How To Torture Mello 14.
So…since the Internet's down right now, I'm just going to write this as an excuse for being on the computer. Yaaaay. Thanks for your reviews, everyone- they made me squiggle in glee.
…whatever that means.
So, anyway, in this chapter they WILL finally stop running, and things WILL happen.
ON WITH IT!
--
The next morning, Mello woke up Matt and Near quietly. "Let's get out of here," he whispered, and the three of them scooted out of B's room and began to tiptoe over to the main building of Wammy's House.
--
Roger woke up angry.
This in itself wasn't really amazing, seeing as Roger was usually angry, but he stood up and was ready to rant at the wall. He kicked Raito and nudged L awake, and began pacing.
"OW," said Raito, rubbing his head and unfolding himself. L yawned cutely. "Are we going to go chase after those brats again?"
The face Roger turned to him would blind Medusa.
And so a very shellshocked Raito, L, and Roger ran over to the old wing, screaming and yelling and generally scaring small children.
--
Mello and Matt and Near (whew, that's a mouthful)flat out ran towards the newer wing…and rounded a corner…and smacked STRAIGHT INTO Roger and his cronies.
"CRAAAPBISCUITS!" yelled Mello, frantically backtracking, but it was too late. Raito saw an opportunity and tackled the poor blonde to the floor.
"NOOOOOOO!!"
--
The next three hours were the worst three hours of Mello, Matt, and Near's lives. Roger took great pride in the "integrity" of his lectures, and this one sure was…um…integrated.
He yelled for a few minutes, then settled down and went through every single one of his lectures.
The three were released after he finally forgot the next few lectures he was going to go on about, and they ran faster than they deemed possible out of his room.
They had to get revenge.
--
"So, Mello, what're we going to do?" asked Matt, flopped on his bed and tap-tap-tapping his Gameboy.
Near was busy watching Matt's fingers fly, moving Kirby across the screen. "Um…" thought Mello, standing in the middle of the room in "deep" thought. "Huh. I'm out of ideas. Let's play Wii."
"NO."
Matt and Mello both swiveled their heads to stare at Near, who was radiating anger. "There is no FRIGGIN' way," the sheep continued, "that I am going to sit here and watch Roger get away with this!"
"…" Mello and Matt shared a glance. "Have we somehow injured your brain and made you sane again?"
"What?"
"…"
"So…I have an idea."
--
Roger got up, made his first round of the day, went to the basement and started running on the treadmill. (AN: Why? Because he can, that's why. TT.)
And Mello, Matt, and Near began to move.
--
"Daaaa, dadadadadada! Da, daadadadaaaaaaaa…dadadada…" sang Roger, as he climbed up the stairs from the basement, decked out in his workout attire- a Day-Glo spandex jumpsuit that could blind the young from thirty feet away and could be seen from helicopters.
He turned a corner and checked inside Bask and Detrius' room, and satisfied with the non-destruction, carried on to his study.
There was a click inside the innocent-looking room as Matt pushed the button on his walkie-talkie. "This is GoggleBoy to Sheepman. Come in, Sheepman."
"This is Sheepman to Goggleboy. What's up?" came Near's voice, crackly with static.
"The Warden is in position. I repeat, the Warden is in position."
"…This is…Chocolatelad…to Goggleboy. Awesome. Can I change my nickname?"
"No."
--
Roger stripped out of his jumpsuit and changed into his "Orphan Wrangling" gear. He sighed, muttering to himself…
And tripped over a tripwire stretched over the bathroom doorway. "What the-?!" he asked thin air, confused.
There DEFINITELY hadn't been a tripwire there when he'd went into the bathroom. Which meant that some meddling child had probably put it there in the thirty seconds it took for him to get dressed.
Roger's mind churned, but only came up with the thought of pomegranate icecream. So he decided to leave whatever had rigged that tripwire alone, and walked out of the room.
He was greeted by an apple pie to the crotch. "Eeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhh…" he sighed/mumbled, falling over onto the floor.
Watari walked in. "Roger? Where are you?"
"Mmmasdbasdlja…."Roger mumbled, trying not to pass out.
"…What happened here?"
As soon as he could recover his powers of speech, Roger explained to Watari the evil pie attack. "I think it's one of the orphans," he muttered, standing up and walking over to his desk.
"Wai-," Watari started, but Roger had already sat down.
PROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT.
"Damn whoopee cushions."
--
Near peeped through one of the slats on Roger's closet door just in time to see his apple pie chute work fantastically. He held back a giggle as Roger's face turned slightly green. "This is Sheepman to Chocolatelad. The apple pie has been released. I repeat, the apple pie has been released."
"YOSH." came Mello's voice from the speaker. "Alright, I'm getting in position."
--
Mello was in the small loft above Roger's desk, filling a thin plastic bag with water balloons.
He counted into his walkie-talkie. "Five…four…three…two……one!" And with that, he let one of the bag's handles go.
Sixteen water balloons tumbled into the ether.
--
KATA-SPLOOOOOOOOOSH.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHHHHH!!"
--
Mello had doubled over laughing in the loft, Near had stuck a sock in his mouth to keep from guffawing too hard, and Matt nearly puked from the insanity of the moment.
And Roger heard a small giggle coming from directly above his wet, sodden self.
His eye began to twitch.
--
"RUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!" yelled Mello, suddenly pursued by an angry hippo/rhinoceros/yak-like Roger, who was practically foaming at the mouth.
Near stuck his unfortunate little head out and almost was decapitated by Mello's foot. Roger saw the sheep and roared, which scared Near out of his mind and made him run. And I don't mean namby-pamby small-child running. I mean life-depending-on-it running. These kids could have gone to the Olympics.
A wink passed from Mello to Near, who had no idea why Mello was winking. He decided to follow the blonde anyway, as they ran up the stairs to L's room and dove into the bed.
Roger burst the door open a few seconds later. "WHERE ARE THOSE KIDS?!
And L turned around.
Roger blushed (a very ugly sight) and looked away. L's face was covered in little pink kissmarks, his hair was messed up more than usual, and his shirt was nearly ripped off of his frame.
"Uh, Roger?" he said, smoothing his hair down. "This isn't a very good time."
And so Roger was forced to back out of the room, looking away from the disheveled detective at all times.
L shut the door and went back into the living room "Let's take over from where we left off…" he said as he shut the door behind him.
Mello and Near poked their heads out of the bed. "Coast clear?" asked Mello, tentatively wiggling his foot out of its cocoon.
"I…I think so," replied the sheep.
--
They broke cover quickly and ran back to Near's room, where they found Matt chewing on a bag of potato chips.
"…What are you doing?" asked Mello, confused.
"Eatin' mah chippies." replied the gamer through a mouthful of chip.
Mello pushed him off of the bed and sat in his former spot. "Alrighties. I think we're safe for now, Roger's too busy doing Roger stuff to look for us now."
"Mm, that seems right," answered Near, getting out his Optimus Prime action figure. "What should we do?"
"…"
"How about karaoke night?"
--
THE CHAPTER IS OVER!
-falls over exhausted-
You would not believe how insanely long this chapter took to write. I'm sorry for the insanely long lag between chapters, but at least I finally got this one done.
Next chapter (the last one, incidentally) will be much longer and more amazing, and the final fate of the book that started it all will be revealed. WOO!
-cue applause-
Thanks everyone for your innecessant reviewing and generally helping me write this fic. More will be coming up! Look for my new fics in a month or so, I have to get ideas.
Also please check out my dA account, if you have one tell me and I'll watch ya or friend ya.
Hugs, Pocky, and toast,
Blake mckenzie/kurokawa