I've been getting back into the swing of writing again, so, expect more updates. This is actually almost done, minus a few more chapters.

Disclaimer:Still don't own. :D

Chapter 14

I didn't speak to Soda for the rest of the week. I didn't speak to anyone for the rest of the week. I just shut myself in my room away from mankind. Mom didn't know what happened, and I wasn't planning on telling her.

I stayed in my room drawing and writing, and writing and drawing. I felt trapped in myself, and in this world around me. One of the things that made me feel like a normal girl, I lost. I knew it'd take a miracle for him to change his mind, and I don't believe in miracles.

I also don't believe in God, either. I stopped believing in him the day I got sentenced to that church camp. When something that's supposed to be so sweet and innocent treats you like hell, you pretty much stop believing. The minute I had to start writing bible verses as punishment, I knew there was no such thing as God.

I tried to believe in him, I really did. I prayed for ways out of camp; I prayed for hope, for love, acceptance. When none of that happened, I stopped believing and never looked back. I don't tell my parents this, or Peter, because they're all devoted Catholics and it's the one thing they have, and It's the one thing Mom keeps faith in to let her know Pete's safe.

I don't have any faith, in anything, and I don't really have anything. In fact, sometimes I wonder why I'm still here.

I've yet to figure that out.

Mom gave me the journal for my birthday telling me to write out my emotions, or better yet, try and tell my story. She says that maybe one day my story could help out a kid just like me…If anyone else like that exists

I'll believe that when it happens.

Currently, the journal is blank except for a sketch of a heart cut in half, and an empty glass bottle. It probably means something about Soda, hell, it probably is something relating to Soda, but it doesn't matter. That's the past, and we're not a future.

I was out of reality so long, I lost track of the days and didn't even know I had school tomorrow. I didn't really want to go, but I knew I had to. It was the one thing to keep me from insanity. That, and Pete's latest letter.

I read it again for the millionth time since I got it two days ago. It was the only thing I felt I had to look forward to for a future.

Hey Squirt

Ma says you're going by Billie now? She's caved and finally started calling you what you wanted to be called. How's Tulsa? Meet anyone? Boys? Girls? …People? Or are you just stuck in your room the whole time moping? I'm kidding…at least, I hope I am.

I'm not going to lie to you, it sucks here. It's hot and sweaty, and you feel like you just want to melt. And the chicks here, they don't speak much English and the lack of females around this place will drive me insane. It sucks to have to get pleasure from an out dated magazine.

Don't tell Beth I'm doing that, or she'll have a heart attack. She's already written me more times I can count, all talking about how she loves me and how she can't wait to get married. I know you don't like her much, but she gets better, I promise.

I already told Mom this, so I'm telling you. Beth's gonna stay in Tulsa with us until the wedding, and after wards we'll buy a place somewhere. Man, even that shit hotel we stayed at with the roaches seems like paradise compared to where I'm at…Which I can't tell you, sorry.

I'm counting down the days until I'm told I can leave, which should be around May or June…probably June. And if I ever try and talk you into letting me join another war, slap me. This seemed right at the time, and now, it feels pointless and like I've wasted a chunk of my life.

Be glad Dad didn't send you to Military School! You would have really died there, not that you aren't tough. I thought football conditioning was bad, imagine that, times ten in hundred degree weather all at once….

Speaking of Dad, have you talked to him? I know you think this is bullshit, but Dad does love ya, squirt. He just can't understand your mind, and what this means to you…which, being over here has made me realize how stupid I've been over stuff like that.

Anyways, I've really got to get going now and I'll see you hopefully in June!

Love

Pete (Banquo)

P.S: The guys behind me are laughing at my Shakespearian name Mom gave me…I wonder if any of them have read Macbeth? Or have mothers that shout "Out damn spot" when they do laundry?

I laughed again silently at Pete's letter. While we haven't been very close in the past, him going off to war has actually made us closer. I was actually looking forward to him coming back, and it was one of the few things worth looking forward too.

I ended up losing track of the time and stayed up all night. Actually, I had school in an hour and I took that hour finally changing out of the clothes I've been wearing all week. I pulled on my more boyish clothes and sighed.

School was not something I wanted to do.

When I looked at the clock again I noticed how late I was, and grabbed my bag, and ran off to school for what I didn't know was going to be Hell.

The morning started off fine, all we did was review to make sure our brains were in school mode again, and I even had a pop quiz in my math class.

It wasn't until around gym I started to see people acting strange around me. Most people did at first, but these guys were acting like it was my first day all over again. I heard whispers and echoes as I walked down the hall, and nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. My locker…it was trashed. Well, what was left of it, anyways. Someone must've found out about me, and if they didn't know, they did now.

My locker had the work FAGGOT painted into it, with burn in hell below it. Whatever I left in that locker was nothing but ash now; it was all gone. I didn't know who did this, or who knew. I wanted to think it was Ponyboy, but even I knew he wouldn't do this.

I still managed to have to go to gym class, and my teacher didn't really care about my situation. As if having your locker burned up excuses you from school work, it should.

Gym class went shitty, and when I stepped out of class to change, I was already greeted by a few classmates, Most of them I didn't know, and they didn't want to know me.

"Hey," one slurred at me. "You're that chick, Billie right?"

I didn't know what to say.

"Wait, chicks have vaginas. You're a dude."

I stayed silent, not making a sound. I wanted to make a comeback, something sarcastic, but my mouth couldn't speak.

I knew something was coming; I just didn't know what.

Chapter 14