Chapter 14: Saving the World

Henry (though he had no idea how) found himself in a big, circular room. There was a big circle in the middle, a pool of Hawaiian Punch (yeah right) with a big, oscillating orb in the middle, with blades swirling around it. Eileen stood upon a platform, ready to walk down a set of stairs — right into the blades.

And to the left was Walter Sullivan.

'She has the built-in ability — to take everything she sees! — and now it seems — I'm fallin', fallin' for her! She seems to have an Invisible Touch, yeah! She reaches in, and grabs right hold of your heart! She seems to have an Invisible Touch, yeah! It takes control, and slowly tears you apart!' Walter was doing an extensive dance, combining all dances to create one, ultimate dance.

'Hey Walter!' Henry yelled, raising the revolver.

The music stopped, Walter fumbling and falling to his knees; he stood once more, dusting himself off and clearing his throat. 'Uh that was, nothing, that, that was Genesis. "She seems to have an Invisible Touch, yeah!"'

'I know,' Henry stated dryly. 'God, why are you still dressed in the same clothes!?'

'Hey, I think I look fly in these!' Walter said, pouting a little.

'. . . you look like Aqualung.'

'So . . . you want to dance to Aqualung?'

'TOTALLY! Wait, no! Remember that I'm here to kill you!?'

'Oh yeah! Haha! Try! I'm immortal!'

Henry froze. 'What do I do?' he muttered.

Author: Pull a Darkcomet.

'Yeah, I'm just gonna—' Henry just took off before finishing. 'One Winged Angel' began to play, except Sephiroth was replaced by 'Sullivan'.

'What!?' Walter cried, not caring that Henry had ran away. 'You're gonna what?'

Henry approached the big monster, and stopped, pulling out the umbilical cord. 'Oh God, I don't get payed enough for this . . .' He gripped the umbilical cord loosely between his thumb and index, and slowly put it in the monster's mouth.

'Yucky!' the monster cried (did I say anything about the monster? Cuz that's important).

'Sneaky monkey . . . !' Walter took off for Henry, screaming 'Nooo!' Henry moonwalked to the first spear, and tore it out. Shoving it in his pocket, he moved onto the next one. Systematically, he tore the spears out, and, disco-dancing, approached the monster. Raising the spears, he jammed four of them into the monster. It roared, and Walter fell down.

'My balls!' he cried. Henry skipped and cartwheeled down to the next spears, and made for the monster again.

'And now, ladies and gentlemen, I give you: MORTALITY!' Henry cried as he shoved the last spears in. The monster died, and Walter stood shakily.

'Oh well,' he said, stammering a little, 'I can kill you even as a . . . not immortal.'

'Yeah, I'd like to see you—' Henry scoffed as he depressed the trigger — and Walter karate kicked the gun out of his hands. 'Son of a donkey and a dolph—' Henry got bashed across the face, and flew across the room.

'Henwy!' Eileen giggled as she stepped onto the first stair. 'Hi Henwy!'

'Not now, Eileen!' Henry scowled as he pulled the axe out, and ran at Walter like a madman.

— — — Outside Room 302 — — —

'Is that all of them?' Amarant sighed as he crouched from exhaustion.

'Nope,' Richard smirked, observing more Bottoms coming through the iron gate. He batted his crowbar against his hand, and teleported behind them.

'This is getting out of control,' Robo beeped as he opened fire with his rail gun.

'Plus we have to exorcise Room 302,' Maria said as she brought her whip to bear.

'Does anyone even have Holy Magic?' James asked.

'I've got Life,' Crono shrugged.

'And I've got Chakra,' Amarant added.

'Those don't count,' James sighed.

Author: I say they do.

'Whatever.'

— — — The Duel — — —

'Oww . . .' Henry said as he lay flat on his back, holding his head. The axe lay further from him than the revolver, but both were too far away.

'And now, Henry, we shall end this!' Walter said, beginning to walk across the room to Henry. Henry struggled to stit up a little, glancing around for something to do.

'I haven't been this screwed since I found that box . . .'

—Flashback—

Henry picked up a strange treasure chest, giggling, and shook it to hear what was inside. He could hear nothing. Tenderly, he lifted the lid and gazed into a machine.

'This device will detonate, in five, four, three . . .'

'Uh . . .' Henry looked back. Then to the box. Then to the door. Then the box. 'Shit.'

—End Flashback—

— — — The Gang (CLIFFHANGER! HAH!) — — —

Richard and Amarant held off a bunch of double-heads while Robo charged a huge cannon that had appeared out of his breastplate. Maria held Tom's hand out of fear, and James was cowering behind Crono while Crono cowered behind Frog.

'Now!' Robo screamed. Amarant and Richard dove forward in slo-mo, like you see in action movies, as a huge, red ray of swirling plasma hit a double-head, igniting him, spawning a black hole, and sucking all the monsters into its deadly vortex.

'Phew,' Richard said as the vortex closed.

'Now to clean the apartment,' Amarant said as he opened the door to Room 302 — he peered inside.

'Is it clear enough to enter?' James asked.

Amarant came out, a frown on his face while his eyes teared up. 'No,' he said, shaking his head.

'How many?' Maria asked.

'A lot,' Amarant replied, scratching his forehead. The gang stood before the doorway, looking in.

'Holy mother of crap,' James muttered.

'It's like Satan threw a party in here!' Tom said. 'He likes to party.' Everyone looked at him. 'I'm a demon, remember!?'

'Yeah,' everyone said, startled.

'Wolverines!' James screamed, and ran in.

Richard sighed. 'Let's do this.' The group entered.

— — — The Duel!!! — — —

'Die, Henry!' Walter exclaimed as he aimed his pistol. Henry took a moment to think, then looked at Eileen.

'HOLY SHIT! EILEEN, WHY ARE YOU NAKED!?' he screamed.

'Huh!?' Walter said as he spun around to see Eileen fully clothed, almost in the pool of 'juice'. His face dropped when he realised what had happened. 'Fuck.'

Bang.

Henry stood behind Walter, revolver smoking, gun aimed at Walter's head. The man in the trench coat staggered forward, wavered for a moment, and fell into the pool of juice, narrowly avoiding the blades. He sunk down to the bottom, where there was an off switch. He accidentally hit it.

The big orb stopped moving, and Walter hit a grating that led to the sewer. Screaming, he collapsed the grate and fell through a long tunnel.

Henry moonwalked backwards while air guitar-ing 'Moto Psycho' by Megadeth. He raised his hand as if there was a crowd around, saying 'Thank you, thank you!'

'Henry!' came Eileen's confused voice from high on a platform. Henry tossed his glance towards her, and found she had magically went back to the start. 'We're getting wild when we get back to the real world!'

'Lookin' forward to it,' Henry said as the world violently shook. 'Oww, my hiz-ead!' He fell to his knees, and then to his face, falling asleep.

— — — Woom Fwee Oh Too — — —

'That all the demons?' Maria asked.

'Yup,' James said, leaning on the shovel. 'Why does it feel like the world is shaking?'

'Because the world is shaking!' Richard cried, and everyone found themselves passing out.

— — — The Real Room 302 — — —

'Hey, Aqualung,' Henry found himself saying as he sat up in his bed. Looking around, he smiled — no Frog or Cro—

'Greetings!' came Frog's voice from under him. Henry screamed and rolled onto the floor, hitting his face hard on the carpet. Standing up, he held his forehead.

'That wasn't a damn dream!?' Henry asked.

'Nope,' came Amarant's voice as he sat up from beside the bed, near the windows.

'Damnit, is anyone else in the room!?'

'Yup,' came Tom's voice as he and Maria, naked, leaned out of the closet, waving.

'I . . . I didn't just see that . . . nope, didn't.' Henry went out into the living room, where he found James cooking a huge omelette for everyone. On the stool by the counter was Richard Brainfart, who was thumbing through a porno magazine.

'Dude!' Henry cried, 'where'd you get a porno mag?'

'Mike,' Richard said without looking up.

'Gooooooooood morning!' James said as he continued cooking. ''Tis a new day!'

'James . . .' Henry said, 'buddy, it's . . . four. PM.'

'Well, goooooooood afternoon!'

'Good afternoon,' Henry said, smiling. 'Where's Eileen?'

'Eileen? She's in the hospital.'

'Where'd Richard wake up?'

'I woke up in my room,' Richard said, still not looking up. 'I can't even ejaculate now that I'm dead, but I'm doing this for the hell of it.'

'Where's Robo?'

'I sent him out to see how Eileen was doing.'

— — — Approaching St. Jeromes — — —

'Hey! Man you talkin' back to me? (Take him out) You gotta keep 'em seperated — Hey! Man you disrespectin' me? (Take him out) You gotta keep 'em seperated!' Robo played as he entered St. Jerones hospital — suddenly, his inner cell-phone started to ring.

'Hello?' he answered.

'Robo? This is Henry.'

'Henry! It is truly wonderful that you are awake!'

'Yeah, yeah, look — how's Eileen doing?'

'I do not know, for I have not reached her location yet.'

'Well, tell me when you get to her.'

Click.

'It is truly wonderful that he is alive,' Robo said as he wheeled down the hallways of St. Jeromes. A little girl with a broken finger looked at him and got very excited.

'Mommy, mommy!' she said, tugging on her mommy's shirt, 'look, it's a toy! Can I take it, can I take it?'

The mom smiled. 'Sure, honey, it's all yours. After all, it's just laying there. No chance of it having very dangerous diseases on it.'

'Yay!' the girl cried and ran to Robo.

'Back off, bitch,' Robo said, aiming a shock-cannon at her.

'Mommy, toy called me a beach!'

'Aww, how nice,' the mom said, reading a magazine.

'Come on now, don't be shy!' the girl said, all smiles.

'You have forced me to take defensive countermeasures,' Robo said as he shocked the girl with 1200 volts of pure electricity.

'Sally!' the mom cried, running up to Robo with the magazine rolled up.

'Fools,' Robo sighed as he sprouted a flamethrower.

— — — Back in Room 302 — — —

'Well,' Henry said, lifting the omelette to his mouth, 'I guess that means that this story is—' He put the omelette in his mouth, and promptly stopped speaking, gagging a little before spitting it out into a napkin. 'James?'

'Yes?' James asked.

'What did you put in the omelette?'

James looked up in thought. 'Well, two shakers of salt, barbecue sauce, human blood, dog blood, half-human and half-dog blood, honey, a demon's heart, dark matter, rat poison, concentrated evil, Walter's umbilical cord, three tons of lead, grape juice, a cup of Maria's urine, a human finger, some chile, and baby formula.'

'. . . why . . . did you do that? It's disgusting!?'

'I like it,' Tom said as he took a huge bite. 'What's not to like? Demon's heart is awesome, evil rocks, Sullivan's cord tastes tangy, I am used to Maria's urine, and I've drank tons of human blood.'

'Why, oh why, must I be surrounded with imbeciles?' Henry moaned.

'Because EternalFlare is making you,' Tom said as he patted the brunette on the back.

'Anyway, I guess that's the end of our story,' Henry continued.

'Yeah,' Tom said, 'me and Maria kind of need a place to live.'

'Stay here,' James answered as he took a bite of his own omelette. 'You're paying rent though.'

'Crono, Frog, and Robo all need a place too. Amarant and Richard are bunking together, though.'

'Well, you're all welcome to stay here. You and Maria get the hidden room where Walter's body is, and Crono and co. will sleep in the laundry room!'

'Perfect,' Henry muttered.

'Well,' Tom said as he put his fork down, 'this is a pretty happy ending!'

Author: (But there is still one more chapter . . . . muahahahahaha!)

— — —

Is the ending happy? Is Walter dead? Can the gang afford to live together? Find out in the final chapter: Final Chapter!