Sorry this took so long guys... procrastinating at its best. Anndddd I have school tomorrow so I am just soooooo excited.

Chapter 14

Amanda is startled by this question.

"I thought I was just gonna go back to my place…" she says.

"Oh no. Your place is a crime scene and CSU made a huge mess. It looks like a tornado went through it; you know how they work," Olivia replies.

"You can go with me, Olivia, or anyone else that you would feel safe with," Barba tells her. Amanda sits there for a minute contemplating her choices.

"Ummm… I think I'll be fine on my own. I don't need anyone to care after me like I'm some little bird with a broken wing and they feel morally obligated to. I don't wanna put that on anyone," she starts to continue but Rafael puts his hand over hers slowly.

"Amanda, we don't feel like we are obligated or are being forced to. we genuinely want to help and support you. You can come home with me if you want? I would be very happy to invite you into my house. I have an extra room you could stay in if you're comfortable with that. Or you could go stay with Olivia if that makes you feel safer. It's your choice but I think it would be more comfortable to go with a girl…" He trails off to let Amanda decide who she wants to go with.

"Um, I think- can I go with Nick?"

"Are you sure Amanda?" Olivia asks, surprised.

"Yeah, yeah I think so," Amanda replies. Olivia and Rafael approve of her choice and decide that it would be fine because they both know what has been transpiring between the two younger detectives. She sits in a wheelchair and they wheel her out of the office and up to Nick's desk.

"Hey Nick. If it's okay with you, Amanda would like to go home with you," Rafael says while Amanda tilts her head down to hide behind her hair. She peeks through her hair to take in Nick's reaction. Nick is surprised by this because he had assumed that his girlfriend would have wanted to go home with Rafael since he seemed to make her calm.

"Yeah. That's more than fine with me. I have plenty of room to spare," He replies while giving Amanda a small, loving smile. Everyone jumps up to get ready to go home.

Amanda wheels into Nick's apartment first and sits in his living room awkwardly. She turns to Nick and says, "Um, I don't know where I am supposed to sleep…"

"Well, you could sleep in the guest room, I could sleep in the guest room and you could get the big bed, or any sort of combination you want. Whichever makes you the most comfortable." Amanda doesn't reply and slowly wheels over to Nick's bedroom, stopping at the door to turn back and look at him.

"Cou-Could you stay with me? Only if you want to though. You don't have to," She says to him and proceeds to wheel into the room. Nick slowly and tentatively moves towards the room and finds her already snuggled under the big covers.

"Amanda?" he questions to which she replies with a grunt.

"Don't you want to eat? I know that you didn't eat at the station and I don't know if-" He cuts himself off before he mentions the bunker, "I just think you should try to eat and drink something." His only reply is the barely noticeable shake of the head.

"Amanda you need to eat something," he pleads.

"Please Nick. Just not tonight. I'm tired and I just want to sleep," she whines. Nick looks at her and notices that he can barely see her outline under the blanket because she's so skinny. She looks like she is being swallowed up by the bed to never return.

"Fine Amanda, but I am making you eat breakfast in the morning" Amanda doesn't reply and just snuggles deeper into her covers. Amaro just sighs and makes some dinner hoping the smell would lure Amanda out, which he realizes after awhile is a lost cause. After he's gotten ready for bed and climbed into it she scoots closer and snuggles into his chest. He wraps his arms around her gently, being careful not to wake her up, and falls asleep, smiling.

Nick is jostled awake by some movement but decides that it's just Amanda shifting in her sleep. But as the movements continue and grows worried and opens his eyes to see Amanda struggling in her sleep. Before he can reach to her to try and console her sleeping form, she lets out an ear piercing scream. Nick's senses go into overdrive and he has her in his arms in less than a second.

"Amanda. Amanda! Wake up love, wake up!" He says gently while lightly shaking her.

"You're having a nightmare! Please wake up!" He begs. He's still holding her in his arms when she suddenly wakes up.

"G-get away from me! Get off of me! Please! Please leave me alone! Please go away Patton. I never did anything to you," She screams.

"Amanda! It's me! It's Nick! I wont hurt you, I promise," he tries to get her to realize what is going on. She slowly comes around to realize that it's Nick and she jumps out of bed.

"Nick, I'm sorry! So sorry," she whispers and then runs into the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it. Nick sits on the bed dumbfounded by what happened. He slowly walks up to the door, leans against it, and softly knocks on it.

"Amanda are you okay?" he asks as he hears her crying through the door, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." Amanda just curls into a ball on the floor and cries.

"Amanda please let me in so I know that you're okay," he pleads. He doesn't receive a reply and instead hears Amanda moving around in the bathroom. Nick walks away from the door a little bit so he can call Liv without Amanda hearing. Inside the bathroom Amanda is opening the cabinets looking for anything to help her feel better.

'Why am I here? He probably can't even look at me anymore. I am so disgusting. Why would anyone want to be around me? I'm a filthy, dirty whore and a slut. I don't deserve to be here, I have lied to them. I should either be with Patton or dead instead. That's what I deserve. I can't be around him or anyone. They don't want me here. No one does.' She thinks to herself.

Then she finds the razor.

On the other side of the door, Nick is trying to figure out a way to coax Amanda out of the room when Olivia picks up.

"Benson," she answers.

"Olivia? I need you to get over here now!" He says frantically. Olivia immediately hops out of bed and throws some clothes on.

"Nick what's wrong?" she asks in a rushed voice while running out of her front door.

"Amanda had a nightmare and thought that I was Patton when she first woke up! After she realized it was me, she jumped out of bed and locked herself in the bathroom. I don't know what she is doing because she wont talk to me but I could hear her moving around a minute ago. It sounded like she was going through my cabinets. Just get here as fast as you can!"

"Okay Nick I have already left my house. I'll be there as soon as possible," she replies trying to keep both herself and Nick calm.

Olivia arrives at Nick's house and sees him standing at the door trying to convince Amanda to come out.

"Nick," she whispers, "What's going on? Has she said anything?"

"She hasn't answered me. I have no idea what's going on. This is really worrying me."

"Here. Let me try," Liv gently nudges Nick to the side as she walks up to the door and then hears Amanda sobbing quietly.

"Amanda, sweetie? Can you open the door for me? I know you're scared and upset right now but we need to make sure that you're okay. You have every right to be scared and feel like you can't trust anyone right now but we wont hurt you! You can trust us with all of your being. Please come out?" Olivia doesn't get a reply so she tries again.

"Amanda do you want to talk with Nick? Will that help with everything and convince you to come out?"

"NO! I don't want him to be here! Please send him away! Please!"

"Okay okay Amanda! I'll send him away," Olivia turns to Nick but still speaks loud enough for Amanda to hear, "Nick could you please go to the other room?" She looks at him apologetically when she notices how defeated he looks.

"Actually Olivia I was feeling like taking a walk anyways so I think I'll do that," He replies, trying to make Amanda feel as comfortable as possible. He walks out the door.

"Okay Amanda, he's gone. Can you open the door now please?

"Please don't be mad at me Liv. Don't punish me for what I have done," she begs.

"Amanda I won't. I promise I won't harm you in any way. Just come out so I can make sure you're okay," Olivia replies nervously.

Amanda slowly opens the door and peeks out from behind it.

"Amanda? Just come out the door. I promise I won't be mad at you or hurt you. I won't punish you," Olivia says quietly while stepping back to give Amanda some room to come out. Amanda comes out from behind the door and hides her arms in her long sleeves.

"Now Amanda, let's go sit on Nick's couch okay?" Olivia asks. Amanda just nods her head, not making any noises at all. They slowly make their way to the living room.

'She really shouldn't be walking with those burns on her feet and that sprained ankle. I'll be sure to get her back in that wheelchair.' Olivia thinks to herself after noticing Amanda limping.

"Do you want to tell me what happened Amanda?" she asks the young detective softly, looking into her eyes.

"I just had a bad dream," Amanda says quickly while averting her eyes.

"Do you want to tell me what it was about?"

"No!"

"Well why did you run away from Nick and hide in the bathroom?" Olivia asks deciding to discuss the nightmare another time.

"I freaked him out. I thought he was Patton. He thinks I'm a disgusting freak and a slut. And after my freakout about Patton he probably thinks that I am an insane psycho… who would want to be around me?" she asks the last part mostly to herself.

"Amanda, sweetie, he does not think any of those things, none of us do. In fact we see you as being even stronger now for being strong enough to survive and get through this. We all know what you went through and we know it wasn't your fault," Olivia says grabbing the blonde's hand. She notices that Amanda flinches but still holds her hand, knowing that she needs the comfort. Amanda just grunts.

"So what did you do in the bathroom? I heard you moving around and I just wanna know. I won't be mad at you. I promise." Amanda doesn't answer and just brings her eyes down towards her arm that is covered by her shirt.

Olivia notices, slowly reaches over, and pulls up Amanda's sleeve. What she sees makes her incredibly nervous. Olivia turns Amanda's wrist over and slowly pulls the tape from the bandage that is surrounding her wrist. She gently peels the bandage off of the young woman's arm and sees fresh cuts on her wrist that seem to still be bleeding abundantly. Looking closer, Olivia notices some older scars that are hard to see easily.

"Amanda?" Olivia asks, slowly looking up towards the woman's face. However, Amanda has her face turned away and looking into space. Olivia realizes that Amanda looks very afraid.

"I am not mad sweetie. You're not gonna be punished, I promised you and I keep my promises. But can you tell me why you did this?" Amanda doesn't answer, just shakes her head.

"Please tell me, I'm begging you. I just want to understand," Olivia pleads.

"I was just upset and angry at myself for freaking out over nothing and being mean to Nick," she replies.

"Okay but there's no reason for you to be mad at yourself. It's a normal response. Now I notice that there are sommelier scars… Can you tell me when those are from?"

"When I was younger I guess…" Amanda replies evasively.

"Like how young?" Olivia asks concerned.

"Like fifteenish maybe." Olivia is surprised at Amanda's moment of complete honesty at the moment and decides to act on it.

"Why Amanda?"

"Because he hurt me," she whispers.

"Who Amanda? Who hurt you when you were younger? Was he the one who made up the rules?" Olivia asks, scared to know the answer.

"He was-" Amanda is cut off by Nick walking through the door.

She quickly pulls down her sleeve and curls up, scared.

"Who Amanda?" Olivia asks again, giving Nick a dirty look. Amanda doesn't answer, just squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head.

"Hey Amanda. You feeling better? Wanna try going back to sleep?" Nick asks while walking towards his girlfriend but she shrinks back into the couch and starts to shake. Olivia notices and moves closer to her while giving Nick a look telling him to move away. He slowly backs up, a hurt look on his face, and Amanda noticeably becomes calm.

"Nick… I think that we should maybe have Amanda come back to my house and stay there," Olivia says thinking it would help Amanda be more comfortable. She shoots Nick an apologetic look as she asks, "Is that okay Amanda?" Rollins just nods awkwardly feeling too guilty to look at Nick."

"It's completely fine with me Amanda. As long as you're comfortable with where you are that makes me happy," Nick tells her lovingly.

"Okay Amanda. Let's pack your stuff and get you ready to go," Olivia says quickly while helping her to her wheelchair.