Hey.

I am, in fact, still alive. Sorry about the whole 'Long time, no see.' Exams.

'nough said.

On the up/down side, the chapters are somehow becoming longer. This meaning of course; better for you, several thousand times more difficult for me. Plus I ramble.

Please don't slay me.

Fact of the Chapter: http:/tmisource. com /the-books/the-mortal-instruments/ city-of-lost-souls-teasers/

I know it isn't necessarily a fact, but I figured fourteen teasers for City of Lost Souls is worthy of being shared. A lot of you may have read them, but a lot of you aren't nerds like me.

Remove the spaces.

Magnus heard Jace stride into the room before he saw him, too busy burying his tear streaked face into the poor, now blemished, pillow. He looked up at the shadowhunter without his usual sense of pride telling him that he looked like something had thrown up demon blood all over his face as he let the make-up blacked tears dry to his caramel skin.

He took a little pleasure in seeing that Jace wasn't exactly looking like his regular self either. He was still wearing the same clothes he had been the previous night/morning (whichever way you look at it). His red jeans were crumpled and no longer looked crisp, and his shirt appeared to be stained with some fast food from Taki's. If only this was taken into account, Jace would have looked no worse than Simon on a good day. No. It was the way his confident stride had slowed to a miserable step. The way his shoulders sagged at his side, messy, unwashed hair falling to meet them. Jace's eyes were mostly covered by a fringe, but Magnus could see shadows forming beneath his eyes.

"Get up," said Jace in a dead sounding tone. It wasn't such in the way that someone could ever accuse him of being uncaring. It was more of a 'Get up. I'm not in the mood for this, and I may kill you at any given moment' tone. "You're fixing Alec's wrists today. We are running out of blood, and it he keeps going like this, we will run out of bandages too."

Jace hadn't looked at him as he spoke, instead looking down as he crossed the room to sit against a window. Magnus wondered how he had even known he was there at all.

"Have you seen Alec yet?" Magnus dared to ask, forcing the tears to stop. Jace's head snapped up.

"Yes," he seethed, "I have."

"Is he… is he okay?" Magnus flinched at the word 'okay'. It had been a stupid choice of words. How could Alec possibly be 'okay'? The look which crossed Jace's confirmed this as his head snapped up, a glare rising to meet Magnus's still wet eyes.

"No." Magnus's eyes widened. Jace's voice wasn't snide. It wasn't sarcastic or angry, but just scared, breaking at the edges and little more than a whisper. "He is not okay. He is very not okay. Now hurry up. When my brother wakes up, I don't want him to see you looking like that. As if he hasn't been through enough already."

Magnus knew the insult had been forced merely by the way Jace had said the words 'my brother'. Magnus wondered why he was using those words so frequently to describe Alec. It hadn't been like that before… was he asserting his family link to Alec, or was it something else? What had happened?

"Jace… did something happen when you were with Alec?" Magnus hesitantly asked. He wasn't sure if he was expecting Jace to answer, but his eyes remained trained on the blond shadowhunter. Jace let out a shaky breath.

"I… I thought Simon was exaggerating. I thought that Simon was just a stupid former mundane, and didn't know what he was talking about. I thought that when I got there, Alec would be blushing, and talking to me about how stupid he had been. I was so sure that what Alec had done was a spur of the moment decision, caused by heartbreak, and he would be glad that he is still here. But…"

The words began to sink in. 'But'.

"Alec… Alec isn't… I mean, he d-doesn't want to be…?" Magnus could feel his throat constricting as he spoke, the words refusing to come. He couldn't bear to finish the question. Jace began to shake his head, his face stony and exhausted.

"No, and you need to fix this." Jace paused, looking up to meet Magnus's eyes again, his gaze determined and pleading. "Please, Magnus. Please fix this."

Magnus tried not to show how startled he was in being the receiver of an actual plea from Jace. As far as he knew, he was the first person Jace had actually shown such an honour to with the mere exception of Clary.

"Jace… what happened? Did Alec… did Alec 'see' me again?" Magnus asked, his voice hopeful, yet hopeless, at the same time. From the look which Jace was giving him, one of false irritation and misery, Magnus decided that he could safely assume that Alec had 'seen' him.

"Twice," murmured Jace. "He saw you… he saw you twice."

Magnus felt, not for the first time that day, incredibly ill. His stomach felt like it was constricting in on itself as cold shudders raced through the warlock's veins.

"No…" Magnus trailed off. 'No'? 'No' what? No, I couldn't have possibly done that to Alec? thought Magnus. But he had done that. He knew that he had, but the knowledge was so overwhelming, so horrific. A part of him, no matter how hard he tried to ignore it, kept screaming that he had. He had scarred Alec so deeply, both emotionally and physically.

"Magnus, can we just go?"

There was yet another note of pleading in Jace's voice, but Magnus refused to relent.

"Jace, what happened? Did something actually get worse? Who is with Alec?" Magnus peered at Jace. His dirty, messy blond hair sagged over his eyes, but his mouth was pulled down at the sides.

"Maryse couldn't take it," said Jace after a long sigh. "After Max, after Robert… she couldn't handle seeing Alec like that. So powerless." Jace looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole, his voice cracking more than once. "She was okay when Alec was asleep, though. She sat with him and waited until he would awake for hours, seemingly prepared for what her son would awake to say.

"After our little chat, I went over to join my mother. By the time I got there Alec was already awake, but he was panting as though from a nightmare, but it went on for minutes," Jace was shaking his head. "He kept insisting that you were there. He kept trying to tell us that you were there, just calling his name. We tried to calm him down, Maryse even told him to ignore you, but you've never been one for being ignored, have you Magnus? Alec was shaking and hyperventilating, and all we could do was-"

Jace broke off, seeming to have worked himself into a state.

"All we could do was send him back to sleep, and pray to the angel that Alec's nightmares aren't any worse than his reality.

"Maryse was crying. I tried to calm her down, tried to tell her that Alec will get better, but she wouldn't have it. Imagine how she must have felt, watching the fear and horror in Alec's eyes as he struggled in his bed, watching a phantom torture her son.

"She left, Magnus. She couldn't stand being beside her son and having no idea how to comfort him. I think that's why she wouldn't let Izzy see him either. She sees herself in Isabelle, and I think she wants to protect at least one of her children from… this."

"She left you alone with Alec?"

"Yes, and I know it is killing her that she can't bear to watch her oldest child thrash around in shackles. You have to believe you when I tell you that she is not a bad mother."

"I believe you." Magnus knew this. He wondered how he would be able to face Alec after everything he had done. The thought left him terrified. Jace nodded in response.

"He didn't sleep for very long. Maybe half an hour at the most?" Jace creased his forehead, as though it even mattered how long Alec had slept.

"He woke up, without the screaming, and for a moment I thought that he was over it. That it was fine. Even when he awoke, we stayed quiet for a few moments. Finally, he broke the silence.

"It wasn't anything extravagant, or touching. It was so Alec," said Jace, almost fondly. "All he said was 'Hey Jace', like everything was still normal. Like he hadn't just tried to take away my brother; your better half. I didn't know what to say. 'Why did you do that to yourself?' or," Jace actually laughed, " 'Are you okay?'

"I ended up asking him how he was feeling, which was a step better. I don't know what I was thinking. How did I expect Alec to answer? 'Oh, me? I'm the bee's knees.' ? Or did I want him to lie, to make me feel better. So that I could play my ongoing game of pretend where everything is okay between me and Alec?

"He told me that he felt 'nearly dead', and laughed." Jace eyed Magnus, who had begun to extract his eye make-up. Both paused as they looked at each other, both looking awful. "He laughed quite a lot, almost hysterically. He eventually stopped, and looked at me like I was an alien. I asked him what was wrong, and he just said 'Don't you get it Jace? Nearly dead? As in quite close, but not nearly enough.'"

Suddenly everything froze as Magnus's whole body tensed. Jace's previous words rang loudly in his ears; I was so sure that what Alec had done was a spur of the moment decision, caused by heartbreak, and he would be glad that he is still here. But…

Magnus tried to imagine Alec the way Jace described him, crazily craving death over the false reality which Magnus had given him.

"I told Alec to stop it. I was… abrupt I suppose, but something seemed to completely change about his attitude. It was like something had been inhabiting him, and it just disappeared. It was as though I had thrown cold water over him, and he stopped laughing darkly to himself and started blushing. He actually blushed, and looked completely embarrassed. There was a lot of silence, and Alec looked so humiliated. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to… I don't know, apologise to him, but he beat me to the point.

"He told me that he must have been such an embarrassment. He asked if I hated him, for being the way he is and being so weak. I told him that I didn't, and never would hate him. He just smiled sadly at me, as though thanking me, but not believing a word I said.

"Then he just said 'I'm sorry, you know. I didn't want you guys to find me. It would have been a bit… graphic. You could have just left me there. It wouldn't have had to be embarrassing, either. You could have pretended I was killed by a demon, or said some outrageous tale of how I disgraced our family by eloping with an unknown man and had been severed from our family line.'" Jace looked at Magnus, as though to gauge a reaction. If he was aiming for a reaction, Magnus certainly did not disappoint. His eyes were downcast, his fingers still working at trying to remove his make-up were shaking beyond his control. What he hadn't been expecting was Magnus to actually speak up.

"You told him to stop being stupid, didn't you? You told him that he didn't have to be sorry, that he didn't-"

"Of course I did!" hissed Jace loudly. "I love my brother. I told him that he deserved to live, no matter how bad he feels. I told him that he would never be a disgrace because he is incredible, every single day." Jace's voice broke, and Magnus knew where this was going. Magnus had seen all too much of the shadowhunters being cruel to Alec, but Jace actually lived with him. He must have seen these things every single day. "I hear the things people say behind not-so-closed doors. I see the way some shadowhunters just shove Alec whenever the opportunity presents itself, but he was still prepared to love you." Jace took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "Even after this, he still loves you."

Magnus couldn't help but feel startled at that statement. Alec was shoved? Was there more to it? Alec had never said anything, nor had he seen such violence being taken out on his little shadowhunter, but then again; who would push Alec around in his presence? Now that he thought about it, it wouldn't have been difficult to disguise the bruises, blaming them on training and demons…

"He asked about you, in case you were wondering. He asked if it was true that you had helped to save him. When I told him that it was, he couldn't even comprehend why you would do it. I told him that it was because you still love him, but he said that there had to be a mistake. Even when I told him that you only broke up with him to save him, he called me a liar.

"I think I broke, then," came Jace's voice, now in a trance like state. "I don't know why, but something about being called a liar by my brother who recently tried to kill himself and still isn't quite comfortable with his being alive got to me. I started to cry.

"Alec couldn't do anything. You know they actually strapped his arms to the railing of the bed? He looked so sorry, and I immediately wished that I could have taken back my tears.

"I ended up crying in his shoulder, for everything I had lost, and everything that was nearly taken away from me.

"I cried for Max, who had idolised me, and was taken away by a demon from beneath our very roof.

"I cried for Clary, for almost losing her time and time again. For loving her more than anyone else, and hating myself just a little bit for that.

"I cried for Alec. You have to understand what our relationship was always like, and how it always is. I love Alec, like a brother and the best friend I could ever ask for, but I never showed it.

"We weren't like normal siblings. We aren't related, but Alec always wanted us to be. I wanted to be friends, but he wanted to be like true brothers." Jace wore a bitter grimace, as though he could see a terrible reality which Magnus himself could not. "We used to play together and fight together. When I used to hurt myself, he was the first person to scold me and fix me up. I never thanked him though. not even as Izzy laughed at my idiocy. Even as Robert and Maryse were nowhere to be seen, Alec was always just Alec. My little friend who wanted to be my brother. The closest thing I had to a family.

"Maybe it was because he treated me like someone who he could possibly get close to that I tried to keep him at arm's length. Maybe it was because he was more fragile than the others, and I was dangerous that I tried to keep him away. He never let go of the silly hope that one day we would truly become brothers.

"When I was eleven, having stayed with the Lightwoods for almost a year, I was quite accustomed to Alec placing wasted effort into treating me like someone I wasn't; someone who cared about others. It was on that day that I did something exceptionally cruel." Jace looked far away, as though remembering the world through the twisted eyes of his eleven year old self. Magnus felt like an intrusion upon the very memory.

"That night, I kissed Maryse on the cheek good-night. It was the first time I had ever done something like that, and it surprised everyone, Alec included. I then went over to Robert and hugged him tight. Alec had looked so pleased. It was almost like a Kodak moment. The child who couldn't love was finally giving in to his caring instincts. I even kissed Max and Isabelle on the forehead."

Jace stopped, and Magnus had a feeling he knew why.

"Alec had been beaming as though I had suddenly declared my love for the family. I can still remember fixing him with a cold gaze, even as I smiled, and turning away. I didn't look back; not to see if Alec was okay, not to so much as give him a pat on the shoulder. I just walked away, calling over my shoulder, 'Night, Alec.'"

Silence hung over the two boys, broken only by the sound of Jace's bitter laughing.

"I love him, though. I couldn't have asked for a better older brother, but that was the way things always were. I would lead, and Alec would trail behind me, making sure that I was okay. Once upon a time, before Alec realised the way he was, we used to walk side by side; he would look out for me while I beat up demons, openly scolding me when I screwed up and got myself injured. Eventually he fell a step behind me, making sure that I was safe at all costs. I thought I was so special to him, that I was the only person who could make him do those things. It made me feel wonderful and horrible for so many reasons. I loved the way I felt so special, how his love for me could defy his attention to anyone else, yet awful in that I didn't reciprocate his feelings. Not the way he thought they were, anyway.

"Then one day, Isabelle came with us to slay a demon. We were told that there was only one demon, but it turned out that if you hacked off a limb, it grew back, and the arm or leg would grow a new demon. It wasn't something that Izzy should have faced on her first time against a demon. Still, it ended up being me and her in the front line, with Alec watching over us. I only realised that the thing could grow more of itself after it was too late. Rather than three against one, we ended up having to fight two demons which could duplicate.

"We were both making a mess of things, but managed to avoid making more of the damn things. Eventually, we both came to a place in our fight where we were both cornered. Isabelle through lack of experience, me through complacency." Jace paused. He looked like he was having some sort of enormous internal battle, and Magnus felt a tad guilty. Jace looked away as he spoke. "I was panicked, and even though I knew it was wrong for me to think such an awful thing; I wanted Alec to save me. Even now, when I think about how horrendous these thoughts were, I wanted Alec to save me, instead of his own little sister. I wanted to feel like his top priority, his number one obligation. For once, I had wanted to be loved by someone as more than just an outsider. I wanted to be his brother, even if I didn't want him to be mine.

"He ended up saving Isabelle, and I ended up saving myself. It was then that I thought; Maybe I don't mean that much to Alec. Maybe I had been imagining the way he sought after me. But still, the next fight, like every battle, he stood behind me, watching my back on behalf of the world. When Isabelle wasn't there, we moved in synch, like cogs in a machine. Eventually, I realised that whatever he felt for me, whatever this love was, was all for the brother he thought that I was to him." Jace had begun to pace, not questioning why Magnus had not broken his ongoing monologue.

"Alec and I have spent almost eight years together. He spent nearly eight years being ignored, suppressed, taunted and mocked in my presence. Eight years hiding in my shadow and loving me as a brother without expecting a thing in return, and I couldn't even say 'I love you, Alec'. It could have been simple. It could have been easy, but something always got in the way.

"This morning was the first time that I ever told Alec that I love him. It was the first time I ever held him close and sobbed into his chest. I don't know what I was so afraid of…" Jace trailed off as though contemplating something beyond his grasp. "Even as I cried pathetically on my brother's shoulder, Alec merely nuzzled into my neck, whispering not to cry and that everything would be okay.

"I believed him, too. Hearing his heart beat, listening to his breathing… he felt alive. It was like I would never have to lose him again, almost like I had never lost him at all. But then it all happened again.

"This time, Alec didn't start screaming or thrash around, but rather froze up. His breathing quickened, but he refused to make a sound, choosing to suffer in silence. Eventually I turned to him, gazing into his wide eyes, and asked if he would like me to put him back to sleep. He said that he did, so I drew the rune of him and came here."

Magnus remained silent, even as all the remnants of his make-up had been wiped away, his mind racing with so many thoughts. He tried to imagine the world in which Jace spoke. A place where his little shadowhunter was rejected by his brother time after time, even as Jace wanted to be his the same closeness. He tried to imagine a world in which Jace could be jealous of Isabelle for being the recipient of Alec's undivided attention. It was a strange place, he decided, to think about. Such a complicated family tie, twisted through time, forgiveness and fear. Magnus couldn't think of a single word to say.

"I'm sick of manipulating him, Magnus. I am sick of trying to influence the way he thinks, rather than letting him make his own decisions." With that, Jace turned to face the warlock, meeting his yellow-green eyes with his own. "Are you?"

Magnus gasped involuntarily.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, are you done treating Alec like you have an influence over him. You play around with him because you know what to do. You know that Alec is more than willing to do anything for you, and you use that. I know you love him, but you have him in chains, and sometimes you pull a little too hard." Jace wasn't looking at Magnus unkindly, but there was a kind of fire in his eyes. "I know you think you know Alec. Enough to get him to come out to his parents. Enough to change him into a more comfortable person. But you took it upon yourself to play puppet with Alec. To make a serious decision without his permission is something which I very much disagree with, because you didn't know him well enough to realise that his love for you would always exceed his love for his own happiness."

"I know. I always knew how Alec felt about me, with few exceptions." Magnus murmured his honest words, fighting back tears all over again. "This wasn't one of them."

Jace froze, eyes displaying a plethora of questions, begging to be inquired, but only one word slipped the shadowhunter's lips.

"Why?"

"I knew how he would feel, but I had no idea that he would do this. I thought he would cry before, begging me to stay. I thought I would snap, and go crawling back to him within a week. I never thought this to have even been a possibility. I knew how he would feel. Even with the cruelty which I knew myself to be inflicting upon him. I knew how he felt, but it's like everything, every feeling in his body has multiplied, hurting him twice as much."

If it was even possible, Jace tensed even more, his back rigid, his fists clenched. Magnus stood perplexed.

"What is it, Jace? Did I say someth-"

"Nothing," hissed Jace, forcing himself to calm down. "It's nothing. Just… promise me that you won't push Alec too hard, okay? Never again. Alec can never feel like this again."

"I swear," said Magnus, instantaneously, hardly needing to consider Jace's words. Jace had turned his body towards the door of the infirmary, gesturing that he was finished talking to Magnus. The warlock understood, and slowly picked himself up from the bed, feeling his joints strain from lack of use.

"And Magnus…" came Jace's voice, sounding uncertain, yet essential at the same time. His tone and timing made Magnus jump slightly.

"Yes?"

"More than anything else, tell my brother that you love him. Nobody ever seems to tell him that he is loved nearly often enough."

And with that, Jace walked away, leading Magnus to his beloved.

Magnus wasn't certain, but he would swear that he saw tears rolling down Jace's cheeks.

Hope you guys liked this chapter. I kind of love Jace in this. I know a lot of you guys are threatening armed attacks on Magnus, but maybe two chapters from now, you will love him again.

Next chapter is Maryse and Magnus central. For the first time in a long time, Alec and Magnus are in the same room.

Reviews greatly encourage updates.

I am on break, so my only purpose right now is watching Glee re-runs (the Klaine kiss still makes me squeal every time) and write terrifyingly long chapters.

Ta-tah Frauleins!