pulled myself up onto my feet and took a few dizzy steps. My legs had remained numb and many times I stumbled, falling back onto the ground in a heap. Get up, Ponyboy! I kept ordering myself, and somehow I did.

The skin on my back hurt like when you have a sunburn. It felt tight as if it had been pulled taunt over my frame. I reached over to feel it and quickly changed my mind. As cold as I was, my back was scalding hot and could feel the singed fabric that was once my shirt. I remembered what had happened, that there had been a crash and a fire, but the details in my memory were sketchy. I had an image of a woman and some kids in my head, and in a vague hazy way I sort of recalled helping them. But who were they? All I could think of was Ashley and it pained me considerably to think that she too was hurt, laying out here somewhere injured like me and I couldn't find her.

I constantly looked around for her as I made my way tripping and fumbling through the woods, the sun rising slowly at my back. It wasn't until the woods thinned to where I could finally hear the morning sounds of downtown Tulsa filtering through the trees that my sense of direction somewhat cleared up. At least I was going the right way.

My head was still foggy, a searing headache persisted in hanging over me. I ran my tongue over my lips, realizing they were cracked. My mouth was so parched that I was left with not even enough saliva to spit with. I wish I had a drink, I thought for a moment, then I stifled that thought. Don't wish for what you don't have, it won't help you any.

After what seemed like hours I finally cleared the tree line, free at last of the woods. My footing was better now that there were no more fallen tree limbs or rodent holes to trip over. The sun was midway up in the sky but it didn't feel warm to me. I felt empty inside. I turned to look again, to see if Ashley were near, wishing desperately to feel her warm hand in mine and her sweet kiss on my pained lips.

"Ashley!" I called, my dry throat cracking against the vibration of my vocal cords. She wasn't there. I was alone. I shivered against the coldness in the air and the loneliness in my heart.

In the haze of memory, I vaguely recognized my surroundings. Instinct told me which direction to go in but I was hesitant to head out. Lightening bolts of pain hit me every time I had to turn my head, and each time I had no choice but to do so I could feel the warm seepage of what had to be fresh blood trailing down my neck. Whatever cut I had back there refused to stay closed, leaving me both lightheaded and with blurry vision.

My first major obstacle was the four lane freeway that I had to cross. As I came up to the roadside, I could hear the cars but could gage neither the distance they were from me nor the speeds they were traveling at. I waited until it seemed as clear as it was going to get and stepped off the curb. Instantly I heard horns blowing and tires squealing against brake pedals being pushed. I ignored it and kept moving forward, finding it bizarre that I would survive an airplane crash yet be killed crossing the street. I laughed at that thought, further aware that my condition wasn't getting any better.

My foot slipped as I came across the other curb, sending me sprawling down on all fours on the opposite sidewalk. "Hey, you stupid drunk! Watch where you're going!" I heard voices from at least two people cat-calling down on me, and felt the nudge of a shoe in my already aching side. "Hell...what kinda fight was he in!" One exclaimed. "Looks like he's already been through the meat grinder."

"Let's see if he's got any cash!" Said another. A foreign hand went to my back pocket and like a snake, I swung back. I made contact with some part of him but I didn't have any real strength behind it. I couldn't even see him clearly. I heard him swear and felt that shoe strike my seared backside again, this time with enough force to leave me stunned. My wallet was ripped from my pocket and footsteps faded in the distance.

I lay there bleeding again, trying to focus on what had just happened, then started laughing out loud and too myself. Ha ha! I thought. Jokes on them. I had barely $20 in my wallet, not including my old fake identification card and my drivers license, along with some small wallet sized pictures of the gang and Ashley. I knew better than to return to Tulsa with real cash or credit cards on me. I had even stowed my checkbook in my luggage too... although that was probably gone for good. Once I could breathe again, I pulled myself up and headed down the street.

Wonder which side got me? Soc or grease? It'd be funny if my own side had mugged me. That old joke of Two-Bit's from so long ago came back to me then as clearly as if he had just said it... that the safest thing to be when met by a gang of social outcasts is another social outcast. I laughed again, just as hard as I had all those years ago. Man, I wasn't feeling too hot.

As I made my way up the street, people I passed looked at me funny. Ladies with small kids actually crossed the street to avoid me. Seems like old times really hadn't changed. I needed to get away from this, so I headed into an alley I used to use as a short cut all those years ago, when Johnny and I used to wander the streets on the weekends and in the summers before death started to surround me. It was rarely traversed back then and I hoped it continued to be that way. I was only a few blocks from home now but my head screamed at me to stop moving. My throbbing side hurt so much that my breathing was coming in short gasps again. I had to stop for a few minutes and rest.

I found a spot next to an abandoned trash bin and sank to the ground. I pulled my knees to my chest and lay my head down on my crossed arms. A few minutes of rest, I thought. My body ached for it and I finally capitulated to it's demands. Within seconds I was asleep.

XX

Darry had been back behind those doors for a while now, and my own gut had started to turn, realizing the longer he was there the worse this was gonna be for all of us. It had to be Ponyboy, and Darry probably couldn't tear himself from his baby brothers cold, lifeless side. I felt tears of my own coming up and quickly wiped them away. I remembered the last time I saw the kid, at the airport with him bawling on my shoulder, telling me I was just as much his family as Darry and Sodapop were. That made me feel like shit now. I should be standing with Darry as he did this last thing for his brother, but I always lacked the guts to take serious things like this as seriously as I should. I hated myself for it now. That young kid had enough courage to start over in a strange place with no one to help him, and here I sat afraid of the lifeless body he left behind. I didn't deserve to be that kids friend. He deserved better than me. I looked at the double doors again and got up, determined to make this right.

I made one step in their direction when they suddenly swung open, Darry coming out. I looked at his eyes, all red and wet and knew what it meant. I grabbed him tight in a hug and choked out a sob.

"God, Darry, I'm so sorry." I squeaked out, my own voice not even recognizable to me. He held me for a moment then patted my back rather hard.

"It's not him, Two-Bit. That poor kid back there wasn't Ponyboy." He said gently.

I looked at him. He looked older and more tired, but confident. "It wasn't him? Are you sure? I mean...I don't want it to be him, but...."

"That kid has many similar features of Pony...and the face is uncanny, but trust me. That guy in there isn't my brother."

"But how can you be..." I insisted.

"Two-Bit, mom and dad had all of us get snipped when we were born.... it doesn't grow back."

It took only half a second for me to get it, and then a smile spread across my tear stained face. I couldn't say anything. A laugh came up from me for no reason. It wasn't funny, somewhere there was a family who's son lay on that table back there, unaware that he was gone. But for once it wasn't us. And we knew it because as a newborn, lil 'ole Pony got the manly snip-snip. Thanks, Mr. and Mrs. Curtis, I thought, looking into the bright blue sky as we walked outside into the cold air.

"Come on, we've been gone long enough. Lets get back to the house so we can figure out what our next move is gonna be." Darry said.

XXX

Two-Bit had looked so devastated when I came out from the morgue's examination room, and I knew why. At first I thought that kid was Ponyboy, but only on closer look did I know it wasn't him. There were other differences, but that particular one was clearly the most telling.

No one was home when we got back. An unfamiliar suitcase was laying open on the coffee table and as I looked at it I realized it was Pony's. His checkbook was even tucked in a flap on the inside lid. Damn bastards. For once they return the suitcase but lose the passenger! This would be funny if it wasn't so terrifying.

"Hey Darry, looks like they went back to Osage. Want to go catch up, see if we cant find the guys?" Two-Bit said, holding the note I recognized as Steve's handwriting.

"Yeah, sure." I grabbed my jacket. The temperature was falling again, worrying me. It was in the low forties last night. I knew he wouldn't be able to take much more of this if he was outside in it. "Lets go." We closed the door and headed out to join the gang. Time was ticking, winding down. It was today or never. Come on, little brother, where are you?

XXX

"So, how did he propose?" Patty asked an anxious looking Ashley as we pulled into an empty parking lot directly across the freeway and the Indian reserve. It took a moment, but her face brightened up as her thoughts changed.

"Well, he took me on a picnic up over the prairie. After lunch, he just dropped on a knee and asked me. I was as shocked as ever. I mean, I felt we were headed down that path eventually, but it still shocked me."

"And you said 'yes'?"

"Of course I did, once I could talk again."

"So now you're knee deep in wedding plans, huh?"

"Most of the stuff is planned out already, I just have to get my dress worked on a bit more."

"Gonna be a church wedding or an outdoor gig?"

The girls were walking behind us, Patty doing her best to keep Ashley's mind off any horrible thoughts as we headed on foot towards the freeway. Steve looked at me and rolled his eyes, and I stifled a laugh. The one thing every woman will lose her head about is wedding talk. Patty knew what she was doing, I had to give her credit for that.

There were no places to park on the Osage side of the road and even though this was dangerous, Steve and I both knew it was possible. Everyone in the gang had done it since we were kids, breaking into the Indian Reserve by crossing the freeway to swim in the lakes and hunt in the woods for fun.

"Pay attention, ladies, or be roadkill." Steve warned as we came closer. Both women looked up, silenced at once.

We managed to make it across and headed for a spot that looked as likely as any other for someone to emerge from the woods. Patty sidled up by me and Ashley walked along in silence next to Steve as we entered the forest. Once in the woods, our two groups separated by about 15 feet so we could cover more ground. I could still see Steve and Ashley, and was confident that he knew what he was doing. We had both been in that shit hole of 'Nam, after all. Those lessons stay with you for life.

XXX

"Thank you." Her voice cut into my thoughts, startling me.

"For what?" I asked, cutting a sideways glance. We had been walking in silence for about an hour and this was the first time she had spoke.

"For being there for Ponyboy and his family. For helping to find him. He sort of hinted to me that you two had a somewhat troubled past."

I swallowed hard. "Those days are long over. He's a buddy, always has been." Simple statement that to any guy would say it all. No further explanation necessary. To a girl though, it's a cop-out answer. To the woman expecting to be the kid's wife, it's a bold faced lie. She just kept looking at me as we dodged trees and ducked under low hanging branches. I knew she wanted more, reminding me of how Evie used to be before we broke up. I hated anything that reminded me of Evie and was getting annoyed. "Look, we didn't see eye to eye too many times, but I'd do anything for him and his family." I hoped that would be the end of that conversation, but she threw me an unexpected bone next.

She smiled softy. "I know you would. He's a stronger man now thanks to your friendship with him. He's always said what a good person you are inside, even if you and he weren't tight years ago. No matter what else was going on, he knew he could always count on you."

I looked at her, taken aback. I really didn't think I meant that much to the kid. Looking ahead, the undergrowth was too thick to pass and I knew no one had come this way. "Come on," I said softly, holding out my hand to help her over a fallen log. "He didn't come this way. Lets head back over to Soda and see if he's found anything."

XXX

"You guys find anything?" I asked as I saw Steve and Ashley making their way toward us.

"No. Undergrowth's getting so dense a jackrabbit can't get through. You?" Steve asked.

I shook my head, discouraged. Taking a side glance at Ashley, she looked just as devastated.

"Guys, he's not in here." Patty said, taking a tighter grip on my hand. I gently squeezed back.

"Ashley, Steve ...lets head back. See what other options we have when we catch up with Darry and Two-Bit."

I got a look at Ashley's face as we headed back toward the road. Pain and disappointment were there, but she held back the tears. I placed my hand on her back, patting her a moment. She nodded and followed Steve out, speechless. I doubted any wedding talk was going to work this time.

We crossed the freeway to find Darry and Two-Bit pulling up in the truck. They got out and waited for us by the truck's empty bed. "You guys find anything?" Darry called as we got closer.

"No." Steve answered as he leaned over the truck.

Patty had me in a tight embrace letting me know I wasn't alone. Ashley had wandered slowly across the parking lot in the direction of the shopping center. I remembered the body then and looked up at Darry but not letting go of Patty. "Was that him at the morgue?" I asked in a low voice, trying to keep Ashley from hearing.

Darry shook his head. "No, Soda. It wasn't him."

"Thank God." Steve uttered out loud, surprising me. I looked at him, shocked. He caught my gaze and almost scowled. "What? I like the kid too!"

"Darry!" Ashley's voice got all our attention. We looked over to see her picking up something off the ground. She started looking around more and we went over to where she was. She shakily held out a picture of herself to us. "This was in his wallet. I know it was."

Darry took the picture and looked around. There wasn't anything else on the ground in the area. One block ahead of us near the shopping center the streets were busy with people coming and going, minding their own business as they scurried about. He turned and looked again at the woods across the street on one side of him and then looked at the shopping center ahead of us on the other side. An idea was forming in his head, and I was getting the same idea.

"He's walking home!" I realized all of a sudden. Darry's eyes met mine and he nodded in agreement. Shit! We've been out here looking for him when the whole time he was making his way towards the house. We piled into Steve's car and Darry's truck and headed back.

XXX

Something was licking my arm, tickling me. My hand twitched and as I opened my eyes I saw a small cat running off down the alley to the safety of some forgotten rubbish. In the bright sunlight I saw the blood on my hands and my memory...as choppy as it was...came back to me. My head still pounded but my breathing was better. I struggled to my feet and stumbled on down the alley, knowing I had to get home soon or the next time I lay down I probably wasn't getting up again. I cut down behind the grocery store, made my way past the liquor store and trudged my way past the dollar shop. A few more blocks and I was in the old neighborhood. My heart beating faster with each step I took up the familiar streets of my youth. Finally I rounded the corner and saw it. Worn, tired wood siding, sagging porch and overgrown grass. Damn it looked good.

Darry's truck wasn't here and I had no idea if Soda had his own set of wheels by now or not. I made my way up the steps and slowly opened the door. I realized this wasn't my home anymore, but knew I would always be welcome. Hell, if anyone else could just show up, I figured I could too.

"Da...." My voice didn't work. "So..." I had nothing left in my body to make sound work. I felt so dizzy and tired and went to lay down. I knew they'd eventually come. Until then, I made my way down the hall to the larger bedroom that I used to share and was glad to find the bed made with the good sheets. I lay down on them, their coolness feeling good to my skin. Again, I was asleep before time managed to tick off the clock, but this time I was home again.

XXX

"Did y'all leave the door open?" Soda asked, looking at me as we came around the corner pulling into the driveway.

"No." I said, hitting the brakes.

Soda jumped out and bolted up the steps before I even had the car in park. The whole gang was close on his heals, Ashley trying her best to scramble in the door with the gang. I ran inside, hoping it was Ponyboy and not someone else wanting to raid my fridge and bum around in front of my TV like any other day.

The group was stopped in the living room when I came in, then I watched as Soda went down the hall.

"Ponyboy?" He called, looking in each of the rooms. He got to the large room Ashley had used last night and started.

"Ponyboy!" He yelped. "He's in here!" Soda called out to us as he darted in the room. I had to force my way in to see what was going on. This may have been my house but this time, Soda was definitely in charge.

"Pony? Can you hear me? Patty! Get the bag!" He called. Patty had already gone back to the car to get the EMT bag they had taken to Osage and was back before I could blink.

Pony didn't look good. He was red on his back from a nasty burn, bruised all over, half of his shirt and the waistband of his jeans burned off too. The smell of fuel and a hint of smoke still on him. He had a lot of dried blood on his neck and a nasty cut somewhere on the back of his head. Soda and Patty turned him over on the bed so he would be face up, and things didn't seem to get any better. His lips were cracked and slightly swollen, and he was as pale as a sheet.

Watching Soda, I felt a sense of awe that I hadn't expected. He was going on instinct, knowing what to do and when to do it, without a drop of panic in him at all. I guess he put it out of his mind that this was our baby brother he was working on. Damn, I was proud of him.

They got out scissors and started cutting away his singed clothes, and Ashley turned to leave the room. I followed her, making sure she was okay. I knew those two supposedly weren't intimate yet and had a feeling she wasn't very comfortable with what was going on in there, but she also looked about as pale as Pony did on that bed. And she had thrown up this morning, too. How was I to know if maybe things had changed while they were alone in Montana? I wasn't upset, but I was concerned. "You okay Ashley?" I asked as she went to sit in my armchair.

"Yeah....I just need some air. Please... please go help them Darry. I'll be fine. Really." I looked at her and patted her hand.

"I'll be in the other room, just call for us if you need us." I said, then returned to the bedroom, Patty rushing by me in the opposite direction, hellbent on a mission of her own..

I got back to see Steve standing on one side of Ponyboy, now covered with a sheet, and Two-Bit standing on the other side. Two-Bit held a bag of fluid that ran into an IV taped onto one of Pony's arm's. Soda had kneeled down at the side of the bed, Pony's other arm limply extended as Soda slid a second IV into it as well. I watched as he got that needle in place and taped that line down, hooking up the new IV to a second bag of fluid and handing it to Steve to hold over Pony in less time than it takes to open a gas tank for a fill-up.

Amazed. I really was amazed.

"I called the crew. They'll be here in about 15 minutes." Patty said as she returned to the room.

"Pony, can you hear me?" Soda said as he paused from doing medical stuff.

Pony stirred, nodding his head and opening his eyes ever so slightly. Soda took his hand and wrapped it around our brother's.

"I came back, Soda, to surprise you for your birthday." His scratchy voice was almost inaudible, but he smiled and his green eyes glowed up at him momentarily before closing again.

"Next time, kiddo, call in advance." Soda softly chided him, patting his head.

"How's he doing, Soda?" I asked in a low voice.

"He's dehydrated and a little shocky, plus he's got a nasty head laceration that's gonna need stitches. But I don't see anything broken. Wont know more till we get him to the hospital." He answered, never taking his eyes off him.

I felt a presence behind me at the doorway and turned to see Ashley. She silently crept up to the side of the bed and knelt down, taking Pony's other hand in hers. At her touch, Pony's eyes opened once more, positively dancing at her site.

"Don't you ever scare me like this again, you hear me Ponyboy Michael Curtis?" She said in a low trembling voice as a tear fell from her eye.

With what strength he managed to find from within himself, Pony pulled her to him and held her, letting go of Soda in the process. He wasn't alone long, Patty came and took his hand in hers, holding him just as close.

"Yes ma'am, Miss Ashley. I love you." He said in a scratchy whisper.

The sound of the ambulance pulling up was heard, and I went out into the hall to let them in.

XXXX

Calla Lilly Rose