AN: Finally, a new chapter! We're at 4.14 – The Boy's Night Out Job, and this is a character study for Hardison.
.oOo.
Growing up had been a lonely business for Hardison. Before Nana there'd been too much sickness at home for him to really be able to fit in with the other kids. Something about his unkept clothes and silence tipped them off that he was different, and they'd kept their distance. No one had been outright mean to him, but no one had been his friend either. His mama had loved him fiercely though, and he still remembers her warm hugs and her fingers in his hair.
Nana came right after the emergency home, and Hardison will always be grateful for her. Her hugs were neither as warm nor as common as his mama's had been, but she was good and loving and made sure they all had a family with her. At thirteen Hardison had been the youngest. Most of the other kids came later or only stayed for a year while their parents straightened themselves out. It made for a lot of changes in foster-siblings, but Nana was (and still is) constant.
Once Hardison started hacking for real the only place he felt he could be all of himself was online. It's not like he could tell people who knew who he was exactly what he did during the nights by the screen. He became used to the selective anonymity of an avatar and the way that let him be whoever he felt like. Some gamers have a harsh unforgiving attitude, but there was a lot of people like him once he figured out how to find them. Problem is, hugs through a computer is nothing but words and the people he liked the most were all over the world instead of right next to him.
The team was supposed to be a one time gig, and Hardison was ecstatic when it turned out to be more. His teammates were crazy in a terrifying way, but he instantly liked them. It was a chance to be himself with real people. For once he was in the same room with human beings who knew exactly what he did and didn't judge him for it. He's sure none of them has yet understood how momentous that was for him.
Unfortunately, none of them really do hugs. There are fist bumps at least, and shoves, and cramming into sofas or cars, and all the other little ways that you touch people you trust and like. They are friends and family and coworkers, all rolled into one. Hardison can't believe he's this lucky.
What they have isn't conventional in any way. None of them are what could be called well-adjusted, normal people and their lives reflect that. Sometimes he can't help but wonder what people see when they look at the team and its members. He has a feeling very few outsiders can even begin to understand them.
They're not broken, Hardison knows. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, Hardison knows none of his family members are broken. They're a little worse for wear, banged up and in many cases needing more TLC than they'll accept but they're not defective. Hardison will probably never be able to convince his team mates of this, and that's all good. What they'll need to understand though is that there's a place for them just the way they are, and it's right by his side.
If someone had told Hardison beforehand that he'd find the fastest friendship in Eliot he'd have laughed at them. Eliot's the quarterback to Hardison's too-nerdy-for-even-computer-club and that's not something that should work out. It does. Yet more than four years later it's clear that there's more to Eliot than he lets anyone see. Some of the man's scars run like ravines between them that Hardison's bridging as best he can.
Nate and Sophie have been the hardest, their shared history and Nate's initial reluctance to see himself as a criminal putting them slightly apart from the others. The two of them take the roles of something like mentors, and while Hardison appreciates that, he's still trying to even out the power imbalance that comes with Nate being their leader and Sophie being his girl. He thinks he's doing okay.
Parker is Parker, and what Hardison wants from her is fundamentally different from what he wants from the others. Hardison wants Parker in his bed. Not in the way people think just because he's a guy. He wants Parker at his side as he falls asleep in the night, and her face next to his in the morning. The other stuff they can do in bed is, well, definitely bonuses, but mostly he just wants her there with him. Because Parker is amazing, and she makes Hardison feel amazing, and he wants her close for the rest of their lives. There simply aren't words to make it justice.
The time in Dubai had been different, a taste of what they might have. Parker had trusted him, and they'd taken huge steps forward. For a little while Hardison had thought this was it, that the scale would finally tip over. Instead it tipped back again and left them in the same spot they've been for months now. Hardison wishes he understood why.
Some part of Parker seems to glue them to this position they are in now. More than friends, not dating, less than a couple. Hardison fears pushing might prove catastrophic, so he doesn't. No matter what Eliot says about him needing to be more assertive, Hardison doesn't think that's it. Parker knows what he wants. In fact, he's sure Parker wants it too. Whatever it is that's holding her back, Hardison wants to let her figure it out in her own time. What they have today is too precious to risk. At least not yet. It won't be enough forever, but it can be for now.
After talking to Nate, Hardison takes his place by Parker's side. Only the bar separates them, and he feels the night's worries wash away. She might have spent her evening with a frightfully handsome thief but the smile she gives Hardison tells him she's glad to be home. A fizziness, like he's been carbonated, tingles through Hardison from their proximity, her happiness, and the way she looks at him. He can't believe he was worried in the first place.
Waiting for Parker is not necessarily easy, but he's very sure it is worth it.