Chapter 14
Kim Possible woke up in Shego's bed, alone. She reached to grab her phone and turned off the alarm. She lay in bed for a while, staring at the ceiling and missing Shego. She was reluctant to get up. She never felt like this on school mornings; she was always eager to get up, to meet her friends and the new tasks for the day. She knew she needed to get out of bed and head back to Dr. Drakken's lair, but she really didn't want to. Her eyes widened. Was this what it felt like to have a job?
No, that couldn't be right. Her parents liked their jobs well enough; her dad in particular could hardly wait to get to play with rockets somebody else paid for. "Note to self: pursue a satisfying career." She'd always sort of assumed she would, but she was almost out of high school and college bound. She needed to actually put in the effort to figure out what that career was. "Can I make freak-fighting a career? And should I worry that I'm suddenly talking to myself?"
Kim dragged herself out of the bed and went through her new morning routines. She packed up a fresh batch of clean clothes, since she didn't know how long she'd be stuck at the time-share lair. She donned a scarf and a pair of goggles for the ride to work. The hover car could be pretty fun to fly, but a long commute was a long commute, no matter what you were driving. At least flying allowed her to take a straight route and avoid the morning traffic.
After a long and mostly uneventful flight Kim touched down outside the town, as before, and hid the car, though she wasn't sure if it was strictly necessary. It would have been much more convenient to park by the lair. She didn't think she really needed a secret getaway vehicle. Well, it wasn't that long a walk, and exercise was good for her; not that she didn't get enough of it.
Entering a villain's lair without the intention of busting their plans was already becoming routine. Even though she definitely intended to bust what ever plan Dr. Drakken was working on. Kim was annoyed to note that there was no-one in the entry hall, or in the break room, even though she had instructed that somebody keep an eye on it at all times. There were two bags filled with cans resting against the floor that hadn't been there when she'd left.
There was nobody in the central room either, even though Dr. Drakken was usually up and mumbling about by this time. There was some equipment on one of the worktables, covered by a sheet. Kim's eyes narrowed in suspicion. Had Dr. Drakken gone ahead with the Bebe project after all? The mass didn't look femininely shaped, but maybe it was a work in progress. Kim stepped up to the table and lifted the sheet to see what lay beneath. It was a karaoke machine.
"What?"
A second look at the room revealed empty pizza boxes and more cans on other tables. Kim walked into the corridor leading to the bedrooms. There was still no movement in the lair. She pressed her ear against Dr. Drakken's door and heard snoring. At this hour? The door to the henchmen's room was closed, but it didn't have a lock on it. Kim opened it and looked inside. The henchmen were sleeping in their bunks, all of them. Not all of them had their covers on, and apparently preferred to sleep in their underwear. Kim hurriedly closed the door, shuddering.
Kim returned to her room and considered the situation. She has suspected Dr. Drakken had wanted her out of the lair to do something behind her back. Had that something only been a boys' night in? Was that a typical event? She considered consulting her counterpart, but she didn't want to bother her in class. Kim suddenly smirked as she realized how she could play this in a way she was sure Shego would approve.
Klaxons wailed throughout the lair as the henchmen came stumbling out of their room, one by one, in various stages of dress, one of them jumping on one foot as he tried to get his boot on. Kim stood in the center of the central chamber with a chronometer in hand.
"Disappointing, very disappointing. If that had been an actual intruder, the base could be blowing up by now. I bet that would light a fire under your feet."
The henchmen milled about at the edge of the room, unsure of what was going on. "Uhhh... what..?"
"You're the saddest bunch I ever met, but as luck would have it, I have already planned a training regime to whip you into shape." That was quite true. Kim knew that she probably shouldn't be helping the opposition in any way, but the henchmen's uselessness offended her sensibilities. Besides, the biggest weakness Dr. Drakken had would always be Dr. Drakken.
"Shego, what is up with all this racket? Can't a man sleep in peace?"
"It's half past nine already, Dr. D. Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise."
"Ugh, nonsense, Shego. I am already wise, and I'm not after wealth; I'm after world domination!" Dr. Drakken's voice rose for his last words, then he cringed. "And keep your voice down. A man is entitled to a peaceful night's sleep after a hard day."
"And what was your hard day?"
"If you must know, Shego, I enlisted the help of these fine fellows for the brainstorming of my next plan, seeing how you have not been very supportive of late. We had a very productive session when you weren't here to bring me down."
"Define productive."
"Bah, I'll show you!" Dr. Drakken cringed again and then walked up to the large screen, not bothered by still being in his night clothes, or the henchmen awkwardly huddled together and surreptitiously attempting to straighten out their clothes.
"There! Ngh. What does that look like to you?"
"Like something sad, lonely men would come up with during a night of drinking."
"Exactly! Wait, what?" Dr. Drakken finally looked at the screen, which showed a version of the blue robot woman with much more exaggerated female features. "That... how did that get there?"
Dr. Drakken's fingers danced on the controls and screens flickered forwards. "It's in here somewhere... I assure you, Shego, you will be amazed... hnngh, I couldn't have just dreamed it..." Suddenly the screen shut off. "I'll find it later. I'm going back to bed. And leave these worthy fellows alone. I declare this a day of rest."
"I'm just looking to improve the quality of your workforce. We wouldn't want to sabotage ourselves, would we?"
"No, of course we wouldn't, but everything within reason, Shego."
"Say, you're looking a little flabby yourself, Dr. D. Maybe you'd want to participate?"
"No! Ugh. No, I feel just fine. I'll just... I'll just get out of your way. The henchmen are your department, after all."
Dr. Drakken walked out of the room, ignoring the pleading looks the henchmen were directing at him. Kim decided not to interfere, as it seemed like his next plan was still firmly in the nebulous future. She turned to the henchmen instead.
"Well, then. I'm thinking we'll start with a few laps around the building, and after you're limbered up, you can clean up this pigsty." Kim lit up her hands to inspire more enthusiasm in her squad. "Now hop to it!"
Putting the henchmen through their paces felt satisfying, and Kim felt confident Shego couldn't find any fault in the way she was fulfilling her duties, but that could hardly occupy her entire day. Kim retreated to Shego's room to contemplate her next move. She decided to plop down on Shego's bed and browse the forums on the inTerrorNet, to stay abreast of upcoming villainous plots. The villains, it seemed, really liked to gossip, and brag about their future plans. There was a lot of big talk that didn't lead to anything and would get mocked later, but there was useful intelligence, too. For example, the Fashionistas had just escaped from prison, and Kim suspected she might cross paths with them again, sooner or later.
Kim resolved to arrange inTerrorNet access for herself after she got the current sitch sorted out, as the forums were too useful a resource to ignore. She just needed to remember to never wander over to the creative subforums. And find out if anyone had developed a technology for removing unwanted memories.
Kim was distracted when her phone rang. "Go, Wade."
"Hi, Kim. You just got a hit on the site I think you need to see."
Kim opened a tab to check out the details. A mischievous smirk grew on her face as she watched on. "Oh, yes. This one we definitely have to accept. Shego needs to hear this as soon as possible."
It looked like the rest of her day was booked. She just needed to leave the henchmen some very firm instructions before she left.
Kim Possible set Dr. Drakken's hover car gently down on top of the Go Tower and stepped out. She stretched her limbs; it had been the second long flight of the day. She expected that it would be worth it, though. She could hardly wait for Shego's reaction.
"What the heck are you doing here?"
"That wasn't the reaction I was looking for." Kim turned around towards the source of her voice. "I was rather... what are you wearing?"
"Mission clothes," Shego said. "You still haven't explained your presence."
"Uh, you got the message, didn't you?"
"I did, and that explains why I'm here. But I am not helping my brothers."
"Shego, you promised—"
"And I'm keeping that promise: you are helping my brothers. But I am not, so you can just get out of here right now. My reputation, remember?"
"You've helped them before."
"Last time you barged into Dr. D's lair and practically dragged me with you. Hego asked you, not me. You don't even know what he needs help with. It could be something silly."
"He said it was an old villain."
"So it's definitely something silly. Unless it's Electronique, in which case it's just trouble. Can you believe she used to hit on me?"
"A villainess hitting on a young heroine? You're right, that doesn't sound very credible."
"Look, it was completely different! She was way older than me, and had weird-colored skin, and... Don't you dare say anything."
"I wasn't going to."
"Then you aren't doing me very well."
"You've never complained."
"Now you are doing me very well. But you still need to go."
"You are being very unreasonable."
"I am being very reasonable and don't you dare try to use those puppy eyes with my face."
"Aww... but you look so cute like that."
"How do you... no, never do that again. Not even if you're alone."
"Good luck enforcing that one."
"Whatever. Just get out of here. I've got this."
"Not before you explain that outfit. I don't think our agreement extended to random costume changes."
"What, you don't like?" Shego adopted a very Kim Possible pose. She was wearing a purple short-sleeved top and dark trousers with a holster strapped to her thigh. All in all it was a lot sleeker look than Kim's mission outfit of crop top and cargo pants, and Kim couldn't deny it looked good on her.
"It's not that I don't like it, I just don't think you should change it without even informing me." At least Shego hadn't gone for a sexy heroine look. Kim could see herself wearing that.
"Pssh, you told me to uphold your reputation. An upgrade from that fashion disaster you used to wear is clearly in keeping with the spirit of our agreement."
"Where did you even get that? That's definitely not off the rack."
"You aren't the only one with contacts."
"I guess." Kim wondered if there were any villainous fashion designers; apart from the Fashionistas, of course. "Hey, wait a second—"
"And now that we've decisively dealt with the source of your new threads, it's time for you to go. Shoo, shoo."
"I still think I need to stick around to make sure you live up to my name."
"What, don't you trust me?"
"No."
"Fair enough, I guess. But hey, Stoppable's here to keep me in line. Don't you trust him?"
"I... that's really unfair, Shego. And you're just making me think you're up to something."
"I'm not. Scout's honor."
"Somehow I doubt you were ever a Pixie Scout."
"I'm not getting rid of you, am I? Fine, but stay out of sight. The world doesn't need to think I'm helping my stupid brothers."
"I was kinda looking forward to meeting your brothers as you. Don't you think they maybe ought to know what's going on with us?"
"No. They very definitely do not need to no anything about it. As far as they will ever know, you're here to lend them a hand, and I was never here."
"Fine. I'll stay out of sight and play a guardian angel. You can't expect me to not charge in if you guys get into trouble."
"The heroes always get into trouble. You're only allowed to step in if we can't get out of it. Deal?"
"Deal."
"Now leave me alone, you need to go meet my brothers."
Kim watched appreciatively as Shego turned to go back inside the tower. Maybe she had a point. Her behind definitely looked better in tighter pants.