Zoe
He's late. He's never late. Part of this deal is that we walk in either right before curfew or right after it, either way we go in together. I know for a fact that the others are all inside and it won't be long before someone is calling our T-Phones or coming out looking for us. Curfew is no joke in this family.
I bite my lip, glance at my watch-bracelet and check the time.
Oh, Raph, you'd better be okay.
He doesn't make a sound. But I'm completely tuned into every life form in this sewer tunnel right now, right down to the rats and spiders, and I know he's there. My eyes sweep the tunnel to my left and I see a shadow of him coming towards me. His gate is uneven…
"Raph, are you hurt? What happened?" I sprint to him, feeling my animal genes in action. As he comes into clear view I see he has a bruise right above his mask and another already surfacing on his right arm and his jaw.
"It's not like you care," he snaps, looking right past me.
There's an ache in my throat and I'm torn between wanting to either hug him or punch him in his bruised arm. "What's wrong?"
"Nothin', I'm goin' inside." His shoulders rise and fall, then he brushes past me, "Get outta my way."
"Raphael wait, we have to explain why you're all beat up when we walk in that door. What do you plan to say?" He won't look me in the eye. In fact judging by the olive colored shell inches from my face, he doesn't appear to want to look at me at all.
Something happened tonight.
"I don't really care what you say Zoe." He opens the door to the lair and goes inside.
I follow him in and I think for a second that we're going to get away with it because no one even looks up as we enter. Mikey, Exodus, Leo and Karai are playing a video game, yelling about next player. It looks like Donatello is helping April with her homework on the stairs of the pit. Raph turns to head for the stairs and presumably his room but Sensei appears out of nowhere.
I hate it when he does that.
"You are late." He raises a furry brow and glances from me to Raphael.
April looks up from her book and Donnie looks at her. Then they both glance sideways at us.
Great. Always love getting busted with an audience.
"Raphael, are you badly injured? What happened?" Splinter stares at him then looks at me again.
Leo, Karai, Mikey and X all turn around to see how badly Raph's hurt before turning their attention back to the game.
The paused game. Yeah, you aren't listening or anything are you?
Neither of us answer Splinter.
"Explain!" His tails cracks the air.
Thanks a lot Raphael.
I won't lie verbally. My actions may have been deceitful but I won't speak lies to Splinter. Reaching up for my rubber-band I tug it from my hair and begin running my hands through my red waves. My throat feels like it's closing up. It's probably full of the lies I won't say out loud. Either that or it's the truth trying to bust out.
"Very well. You know what this means." His tail wraps around his feet twitching and flicking. "To the ha-shi."
My blood is boiling. It skipped right past a simmer straight into a raging boil. I feel the heat rush to my face as my hands ball into fists. My head jerks in Raph's direction.
His gaze is down, jaw clenched, he seems to shake it slightly in an almost apologetic movement.
Pressing my lips flat, I fight to keep my mouth shut. Then I walk past Sensei to the ha-shi. It's a small room, the next door down from the dojo and it's usually the boys that end up in it. Splinter has never had to punish me beyond pairing me up with Raph. And I'm pretty sure that in his mind that wasn't a punishment but some kind of lesson for us both.
As I stand inside the narrow space I look over the strange items within it, a tricycle, cinder blocks, a wood plank, an office chair, a box of miscellaneous items and another plank of wood among various other objects.
I try not to read anyone unless a situation calls for it. It's just not polite for an empath to do. But when I get emotional, it's harder for me to shut off and my ability kind of busts loose on me. Right now, I'm struggling to contain it. Raph is standing beside me, radiating some mix of frustration, regret and hurt and it's confusing for me. His emotions, paired with my Sensei's own disappointed, angry mix threaten to send me into an outburst.
"Are you sure you don't want to reconsider and tell me where you've been?" Splinter offers us one last chance, before he picks up a pair of strap on roller skates and hands them to Raphael.
Raph puts them on without making a sound but I can see his jaw flexing beneath the clench of his teeth. Next Splinter points to a small metal stool on wheels. Raphael just looks at him. Splinter's tail snaps the floor impatiently. Raph steps up onto the stool, wearing the roller skates, balancing without any real issue. Then Splinter taps Raphael's right foot with his walking stick and Raph raises the foot. Using the stick he guides Raphael's leg to almost a ninety degree angle.
And now Splinter is looking at me. Using his walking stick to guide me he places it against my back and moves me in front of Raphael. Then he taps my legs and jabs my hands then pokes Raphael's leg and shoulders and taps his hands.
"Handstand," is all he says to me.
I swallow a groan. My eyes fly up to Raphael's face but he still won't look at me.
Great I have to trust someone who seems like they hate me right now.
And yet I know that I can.
As I gnaw on my bottom lip I also fix my hair into a tight knot on the back of my head. Then taking a deep breath I begin my ascent, first I motion for Raphael to give me his hand. Apparently while he won't look at me dead on, he's definitely watching me in his peripheral because his left hand is there ready to join with my right.
My trembling fingers wrap over his palm and as my soft pink flesh presses against his green calloused skin an electric jolt passes between us. I hear him take a sharp inhale at the same time my heart skips a beat. My eyes fly to his but he's clamped them shut. I give his hand a gentle tug and he begins to pull me off the floor. I move my left foot to his right leg, still held at the ninety degree angle, using it and the strength of his hand to push myself up and over his head in a one handed handstand above him. He reaches up to take my left hand in his right.
Once I've settled in my handstand I feel Splinters walking stick tap each of my heels, "Split."
I comply and slip into a split leg handstand and focus on maintaining my position and pacing my breath. My eyes fall to my drishti, my focal point, and it's the top of Raphael's head, green with purple bruise and all.
Great.
A chair scrapes against the concrete and I catch sight of our Sensei sitting right in front of Raphael.
Sure, take a load off Master. No sweat.
Twenty minutes later…
"You can always tell me where you've been." Splinter offers.
I can feel my muscles trembling and I'm sure Raphael can too.
Focus on my drishti, my focal point, the top of his head. This will keep me where I need to be. My mind wanders as my drishti shifts, from a rather beautiful shade of mottled emerald green marred with purple, into a blur, and it seems to fade into the distance. I can do this. I will do this. I'm no longer seeing anything beyond the blur in front of my face.
Hands and eyes are the easiest way for me to get the clearest reading of someone's emotions. When I look in someone's eyes and tune in I can see what I'm not feeling from the touch. Hands somehow allow the chi to flow from another into me, filling me like water into a cup. Right now Raphael is trying to suppress his emotional energy, opting to exude extreme calm and focus. I stand to be hurt worse than he would if I fall, and above all that's what he's not willing to let happen.
So you care enough to control your feelings so you can ensure my safety, and I know how hard that is for you. Hmmm…
I don't know how much time has passed before Splinter speaks to us again. "Raphael, look up at Zoe."
What? Why? Oh, no.
Raphael inhales deeply and lifts his head, his eyes locking on my own. His glassy green gems take my breath away. There's no hiding it and there's no bracing myself against it. I feel us both wobble and I'm not sure if it's my fault or his, because he looks as stricken as I feel. We both react with subtle shifts of weight, almost as if we knew where we each needed the support.
His eyes are so beautiful and deep, and they just became my new drishti. The problem with this drishti is that it's looking back at me. Raphael's eyes, paired with his hands, and both of us in this awkward and dependent position make me feel vulnerable.
He on the other hand, now has a steely gaze, cold and impassive on the surface. But the longer I look… I recognize the desperate need to hide the undeniable hurt beneath.
"Why are you mad at me?" I didn't realize I said it aloud, it was only supposed to be a thought, but there it was.
He growled a little, and rolled his eyes before fixing them on me again. "Not now Zoe."
"And why not? We're here right now," we bobbled, and each took a slow breath, correcting our position again before I continued, "because of you."
"Just mind your business," he squeezed my hands gently but firmly.
"Very interesting," Splinter interrupted us.
Raphael and I swallowed at the same time.
"So you trust each other with your safety but not with your hearts."
With that comment we took a massive buckle and I could hear Raphael groan as he commanded his muscles to obey him in an effort to keep us from falling. I strained to maintain my position, trying not to reach for strength from him, but finding him readily offering it to me where I needed it. Somehow we made the necessary corrections to save ourselves.
Now if we could just maintain our composure in the wake of Splinters words.
It was even harder to look in his eyes now. The sheet of green ice at the top beckoned me to fracture it and tear it down. But I wouldn't. He was going to have to meet me halfway if I was going to go there.
My palms felt damp with moisture and I don't know if it was me or Raph releasing it, either way it wasn't helping our cause any.
"I want you to answer without thinking. Do you understand?" Splinter feels the need to pose a question to us now.
"Yes Sensei." We answer in unison.
"Would you consider yourselves friends?"
"Yes Sensei."
"Good." Splinter strokes the long strand of fur on his chin. "Then why behave as though you are enemies?"
"He/She drives me nuts!" We speak at the same time again.
"And yet you can finish one another's thoughts, and speak the same words at the same time, and often." Splinter chuckles. "I will be back soon. Do not move."
Next I hear the door close behind him.
"Seriously? Did he just leave?" I whine and feel my arms tremble.
"Stay focused. If we break this position he'll put us in a worse one and we'll have to start all over." Raph's eyes and hands share his strength with me and not a moment too soon as I felt my resolve wavering.
"So do you want to tell me," I push the words out in a huff, at the same time I'm trying to stop the twitching in my bicep, "why you're mad at me?"
"Nope," he grins a little, but it fades quickly and the hurt in his eyes rushes to the surface, quickly covered with the icy shield.
That was it. That was his halfway. Whatever thought just flickered through his brain took down his guard and now it's right back up.
Ugh, I wish Splinter would hurry up.
Finally the door opens and Splinter appears in my peripheral. "Do you wish to tell me where you were tonight?"
Neither of us answer.
"Very well. You are grounded to the lair for a week. You may go to bed."
"But Sensei!" We both protest.
"Another word and I will make it two weeks and you can just stay where you are." He waits a moment then turns to leave.
Raph lowers me to my feet and as I begin stretching out my stiff muscles he puts a hand on my shoulder.
"You are my friend Zoe and I do trust you." His voice is soft but he's forcing himself to look me in the eye, "I'm sorry and uh- I hope that you are happy." Then he frowns, drops his hand to his side and leaves.
What?
Okay friends, check.
He's sorry, well yeah, check.
I get both of those.
But I hope you're happy? Where did that come from?
It didn't sound sarcastic, it sounded… sad.